Look Through the Pages
by Alice Vampire
Summary: What if Bella had a "hate" for men because of her past? What if she wasn't the quiet, "I need protection" girl she was in the books? What if she was forced into the protection? How would Twilight play out under those circumstances? OOC, AU.
1. Chapter 1

**SEPTEMBER 3**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

_**For those of you who haven't read my stories before, welcome. For those who have, welcome back. I love reviews, flames or not. I answer all of them.**_

_**Two chapters will be posted at a time. One chapter will be Bella's diary entry and the next will be the story behind it. Enjoy.**_

Dear diary,

The first day of school and so many new people. New home, new life, new people. I met this one girl, Angela. She seems nice. But seen nice before. Nice turns into bitch, backstabber, liar. Not sure yet if this one can be trusted. Met a few boys. They all seem interested in me. Don't know why. I'm just me. Nothing big and exciting. Plain. Ordinary. One's name is Mike. Don't think his g/f liked him talking to me. I think her name was Jen, Jane, something like that. She is a bitch. That much I know for sure. I've known too many of those types. Old school was full of them. Anyways, one was Eric. Kind of nerdy. Seems nice enough though, harmless. Still, no trusting guys. They're all assholes. They all want one thing and that is never going to happen. I can't go through that again. That was horrible......never mind. Sorry, diary, we have left the past in the past. No more tears. No more pain. That shit is dead. I am in this tiny fucking town now because of that shit. I'm not moving again because some guy decided..............someday I'll be able to just let it go. That's what the therapist said anyways. Time for bed, diary.

Night

Bella


	2. Chapter 2

**SEPTEMBER 3 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

"Bella. Come on, kid. Time to get up. You've got school this morning."

"Ah, dad, come on." I yawned. "I just got here. Give a girl a break."

"Bells, you've been here three days. You've had enough time. Now get up and get ready for school."

I saluted my dad. "Yes, sir."

He chuckled. "I don't understand you sometimes."

I knew what he was talking about. Mom had sent me here. She claimed she couldn't control me anymore. Well, maybe that was kinda true. But my behavior wasn't all my fault. I couldn't, no, wouldn't take all the blame.

I shook my head. I was in a new place, trying to make a new start for myself. I jumped out of bed and raced for the bathroom, grabbing my bathroom bag along the way. In a house this small, one bathroom didn't have the best storage area. I figured after the first day that it was easier to leave everything on my dresser in my room.

I stepped out of the shower once the water went cold. Good thing dad took a shower first in the morning. That would be funny to hear him scream murder about the cold water. I wrapped the towel around my hair and another around my body and peeked out the door.

With the coast clear, I slipped into my bedroom and shut the door. I brushed my hair dry with the towel and then started the blow dryer. I looked and realized it was time to dye the hair again. Some of my original chestnut brown was beginning to show. It didn't show that much in contrast to the midnight black but it was enough for me to notice.

After I finished drying it, I plugged in the straightener. As it heated up, I hit play on my stereo. As Linkin Park's In The End played, I applied my make-up. Even playing the whole Gothic character I didn't like applying a lot of make-up. I loved the idea of having black eyes which was a scary contrast to my pale skin.

Once the face was done, I straightened my hair, flipping it this way and that to give it some volume. I had dad's lack of hair and mom's curls. Hated them both.

After I had put away the equipment, it was time to finish the ensemble. I grabbed a few clothes from the closet and laid them out. I walked over to the dresser and grabbed the necessary garments from there. After I dressed, I looked myself over in the mirror.

Black skinny jeans with a black tank top and a black zippered hoody. I grabbed my skater shoes and headed out the door, snatching my backpack as I went.

I flew down the stairs in time to see dad heading for the door. "Dad, you leaving?"

Dad turned and looked at me. His smiling face immediately went sour. "Bella, why the look? Come on, do you want everyone to think your depressed or something?"

"Do you really want an answer to that question or should I just say have a good day?" I asked sceptically.

Charlie just sighed and said, "Have a good day, Bella, and don't forget to see Mrs. Cullen. Okay?"

God, why did he have to mention her. "I will, dad. God, give it up."

I headed to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal. That was only because I still hadn't gotten to the grocery store yet. Dad was certainly the bachelor type. I was gonna have to transform him and find him a woman.

I headed out the door, swinging my backpack over my shoulder. I headed out to the old truck dad had purchased from old Billy Black. His son, Jacob, had redone the engine for me. There sure is something weird about that boy. I think he has some sort of crush. God, that's sick. He's only something like 15. Two years younger than me.

I turned the key and listened to the truck come to life. I missed my bike. Dad wouldn't let me bring it cause "It's too dangerous, Bells". I will have my bike whether dad likes it or not. That's the only thing I have in this world that didn't let me down. I can't just abandon my girl.

I roared down the road knowing any animals within a ten mile radius were laughing their asses off. This old truck was noisy and gutless. Just to try and keep the peace with dad, I slowed the truck down to the speed limit as I came into the downtown core of the town.

Forks. The capital of pitiful. The downtown core consisted of one street with a corner store, barber shop and coffee shop. Till I arrived, dad used all of them religiously. Well, somewhere was a few other stores but at this point I didn't know where they were. Hence, no food in the house yet.

I pulled into the small high school. It was about one-tenth the size of my old school. I didn't care. Jail was jail. Sure I was a straight A student but I couldn't wait till I could graduate and never have to step inside another school.

I shut off the engine. I could see people staring at me. Great, the freak has arrived. That's probably what they're thinking. I threw the keys in my bag and jumped out of the truck. As I slammed the door, some creepy little guy approached.

"Hey, you're Chief Swan's daughter, right?"

"Yeah." I wasn't here to socialize so I had decided yes/no answers was all that was required.

"I'm Mike, Mike Newton. I can give you the grand tour if you'd like."

"No."

"Do you know where the office is? You're going to need your schedule in order to get to the classes on time." God, this guy's pushy.

"I don't make classes on time."

"Aren't you worried about getting detention?"

"No." That was the truth. Once the teachers realized how my grades brought up the GPA for the school, they allowed me to come and go as I pleased.

"Mike Newton! Why are you bothering the _new_ girl?" A blond asked approaching.

I didn't like the way she said the word "new" and I certainly didn't like the way she looked at me. Keep looking bitch and I'll shut your eyes permanently. I did it in my old school. There were too many of the girls there whose daddies bought half their fake bodies, had tans and the fake attitudes to go along with it. Dodging daggers was easier as the misfit than dodging the looks. No one would actually talk to me there just look with some "I'm so much better than you" look.

These girls in this school were kittens compared to those ones. I had no intentions of allowing this bitch to start that shit on me. "He's not bothering me. He's being very friendly. A walk to the office and then my first class may not be such a bad idea, Mike."

Mike now looked like a mouse being cornered by the two cats. He wasn't sure which direction to turn. He looked at me and then at the girl. "Jess, I was just trying to be nice. Remember she is the chief's daughter."

What the hell did that mean? Another guy who wanted to use me. Great. I watched a thought of realization creep across the girl's face. Oh no, this was not happening. I wouldn't let it happen. If I was going to cause mischief I would do it on my own. I decided that making an enemy of the bitch would be the best way out of this issue. "So, Mike, why don't we dump the dead weight and you can show me the office."

I could see the girl's face turn beet red. I laughed. "What's wrong little miss thing? Did I hit too close to the truth?"

"As a matter of fact, I am Mike's girlfriend and if I catch you making eyes with him again......." She trailed off. Wonderful. Empty head full of empty threats.

"You'll what? Hit me like I did to bimbos like you back in my old school. Go away little girl. For your information, he approached me with those love struck eyes of his. Maybe you should put out and he wouldn't be eying other girls." That did it.

The girl grabbed Mike roughly by the arm and stomped away. I could see her whispering under her breath. Mike, on the other hand, snuck peeks back in my direction. All I could do was sighed. Why me?

I noticed a few guys staring at me as I found my way to the office. Why would any of them be interested in someone like me? I was plain. Ordinary. My hair was ugly, too thin and too curly. My skin was pale. I was, for all intensive purposes, a nerd. I didn't have the flirty way about me that other girls had. Till recently I didn't even have a voice that would scare any man. It was my non-existent voice that seemed to make me plain and uninteresting. This new voice should be scaring the boys away. Well, that wasn't happening.

I didn't want this attention. I didn't want these boys looking at me. It made me uncomfortable. In reality I was scared of the attention. I thought turning Gothic would make everyone stay away from me. It seemed like it was having the opposite effect in this town. This place was strange and sad.

I walked into the office and sat in the only open chair left. There couldn't be that many new students in the pathetic little school. I waited patiently. I wasn't in a hurry to get to any of my classes. How I achieved the grades I did was a miracle since I hated school. I hated everything about it. Classes. Lectures. The smell. The people. The teachers. The attitudes. I mentally shook my head. Wondering off in to my own little world was one of my major issues in life.

The girl sitting next to me looked like she was about to cry. I was curious what her deal was but kept to my no socializing rule. She continued to crinkle the paper that was hostage in her hands. I just couldn't help myself. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thank you." she answered in a small voice.

"Bullshit, I have a sixth sense for these things and you're not okay. What's wrong?" Mental check for ten lashes later for breaking my own rule.

"I....I needed a class for my university applications. I asked for the course early last year.....I was promised." This poor fragile little girl was about to melt down.

"What's the class?" I truly didn't think I could help. I wasn't suppose to want to help but here I was being the old Bella. Again.

"Advanced English."

My head shot up. This girl had applied over a half a year ago. How the hell did dad get me in that class if she didn't. Dad had only hit the school about two weeks ago to register me. He did it the same day he'd been told I was moving here. "Did they guarantee the class in the mail?"

"Yes, now I'm not in it. How could they ruin my future?" She asked defeated.

"Hey......um....what's your name, anyways?" I asked as I thought about how this girl's future had been ruined. One word. Dad. He pushed his badge at the school and they threw this girl out to get the chief of police's daughter in.

"Angela Webber. What's yours?"

I looked at her shocked. Was there actually one person in this town who didn't know who I was? No, it couldn't be true. "Bella."

"Hi, Bella."

"Hi." I said as I smiled. She didn't know. It was either that or this girl would bring out the claws in a few moments. That wouldn't be good cause I was beginning to like the girl.

"Angela, dear. You may come up now." The woman behind the counter called. She reminded me of the secretary in the movie Grease. I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought.

I listened as Angela explained her situation and when the lady said that somehow Angela's request must have been mixed up and there was nothing that could be done because the class was full, I stood and walked to the counter.

"Miss, I'll be right with you."

"But I think I can help with this problem. I actually want to drop that class."

"Excuse me? No one ever wants to drop this course." The woman said sceptically.

"Well, I do. The name is Swan. Bella Swan." God, I sound like James Bond.

"I'm sorry Miss. Swan. You're not allowed to drop the course. Your father would never approve."

"I'll handle my father. I didn't want the class and I believe as I am the one taking the course, I have the right to drop it. So either you give my spot to Angela or you will find an empty seat for the whole semester." Bella said defiantly. This woman had confirmed my suspicions. My father had seen to it that Angela's name was yanked off the list so I could be in the class.

This was going to be the first of many defiant moves against my father. I would continue to build them up until the bike arrived.

"You do have a point, Miss. Swan. Well, Miss. Webber, it looks like you have your class. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, thank you." Angela replied and turned towards me. "Come sit with me at lunch, okay?"

"Sure." I could sit with her but socializing was now back onto the top of my list. I looked back at the woman and asked flatly. "Could I have my schedule now, please?"

The morning classes seemed to take forever to be over. As soon as the bell rang, I headed from the class and followed the bulk of the students. I knew they would lead the way to the cafeteria. I was right. I walked in and looked around. It seemed like a typical room. The jocks. The cheerleaders. The preppies. The nerds. The.....what the hell do you call them? Strange looking group. If it wasn't for the designer clothes, I would almost say they were Gothic.

I heard a voice calling my name and twisted my head to see Angela sitting at a table in the middle of the room. The whole "center of attention" thing must have been the blonde's idea. The bitch sitting next to Angela.

I walked confidently over to the table and shot a smile at Angela. I ignored the rest which included the bitch, her "boyfriend", and two other guys.

Angela rose and gave me a hug, whispering in my ear, "Thank you."

I liked this happy Angela. She was like a magnet. Anyone near her felt comfortable and excited about life. Maybe she wasn't a bad person but the fact that she was sitting at the same table as the bitch made me wonder. I would have to watch her for a while before trust would be built.

"Bella, I would like you to meet Eric and Tyler. And this girl coming is Lauren." Angela said politely.

"Hi." I sat and started to eat the rabbit food in front of me. I could feel someone staring at me and casually looked around the room. Off in the corner was the so-called "Gothic" group as I had named them. There was a small woman staring at me. Her eyes. There was something very different about them. Her hair was short, spiky and pitch black. She stared for a moment and then ducked her head back down. I watched a second longer as she picked at her food and turned back to my own.

During the whole lunch hour I felt like a merry-go-round. Between the Gothic-type woman and bitch and her friend, Laura, I wasn't sure who did the most staring. It was very sickening and unnerving but I wasn't going to allow any of them to know that. Also, it didn't help having the three boys fighting for my attention.

After lunch was over, I headed to see Mrs. Cullen. This would be the worst shit I was going to deal with all year. I couldn't believe dad had made this mandatory for me. My father can be such an asshole sometimes. This was so unnecessary. I didn't need a therapist. Hey, one good thing, she's not a shrink.

I knocked on the door and waited. The door opened silently and I stared into the face of a goddess. She was beautiful. There were no words that would do this woman justice. "Hi."

"You must be Isabella. Please, come in." She answered as she float back to the desk near the window.

"It's Bella. Just Bella." I said slightly annoyed. My parents my have hated me when I was born to give me such an old woman name.

"Well, Bella. Come in and sit. Let's get to know each other."

I shut the door and turned to stare directly in the eyes of the woman. I noticed she had the same eyes as the black haired girl in the cafeteria. She was also pale and gave off the same strange.....I couldn't describe it. It wasn't something physical but something that could just be felt like a presence but not hers. It was weird.

"I should let you know that I'm here against my will. This was part of the agreement for my dad's sanity. He thinks that talking to a stranger about my problems would be good for me."

"What do you think?"

"I think it's bullshit. I don't need to offload problems I don't have."

"Is there a reason for the way you dress or how you refuse to admit that as a teenagers you have problems like everyone else?"

"My problems are not like everyone else's."

"I thought you said you don't have problems."

I stared dumbfounded at the woman. She's good, I have to give her credit. But my thoughts, fears and, yes, problems are mine. She won't be able to get me to crack and talk about them. Ever.


	3. Chapter 3

**SEPTEMBER 4**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

Dear diary,

Well, today was a complete waste of time. Dad got the call from the school about me dropping the class. We fought, I accused, he threatened. You know the parent shit. Anyways, I won. Well, kinda. I threatened to runaway. Great. I do feel a little guilty. Mom ran away from him with me. At school that bitch, btw her name is Jess, threatened me about that Mike guy. Well, dad's name had a little to do with what happened next. I hit her. Not just a little hit. I smashed her once in the face. Got home to a message on the machine from the school to dad. And, of course, I erased it. So I'll be looking forward to that fight over the next little while. So let's see, how many ways did I fuck up my life this time. Dropping the class, hitting the bitch, erasing the message. Not bad. Done more than 3 in one day before. Bring on the punishment. Dad can't do worse than.......never mind.

Night

Bella


	4. Chapter 4

**SEPTEMBER 4 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

School was another day of bullshit. Stupid classes with stupid, boring people. The only thing that made it worth anything was Angela. Strangely enough, I was looking forward to seeing her. There was something about her that just begged me to trust her. I can't deny she will be a good friend.

I was on my way to my last class. Great. Phys Ed. The one class I would like to see taking out of the curriculum. Not likely going to happen. I may spew confidence to all these small town children but I am far from confident and far from coordinated. Just get me through this class. It's too early in the year yet to start cutting classes.

I headed into the change room and found myself face to face with Miss. Bitch and her little doggy on a leash.

"Hey, Lauren. Guess what I saw yesterday?"

"What was that, Jess?"

"I saw someone heading to see Edward's mother yesterday."

"Really?"

I ignored the ramblings of the pathetic girls' gossip and continued to get changed. The ugly standard issue gym clothes needed a serious updating. White gym shorts and pullover white T-shirts with the words "Forks High School" written on the back. And I do mean "written". Someone had used permanent black ink. It was so nauseating.

"Yeah, it seems someone around hear has issues. I thought that bringing his mom into the school would be a waste of money and resources but, hell, it's giving me some pleasure."

"I can't imagine anyone having to see her. They must really be messed up."

I was beginning to listen to their ramblings. The way they were talking sound like a well rehearsed play. Something was going on and I just knew in my guts it had something to do with me.

"Well, this person must be really depressed cause they have no friends. They dress constantly in black. I think their attitude needs a little adjusting and they like to steal boyfriends."

Now I was listening.

"Well, maybe we can talk to Mrs. Cullen's kids. I bet she tells them everything about her psycho patients. I don't think there is any help though for this one. _She_ seems deeply disturbed."

I knew now exactly what and who they were talking about. I had had enough. Something was gonna give.

"By the way, Jess, did you know that Mike was talking to Tyler last night about _her_. You know, the one you don't like."

"Really, well, that little tramp better stay away from my Mike. If she wants to startle trouble, I say, let her bring it. I'll make her parents regret the day they had her."

I turned my head slightly and looked out of the corner of my eye. I could see the two girls standing face directly at me. They looked like they were ready for a fight. Fine, bring it.

"Can I help you with something, tramp?" Jess asked coldly.

"Are you making empty threats again, bitch?" I asked turning and straightening myself to full height. That wouldn't help me being only 5 foot 4 inches and a hundred pounds soaking wet. I had learned a few things in my past and knew how to defend myself. Sure, in honesty, I didn't like to fight but I wouldn't back down either.

"Oh, the threats aren't empty. I can assure you of that." Jess hissed.

"Well, what will you do if I don't stay away from your precious Mike? Even if he looks like a mutt." I answered.

I could see her face turn red. She was angry and that was perfect for me.

"A mutt. Mike is the most handsome man in this school."

"If you say so." I replied. She was full of empty threats. She was trying to talk me to boredom so I would forget the rest of her conversation with her little friend. I decided she wasn't worth my time or the pain my hand would feel later. I started to walk to the door.

"See, Lauren, chicken. Walks away from fights. Just like her mother walked away from her father."

That did it. I had no love loss for my mother. But my father. That was another matter. I felt my nails dig into the palm of my hand and stiffen up readying myself for the contact.

I brought my arm up to shoulder level and pulled my hand back like I was pulling the string back on a bow and arrow. Once I released the imaginary string, my hand seemed to follow it. At first all I could feel was the air whipping past my hand. Then my hand made contact with skin, muscle, bones.

I watched as Jess fell backwards over the seating bench and into the lockers. She looked up at me in horror. The blood that was trickling down her chin had escaped from her mouth. That was hanging open in shock.

"Next time, don't make empty threats and don't ever speak of my father in that way again. Understand, bitch?" I asked, well, more like threatened.

She nodded mechanically. She was still shocked. She must never have had someone hit her before. No one had been gutsy enough to want to and not fear the consequences. I just didn't care.

I turned back to the door and found that little girl from the cafeteria yesterday looking from me to Jess. She smiled slightly as I walked past her. There was something in her smell that reminded me instantly of Mrs. Cullen. And her appearance was almost a family trait. Were they family? At that moment I had more important things on my mind.

Like hell I was going to gym now. I grabbed my backpack and swinging it over my shoulder I walked gallantly out the door. I went straight down the hallway and into the lobby of the school.

"Miss. Swan? Shouldn't you be in class?" A musical voice announced from the other end of the lobby.

I twisted my head slightly and simply nodded to Mrs. Cullen. I needed a distraction and right on cue, Jess and her little puppy came bursting through the swinging doors to the gym.

Mrs. Cullen and one of the secretary's raced over and gave me the escape I needed. Before they were even aware I was missing, I was out the door and heading for my truck.

I brought the beast to life and raced as fast as the gutless engine would go out of the parking lot and straight for home. As I drove down the road from the school I could swear someone was watching me again. I chalked it up to the adrenaline running through my veins.

As I was about to turn onto the road that would lead me home and looked over my shoulder and saw the grocery store dad had been claiming was there. How hadn't I seen that before now? I decided to finally pick up the groceries I needed to supply the house with and turned around.

I pulled into the parking lot and let the engine die. I jumped out and looked around quickly at the sound of my name.

"Isabella? Hello?" The voice was coming from a little old woman pushing a shopping cart.

"Hello." I had always been raised to respect my elders so even if I wasn't in the mood, I had to be polite. I was after all the police chief's daughter.

The woman approached and put out her hand. I took it and could feel the strength this fragile woman had physically. I hope I have that kind of strength when I become ancient.

"My name is Mrs. Mallory. You are in the high school with my granddaughter."

I cringed. Of all the people in the school I bet she's going to be related to the bitch.

"Oh," I faked curiosity, "and who is your granddaughter?" Please don't let it be her.

"Lauren Mallory." Great, the second worst person it could be.

"I met Lauren." I wasn't going to say anything nice but wasn't going to be mean about her to her own grandmother.

"Oh, she never mentioned she met you. Isabella, shouldn't you still be in school?"

"I decided to get some grocery shopping done and make dad a special meal." I didn't have the heart to be ignorant to this nice lady and tell her to stop fucking calling me by that name.

"You are a sweetheart. Your father is thrilled to have you home with him. He missed you."

I didn't even realized till that moment that dad had been so emotionally free around anyone. I never thought it was possible. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Mallory. I need to get going."

"Of course, dear. Have a good day and say hello to your father for me."

"Sure." I headed for the grocery store thinking the whole time that I wouldn't be saying anything to dad. He wouldn't be happy over the fact that I skipped school. I didn't want any conversation that included Jess or Lauren or school.

I pulled into the driveway to the house. I still couldn't believe how much I paid for the groceries. The only good thing about it was dad had a long unused running tab with the store. This was too small of a town if the local grocery store had tabs. You only found that shit in bars and their philosophy was pay up before you leave.

I took the first set of bags into the house and threw them only the table in the tiny kitchen. This was far from the ideal kitchen to cook in but I would have to make due as I did with the bathroom.

I noticed the blinking light on the answering message. Pathetic. Dad was so old-school that he had an actually answering machine instead of call answer on the phone. So many things I would have to convince him to change. It was the 21st century not the 19th.

I hit play on the machine and waited for it to rewind. I started back towards the table when I heard the beep and the message play.

"Um, Charlie, it's Ms. Cope at the high school. I need you to call me, please. There's been an incident that will require your attention. Don't worry, it's not official police matters and it has nothing to do with Isabella dropping her English course. Please call when you receive this message. Thank you."

Damn, now shit was gonna hit the fan. It would spatter all over the place. I walked back to the machine and studied it for a moment. Erase, where the hell is the erase button. Ah, there it is. No way was I going to be in shit with dad over something that's mom's fault. She shouldn't have left him and this wouldn't be happening.

I retrieved the rest of the bags from the truck and found plenty of room in the cupboards for everything I bought. That wasn't so hard since the cupboards were more bare then Mother Hubbard's.

I mentally decided that making a special meal for dad might earn me some brownie points when he finally found out what had happened. I left the right ingredients out and fiddled in the drawers for a knife and cutting board.

I cut up a green pepper, red pepper, a couple of onions, about a dozen mushrooms, some celery and a few cloves of garlic. I threw them into a frying pan and turned on the heat. Next I threw a package of hamburger into another frying pan and turned the heat on for that one too. I quickly cut up one more clove of garlic and added it to the hamburger.

I turned my attention to the number of spices I had brought and chose the proper ones for the spaghetti I was creating. I sprinkled the right amount into the vegetables and again into the meat. I covered both over and turned back to the table.

I washed the board and knife making sure all the taste from the vegetables would be gone and pulled another set of items from the fridge. This town lack the proper ingredients for a decent fruit salad but I would make due.

I cut up the oranges, apples, pears, peaches and threw them all together with some grapes into a bowl. I pulled an unopened bottle of pineapple juice from the fridge and added the right amount to the bowl. A light sugar and a good stir and the salad was done.

I checked the items on the stove and put some water on to boil. I turned and headed out the door to my truck. I yanked my backpack from the front seat and returned to the house. Just as I was about to enter I once again felt a strange penetrating feeling like I was being watched. I shook it off and headed back to the kitchen.

Dad arrived through the door about an hour later. He poked his head into the kitchen and gave me one of those "we need to talk" looks. Damn, he knows.

"Bells, I'm going to have a quick shower and then we are going to have a talk."

"Ah, come on, dad. It wasn't that bad."

"Come on, nothing. Your education is worth too much to throw it away." He stated and headed up the stairs after disposing of his belt and gun.

What the hell did Jess have to do with my education? Then the knowing slammed into my head. He's not talking about the fight. He's talking about dropping English. Fine, bring it. I'm not going to allow another girl's future education be ruined by the police chief. My grades as they were was enough to get me into a good school. If I decided to continue school after graduation.

I set the table and quickly threw together a vegetable salad and put it on the table. I took some garlic butter that I had made earlier and lathered it onto some thick sliced bread. After throwing them into the oven, I drained the pasta, tossed in some more garlic butter for taste and to get the pasta from sticking together and put the bowl on the table. The sauce was next. It was chunky and thick the way I liked it. I silently hoped dad did to.

As the garlic toast was being put on the table, dad came into the kitchen. He took a big sniff and looked at me. I wasn't sure how to take his expression. He never was the emotional type. Not verbally anyways but his facial expressions were never easy to read.

He sat at the table and started to dish himself up some food. "Bells, everything looks great."

"There's fruit salad in the fridge for desert." I replied to the foreign compliment as best I knew how. Mom would never have said anything. She would've eaten and then walked out telling me to clean up the mess.

"I hope your not trying to butter me up, Bella. What you did is totally unforgivable."

I stayed silent. I still wasn't positive that he was speaking about my dropping class. I didn't want to stir the waves with some unnecessary knowledge.

"Do you know what I had to go through to get you into the advanced classes so close to the beginning of the school year?"

He was going to play that card. Well, I wasn't a child any more and I wasn't going to let him have his way. "What did you have to do? Flash your badge. That's probably all it took."

His face flew up and I could see the rage in his eyes. Normally, after everything I've been through that wouldn't scare me but coming from my father it was terrifying.

"Isabella. I had to pull a lot of favors. I want the best for you and education is one of them."

"Dad, the favors you pulled hurt someone else's chances at a good education. Did you know that?"

"I knew someone had to be removed from the class to fit you in."

"What??? You purposely allowed some other kid, who happens to be the one friend I've made, to be screwed over. She was crying so badly. You killed her chances for Harvard with that stunt." I lied but it was worth it. He looked like he had just committed murder.

"They will be putting you into that class, Bella. I will make sure this time someone without a future is removed."

"Charlie. No." I stood up from the table. His face was twisted. He didn't like it when I called him by his first name. "I refuse to have anyone who has the grades to be in an advanced class have their education fucked over because you have to have the perfect kid. I'm not the perfect kid no matter how much you want people to believe it. If you approach the school and have this shit happen, I won't be here that evening. I won't even be in this town. I will leave and disappear for good. I don't care what you say or how much you beg." Oh god, did I just use my mother's words when she walked out on him.

"Bella.....I....." He was stunned. I could see the pain in his face.

I walked around the table and threw my arms around him, landing on his lap like I did when I was a child. "Dad, with all the advanced courses I took in Phoenix and the fact I still have a 4.0 GPA, you don't have to worry. I will get into a good school. I have my father's intellect and that will be everything any school will want."

I waited. I knew I had hurt him badly. He didn't say another word he just hugged me tightly. We stayed that way for a long time and then he pulled away, looked up at me and asked, "Did you say you made fruit salad?"


	5. Chapter 5

**SEPTEMBER 6**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

Dear diary,

Guess what???? Dad found out about the fight. The school called him at work. Great. Grounded for a week. For whatever reason the bitch's parents didn't press charges. At least my rap sheet doesn't get any longer. Maybe they hate her as much as I do. Dad allowed me to have regular classes for English but the other advanced classes still stick. Angela is in Math with me. So not everything is bad. She's okay. She's honest and nice. Something about her. She's not evil like a lot of ppl I know. I met someone else. The girl who kept staring at me over the last couple of days. Turns out she's in my History class. Her name is Alice. Never thought there could possibly be anyone my age shorter than me. :) She's a little strange but very pretty. She was really friendly and I don't know........she's interesting. Turns out she's my therapist's daughter. I'm gonna have to watch her. She could be trouble. Not that I would mind. Trouble is my best friend. Right?

Night

Bella


	6. Chapter 6

**SEPTEMBER 6 (STORY)**

I do not own the characters of Twilight.

I found myself sitting in advanced Math a few days after the fight. Things have kind of smoothed over with dad. I had agreed to stay in the rest of the classes he had arranged and in return he wouldn't force me back into the English class.

Angela was sitting beside me concentrating on the Trigonometry lessons the teacher was giving. Of course, I wasn't not paying attention. Who would need to when you've already covered the information and know everything being discussed?

I looked out the window and watched a couple of people playing catch with a football. The game itself was very boring for me. Dad and old Billy Black would watch it and many others on dad's new flat screen. Even with the game being boring, something about watching these two strangers toss the ball back and forth was mesmerizing.

I caught a movement just outside the window and saw the little pixie woman. She wasn't looking in my direction but the moment my eyes landed on her she turned and smiled at me. There was something disturbing about her. Not a bad disturbing but confusing disturbing.

She seemed to have taken an interest in me. I didn't know why she would or why I would assume that. I was just me. I wasn't anything special. I wasn't someone that she would want to be around. She had been present to witness the shit that went down the other day. That should have been enough proof that I was someone to stay away from.

Angela, of course, was the exception. She was liked by everyone. No one in the school questioned anything she did or anyone she associated with. She was the prom queen without the perfection attitude. She was a shy girl but friendly. I was beginning to understand why she and I worked so well together. I was the strengths and voices while she was the thoughts and emotions parts of the whole friendship.

I appreciated her ability to overlook my exterior and assumed attitude and see the true person I was. She and I were each others yin and yang. Because of this, no one would say anything to either of us while we were together. We weren't best friends but we were friends. I had to finally accept that after only a couple of days I had made a friend. That threw my whole "no socializing" rule out the window.

The bell rang and I headed off to my "shrink" appointment. This would be a weekly ordeal that I was not allowed to get out of. Dad had arranged it with the school. I cut one meeting and I would be suspended. After having one fight with dad just two days ago, I wasn't ready for another yet.

I knocked, once again, on the door to Mrs. Cullen's office. I, once again, waited for her to open the door and bid me entrance to the room of hell. That's the way I saw it. The woman, herself, was fine. She was actually likable but I wasn't that gullible. She was still a therapist on the books answering to the school and my dad. That made her the enemy.

Her main objective was for me to talk about my "problems" and help me find "solutions" to them. Solutions. Give me a gun and I'd show them all solutions. Talking about my problems back in Phoenix wasn't a top priority on my list. I decided that I would try to find things happening in Forks and maybe we would never get to the other things.

"So, Isabella. What would you like to talk about today?"

"Well, doc. Why don't you tell me? You're the shrink." I decided being defensive might show this woman I didn't want to be friends.

"Maybe we can talk about what happened the other day. I should let you know that your father never called the school."

"Yea, I know. He's a very busy man."

"Well, he can't be that busy. They called his work today and he seemed to be in the dark about the fight and the call."

"They what????? Damn." I was in trouble now.

"You didn't tell your father?"

"Of course not."

"Why?"

"Now that's a stupid question. Do you realize where I came from? What I went through in Phoenix? I'm a "troubled youth" who, with a juvie sheet, is unwanted and untamable. As least that's what_ she_ told my dad. The slut didn't even have the nerve to tell him the truth. How my behavior is a direct result of her neglect and.........." Damn, this woman is good. Close the mouth and say no more.

"Go on, Isabella. Anything you say in this room will remain here."

"Okay, number one, don't call me Isabella. The name is Bella. Isabella is a name of an old woman who is dead and buried. Number two, anything I say to you goes back to my father. From there the fights start. I'm not having any part of that."

"Bella," At least the woman was listening. "I promise I am here for you. I'm not answering to your father or anyone else."

"Look, doc. I have to deal with my father later today so can we just cut out the horse shit and just talk about the weather. I was forced to meet with you. I have no intentions to talk. I don't like talking about my shit."

"If you would like."

For the next hour I spoke about the weather, my bike, my plan to get my bike here and school in general. She wasn't the typical therapist. We never spoke again about my "problems" or the fight. She was a hard woman to hate.

I had a spare and decided to find a quiet corner somewhere in the school and read a book. That was my idea of stress relief. I actually found myself walking outside and found a picnic table sit at.

I got about one page into my book when I felt that presence again. Someone was watching me and I looked up and found myself face to face with the little black haired girl who had been staring and smiling for the past couple of days.

"Hello." Her voice was sweet and musical like Mrs. Cullen's.

"Hi." I said as I tried to go back to my book.

"My name's Alice. Can I sit with you?" She asked but sat down across from me before I had a chance to answer. Pushy. That's how I saw it.

"I guess so."

"You're Bella, right?"

"Yeah, like the whole town doesn't already know that."

"Sorry. I was raised to be polite. I didn't mean anything by it."

"It's fine." Let's try the no socializing rule again. I had a bad feeling that it wasn't going to work with this girl.

"I was wondering if you could help me. I have a paper due in advanced History and I need a partner."

"I didn't even know there was an assignment."

"Well, it's the big one that counts for 25% of our final grade."

"It's only the third day of school. There's lots of time for the project. Why are you starting now?"

"Well, I didn't want to get stuck with someone who wanted to use me for my grades. I want someone who will do their share of the work."

"Makes sense."

"So, you'll be my partner?" Alice looked like she was about to bounce off the table.

"Sure, whatever."

"Great. I can tell we're going to be great friends."

"Don't assume anything. I have no intentions of making friends."

"But you're friends with Angela Webber." She replied a little disappointed.

"You've got me. But I said friends, that would indicate more than one. So I have one and I don't need anymore."

"Oh, okay." She looked like she was about to cry.

"Hey, no waterworks. Listen, how about you and I be partners and see what happens from there okay."

"Alice. Don't you have a class?" I recognized that voice.

"Esme, I have a spare and I found my partner for my history project." Alice was bouncing up and down which in turn was shaking the hell out of the table.

"That's wonderful. You and Bella will be able to put together a great project."

I watched the two women interacting with each other and a shiver went up my spine. Mrs. Cullen and Alice had this similarity in each of the them. They were both pale. They had the same strange beautiful eyes. Their voices and presence was magical. I couldn't help myself. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was nauseating.

"Are you two related or something?" I asked prayed to the evil god of jokes that the answer was "no".

"Well, yes. Esme is my foster mom."

"Great. What was this? A setup? You can't get me to talk to you so you have her make friends with me to get me to talk."

"No, Bella. I'm surprised at this development as much as you are."

"I'm sorry, Esme, and you too, Bella." Alice looked straight into Esme's face. "There's just something about Bella that makes me want to be friends with her. She just has this thing about her."

I felt guilty now. The girl's voice didn't sound so musical anymore. She sounded serious like she knew something but wasn't certain on what it was herself. "Look, sorry. I've never had someone want to be friends with me and now I have two. It's a little creepy."

"So, we are friends." Alice started bouncing again. "So what do you like to do? Shopping, play dress up?"

I held up the book, "This is about it."

"That's boring. But we'll find something that we both enjoy. I promise."

I felt like a tree who's trunk had just been taken over by chipmunks. Tiny, little, bouncy chipmunks.

"Is she always like this?" I asked.

"She's actually very calm at the moment." Mrs. Cullen chuckled lightly.

The bell rang and I realized that I had a lot to do in the next two hours if I was going to have a chance with dad. "I have to go. I'll see you later, Alice."

"Promise?"

"Yeah. Bye, Mrs. Cullen."

"Please, Bella, just Esme. Mrs. Cullen makes me feel so old."

Alice giggled. Something about what Esme said was funny but I couldn't figure it out. Sure, she wasn't that old but other than that there was nothing.

"Hey, Bella, don't worry about your dad. Everything will be fine." Alice called as I walked towards the parking lot.

I spun around looking directly at Esme. How dare she. I saw Alice do a helicopter symbol. The whole school knew. Great. Jess must be twirling in her designer boots by now. I would have to remember to nail those boots to the floor later.

Dad got home about three hours later. He was late. What would ever happen in this pathetic town to make him late? Oh yeah, maybe his anger with me. I finished setting the table and placed the lasagna and Caesar salad on the table.

Dad hadn't said a word when he came through the door. He had hung up his gun and belt and went straight upstairs for a shower. This would be the routine. Gun and belt, shower, supper and then the lecture and fights. I didn't need another routine.

The one back in Phoenix had been enough for me. It least at the end I knew what to expect. So far, dad and I hadn't been through enough of them for the routine to be solid. I would just have to wing it until I figured it out.

Dad came into the kitchen, looked at the food and smiled. "It looks good, Bells. I swear you have a little Italian in you."

"Thanks." He was being nice. What the hell was happening? Mrs...Esme had said the school called him. Time to prepare for the "normal" as Phil called it. God, did I just say that man's name.

We sat and started eating when dad broke the silence. "Bella, was there any messages for me in the last couple of days?"

No sense in lying. He knew and I was sure he knew that I knew. "Yeah, there was one from the school."

"And?"

"I erased it."

"Why?"

"Why do you think, dad? Your daughter is a juvenile delinquent and that's what she does." I answered mechanically.

"Bella, let's talk about this shit." oh no, he's swearing. Not good.

"Dad, watch your blood pressure." I tried to joke.

"So let's start from the beginning. First explain to me what happened at the school."

"Well, this bitch....sorry.....Jess accused me of trying to steal her boyfriend who, may I say, I have no interest in. Then she started about the shrink job you have me seeing. Anyways, she was saying shit that didn't bother me but then she said something about you....well, more about what mom did. I couldn't let it go. I, basically, told her to shut up and she wouldn't so.....I hit her."

"Bella, you knocked one of her teeth out."

"Good. Serves her right talking about other people's family."

"You're grounded. One week."

"What??? For what???? Defending your honor????"

"I can take care of myself. And if you want to a hard ass about this I can make it two weeks."

I closed my mouth. It didn't matter to me about the grounding. That was so much easier to take then what I would've gotten in Phoenix. I shut up because I had never heard dad swear twice in one conversation. It was scary. His voice was so even and quiet.

"You will be happy to know that her parents aren't pressing charges. You will, however, apologize to her."

"Never. Ground me for two years and I still won't apologize. She talked shit and she got shit. I'll do it again if she wants to continue. But I will not apologize. Never." I growled. I was telling him the truth too. She started this and I finished it.

"Bella, you're going to be impossible about this, right?"

"Damn right."

"I'll let this one slide."

"Wait, what???? Dad, don't tell me it's you who wants me to apologize? My own father's turning on me too. Great, that's just what I need. Another parent to claim I'm screwed up and unworthy."

"Isabella Marie Swan. I didn't say that. I will never say that. For your information you were not sent here by your mother. I asked for you to come here. Do you understand how badly I want to hunt down Phil and rip him apart? I can't and won't do that. That is part of what being an adult is all about. Learning when to throw the punches and when not to. Learning to walk away and waiting for the right place and time. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

I thought about it for a minute. Dad knew about Phoenix. He understood what happened there. He brought me here to protect me. He wasn't forced. He wanted me. I whipped my way around the table and hugged him. The tears were flowing freely down my face for the first time in so long.

"I love you, dad."

"I love you too, babe."

After some time I went back to my side of the table and finished eating. I did up the dishes while dad went into the living room and watched one of his sports games. Once I had cleaned up I headed to my room.

I turned on the stereo and listened to Jeremy by Pearl Jam as I looked out the window. I got that distinct feeling I was being watched again. It was still to get a little unsettling.


	7. Chapter 7

**SEPTEMBER 9**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

Dear diary,

So Angela called me over the w/e. She wanted someone to hang out with. I told her I was grounded and she came here. No one's ever come to my house before. She was interested in me. Not sure why. I figured she'd run when she saw my room. Not too many small towns have ppl who like dark Gothic shit. Strange, my dark scary room wasn't a fear for her. Turns out she like Linkin Park. She didn't seem the type. Maybe I was wrong about her. She could be a good person for me to hang with. Dad was happy. Mom was suppose to call this w/e and didn't. Stupid adults. Can't pull their heads out of their ass to check on their kids. I must have been a really fucked up kid for her to ignore me. Fuck her anyways. I met Alice's brother today. She has a fucking strange family. They kinda look alike. He looked like he was going to kill me. Don't think he likes me. Well, too fucking bad for him. I don't want that shit in my life anyways. At least I found one guy in this town who doesn't want me.

Night

Bella


	8. Chapter 8

**SEPTEMBER 9 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

The worst part about being grounded was that it started on a Friday. I would stuck home on a Friday and Saturday night. Well, it wasn't that bad. It's not like Forks has a reputation for any amount of fun for the kids. Well, my type at least.

Rough-housing outside the coffee shop and cruising around the couple of streets that made up the town or just hanging out in Tillicum Park wasn't exactly my idea of fun. The teenagers in this town are and probably always will be boring.

I sat in my room listening to music most of Friday night. Dad and I had silently decided to stay away from each other for the evening. While he was the baseball game, I think, on TV, I was in my room flipping through the book I had started to read at school earlier that day.

I faintly heard the phone ring never paying attention. Suddenly, I heard dad's voice floating up the stairs. "Bella, it's for you."

"Me, who the hell would be calling me?"

"Maybe a friend you made at school or did you lie to me about that?" He asked with some sarcasm.

"Funny, very funny." I said as I reached through the banister near the stairway and took the phone from his hand.

I walked back into my room and closed the door before I put the phone up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hi, Bella. It's Alice."

"Hi."

"So everything is okay with your dad?"

"Yeah, how did you know that, by the way?"

"Your dad seems really nice from what my dad has told me."

"Oh."

"So, would you like to go with me to Port Angeles tomorrow?" Her voice chimed through the phone.

"I can't. Grounded." Keep to the short answers. No information for her to give to her mother.

"Oh, sorry to hear that." That sounded a little fake.

"It's fine. There's nothing to do in this town anyways."

"There's always something to do if you know where to look." Alice answered.

"Not for me. Sitting at the park watching the old folks walking their dog doesn't sound interesting."

Alice laughed. The giggled sounded like a symphony of xylophones playing a lovely tune. "That doesn't sound very interesting to me either."

"Yeah."

"Well, I'll see you Monday then. Maybe I can introduce you to my family." I thought I heard a hiss in the background.

"Maybe. Bye, Alice."

"Bye bye, Bella."

That was a strange phone call that just added to the strange world I was beginning to call Pixieland. That's what Alice reminded me of was a pixie. An evil little pixie. She, herself, wasn't evil but considering who her mother was that made her dangerous and untrustworthy.

I did a little reading and little homework before heading to bed for the night. For some reason I was restless that night.

I found myself in the forest running. Everything around me was dark. There was no light coming from between the trees. I was terrified. I was out of breath and my heart was pounding. Something was chasing me. I had the same strange feeling that I was being watch only this time whatever it was that was watching me was also chasing me.

I sat up in my bed screaming. Dad was by my side in just seconds, holding me tightly. I felt very secure and safe suddenly. I looked over at my window and realized it was open. I tried to think back to earlier in the night and couldn't remember having opened the window at anytime. I shook violently which dad figured was due to the nightmare I had been having.

The next morning I entered the kitchen and nodded my head at dad. I walked to the cupboard and grabbed a bowl and the cereal. Retrieving a spoon and the milk I sat on the opposite side of the table and made the bowl of cereal.

"How are you doing this morning?" Dad sounded concerned.

"Better." I said as I put the spoon in my mouth.

"Bella, I'm going to see Billy today. Can I trust you will stick to your grounding?" Dad asked seriously.

"I don't have anywhere I want to go."

"I wasn't sure after the call last night." He was fishing for information.

"It's nothing. Just a girl I partnered with for an assignment."

"Oh. Okay. I will have my cell phone with me if you need to contact me." Dad said as he put his coffee cup in the sink. He walked to my side of the table and kissed me on the top of my head. "I'll see you tonight."

I finished my cereal, did up the couple of dishes in the sink and walked outside. The world was gray and dull. Forks seemed to have two types of weather, rain and snow. Either one still produced dark, ugly clouds. That was one thing I missed about Phoenix. Probably the only thing I missed.

It was just about noon when the phone rang. I decided dad was about to invest in caller ID along with the call answer. I answered expecting it to be dad checking to see if I was at home like I was suppose to be. I was wrong.

"Bella, it's Angela. How are you doing?"

"Fine. How are you?"

"Bored. My parents are both at work and on a day like today there isn't much to do. Do you want to do something?" She asked sweetly.

"I can't. Grounded."

"Grounded? For what?" She sounded surprised.

"You know that shiner that Jess is sporting? Well, she got it from me."

"Oh my god, she's been telling everyone that she ran into a door."

I laughed slightly. "Yeah and the door had my name on it."

"How long are you grounded for?"

"A week. Isn't the first time I've been grounded and won't be the last."

"I've never been grounded. That's a miracle though. Some of the stuff I've done to amuse myself should have had me ground till the second coming."

I laughed again. This girl was someone worth being friends with. She sounded like me about three years ago. "Listen since I can't go anywhere and you are bored, why don't you come here and we can be bored together."

"Sure, any ideas what you want to do?"

"Not sure but we can figure it out when you get here."

"Okay, see you in a little bit." She replied and hung up the phone.

I walked around the house picking up some odds and ends that were laying around. I threw a load of laundry in the washer and quickly had a shower. I put on the make-up and decided that I would just put my hair up today instead of straightening it.

Just as I finished putting the clothes in the dryer, I heard a knock on the front door. I opened it and invited Angela in.

We sat in the living room discussing school and Forks in general. We talked about the future. Education, kids, marriage. I had no intentions of getting married or having kids. Angela on the other hand wanted the education and a good job before getting married and having a couple of kids.

Turned out we had some similar tastes too. We loved the same music, loved to cook and loved to write. I took her up to my room to find some music to play on the stereo in the living room.

When we walked in she gasped. "I've never seen someone with purple walls before."

"I wanted black but dad was dead set against it."

"Is this a rebellious stage or do you just like dark colors? You know they work on you. Usually someone pale like you wouldn't be able to pull it off but it works. It offsets your color perfectly."

"Thanks, I think. It's not a rebellious stage or the fact that I like dark colors. I'm just a fucked up person who hates life in general." I was shocked at the fact she hadn't run screaming from the house. She was a good person who didn't judge people. I was strangely grateful for that.

"Sounds like you've been hurt a few times. I could never hate life. Yeah, it's boring and tiring sometimes but there is so much beauty out there that it's worth exploring so it exciting too."

I had never thought of life as exciting. I couldn't see past my own little world to see the beauty. All I ever saw was hate, pain and death. Maybe that was exciting but not in a good way. I was tired of the bad way so I just stayed out of the way all together.

"So what music would you like to listen to?" I asked walking to the bookshelf.

"Oh my god, look at the music. You have everything."

"Yeah, all depends what kind of mood I'm in will determine what I buy."

"How about this?" She asked holding up a couple of Linkin Park CDs.

"Sounds good."

As the music blared in the living room, Angela and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen baking. I hadn't baked like this in a long time and it felt wonderful getting myself dirty up to the elbows in flour and sugar.

By the time the afternoon was over, our ears hurt from the loud music, our throats were raw from talking, the house smelled like cookies and brownies, and the kitchen looked like a cyclone had rampaged it.

As we were cleaning the kitchen, we decided to make some supper. Angela called her mom to ask if it would be okay to stay for supper and for the night. From Angela's side of the conversation it sounded like her mother was thrilled.

We mutually decided to make something simple. Dad had a BBQ that hadn't been used in a long time. I went and checked the tank and we were in luck. It was full. Showed how long it had been since dad had used it.

We threw some potatoes, cob corn and steak on it and headed back into the house. I grabbed everything from the fridge for a salad and as Angela cut everything up, I started on desert.

It seemed weird making a desert with cookies and brownies in the house but I had a "friend" over so I had to make something special. I snagged some apples from the fridge and started chopping them up for an apple crisp.

"You are definitely a cook. Where did you learn?" Angela asked innocently.

"I had no choice. It was learn to cook or starve." I replied without thinking.

Angela's eyes went wide. "Was it that bad in Phoenix?"

"Yeah," I said, hanging my head. I didn't understand why I was being so open with her when I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth with my therapist.

Somewhere in the distance I heard a what sounded like a wail. Angela and I looked at each other and went back to our individual tasks. Once Angela was done, she headed back outside to check the food on the BBQ.

Dad arrived a short time later and was beside himself for two reasons. One, I had kept my promise to stay home and two, that I had a friend over. He preformed his routine of hanging his belt and showering.

Angela and I cleaned off the picnic table in the backyard. After setting it and settling down with dad to a wonderful meal and some nice conversation, we cleaned up the dishes and went to my room.

We enjoyed an evening of what would be normal teenage activities. We talked about make-up, school, parents and families. Well, Angela talked and I listened. I wasn't ready to talk to her about my family or the problems with it. She and I were still in the beginning stages of a friendship and I, strangely, didn't want to ruin it.

We were up late and early. Because I was still grounded, dad drove Angela home. He was heading to the reservation to go fishing with Billy. With so few fishing days left before winter settled in, it would be the normal for dad's days off for the next month or so.

I finished up the last of my homework and cleaned a few things that needed attention around the house. Dad was definitely a bachelor. After having completed everything and still being bored, I decided to finally set up my computer. Well, it was a laptop actually.

Dad and I would need to have a talk about technology. The only thing, up to now, that had been worth spending money on for an upgrade was the TV. A fifty inch flatscreen with picture in picture. He didn't understand teenagers and, therefore, didn't realize that as a teenager, even without a social life, that I needed the bare necessities.

Dad had ordered the internet before I arrived but I hadn't found the time to set everything up till now. After everything was done and I had set up my password, I checked my e-mail and found that mom hadn't even taken the time to write. I wasn't too surprised but was hurt.

She was more interested in being with Phil then having anything to do with me. Since he walked into our lives everything had changed. I was tossed to the side and didn't even feel like I was wanted anymore. Life was different now and I was determined to leave my past behind.

I remained in my room all night. I woke in the middle of the night with dad's arms wrapped around me. I realized I was screaming. With complete clarity I remembered the nightmare that invaded my sleep.

I had been laying in my bed when I had saw a shadow move in the moonlight that had been flooding in through my open window. I turned my head in time to see a set of glowing eyes reaching for me. I could feel myself die.

Dad held me until I fell back asleep and the next morning he didn't say anything about what had happened. He didn't even ask what the nightmare was about. Dad and I didn't have a bond where talking came easy for either of us. All he did was kiss my lightly on the top of my head and then walked out the door for work.

I arrived at the school a little later than found myself running for my first class. I wasn't sure why I was running since I had no love-loss for my education. I could probably miss half the year and still graduate.

I rounded the corner and slammed into a solid object. As I landed on my ass my true clumsiness began to show through.

"Bella, oh my god, are you okay?" A musical voice asked.

I looked up and found myself being lifted to my feet by a man with the most gorgeous features. They were sharp and defined. His eyes were gold with a twist of black around the edges. The wind carried a scent off of him that made me dizzy.

"Bella?"

I turned my head and found Alice standing close to me. She looked genuinely concerned about my safety. "Alice?"

"Well, I know you didn't hurt your head." Alice chuckled.

I looked at the man who had picked me up and found he was still holding me. I was dazzled but mentally gave my head a shake and backed away. He looked like he was about to attack me. The wind whipped through my body and I saw the man's body freeze and tense.

Without any warning, he turned and looked at Alice and raced out towards the parking lot. He jumped into his car and took off away from the school.

"Sorry about that. My brother can be a little strange sometimes." Alice answered my unasked question.

I knew she was hiding something but I had no idea what it could possibly be. I wasn't sure what had happened but my feeling towards men had been shaken and I didn't no why.

"We're going to be late. Come on." Alice said as she grabbed my arm and dragged me into the school. I noticed two things in those couple of seconds. One, my skin where Alice's brother had been holding me was as cold as it was where Alice was now. Two, for a foster family, the similarities in their eyes, their skin tone and their musical voices were eerily frightening.


	9. Chapter 9

**SEPTEMBER 15**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

Dear diary,

Sorry, diary. Don't want to neglect you but life goes on......you know shit like that. Anyways, for the last week it's been the same shit different day. Therapy is a useless waste of my time. "You need to learn from the past." "You need to grow and accept you can't change what's happened." Bullshit and more bullshit. Nod and say I understand and then get the hell out of there. Fuck that woman. Accept nothing, bitch. Sorry, she is a nice woman but she is still a therapist. So, Alice won't give up. She's convinced that we are suppose to be best friends. Her family doesn't seemed to pleased that she is hanging around me. One good thing, Jess won't look in my direction anymore. I still haven't figured out what happened as to why her parents didn't press charges but hell, as long as I don't have to listen to her mouth flap. Her b/f....what was his name....Mike.......that thing still looks at me like I'm something to eat but fuck him. Actually no, I wouldn't fuck him for a million dollars. Hey, I wonder........nope, thought I had the word slut written across my forehead. Sad excuse for a human being is what he is. Anyways, Edward, the brother of Alice's that ran away from me the other day, he didn't come back to school the whole week. I was released from my grounding Friday. I took dad's bike, get that, dad had a bike the whole time, and came across Alice. She was out with her b/f and Edward. They were playing tag in the woods. Weird family. Edward seemed to want to avoid me but was trying to be nice at the same time. Did I already say weird? He talks a little weird. Something like an old man. Please, thank you, shall.....you know that shit.

Night

Bella


	10. Chapter 10

**SEPTEMBER 15 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. **

The week seemed to fly by with a lot of nothing going on. I didn't see Alice's brother at all during the week. I didn't question Alice on it but she seemed concerned that I met be pissed about his reaction towards me.

It didn't bother me at all the way he treated me. I actually was happy. One less guy I had to worry about. I was curious why he seemed to take an immediate dislike for me but not having him eyeballing me constantly was nice.

Now, Mike, Jess' boyfriend, was a different matter. That whole situation was just a little strange. I hadn't been able to find out why Jess' parents didn't press charges. Dad hadn't said a word about it and neither had Jess. Well, that's probably because Jess hadn't said a word to me or Angela all week.

The weird thing is neither has Lauren or Mike. I have, however, caught Mike staring at me anytime Jess isn't around. I can't quite figure out if he's just staring because he's still in puppy love or not. Sometimes I see him, out of the corner of my eye, staring with the look of death on his face and other times he reminds me of the looks Phil would give me. I can feel the shivers climbing up my spine.

Because the three of them are not talking to Angela, she and I have been hanging out constantly. She doesn't seem to be affected by this, but whenever Alice comes snooping around trying to be friends Angela gets really nervous. I can't make sense of any of it.

For some reason, Alice has convinced herself that she and I will be friends. She's interesting but far from my type of friend. She just seems too much of a miss-goody-two-shoes for me. Her family doesn't seem to like it either. Every time she comes near me, one of them is close by. They continue to glare at me like I am the devil's daughter and need to be squashed. I can't understand any of it.

I think there are too many unknowns involved. I'll just have to work through each of the bits of information I have or can get and figure out the mystery. Till then, I will just deal with everything else.

I spent an afternoon with Esme. She pulled a stunt to try and get me to open up with her. We didn't meet at her office for our weekly appointment as we were suppose to. We met outside the school and went for a drive. We went for a hike through the woods. It turned into an interesting little walk. She's actually not so bad. I feel comfortable around her and find it easy to open up without being judged for it. Even with that being the case, she is still a therapist and no to be trusted so the conversation was very cryptic.

"Come on, Bella. Climb in. I've already spoken to your father. He knows that I'm taking you out of school for the afternoon."

I climbed into Esme's car. It was a beautiful sleek little Honda Accord. It was a little flashy being a fire engine red but it purred like a kitten. It seemed strangely perfect for the foster mother/therapist.

We drove out of Forks and onto the highway leading north. We traveled about a ten minutes till Esme turned off the highway and onto a less traveled road. I could see the trees on one side and a beautiful lake on the other. At some point as I was enjoying the scenery, Esme pulled the car over.

We both jumped out and started walking down an overgrown trail. I knew the therapy session was going to start soon so I figured I would try to keep the subject off of me.

"So, Esme. How many foster kids do you have?"

"Five. Three boys and two girls."

"Is that why you started being a therapist? All those kids?"

"Kind of. Each of my children are unique in their own way. They are all special to me. I love them all dearly."

"How long have you been their foster mom?"

"A very long time."

She wasn't being forthcoming with that comment. "Alice seems pretty bubbly."

"She's always been that way. She has a gift. It makes her enjoy life more."

Cryptic but okay. "What about her brother, the tall one with the shaggy hair?"

"Edward? He's a bit of a loner. He understands people quicker than they seem to understand him. Some people just don't understand his old world charm."

"What about the others?"

"Emmett is a loving person who is strong in mind and body. He's everyone's big brother and safety. Jasper is sensitive to the people around him. He is a big help on an emotional level. Rosalie, she is very protective and family orientated. She holds herself and the family together."

"Sounds like your family naturally needed a therapist."

"Yeah, in a strange way they do. What about you, Bella? Tell me about your family."

Damn, that didn't go the way I wanted it to. "Well, you know my dad. He's loving and protective of me. We don't have a lot of verbal communication but we both know the love and support are there when each one needs it." I stopped there hoping beyond hope that she wouldn't ask the other question. She did though.

"What about your mom?"

"Nothing to tell. She's in Phoenix and is married to this guy, Phil."

"Tell me about her."

"She cares about herself and her standing within her circle of friends. She wasn't ready for kids. That's why there's just me."

"Sounds like you have some outstanding issues with her."

"No."

"Bella? I can hear the anger coming through in your voice."

She almost sounding like she was pleading. Fine, throw a dog a bone and maybe it will leave you alone. "Yes, I have issues with a woman who gives birth to you and then decides that her new husband is more important to protect than your own daughter. Stupid bitch."

"Bella. That's not a nice thing to say about her. You shouldn't hold grudges. Is it possible that she may not have seen it that way?"

"Unlikely. She told them that I was a liar and was being hateful. How would a 17 year old be that cruel to ruin a person's happiness?"

"Told who, Bella?"

"No one. Never mind. I want to go back." I was angry. I did want to go back. I wanted to go all the way back to Phoenix and hit both my mom and Phil. Make them tell the truth about why I was a pissed off jailbird at the age of 17.

"We can go back if you'd like. I've never been to Phoenix. What's it like?"

We walked slowly back to the car, talking along the way about my life, generally, growing up in Phoenix. We talked about the weather, the desert and what it was like to live in a large city.

We remained silent, for the most part, all the way back to Forks. By the time we got back school had already let out.

Esme looked me dead in the eyes as I was about to walk to my truck. "Bella, please remember one thing for me?"

"What?"

"The past is something we can all learn from. There are things in everyone's past that shape who they are now and who they will be in the future. Accepting that we can't change the past but knowing how we feel about them makes it easier in the future to not allow the mistakes to happen again."

"And what happens if the past takes away something that you can never have back. What if you find you can no longer trust anyone for fear they will do it to you again?"

"You may never be able to have that 'something' back but it doesn't mean that it should stop you from trusting that there are people out there who won't hurt you. Trust is a two way street. If everyone refused to trust because of something in their past, the world would be very untrustworthy." She reached in and gave me a very short hug and walked towards the school.

I felt a shiver rip through my body. My skin was cold from her touch. The same thing had happened with Alice. Something was definitely strange with this family.

Friday came and went. I found myself so bored on Saturday that I decided to have some time to myself. Angela had gone to Seattle for the weekend with her mother so I was left to find my own amusement.

I couldn't even use dad. Another Saturday with Billy and the fish. He seemed to be enjoying the time with Billy. I mentally decided to do something nice for the old man for being a friend to my dad for so many years. I would have him and his family over for dinner one night next week.

I moped around the house cleaning up again as was my normally routine. At least, that's what it was becoming. I took off outside just before lunch and walked the property. I came across a small storage garage and realized I had forgotten that it even existed.

It seemed that dad hadn't been out here in a long time. Something about the garage was familiar. I walked up to the door and found it was locked. I considered breaking the key lock but decided against it. Dad would flip if I started the breaking and entry trick.

I headed back to the house and searched around, remembering that dad had a key somewhere in the house. Hopefully he didn't have it with him. After searching most of the drawers in the kitchen and living room, I looked by the entrance to the kitchen where dad always hung up his gun and found the key I was looking for.

I was in the first place I should have looked. I picked the key up off the hook and headed back to the garage. I looked at the key as I put it in the lock. I noticed both items were rusted and ancient looked. The key wouldn't turn. With everything rusted I had to put a lot of force into the key to make it turn. I felt the key turn and then pain.

I looked down at my hand and found blood dripping off the palm of my hand. I fell immediately to the ground as it twirled around me. I closed my hand to stop the bleeding and as soon as the world stopped assaulting me, I slowly made my way back to the house for the second time.

Thanks to my clumsiness, dad had a full first aid kit in close proximity of the front door. I opened the kit without looking at my hand. I knew that wouldn't be a good idea. Passing out with no one around wouldn't be the best idea.

I grabbed a couple of gauzes and applied them to my hand. I pulled out some rubbing alcohol and after quickly deciding that drinking it would be more harmful, I dumped it onto the gauze and allowed it to soak through to my hand. I heard myself scream. It was like an out of body experience.

Once the pain subsided, I grabbed a tension bandage and wrapped it around my hand up and over my wrist. After the throbbing trickled to a normal pulse matching mine, I put the kit back in its spot and headed back to the cause of my injuries.

I found that I had managed to open the lock and opened the door after placing the key in my pocket for save keeping. I looked around and found nothing out of normal. Some rusting garden tools. Mom's from before she had walked out. Some old boxes. Not interested. Mom's name was written on them. Then I saw something covered over by a tarp.

I pulled the tarp off and found a bike. What the hell? Dad has a bike. How long had he had it and why didn't he drive it anymore? At that moment I didn't care. I dragged it out of the garage and looked it over.

For some reason it didn't look like it was in bad shape compared to everything else in the garage. I knew dad had to have a key for it too. I pushed it quickly up to the house and ran inside. Suspecting that the key would be in the same place as the key for the lock, I started there. Predictable dad.

I walked back out to the bike and after checking the tires, I put the key in and tried to turn it over. It groaned and tried to come to life but just wouldn't. I checked the spark plugs and everything else. Nothing. Strangely, everything was clean.

Mentally I smacked my head. I checked the gas tank and found the problem. Trip to town. I decided to chance running into town with the bike. I didn't want dad finding out but without a gas jug it would be difficult. I fought with the bike and finally had it loaded on the truck and tied down.

I found myself heading out of town after gassing up. I was headed back in the direction of the house but a side road seemed to be calling to me. I turned onto it and continued till I knew I was far enough off the main road that no one would see my truck I pulled over.

I fought, once again, with the bike and pulled it off the truck. I turned it over and it fought back. It hadn't been running for a while. I won the fight. Eventually, the bike roared to life. I felt exhilarated with the feeling of the rumbling beneath me. I could feel the pain coming back to life in my hand too. This wasn't going to be easy with the bandage on.

I, suddenly, realized I didn't have a helmet. Knowing my track record with injuries, I debated whether this was a good idea or not. Against my better judgment, I decided that I would take the bike for one quick trip for today and then wait till I had a helmet. Dad must have one somewhere around the house.

I snatched my I-Pod out of the truck and after putting the plugs in my ears and finding what I considered the perfect driving song, 3OH!3's I'm Not Your Boyfriend, Baby, I put the bike in first gear and sped off down the road.

I remembered instantly why I loved to ride. The wind whipping against my face and through my hair. The power under me. Watching the trees racing past me. I felt free. I felt the control of my own destiny. Bikes gave me the feeling of riding on the thin line between life and death. It was wonderful.

Once I felt comfortable with the feel of the bike, I decided to take it off road. I found a small dirt path and found myself streaming past the closeness of the trees. They were large. Larger than years ago when I lived here.

I continued traveling as the path wound around the trees and small plants that littered the forest floor. I finally got tired of the I-Pod and slowed the bike down to a stop. I pulled the plugs out of my ears and shoved it in the pocket of my jacket.

Something caught my eye. It looked like a deer. Something else seemed to be chasing it. I revved the engine again and took off after it. I didn't think of the consequences of my actions. Living in Phoenix there was never a fear of meat-eating animals.

I came around a small turn and slammed on the brakes. I felt the earth in one second stop around me and then whipping past as I went over the handles of the bike and straight towards the reason for my situation. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact.

All I felt was cold and then nothing. I slowly opened one eye expecting the afterlife to be all around me. Instead, I was laying on top of the most gorgeous creature that had ever graced this Earth. His eyes were staring into mine. His breathing felt like it was sucking in my scent causing tremendous pain for him. The narrowing of his eyebrows and the sudden anger in his golden eyes told me that.

He practically threw me off him as I felt another cold touch on each of my arms. I turned and found myself looking into another set of beautiful golden eyes. Alice.

"Would you watch what your doing? Are you trying to kill yourself?" A musical voice asked me.

I looked back down to the ground and found the god of beauty was no longer there. I felt myself landing on my feet and looked towards the voice realizing it was no coming from behind me.

I shook my head and knew immediately that he was claiming my almost accident was supposed to be my fault. "Excuse me. If you hadn't been in my way I wouldn't be in the position I am in now."

I didn't wait for a response. I walked the short distance back to the bike and picked it up. I checked the bike over and determined that no damage had been done, I climbed on. I tried to turn over the engine and found that I had flooded it. I was stuck for a few minutes at least.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked concerned.

I turned my attention back to her and asked, "What the hell are you two doing out here anyways?" I was in no mood now to be a friend or by friendly to her or her brother.

"We were......uummmm....we were playing tag." She stammered.

"Tag? In the woods." I didn't by it for a minute. I looked around. I wondered where the deer and its pursuer had gone.

"What's wrong?" Her brother, who I had learned from Esme, Edward, asked curiously. Something about the way he looked at me sent a chill over my spine.

"Did you two see a deer here a minute ago?"

The two of them looked at each other as if they were discussing the question and what answer to give. Alice finally answered. "No. I heard and saw nothing until you came around the corner."

I knew that was a lie. Anyone would have heard this bike a mile away. It was in need of a tune-up and even after that the echoing in the trees would always give the bike away. I ignored the comment and turned to a noise coming through the trees.

"It's okay, Bella. It's Jasper, my boyfriend." Alice said calmly. A little louder than was necessary but she had a controlled tone in her voice.

Jasper didn't say anything to me. He just looked and nodded his head. He looked at Edward and then at Alice.

"Edward, would you walk Bella out of here while I take Jasper home? He doesn't look so well." Alice asked, raising her eyebrows. I distinctly saw her twitch her eyes towards me and then at Jasper.

"I don't need any help. Thank you."

"But, Bella, what about the cougar chasing the deer?" Alice asked and then seemed to realize she had slipped up.

I knew that something was going on. First they knew nothing about the deer and now they knew a cougar had been chasing it. What the hell was up with this family? I didn't want to play my cards yet. I need more information in order to form an hypothesis.

After some persuasion on Alice's part, I gave up. "Fine. Whatever."

I started to push the bike back in the direction of the road and felt Edward's hands take over. "I'll push it for you."

His attitude had seemed to change suddenly. It was a little creepy going from being hated to being helped. I removed my hands anyways and walked with him down the path.

"So, are you Alice's real brother or foster brother?"

"Foster. Where did you find this bike? It's in nice shape."

"Thanks. It's my dad's, I think."

Excuse me, what do you mean 'I think'?"

I told him about how I had found the bike in the storage garage and how I had ended up in the middle of nowhere. We talked all the way back to the truck. I realized when we got to the road just how late in the day it had gotten. Dad was going to flip.

Edward helped me load the bike and tie it down. He suddenly pulled away from me. He looked like he was in pain again.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Your hand. You're bleeding." He said taking a step back.

I tucked my hand in my pocket and was given a strange look for my action. "I can't stand the sight of blood. Pass out and fall to the floor type." I replied pointing at myself.

"You are a strange girl." Edward said as he opened the door to my truck.

"Do you want a ride? It's a long way back to town." I asked being polite.

"No, thank you. I just live on the other side of this patch of forest. It'll be quicker for me to run then you driving me." He answered.

"Okay."

"I'll see you in school on Monday?"

"Sure." And with that he was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

**SEPTEMBER 18**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**I am not a writer who depends on reviews for my stories. That being said one or two reviews just to let me know what you think of the story would be nice. I can talk the good, the bad and the ugly ones. That's how a writer grows.**

Dear diary,

I woke up this morning to something weird. Needless to say I have my bike from Phoenix and a special token of......hell, I don't know. Hey, who needs therapy when you have Alice. She's like her mother in the therapy department but isn't trying to force me to talk. I took a chance and went to her house. That was really weird. Her room doesn't look like a bedroom. Didn't see a bed. Oh well, I stayed for a little while and her brother Emmett is funny. Huge fucker too. Alice's sister, Rosalie, she's a bitch. I have a feeling I may end up punching her out like I did with Jess. Found out Edward plays piano. Another old man thing. I don't know what it is about him but I am finding myself appreciating him. Alice's boyfriend, Jazz, seems afraid of me. Like I'm gonna hurt him. Either that or he's in constant pain. Weird, eh? Someone in this town is finally scared of Gothic Bella. Finally!!!!!!! School tomorrow.

Night

Bella


	12. Chapter 12

**SEPTEMBER 18 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**This chapter is dedicated to my FF4E, Katzenpfote. She is a talented writer and I missed her during her exams.**

I opened my eyes looking around the room. Something was different. Something was out of place. I looked at my window. It was open, again. I was sure I had closed it the night before.

The cool air blowing through the curtains caused goosebumps to rise on my arms. I jumped out of bed, not thinking for a moment that the floor would be cold too. I scared myself as the cold hardwood floor made contact with my feet. Once the initial shock was gone I walked to the window and noticed a box hidden behind the curtain.

I picked up the box carefully. I couldn't remember a box having been there before or having put one there. I walked slowly back to my bed. I looked the box over turning it slowly being careful not to break whatever might be inside.

It wasn't large. Only as big as the palm of my hand. I slowly removed the cover and found a note inside. I unfolded the paper and found the most beautiful Old English handwritten written on it.

_Bella_

_A present for a birthday forgotten._

_A friend._

I set the note aside. Who, besides my dad, would have known about my birthday? Dad would never have put this much thought into it. Plus, dad hadn't forgotten. He had given me the truck as an early present. We had quietly done the dinner and cake that evening.

I turned my attention back to the box. Inside the box two items sat side by side on a satin handkerchief. I pulled out the one I recognized. I couldn't believe my baby girl was here. Was she really here? The keys I know held in my hand were belong to my bike that I had left in Phoenix.

I was certain now that this present wasn't from dad. He would never allow my bike to be brought to Forks. He didn't trust bikes, claiming they were dangerous. That still didn't answer the question about why there had been a bike hidden in the storage garage.

I shook my head and picked up the second item in the box. I was stunned. It was a vintage locket necklace. The diamonds are set in an intricate, cut out, heart-shaped pattern crafted from white gold. I opened it up and found two words inside where pictures should have been. "For love". What did that mean? Was I suppose to put the people I loved in it?

If that was the case, I knew only one person whose picture would be put in this beautiful locket. I walked to my bookshelf and pulled out a photo album. I sat back on the bed and flipped through the pages searching for the right picture. The size had to be exact as did the picture itself. I found the perfect picture and looked quickly around my room. No scissors. But I did see the time.

I set everything aside and went about my morning routine. After showering and doing my hair and make-up, I snatched some clothes out of the closet. I looked at them and wondered if they would be the right clothes for the locket. I mentally slapped myself across the face.

What was I thinking? Was I really going to where a locket that was obviously very expensive without any knowledge of who or what put it in my room? It might be from a stalker. For some reason I knew it wasn't.

Everything about this felt right. Scary but right. I couldn't explain it. I felt safe and secure with this knowledge. The one thing I didn't feel right about was changing my wardrobe just for a locket. I was still me. I never like expensive, flashy things and I wasn't going to change myself for one minute because of this locket.

I put on my black t-shirt that I had gotten from the Disturbed concert I had gone to last year and my black skinny jeans. Deciding that I was riding the bike to school I grabbed my ankle-high flat sole boots out of the closet.

I threw my backpack over my shoulder and while holding the boots in one hand, I picked up the locket and picture in the other. I walked to the stairs and heard dad in the kitchen.

As I hit the landing at the bottom of the stairs, dad was latching up his belt. He walked past me and gave me a look. "We will be talking about the bike tonight. I don't know how you managed to get that deathtrap here but I'm not happy about it."

I chuckled at the private joke. I wasn't sure how it had gotten here either but I was sure going to find out and solve that mystery. "Okay, dad." was all I said. What more could I say? I wanted my bike and fighting him on it this morning wasn't going to do either one of us any good.

He gave me a kiss on the cheek and winked. "I'll see you tonight." He had something up his sleeve. I didn't know what but I wasn't going to think about it now.

After he left I went into the kitchen and put some bread in the toaster. I looked in one of the drawers and found the scissors I needed. They were small which would be perfect to cut out the picture so it would fit in the locket.

Once the picture was placed inside, I looked down at it. It was one of the few pictures that I had managed to save of dad and I. Mom had destroyed most of them when she dragged me away from Forks. The picture had been taken at the hospital just minutes after I was born. Dad was so proud and happy. But he looked a little sad too. Maybe that was one of the reasons the picture was my favorite. Dad was showing so many emotions openly that he didn't share with me, well, ever.

I finished my toast and took one more look at the clock and realized I need to head of to hell.....school.

I walked outside and looked around the driveway. Nothing. I walked around the house and found a tarp covering something up. I realized my bike had been leaned up against the house directly under my window that I had forgotten to close. I decided that whatever was going on with my window would be figured out later.

I uncovered the bike and found another note. I picked it up and unfolded it. This one was from dad. His chicken scratch was undeniable.

_Bells, _

_We will talk. Since the thing is here you can ride it. I will be watching you. No speeding. We don't need another incident like Phoenix._

_Dad_

I knew what dad was talking about. I thought back to that day about two years ago. I had just gotten my baby and was out enjoying her when I pulled out onto the highway. Some guy pulled up beside me on his bike and had challenged me. I was still new to riding but took the chance. I was a rebel after all. The cops chased us for about five miles on the highway and then just me another three off the highway and through the main streets of the city. I sat in jail for two days while the helicopter footage played on every local channel.

Mom had been so embarrassed in front of her friends that she had left me to rot. The judge gave me probation and community service for that one. Didn't help that my license had been taken away for a year. Mom wanted to sell the bike but I hid it in storage, paying the fees myself, to make sure she couldn't get her hands on it.

I sat on the bike, remembering all the good times I had had with it. I knew this bike better than I knew myself. I turned the key and brought my Suzuki to life. I was proud of my baby. I had found her as a pull of junk and worked hard to bring her back to life. On-road or off-road, she would take me anywhere which is why I got her to begin with. I wanted the freedom and the power to leave. At the time it was leave mom and Phil. Now I wasn't so sure what I would want to leave. Not dad, he was being good to me.

I sat on the bike as it purred under me. I looked at the locket I still had in my hand and then put it over my head and found it was long enough the enough in a low-cut v-neck it was still hidden. Someone had put a lot of thought into the image I wanted to show.

They understood, strangely, that I wanted to be the bitch and not be the girly-girl. I appreciated my "friend" for that. I, suddenly, realized that I still had no helmet. Well, dad hadn't said I couldn't ride my bike, so what the hell. I was riding with no helmet.

I arrived at school a short time later and found looks coming from both the boys and girls. Once again, center of attention. Damn, this will only get me in more shit. The boys staring and the girls hating. Fuck them all. I was happy for the first time since I arrived in Forks. Nothing and no one would take that away from me.

I jumped off my bike and headed quietly towards the school. I heard my name being called and groaned. Alice. What is wrong with that girl? Can't she take a hint?

"Bella. Where do you keep getting these bikes?" Alice questioned, bouncing in her normal fashion. She was dragging her boyfriend in tow.

"That one is mine from Phoenix. It arrived last night." I wasn't about to go into details about the mystery surrounding its appearance. I noticed Alice turn and smile slightly towards her brother, Edward, who was standing next to his Volvo.

The look on his face was unusual. He looked angry like he was in pain. But another part of the look was happiness. What would be making him happy? The one look he wasn't giving me was the look the rest of the boys were. He didn't want me. Not in that way at least. Good.

"You should come to my house after school. We seriously need to hang out." Alice said startling me.

"I don't know."

"We do need to start on that History paper." She was determined for some reason. I had a feeling that no matter what I said she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

I looked at her boyfriend, who as of yet hadn't spoken to me, and asked, "Is she always this persistent?"

"You caught her on a slow day." He replied with tension in his voice. His voice! It was musical and beautiful like the rest of them. So weird and soothing.

I looked at Alice and nodded. I looked out of the corner of my eye and watched Edward and what I assumed was the rest of the siblings look at each other silently arguing and walk into the school. I wanted to know what the problem was.

I wanted more to understand how Edward could be decent one minute and able to piss me off the next. Was it something to do with me or was he just bi-polar?

School came and went. Surprise quiz in Math didn't help but at least I've got the grades to be unprepared. Jess and Lauren had started some rumor that I was a rebel without a cause. I decided to let that one go. Maybe I wouldn't have so many people gawking over me.

I jumped on my bike and brought my beast to life. Alice had decided she was riding with me. Whether it was to direct me to her house or just to make sure I wouldn't bail, I wasn't sure.

We rode out of town in the same direction that I had found them in the woods the other day. It was a cloudy but warm day and the wind whipping through my hair was comforting. Alice barely hung on which sort of scared me. I was responsible for her safety and wasn't about to chance hurting her. She kept encouraging me to speed up. I wouldn't.

She finally gave up and continued to give me directions. We turned off the main road and up what I could only assume was her driveway. As we rounded one corner, I found a beautiful three story home emerge in a clearing. It was an old fashion Victorian that for some reason made me think of the locket.

I parked the bike and after we got off, I subconsciously reached for the chain hanging around my neck. It felt cool to my touch. It reminded me of the chill I continued to get anytime one of the Cullen's touched me.

Alice grabbed my arm, proving my point, and pulled me up to the house. I could hear quiet haunting music coming from within the house. It felt like a sad love story theme from some movie. Even in its beauty the house felt empty and lacking life.

The inside was the same as the outside. Beautiful and open but empty. The music was louder and memorizing. Alice noticed how I was searching. She looked at me questioningly.

"The music. I'm not use to hearing such quiet but powerful music."

"What do you listen to?" She asked as she took my hand, carefully I might add, and led me down the hallway of the first floor.

"Stuff like Linkin Park, Disturbed, Metallica."

"Wow, heavy stuff. I like the easy listening music. Anything that gives you a sense of peace and warmth."

"Oh. Well, I don't know, there's something about this music that just gives you a feeling how strength but so much different strength from my music. It's almost like an inner strength and power." I replied honestly.

We turned the corner and entered a room that was so large. It was almost three times the size of my bedroom. It was dark and haunting but welcoming at the same time. The room was empty except for a couple of chairs and a couch against the walls. In the middle of the room was a beautifully polished baby grand piano.

As we walked silently towards it, I found myself wondering who was the composer of the music. I was shocked to find Edward drumming his fingers lightly over the keys. His eyes were closed and he looked at peace. The hard emotions that I had seen that morning were gone.

I walked behind him and realized there was no sheet music. He was playing this haunting love song from memory. It filled the room with an echo that helped make it a soothing feeling. I just felt so out of my elements but felt the uncontrollable need to sit next to him and listen quietly.

He opened his eyes and turned to look at me. They were a bright sunshine gold not the darker gold or black that I had seen before. They were captivating. He smiled slightly and I noticed for the first time the crook in the smile. It was handsome and matched him nicely.

The music ended and we continued to stare at each other. I, again, subconsciously reached down and held on to the locket. He looked down at my hand and reached out to touch the locket also. He was careful not to touch me but the closeness of our bodies spent sparks of electricity to pass between us.

I was dazzled. There was no other way to describe it. A man who I didn't necessarily hate personally was dazzling me. This was not good. I don't like men, they are all evil and only out for one thing.

I pulled myself away from the connection between up and stood up. He looked a little defeated and disappointed. I broke the eye contact and walked straight out of the room. Alice chased after me.

I re-entered the hallway and leaned against the wall for support. I realized I was out of breathe for no reason and concentrated on slowing my heart. It was beating so fast.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked concerned.

I nodded not sure what to say. I, Gothic Bella, hater of men, had been taken back in time to a place where I felt calm, secure and safe. What was it about Edward that was so unbelievable?

Alice directed me to the stairway and we ascended. As she passed by the many rooms on the second floor I looked quickly into each room. They all looked lived in but I never saw any doors or beds for each of them. We entered what I could only assume was her room and looked around. She entered another room off the side of her bedroom and re-emerge holding some clothes.

"Dress up time."

"Oh no, no playing Barbie Bella with me." I spun around as I distinctly heard laughter coming from downstairs.

"Please, I think you would look beautiful in something other than black."

"Alice, thanks but no thanks. This is me. Like or leave it. That's the deal. I dress this way for a reason and you're not allowed to change that."

Alice pouted and went back into the other room. I quietly followed and realized the other room shouldn't have been a room at all. It was a closet filled with clothes. She had her own department store in this room. I was in awe that someone was that interested in clothes.

"Impressive, don't you think?"

"Obsessive." I replied, hearing the laughter again.

Alice pouted again and walked back to what should have been her bedroom. The reason I say "should have been" was because there was no bed. There was a couple of over sized chairs and a beautiful couch, a few tables and a makeup stand but no bed, pillows or blankets. It was different.

She pulled me to the couch and we sat comfortably. I felt uncomfortable with the surrounding and feeling of the quiet house but comfortable in the presence of the people living in it.

"So why do you dress in black?"

I knew I didn't want to answer. She was, after all, my therapist's daughter. There was just something about her that was growing quickly on me. She was easy to be around. Easy to open up to.

"I have issues with the world. It doesn't like me and I don't like it."

"How can you hate a world with so much beauty and life in it? Don't you like being able to have the freedom to control your own destiny?"

"My destiny and freedom were stolen from me. Every dream I had once was shattered and killed. Stomped into the ground and twisted until it was dead and mangled."

"How could someone do such a horrible thing to such a beautiful spirit like you?"

"Because they decided that what they wanted was worth more than me."

Alice hugged me. I could hear and feel her sobbing. I was definitely uncomfortable now and she must have realized that. She pulled back and I noticed that even though she had been sobbing there were no tears. Her eyes were a light golden color which, like Edward's, had changed since this morning.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that." Alice said standing up and walking away. She was trying not to let me see what I had seen.

"It's okay. I'm just not that comfortable with the whole hugging thing."

She turned and walked the short distance back to me and took my hand, leading me out of the room and back down the hallway to the stairs. After descending them, we took another walked through the many hallways and into the living room.

Sitting on the couch was a bear and a blond model. This family was certainly very strange. I could only assume that they had to be Emmett and Rosalie from what Esme had told me about them.

"Guys, this is Bella. Bella, this is Emmett and Rosalie."

I nodded. Emmett smiled and Rosalie just looked. God, if looks could kill. What the hell did I do to her. One word, bitch. She looked like she was sitting on a large throne looking down at the insignificant people in her surroundings. Fine, whatever. Dealt with Jess so it shouldn't be hard to deal with her.

Emmett spoke, "Hi, Bells. So you and Alice. I knew she was different."

"What does that mean?"

"Emmett, you make one more crack about me being a lesbian and I will have Bella punch you like she did to Jessica."

"Whoa, wait a minute. You think I'm a lesbian?" I accused.

"No, sorry, not you. But her, yes." Emmett replied pointing at Alice.

Alice stamped her foot and walked away, leaving me alone in the living room with her siblings. I looked around unsure what to do.

"Don't worry. She'll be back. So did you really give Jessica that black eye?"

"Does it matter? The kids believe what she tells them."

"What are you a boxer? Bella the boxer. Maybe Bella the Bengal tiger. I like that. I'm going to call you tiger."

I silently appreciated the compliment. Emmett was being friendly but keeping his distance. "So what does that make you? Yogi the bear?"

"Hey, I don't like pic-a-nic baskets." He responded in a lousy imitation of Yogi.

I giggled and stopped as quickly as I started. I, Bella Swan, don't giggle. I am a dark and frightening creature. I don't do the girly stuff.

"You laughed." A voice came from the entrance to the living room. I ducked my head. I knew who it was.

"Hello, Esme."

"Bella, don't hang your head. I like your laugh. I wish you would do it more often."

"Not easy to do when you have a woman trying to get you to talk about shit you don't have problems with."

"Stop talking to her that way. Who do you think you are?" Rosalie finally spoke up.

"Rose, enough. Bella and I have an understanding and you will not speak that way again." Esme replied on my behalf.

"It's fine, Esme. I have a feeling the bitch doesn't like me much anyways. Which is fine with me. I hate those who feel superior to everyone else anyways." I answered and walked out of the living room before she could give a response.

I heard that same laugh again and now knew it had been Emmett. Something struck me odd. How did Emmett hear mine and Alice's conversation from the living room to be able to laugh at the comments then?

I walked the hallways and found Alice in the kitchen. "Alice, you okay?"

"He'll get his one day. I'll make sure he stops calling me that."

"Alice. Stop. He'll keep doing it because you'll keep reacting that way. Don't let him get to you and it won't be fun anymore and then he'll stop."

Alice seemed to be thinking about it and her eyes popped. "You're right. Stupid man."

"Joining my club. Sorry, not taking new members. You have a man and that rule counts you out."

"What do you mean 'your club'?"

"You haven't figured it out? I hate men. I have no use for them."

"Oh."

"Listen, I have to go. Dad will be home soon and I have to get supper ready."

"Okay. Want to come over this weekend?"

"I don't know. I'll let you know. Your sister is a strain on the brain."

"Okay, at least call me."

"Sure."

She led me to the front door and stood there as I started my bike and drove down the driveway. I looked back for a moment and saw Edward looking at me from one of the second story windows. That sense of calm washed over me again.


	13. Chapter 13

**SEPTEMBER 20**

I do not own the characters of Twilight.

Dear diary,

First time in a while I saw the sun. Strange thing was Angela said that Alice's parents take the kids hiking and shit on nice days. No one's parents are that nice. What the hell is up with that? Anyways, Mike was doing the googley eyes again. It's really starting to creep me out. Noticed him and Jess aren't hanging out as much as normal. Angela said they broke up. Great, that'll give him easier access to watch me. Going out tonight. Decided that its time for me to be me. I can't handle being the good girl anymore. Time for some fun. Wasn't sure what I wanted to do but thanks to Mike, I know now. Dad is gonna freak if he finds out. Will give details when I get home.

TTYS

Bella


	14. Chapter 14

**SEPTEMBER 20 (STORY) **PART 1****

I do not own the characters of Twilight.

I woke up Friday morning. Thank god for Fridays. I pounced out of bed. My routine in the morning had slightly changed. I walked to my window and found it was closed but unlocked. This was getting weird.

I checked around the floor and found the piece of paper that was lying there. I had put it in the jam of the window last night. Someone was sneaking into my room at night and doing fuck knows what. This should be frightening to me but since that night I had the nightmare I hadn't been scared.

Dad and I talked about the bike. Well, he talked and I listened. Between his speech about how dangerous a bike can be and the consequences of what could happen to me, I listened. His reasons were invalid. He had been hiding something but I wasn't sure what.

It seemed like everyone was hiding secrets from me. Something was wrong with the people in this town. I could slowly feel the changes in me too. I was making friends, allowing myself to be watched or whatever at night, I was allowing haunting music and its creator slip into my dreams at night. I needed out. I needed to be me again.

I finished my morning routine and found dad in the kitchen being his typical self. Drinking what looked like his third cup of coffee. It was obvious from the lack of liquid in the pot. I smiled at dad who smiled right back.

"So what's the plan for the weekend?" I asked. I needed to know his plan so I could put one together for myself. I needed a break. I needed an escape and what I was going to be able to do would all depend on him.

"Well, I'll probably only get a couple more weekends of fishing before the cold sets in so......you don't mind me spending so much time at the res, do you?"

"Not at all. Everyone needs a best friend to do things with."

"Yea, speaking of which. Who are you spending the weekend with? Alice or Angela?" Dad raised an eyebrow. He wasn't to happy about me going to the Cullen's but knew that threatening me would never work.

"Not sure. Might spend the night at Alice's. Do you mind?" Two could play this game. The more he unspokenly told me not to, the more I would push the Cullen's on him.

"No." He said flatly. I won that round. "I'll be home late."

"If the bike's not here Alice's parents said yes." Like I was actually spending the night there. I had my freedom. Now I had to figure out what the rebel was going to do.

Dad finished his morning routine and put his belt on, kissed me on the top of my head and left. I had the house to myself for a bit. I looked out the window and saw a surprising sight.

How the hell did I miss that? I raced to the door and stepped outside. The sun felt so warm and inviting. It was a much missed friend. Sure, there were still lots of clouds but they weren't threatening to take control of the sky today.

I ran back upstairs excitedly. I grabbed a few items and threw them into my backpack. I gave myself a once over in the mirror. My locket was constantly hung around my neck now. It felt like a magical charm with special powers. There was something about the locket that made me feel invincible. I noticed there were times that it was cool against my skin and other times when it felt hot.

When it was cool as it was now I felt at ease and calm. It was like there was no danger around, that I could relax and let my guard down. When the locket was warm or hot, I always felt agitated and was easily upset. It made me feel trapped and I had an urge to protect myself. Most of the time that was at school.

I finished the once over in the mirror and headed downstairs. I walked out of my house and got that feeling again that I was being watched. I hadn't had this feeling in a few days and it was unnerving. I looked around towards the edge of the woods. I could swear I saw someone moving within the trees but then there was nothing.

I jumped on my bike and grabbed the helmet dad had brought. He surrendered to the bike with the deal that I wear the helmet and he would stop bitching. I had managed to baby talk him into a helmet that had built in headphones for my I-Pod.

I started the bike and turned on the music. Disturb's Down With The Sickness started to play as I raced down the road towards the general direction of the school.

Angela was sitting outside the school waiting for me. I looked around and noticed that the Cullen's vehicles were missing. Angela must have noticed the look. She walked over as I took off the helmet, shaking my hair loose.

"They're not here."

"What? Who?"

Angela chuckled. "Don't play dumb with me. Alice and her brother. They never come to school on sunny days."

"Why?" I wondered why she added Edward into the answer. Like I was interested in seeing him.

"Their parents take them hiking and camping. I've never seen them come to school on nice days. Saved you though." Angela said politely.

"What do you mean?" I truly didn't know what she was talking about.

"Your meeting with Mrs. Cullen." Angela said softly, looking down.

Angela never brought up anything about my therapy sessions. She wasn't being mean about them. She just understood that I wasn't interested in discussing them with anyone.

"That's fine, Angela. It's true. The sun earned me a freebie." I said as I put my hand on her shoulder. She looked up and found I wasn't angry with her.

How could I be? Angela was slowly becoming my best friend. She was like me in a lot of ways. She didn't care what anyone at school thought of her. She was an outcast like me. There were definitely more differences than similarities though. That was probably why we were becoming such good friends. She kept me nailed to the earth with her simple honest outlook on life. I was her inner rebel that she couldn't let out.

We headed into the school and off to Math. Today was the day we would find out how the surprise test worked out for each of us.

Lunch came quickly. Angela and I sat in our corner in the cafeteria. We were both pleased with ourselves. We had gotten the two highest marks in the class. The teacher hadn't mentioned whose mark was higher and never of us divulged the information to each other. We didn't want bad blood between us for any reason.

As we ate in silence, I looked around the room. I wasn't looking for anything specific but I found something that made my skin crawl. Mike Newton. I hadn't had any interaction with him in a couple of weeks but once in a while I would still find him staring at me. It was very unsettling.

"Where is Jess these days?" I asked between bites of my salad.

"She's around somewhere. She's been very quiet lately except for the bike rumor. Why?" Angela looked at me.

I put my hand in front of my mouth. "Cause if Mike continues to stare either she's going to hit him or I am."

Angela knew how to be cautious, which I was grateful for. She finally looked back at me. "He's being really creepy but you should know something. I wasn't sure about the rumor but now I'm sure it's a fact."

"What rumor?" I was suddenly getting nervous.

"Bella, Jess and Mike broke up. He's so obsessed with you that she couldn't take it anymore." Angela stated very quietly.

"Great, just what I need. Her pissed at me over this and him stalking me."

"Do you care?" Angela asked. That was very out of character for her.

"Honestly, no. I just don't need round two with my father. At least not this weekend."

"Why? What's going on this weekend?" Angela asked curiously.

"Better if you don't know. You can't get in trouble if you don't know anything. I'm not letting you lie for me. You have a clean conscious and should keep it that way."

"You're evil, did anyone ever tell you that?" She giggled.

I was about to jump at her but I realized she knows nothing about my past. She wasn't meaning anything cruel by the comment. She didn't know that only one person had ever called me evil. My mother. Just after the cops had come and questioned Phil. Another reason I came to live with dad.

"Once." Was all I said.

Angela must have noticed the agitation in my voice. She ducked her head. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. You didn't know."

"Someday, Bella, maybe we can talk." She wasn't asking. She was demanding. She was just hoping that we would be best enough of friends for me to open up completely to her and let her in.

"Maybe, Ang, maybe. Let me deal with it first. Okay?"

"Still friends."

"Definitely." I replied as I continued to watch Mike out of the corner of my eye.

After school, I said my goodbyes to Angela and headed out of town. I had begun to form a plan and there was no way I would buy my supplies in Forks. Dad would find out really quick and I wasn't willing to have that shit.

I headed north out of the town and once outside the town limits I sped up the bike. Normally it would be an hour to Port Angeles but I wanted to get there and back as quickly as possible.

I could feel the strain and heaviness of the town fade as I drove. Both my brain and the air were refreshing and clear. I focused on the road. I felt free. I loved the feeling of being in control of my own destiny. I held the power of the bike. I could decide whether to hold the bike on its path or not.

I knew I wasn't suicidal just pleased that I had the choice. No one could take that choice away from me the way Phil had. I mentally shook my head. No, no thinking about that piece of shit. I stayed clear headed and found my way to the city.

I pulled over to the side of the street and took my helmet off. I expected people to be as self-centered as in Phoenix but I needed to find the hardware store.

"Excuse me." I said to a nice looking woman who was walking casually down the sidewalk.

"Yes."

"Where can I find a hardware store?"

"Let me think. Oh yeah, go three blocks down and turn left. It'll be on the right about four blocks or so down." She said politely.

"Thank you." I played the niceness back. No sense in being nasty to someone who was being helpful.

I put the helmet back on and found my way to the hardware store. I went inside and found my way to the paint section. Spray paints to be exact. I looked over all the colors and decided to go with black. My favorite color and hard to cover up.

I thought about it for a minute and went searching for some rubber gloves. My fingerprints were on file so I couldn't take the chance of that too. I went to the front and paid for my purchases.

The older man at the cash looked at me with a knowing look. Who wouldn't? A Gothic dressed girl purchasing one can of spray paint and rubber gloves. I was surprised he wasn't taking ID. Some of the bigger city were nowadays. Tagging buildings was costing cities hundreds of thousands of dollars in cleanup every year.

_Trust me, no tagging a building_, I thought to myself. I left the store and headed straight back out of the city. I wanted to get back to Forks before anyone decided I was missing. Not that anyone would be looking for me but I wasn't taking chances. I didn't want to miss this action for anything.

I had been a good girl for the most part since arriving in Forks. One fight at school and a couple of arguments with dad was nothing compared to the shit I could do in one day in Phoenix. No the old Bella wasn't coming back but I did need my release and now I had my target.

I slipped around Forks so I entered from the south end. I was thankful for the on and off road options my bike gave me. The woods couldn't stop me and neither could the road. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do until dark so I decided just to go home.

I got to the house and parked the bike. I went inside and found the message light blinking on the machine. I hit play on the old-style machine expecting it to be dad. It wasn't.

"Bella, it's Alice. I don't know where you are but I have a favor to ask. I want you to stay near your house tonight. I know I sound strange asking but I have a good reason. Please, Bella, stay home."

I hit replay on the machine and listened to the message again. Alice seemed concerned, scared even. I erased the message and shrugged it off. No one knew what I was up to so I ignored her plea.

I went up to my room and dumped the contents of my backpack onto the bed. I put my school books away. Homework could wait till Sunday. I threw the spray can and gloves back in my bag and walked over to my computer.

I hadn't checked my e-mail in a few days and wasn't really expecting anything. I was surprised at the fact I had two messages. One was from mom and the other was anonymous. I cringed as I brought up the message from mom.

_Hello._

_How's Forks? Have you started any shit yet? Told any bullshit lies? Probably. Knowing you, your father has probably kicked you out by now. Serves you right. You've never been a decent kid anyways. Lying, stealing and shit. Oh well, you're your father's problem now._

_Mom._

I was about to hit erase but thought better of it. The bitch would someday get hers. I saved the message in an secret folder and hit open on the second message.

_Bella,_

_I'm glad you like your presents. _

_Hoping to keep you safe._

_A friend._

I read the note over and over. Even if I should be worried about a possible stalker I wasn't. My mother's message was scarier than this. I felt safe just as I did about the fact that someone had been in my room. I didn't think whoever this person was that they were out to harm me.

I made an another hidden folder and but the message in it. I wasn't really worried about anyone reading them but didn't want someone accidentally finding them.

I opened up my computerized diary and entered my password. I wrote in it and then shut the computer down. I went back downstairs and grabbed something to eat. After finishing and cleaning up, I looked at the clock. It was shortly after ten and I decided it was late enough to put my plan in action.

I went back outdoors and grabbed my bike. I revved the engine to life and took off through the woods. I wasn't taking any of the main roads to my destination. I wasn't about to get myself caught at this point.

I arrived and left my bike in the woods. I walked carefully, watching the houses for any signs of anyone watching me. I walked by the house that I was interested in and saw Mike's car sitting alone the side of the house. I walked around the block and found myself back in the woods.

I snuck up to the house from the back and shimmied my way between his car and the house. Staying down so no one could see me I put on the rubber gloves and then pulled the spray can out of the pocket of my jacket. I shook the can and then started writing on the car.

About five minutes later I tucked the can back in my pocket and admired my handiwork. I have used my non-writing hand to write the word "Dick" on the vehicle. I wasn't stupid. Dad would have recognized my handwritten immediately. The word was surrounding by a picture of a dick. Now, that, I had had done with my good hand. No one would recognize the written for the picture.

I raced back to the woods and waited. I watched to make sure no one had seen me. I could feel my heart pounding and pulse racing. I was on a natural high and loved it. I felt myself surging and knew what I needed to do next. I ran quickly back to my bike and pushed it into the woods. I didn't want anyone hearing it from this close to the scene of the crime.

"Take that you little prick." I said softly as I brought my bike to life.

I raced my way through the woods. I was going to take the long way home. The rest of my plan was to leave the bike in the woods near my house and sneak in. I would get up early and leave before dad got up. Pick up my bike and come home a few hours later. No one would be the wiser.

I came through a section of trees and into a clearing. I slammed on the brakes and stared in terror at the sight in front of me. No sooner did my bike come to a stop than I had the bike in full throttle and was racing as fast as I could away from the clearing.

I could feel the locket around my neck. It felt like it was burning my skin. My mind was racing like a movie on replay of the images I had seen in the meadow. My body was screaming in terror but I couldn't form the vocal scream to allow my mind to stop the replay.


	15. Chapter 15

**SEPTEMBER 20**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

WTF. I still don't believe what I saw tonight. How the hell did that they manage to......I can't even say it. It's just too terrifying. I got caught though. Not by Dad. He's asleep. Why the fuck am I writing this? God, I'm gonna get myself committed. I got caught by that bitch. She threatened my life. What the hell is her deal? All the shit I've done in my life and I get threatened by a self-centered bimbo who thinks I'm a snitch. Fuck this shit. I'm done with this town. How the hell am I suppose to tell anyone what I saw???? Someone would slap a straight jacket on me. Dad, if you're reading this, I did the damage to Mike Newton's car. It was funny as hell at the time. He had it coming. Ask Angela. She knows what he's been doing. Concentrate. Fuck. I love you, dad. I'm sorry I had to leave. I needed to keep you safe. Please, don't be mad. I will call when its saf..............


	16. Chapter 16

**SEPTEMBER 20 (STORY) **PART 2****

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**The inspiration for this chapter came from my playlist on YouTube. If you want to listen to it go to YouTube and type in **_isthedevilserene_** and chose the Linkin Park list.**

I felt my body being pulled off my bike. I watched in horror as my bike continued to race through the trees by itself. Suddenly I was being whipped through the tall branches as they snapped at my body.

I felt myself falling and I crashed to the forest floor. The pain shot through me. I had only felt pain like this once before. There wasn't time for me to compare. I felt my body being ripped up from the ground and I came face to face with death itself. Rosalie.

"What the hell are you doing here? Why didn't you listen to Alice? Fuck you, worthless piece of meat." She growled.

"I.....I...." I couldn't even form the words to help save my life. I felt something snap from within me. It wasn't a physical snap more an emotional one. Emotional wasn't even right. "Fuck me? Fuck you. Go back to hell, you fucking demon."

"Demon? Is that the best you can come up with? God, you are pathetic."

"Rose. Put her down."

"What so she can go back and destroy us all? You know what she is. You know what she can do."

"No, Rose. She's not like them. We all know that. Put her down."

Rosalie dropped me onto the ground. I turned terrified at what I might find behind me. Emmett. The bear himself was standing within two feet of me. I wanted to scream but that emotional snap wouldn't allow me to be frightened.

"Bella, hey." Emmett said quietly looking at me. He looked very concerned. What was he concerned about? That I would freak out? That I would tell someone what I had seen? Who would believe me?

Rosalie was instantly in my face. "You say anything to anyone and I will find you. I will hunt you down and rip your throat out."

I looked in horror at the woman. I didn't care at that moment what she was. She wasn't going to threaten me and get to walk away. I reached up and grabbed her throat knowing with what I had seen it wouldn't do any good.

"You have guts, bitch. I'll give you that." Rosalie hissed as she wrapped her hand around my wrist and squeezed. I could feel the strain on my bones. I wanted to scream in agony but my body wouldn't allow the weakness to show through.

Emmett grabbed Rosalie's arm and instantly she realize me. The look on Rosalie's face was frightening. It wasn't a killer look. It was a realization look. I pulled my hand back as I dragged myself backwards. Not out of fear but some understanding that this devil had done something wrong.

I took advantage of the situation the two were obviously involved in and ran. I knew from what I had seen in the clearing that I wasn't safe no matter what I did.

For some reason I was able to get to my bike. Of course, the bike was flooded but other than that it wasn't damaged. I couldn't figure out how that happened but I was grateful. The only thing I needed at this point was a miracle. The engine being flooded was something that left me more vulnerable than anything else.

I kept trying to kick the bike over and it thankfully roared to life. I looked behind me and found the area empty. I raced out of the woods as quickly as I could. As I drove my mind continued to replay the scene I had witnessed.

**FLASHBACK**

I came out of the tree line to enter the clearing. I was still on a high from my latest vandalism. I was so proud of the artistry that I had formed on Mike's car. It would be the talk at school for weeks to come. Hopefully, it will embarrass the little shit enough that he won't even come to school.

I looked and noticed movement in the middle of the field. The moon was shining fully onto the field thanks to the lack of clouds that still hadn't formed. I feared at first that it was the cougar or whatever it was I thought had been chasing the deer the other day. I was wrong.

There was more than one. Whatever is was there was multiple ones. I looked closer and watched their movement. They were human but they couldn't be. The movements, the speed, the growls. It couldn't possibly be human. I slammed on the brakes and watched for a moment before I realized there was a fire in one corner of the meadow.

Bodies were being thrown onto the fire. It was not just bodies but body parts and animals. I tried to scream and found the sound was stuck in my throat. I recognized one of the "humans" and knew immediately who they were. The Cullen's. They were burning people and animals.

I could hear the bodies wailing. Screaming in torturous terror. The animals were screeching in pain. I wanted to help but knew there would be nothing I could do. I feel eyes staring at me. I twitched my eyes long enough to see two sets of glowing eyes watching me. The moonlight was highlighting the gold that these things had. All of them. They all were demons.

I revved the engine of my back and spun the bike around. My high was gone. Terror had taken its place. I needed to run. I was on a mission to get away from these demons before I was tossed onto the fire with their victims.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

I dropped the bike off in the woods. I still couldn't let dad know I wasn't with Alice. No, not Alice. A demon. She wasn't human. None of them were. It wasn't possible for a human to rip a head off a body and dance around a fire as the body burned.

I snuck to the storage garage and looked around cautiously. Dad's cruiser was in the driveway. I was going to have to climb the house. I hadn't done this in years. I laughed at the memory of climbing the ladder on the side of the house when I was five. The look on dad's face as I sat on the roof playing with my dolls had been priceless now that I thought back on it.

What the hell? I'm laughing about past memories when there are human burning demons in Forks. To make things worse they had threatened my life. I'm getting the fuck out of Forks. I wanted to runaway a long time ago. Well, I have no choice now. I need to runaway to save my life for more than escaping pain.

I edged up to the house and snuck around it looking for the fire ladder these old houses had. I knew dad had cut the first four feet off the ladder that day. He was determined to keep me from climbing the house again. If only he knew that I was breaking in thirteen years later.

The full moon helped in my search. My eyes by some miracle found the ladder before my hands did. I put my hands on the bottom rung of the wooden ladder nailed against the old house and using a hand over hand motion I pulled myself up until I was able to get my feet hooked onto the ladder.

I scrambled as quickly as I could up the ladder and, as quietly as humanly possible, I made my way across the roof. I knew where dad's room was and knew how lightly I had to move. I was thankful that I had begun to leave my bedroom window open and slid inside.

I looked around the room, trying to figure out what I needed to do first. I had a runaway plan mapped out in my head a few years ago. It was necessary when living with mom and Phil. Now, I was running away from the one person in the world who cared for me. The one person who believed in me. But I was running to save his life and my own.

I went to my closet and pulled out a few jeans and shirts. I threw them into my backpack and then moved to my dresser. I grabbed the few things I would need and added them to my other clothes. I realized I would need something other than my boots and snagged my sneakers and threw them in the bag.

I stopped for a moment running through my checklist. Bathroom supplies was next. I was, again, thankful that this house only had one bathroom. I reached up to the top of the dresser and took down my bathroom bag and threw it into my backpack.

Had I needed to go to the bathroom for those things I would have been caught for sure. My bedroom door hinges need to be greased and I had never gotten around to it. I searched the room thinking again. I need a moment.

I sat on my bed and the adrenaline started to wear off. I could feel my mind want to break and have a meltdown but my soul wouldn't allow it. Something inside me was taking over. It felt like a split personality. Something wanted control. I pushed the feelings down deep and focused. I looked down at the floor and realized the most important thing I would need.

I pulled my jackknife out of the side pocket of my backpack and used it to pry up one of the boards in the floor. I had found this hiding spot as a child and had been storing money in it as a personal piggy bank.

I wasn't sure exactly how much money was there but knew it would be enough to give me a good start away from Forks. I couldn't chance using my bank card. Dad would have people watching for it. That was the reason for the prepaid credit card I had in my possession also.

Disappearing into thin air was a tricky thing to do. But with years of working out the details I knew what to do and not. Plus having a cop for a father allows you inside information that helped.

I thought for a moment. I needed to leave something for dad. He needed to know I didn't leave because of him. I went to my computer. A cryptic message in my diary would let him know. I wouldn't mention any names or what I had seen. I couldn't. No one could ever know. I wouldn't put anyone in danger from the monsters.

I sat at my computer and let it boot up. I went through my list once more in my head and decided that I had everything I could chance taking with me. I needed to travel light. My plan had never included the bike but being here in Forks, officially the middle of nowhere, I would need it. The question was where to go.

I would figure that out on the road to Seattle. I opened my diary from its private folder and quickly entered my password. I started writing. I felt a gust of air and as I turned to see where it had come from I saw a pair of the glowing eyes descending on me.

I reached for my knife that was sitting beside my computer. I was grateful for not putting it back in my pack. Before I even had a chance to pull it out I was being smother forcefully. My locket was burning my skin and I was suddenly terrified. I felt everything around me close in and go back as I was being suffocated.

It was a short time I felt my body being throw against something hard. I remained silent as my mind fought with my body for control. I needed to clear my head of the fogginess that was flowing around my head. It was a bizarre feeling. The fog felt heavy and thick. Slowly, the clouds in my mind began to evaporate.

I didn't chance opening my eyes. I need to know what was happening but I would have to figure it out with my other senses. I needed whoever had grabbed me to think I was still unconscious.

I felt with my hand without moving it and recognized the dirt beneath me. My sense of smell confirmed it. Wherever I was it was musky and humid. It was cold. I could here some water dripping in an echoing sound somewhere in the distance. There was a slight breeze.

I reached out my senses more, waiting for confirmation of more information. I could hear something moving. No, not just moving. Pacing. It was pacing around a few feet away from me. It would move to my right about five paces and then left about five. It was waiting. It wanted me to wake up.

I heard more movement. I could tell the differences between the two sounds. One was walking on two legs and the other on multiple. Human and animal. "Human". That was a joke.

With everything I had seen tonight, nothing around me was human. I was surrounded by monsters. I waited for more information. It wouldn't come.

"I know you're awake, little girl. So open those ugly eyes of yours." It was a musical voice like the Cullen's but rougher. It was filled with anger.

I slowly opened my eyes and as they focused I found myself face to face with a she-devil. Even in the dim light the fire in her hair burned brightly around her. She was pale like the Cullen's but her skin was rough and worn. She was wild in every way.

I looked into her eyes and found one more difference between her and the Cullen's. Red. Her eyes were the color of blood. I was more terrified than I thought I could get. Something inside me told me that she was more dangerous to me than the Cullen's ever were. What did she want with me? Why would she grab me from my home?

My house. Dad? Was he alive? Was he safe? I needed to survive whatever was going on. I needed to know he was safe. Even with my hatred for men, he was still my father. He was my protection. He was my one reason for survival.

"You weak little pathetic human. What makes you so special? Tell me." She roared in my face. I could feel my eardrums scream in agony from the piercing her voice was causing.

"What?" I couldn't understand what she wanted. Special? Me? There was nothing about me that should make her think that.

She reached down and snatched me up by my hair. I could feel the hair ripping from my skull. I opened my mouth to scream but that emotional snap inside me from earlier returned and refused to budge. I looked at her defiantly as if watching from inside myself the scene playing out.

"Let go of me, bitch." What the hell? Why would I want to provoke this demon? My locket was burning me. It wasn't painful but the moment she came within striking distance of me it reacted. I was shaking inside but my body remain strong.

"Bitch, you just asked for a world of pain and torture." She shrieked as she threw me across the small space. I still had no idea where I was.

I clambered backwards away from the teeth that snapped at me. I stared wide-eyed at the beast in front of me. It was a wolf. A huge wolf. It was chained against the wall. It was snarling at me. It wanted me. If it could have reached me, its jaws would rip me apart.

I felt a crack in my leg and felt the pain travel up my body forcing me to swallow the contents of my stomach that had involuntary moved into my mouth. I looked and found the woman had crushed my leg. She was sneering at me with pride. I could see she wasn't satisfied.

"Scream for me. Come on, you puny little human. Scream and make me happy."

"Fuck you, slut." That other side was taking over again. I wanted it to stop. It was only making my situation worse but I had no control. I felt trapped within my own body.

She flew into a rage and instantly appeared next to the wolf. "I don't care what I was told. You will not live to speak that way again, human." I stared in horror as she heaved the chain holding the wolf out of the wall.

She leaned down and pet the animal's head. Talking to the animal, while looking at me, she asked, "Do you want her? Would you like to suck the blood from her body, my pet?"

Pet? That was this psycho's pet? I was in way more trouble than before. She had control over this animal. It wasn't a normal animal either. It's eyes were red like hers. It was smelling me. It wanted to kill me. It just needed to be released. The only thing stopping it was her.

A number of things happened at one time. Her hand let go of the beast. It lunged towards me. As it came close enough for me to feel the heat of its breath it was slammed sideways. I looked around and found the woman scream in anger.

I turned my attention back to the beast and found it was wrestling and striking out with its jaws at the monster, I wasn't calling anything human after this, that was holding it down. I watched as the monster twisted and turned on the ground with the dog. The monster landed on the beast's back and wrench its head around and split the head from the body.

I felt air swoosh by me and swung my head around in enough time to see the flaming red of the woman's hair as she exited the cave. That's what I had been in. A cave. I fell back against the ground and covered my eyes were my forearms. This was unreal. It couldn't be anything else. This shit just didn't exist.

I laid there for a long time. I wasn't sure how long it was. Time had seemed to stop. An hour was a minute and a minute was an hour. I scrambled backwards as I felt someone's hands grip my arms.

"It's okay. You're safe." A heavy sounding voice whispered.

"Safe?" I didn't even understand the meaning of the word anymore.

"Come on. Let's get you out of here before she comes back."

I felt my body being lifted and carried like a small child out of the cave. I chanced looking over the shoulder of my savior and saw a fire from within the cave and the burning body of the wolf.

I tucked my head into the neckline of the "thing" carrying me, trying to block out the pain shooting up my leg and realized my locket was cold as ice.


	17. Chapter 17

**SEPTEMBER 21**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

I don't even know where to start. I can't say a lot in here diary. Life went from fucked up in my head to fucked up in reality very quick in the last 24 hours. I was attacked by an evil fucking bitch. I have a crushed leg. And the worst part is I am now a prisoner to the Cullen's. I have to spend the night with......fuck I can't even write the words. At least the monster isn't happy about it either. I can't handle this anymore. How am I suppose to continue living life like there is no dangers running across this world? I don't know what to think. It's too dangerous to write anything. If anyone finds out what I know.....I don't even want to think about the dangers they could be exposed to. I don't even want to be part of this fucking shit.

Bella


	18. Chapter 18

**SEPTEMBER 21 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Shout out to all my friends and supporters. You all know who you are especially Katzenpfote.**

**This is a bit of a filler chapter. It does answer a couple of questions but also asks a few more. Hoping to have the next chapter up by tomorrow.**

I felt my body being gently laid down onto a pillow of clouds. I heard myself scream as the pain shot through my leg. I say "heard" because I felt detached from reality. Everything around me was void of sense and sensibility. My world had been turned upside down.

I had seen in the past few hours that would have driven a normal person insane. My mind didn't work the same as anyone else's. It couldn't. If it did I would have shut down. I wouldn't be able to even comprehend the images my eyes had seen.

I laid silent on the clouds and felt as if I had left the world of the living. I had to be dead. Life couldn't ever be so messed up. But if I was dead, why was I feeling pain? Searing pain was ripped and tearing its way through the muscle, tendons and bone in my leg.

I could hear voices. Magical voices of angels. They were speaking to each other and to me. Were they singing to me? The musical tones in their heavenly voices floated to my ears. I couldn't understand the language just the beauty of the sounds.

I slowly opened my eyes. Everything swirled with colors and lights. The world reminded me of a dust storm. The twisting and turning of the shades and depths of the shadows. I focused as hard as I could. I wanted to see, hear, understand everything and everyone.

I needed to come back to the world and make everything know I had survived the nightmare I had been involved in. I needed to run. I needed to protect my father. I needed to protect myself. I couldn't allow the demons to burn me.

"Bella?" An angel's voice sang quietly to me. I forced my eyes to see with clarity the face of the angel. I want to know who had spoken to me. I needed to know if this angel was the same one who had saved me.

Saved me? I was in a cave. Teeth. There were teeth and a red devil. Her hair wrapping her face in amber red and vibrant oranges. She wanted me dead. She let loose a beast on me.

My eyes suddenly focused and I found myself surrounded by monsters, demons. I screamed in terror and then in pain as I threw myself of the bed and using my broken leg pushed myself against the wall.

"Bella. It's okay. We won't hurt you. I promise."

I looked into the golden eyes of the man who not even one minute ago was an angel. He wasn't an angel he was a monster hidden behind a halo of fire. The gleaming white of his perfectly sharp teeth. His pale marble skin. His captivating smell of intoxicating fragrance.

His smell. He was the thing that saved me from the woman and her beast. He saved my life. I was confused. How could I have seen him and his family ripping and burning people and animals and the next time I see him, he's rescuing me? I put out my hand waving him away from me. I needed to care for myself. He and the others couldn't be trusted.

"Stay the fuck away from me." I screamed through the pain in my leg. I looked down and saw it bending in a strange way. I felt the agony shooting up past my knee and into my thigh. Suddenly, everything around me went calm.

I could feel the waves of silence and peace penetrating my body, vibrating around me. I could hear the gentleness of the world begging me to relax and savor the power of the serenity it offered.

"Bella, can I come near you? I promise I won't hurt you." Alice asked cautiously. She slowly inched her way toward me. I could see through the emotional fog swirling within my skull that she was shortening the distance between us.

She had both hands extended and was looking straight at me with fear and remorse. The look on her face was excruciating. She was trying not to frighten me. To show me that she was sorry for everything that I had been through.

Whatever it was that had an emotional hold on me allowed her to advanced unguarded and without malice. I waited as she knelt in front of me, still looking into my eyes. She reached down and touched my hand instantly making my skin like ice.

"Bella, we aren't a danger to you. We're not the ones who stole you from your home. Carlisle needs to look at your leg. Will you let him?" She asked calmly.

My mind was spinning with euphoria as I watched Alice's movements in front of me. I wasn't sure if I should be scared and scream or not. My locket wasn't reacting to anything or anyone in the room which I was being to decide was a good thing.

"Only him?" I asked with a commanding tone.

"Yes, if that's what you would like."

I nodded unsure if I could keep the tone up. I watched as the pale man slowly advanced on me. I could see the look in his eyes. He was kind and full of compassion. I knew he was a doctor at the hospital and was sure he could help me and my leg.

His hands were cold like Alice's. The coolness was soothing against the heat scorching its way through my leg. I closed my eyes and fell back against the wall concentrating on the soothing ease that my leg was receiving.

After Carlisle had tended to my leg, I tested my balance on the crutches I had been given. I looked around the room and found a few of the demons had left. I was being watched by Edward, Alice and Carlisle.

The calming emotions that had been swimming inside my head were slowly slipping away and I could feel my nervousness returning. I looked quickly around the room trying to decide what I should do. I wouldn't be able to run. The cast Carlisle had put on my leg would prevent that.

"Can you explain to me what is going on?" I needed answers. I decided since it was obvious I wasn't going anywhere without assistance I should get them.

"Bella.....I don't think it would be safe for you to know more than what you do." Edward said quietly from the other side of the room.

"Hold on a second. I get threatened by your 'sister', attacked by that bitch, have a dog try to rip my throat out and you are saying I'm safer not knowing. Fuck you, monster. I deserve to know why I almost lost my life." I could see Edward cringe at the word "monster". Why would he think I wouldn't call him that? Isn't that what his family is.

"She has a point, Edward. She deserves to know." Alice agreed with me. She turned from Edward and looked quietly back at me. "What would you like to know?"

My other side, whatever it was, pushed its way to the surface and started to ask the questions. I could hear the words escaping my lips once again watching a live video from within my body. "Who are you and why are you here?"

At Alice's request, I sat at one end of the couch as she sat at the other. "We're not monsters. Not in the way you think. We're different from our kind. We're nothing like the others. You've noticed the cold skin and our eyes. I know you've been wondering about them. We have incredible speed, hearing, eyesight. You know what we are, Bella. I've seen it. You know but you don't realize you know."

"How the hell would I know? I've never seen anything like you before. I would've remembered that."

"No, you haven't but your mind has already figured it out. The trauma Victoria put you through has caused your mind to protect itself and that's why you can't figure it out."

"Stop talking with cryptic words, Alice. Just fucking tell me."

"Bella, you've heard the myths about vampires, haven't you?"

I thought for a moment about what Alice was asking me. I had heard stories. I never paid a lot of attention to them. Why would I ever have listened to them? I wasn't interested in those types of books or movies. I threw myself through what I knew. As I thought about the things I had seen, the things I had noticed, my mind screamed the answer. They couldn't be, could they?

I looked at Alice and her eyes. I turned my head towards Carlisle and his pale skin. My eyes pulled involuntarily towards Edward and remembered how everything about him dazzled me. My mind started to twirl around the little information I knew. Everything was making sense. Everything was terrifying.

_I'm in a house with blood sucking vampires. I'm food to them._ I needed to get out of here. I needed to run, hide, protect myself from the devil's running throughout the world. I could feel my eyes widen with the realization of what was happening to my tiny section of the world.

"Bella, calm down, please. I promise we won't hurt you."

"Stay the fuck away from me." I screamed in Alice's face. I wasn't scared. I was angry. Angry at the idea that I was almost killed by a vampire. A creature that wasn't suppose to exist outside stories and children's nightmare had threatened to kill me. "Your sister threatened to kill me. Don't fucking promise me anything. I can't believe anything you tell me."

I could feel a sudden wave of peace creep into my head. I shook my head and felt my other side fighting back. "Whoever has that ability can stop now. I won't allow my emotions to be controlled."

I saw the look of shock appear on Edward and Alice's faces. What was it I had done to shock the monsters? I pushed my winning moment for more. "I want to go home. NOW! And you will all stay away from me."

I watched as they spoke to each other. I was calmly evaluating the situation. I reached up and grabbed my locket. I began thinking about everything that had been said. The bitch who had let the dog loose on me had to be Victoria. That was the name Alice had mentioned. Why would she be interested in me? What was so special about me?

I found the vampires staring at me. I stared back, refusing to let them win over their next victim. "Why were you burning the people and animals?" I asked without thinking.

"They were newborns. Victoria and her group created them. We don't know why. She was doing something we've never seen. She's creating animal-vampire hybrids. The only way to kill a vampire is to rip them apart and burn the pieces. That's what we were doing." Carlisle answered.

I had forgotten he was even in the room. "Is it normal for you to threaten humans?"

"No. Rosalie has already been spoken too about that. I'm sorry for that, Bella." Edward answered moving closer.

My inner strength, as I was starting to see my other side, took over. "Back off and stay away."

"Bella, I could never harm you."

"I don't care. I want to go home." I hissed at Edward as he stopped and watched me carefully.

"Bella, it's not safe for you to be outside right now. Victoria has a sick fascination for you and we're not sure what it is. Until we can catch her, we need to keep you safe." Alice answered.

"What about my father?"

"Jasper and Emmett are watching over him." Carlisle replied.

"Telling me that blood-suckers watching over him is suppose to convince me that he is safe. Yea, right. He's in as much danger from you as I am from Victoria."

"If she can't get to you, she will go after him. We protect humans, Bella. We're not like normal vampires."

"Bullshit, do you kill for your food?"

"Well, yes." Alice answered. I could see she knew where I was going with my question.

"So you're just as bad as the 'others' of your kind. A life is a life no matter what. So if I am suppose to be your prisoner, then what are you going to do with me? If I don't come home he will come here."

"Why would he come here?" Edward asked curiously.

"I told him I was spending the night here. I'm sure you know what the fuck I did to Mike's car."

"Sorry, Bella, we haven't had time to run around looking at your extracurricular activities." Edward said annoyed.

"Don't fucking give me attitude, monster." I had found his one weakness and would continue to exploit it. I could see how much it was affecting him.

"Well, if I don't go home he will come here to find out why I didn't come home and then what? What will you tell him?" I asked with a smug look.

"Bella, will you call him and tell him you're staying here again tonight?" Carlisle asked. I realized it wasn't so much a question as a request.

"No. I want to go home and one way or another I will." I needed to be there. Dad had to be protected. I needed to be there to make sure he was okay.

"Okay, Bella. You can go home but someone will be there with you." Carlisle decided. He looked at Edward. "You'll be with her at night and Alice during the day. Esme and I will switch off with Emmett and Jasper."

I noticed Rosalie's name was never mentioned. Good. I didn't want that bitch anywhere near me. Wait. Did they just decide Edward was staying with my at night? What the fuck? "Why is the monster watching me at night?"

"Because this monster is the one who saved you from Victoria." Edward snarled and walked out of the room.

I absently played with my locket. I suddenly felt guilty for the way I had treated him. He was my savior. A man. A vampire.

"It'll be okay, Bella. There's some things about your future I can't see but everything will be okay with you two." Alice answered the unspoken words.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why would I care? He's a man and a monster. Well, fuck, they are both the same thing anyways." I spat at her.

"Not all men are monsters. I wish I could see your past. I would like to understand why you hate men so much."

"You will never know. I knew there was a reason you and I would never be friends. All of this is the reason. When this is over, I want you to stay away from me and never speak to me again. Do you understand?"

Alice answered but didn't seem convinced, "Okay." Something in her face told me that my request wouldn't be fulfilled.

I accepted Carlisle's hand and stepped carefully out of his car. I looked at the house and found dad on the front step. He came running down and scooped me up in his arms. "Bells, are you alright. When Carlisle called I was frantic."

The story was that I had fallen down the stairs at the Cullen house and broken my leg. I was sure dad wouldn't believe it but being the klutz that I was, he had been totally convinced.

"Thank you for taking care of her, Carlisle. I appreciate it." Dad said as he held me tight.

"It's fine. I would like to see her soon, Chief Swan, to make sure the break is healing properly." Carlisle answered.

I didn't hear anything else. I looked around the yard and found my bike in its spot on the side of the house and noticed there was nothing wrong with it. I scanned the woods, knowing that there were demons out there protecting my father and I. It didn't make me feel any safer but being in my father's arms and knowing he was unharmed definitely did.

"Come on, Bells. Let's get you inside." Dad said as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

I hugged him tightly as he carried me into the house. He placed me carefully on the couch. I reluctantly released him. My father was the only man in my life that I trusted. I was truly his little girl. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could before I was forced to be confined with the two things I hated most in life. Edward the man and Edward the monster.


	19. Chapter 19

**SEPTEMBER 22**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Just a quick note. The reason for the long pause after chapter 16 is for two reasons. One, life got in the way again. Two, I had an inspiration for the story and debated too long over whether to take this story in that direction. I decided not to do it. I will save it for another story. **

**Please enjoy some Edward and Bella time.**

Dear diary,

The last night was strange. I'm not sure how I feel. I'm confused. I spent the night with Edward. Not in that way either. I'm not sure whether he is a monster or not. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I'm spending the day with Alice. She is a little demon-pixie. She's downstairs waiting for a question and answer period. I want answers and so does she. I'm certain what some of her questions will be, others I'm not so sure. Wish me luck.

TTYL

Bella


	20. Chapter 20

**SEPTEMBER 22 (STORY) **PART 1****

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**A big shout out to my favorite authors Merkle, edwardandbellabelong2gether, Spider-Monkey-Forever, xxManderz2011xx, outofmytree, Cella72 and, of course, Katzenpfote. **

**Check out their stuff. They all have wonderful imaginations.**

Dad and I talked till late into the night. I knew he was tired but I was trying to put off the upcoming "alone" time I was being forced into with the man of all nightmares.

Dad was falling asleep on the couch when I realized how selfish I was being to him. I shook him and told him it was bedtime. He stood up and stretched his body. He reached down and scooped me up again into his arms.

"Dad, I can walk." I giggled.

"I know but how often have I had the chance to baby my baby?" He asked smiling at me. I could feel the love and understood how much I needed him in my life.

I couldn't believe I was about to run away from him. I would have to remember to erase that section in my diary. I couldn't ever take the chance of him finding out how close he came to losing his little girl, again.

Dad carried me to the kitchen and sat me on the chair, being careful with my leg. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and walked to the fridge. "So what would you like? Pop, milk, water, juice?"

"Juice will be fine, dad." I answered smiling. I waited for the next part as he poured the juice in the largest glass we had in the house.

"What type of sandwich would my little girl like?" He asked without looking at me. I could hear the thrill of the game in his voice.

We had played this game when I was a child. He would list everything in the fridge, pour me a tall glass of something to drink, make me a sandwich and juggle everything up the stairs, including me, into my room.

I waited for him to make the tuna salad sandwich. I watched in amazement as he picked me up off the chair while holding my juice in one hand and the plated sandwich in the other. I wasn't sure till he had accomplished the miraculous feat that he could do that with a teenage girl. I loved my father for his many talents.

We made our way up the stairs and towards my room. I was nervous about what would be waiting in my room. Would the room be empty? Would a monster be lurking in my closet? Which monster would it be?

Dad kicked the door open and using his elbow flick the light on into my room. I looked around quickly and found it empty. I sighed relieved.

Dad misunderstood my sigh. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm still strong enough to handle my baby girl. I won't drop you ever."

I couldn't do anything but smile as he placed me gently on the bed. He put my drink and food on the table next to me. He left the room and quickly returned with a pillow that he had retrieved from the hall closet. He gently raised my leg and put it down on the pillow.

Dad, then, did something that was never part of our game. He sat on the edge of the bed and pushed a piece of hair out of my face. "I love you, Bella. You know that, right?"

Dad and I had never shown our emotional bonds to each other and it was kind of scary. I wasn't sure how to respond but felt honesty was the best thing. "I love you too, dad."

He leaned in and hugged me. "If you want to talk about anything, I'm just down the hallway." He pulled away, stood and walked to the door.

I could feel a tear roll down my cheek. I truly did love my father and even more the new man standing in front of me. I knew my voice would fail me so I nodded my answer to him.

After he closed the door and then the door to his room, I made my way to my computer. I opened my diary and stared at the screen. After everything I had been told and had seen, I wasn't sure how much information was safe to enter. I tried to be vague but not vague enough that years from now I wouldn't be able to remember the details.

I shut down the computer and spun around carefully to make my way back to my bed. I nearly fell off the chair as I saw the sight in my window. Edward.

"Do you mind? I have had enough intrusions for one day." I stated irritated at his presence.

"Trust me, this isn't a thrill for me either." Edward said growling.

"So leave."

"I'm not allowed. I have to continue to protect you no matter how much it kills me." Edward stated closing the window.

"Leave it open." I said as I hopped back onto my bed. This cast was going to be a pain. Literally. The throbbing was something I could do without.

"Does it hurt?"

"Do you care?"

"Listen, can't we at least try to be civil to each other? I did save your life."

"What, so you can take it away when this is all over?"

"What?" Edward looked horrified by my question.

"I've seen the way you look at me. You wanted to kill me that day in the woods. I saw it in your eyes."

"You have no idea what you saw. Look, believe whatever you want. I don't care. If you want your life over that badly, I'll make you a deal. When this crisis is over, if you still want to die, I'll do it for you."

"Fine. Can I go to sleep now?" I was horrified the quickness of his answer. Was I that much of a temptation to him? Was he that willing to take my life?

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." I lied pathetically.

"Fine, whatever. Just thought I would make the first step at being friends."

"Friends. Right. You just offered to end my life. What's wrong, monster? Can't handle my smell?" I waved my hand so my scent would float in his direction.

Before I realized what was happening, he was on me. I was pinned to the bed under his weight and strength. I felt my body react to the intrusion. My mind shut down and an animalistic fear of self-preservation took over. His hand was covering my mouth, trapping my screams in my throat. I kicked and punched him as hard as I could. I thrashed around on the bed as terrifying images of that night in Phoenix came flooding to the surface.

"I'm not a monster. I'm a man who can control himself. I love your smell. It's intoxicating to me but I would never cause you any harm." He said very slowly in my ears.

I stopped screaming and fighting. I knew it wouldn't do any good. I looked into his eyes as he pulled his head back. I don't know what he saw in them but he threw himself backwards against the wall. I stared in pure confusion what I had done to make him react so quickly.

He sunk to the floor and sobbed into his arms that he had folded over his legs. I heard a cry of pain and anguish from somewhere outside. I covered my face with my hands and cried.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry." Was all he could say.

I looked up as I felt the bed move. I knew he had returned to my bed. He could've been completely silent in his actions but he wanted my to know that he was near again. I could see the sorrow in his eyes. His beautiful golden eyes were turning black. I knew he was truly sorrow for what he had done.

It didn't matter. He was now another man in my life who had hurt me. Had taken away my choices. "It's fine." I lied. I knew he could see through my lies.

A moment later, he had me in his arms. "I promise you only one thing, Bella. When this is all over I will leave. I will leave Forks and never come back. I won't be another man in your life that you need to fear."

I felt the uncontrolled need to hug him. "Please, don't be another man in my life to make promises that you won't keep. I don't want or need it. I just need a friend." It was the truth. I did need a friend. He might not be the type of friend I wanted but he was what I needed.

"Okay, no promises. Now sleep. We have tomorrow night to talk." He answered as he leaned against the head board of my bed and pulled me with him.

I felt strangely secure in his arms. The cold seeping into my body. I could feel sleep winding its way into my thoughts. I slowly drifted into another world without another sound being uttered between us.

I found myself in a beautiful meadow. The wind was blowing softly through the trees lining the edge of the circle. The smell it carried on its back with captivating. The fresh grass, flowers, trees were all riding along with the cleanliness of the air. The ground was soft and a sea of so many colors. The ground looked like a rainbow of magical colors. They swayed gently against the wind, dancing with it. I felt free and then suddenly scared.

Dark storm clouds fought for dominance. The sun slowly lost its battle. The grass and flowers covering the surface of the meadow wither and died. They turned black and then there was nothing. I felt a cold ripping wind, tearing at me. I turned afraid of what I knew was coming through the trees. Their vibrant green branches were brown and hanging as if death itself was coming for me.

Then he appeared. In his black robe and piercing red eyes. His smell washed over me, grounding me into place. I couldn't outrun him, outfight him. He owned me in that moment. As he descend on me I could smell the fear in the air that traveled with him. I took one look around for a savior, an angel to rescue me and knew there were none. I opened my mouth and with a gurgle as my life fell from my body, I screamed one word. Phil.

I woke up and sat straight up. I was screaming a blood curdling scream of dread and felt arms instantly around me. "I'm not going anywhere, I prom......I'll be nearby."

"Bella, baby. Are you okay?" I heard my father's voice enter my room. I was in his arms.

I cried so violently. I held him unaware of anything. I clung to my father as waves of ease swept gently through my body. I felt light and weightless as I drifted into a world of calm. I loved my father but at this moment I didn't feel safe and protected in his arms. I needed something other than his fatherly protection.

"I'm fine now, dad. It was just another nightmare."

"I'm never letting anyone hurt you again. I promise." He believed what he was saying but in truth it was a lie. He couldn't protect me. He had never been there to keep me safe. He was like the rest. He was pain and torment.

I wanted him to leave so I laid back onto the bed and fell quickly into a unreceptive slumber. I woke a short time later feeling cold. I shivered and felt a blanket being wrapped around me.

"I understand why you don't want promises. I will never promise you anything again. I will only prove my words to you, Bella. I will protect you from all the hurt and ugliness this world has." I heard Edward whisper in my ear as he pulled me tighter into his arms.

I did feel strangely safe and secure from a man who wanted nothing but to taste my blood. I drifted into another but more peaceful sleep.

I woke the next morning to voices from downstairs. I knew my father's voice and a woman's. I listened more carefully and recognized it as Alice's. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. Edward was sitting on the edge of my bed.

His eyes were smiling at me. "Morning."

"Hello." I replied. "So the second shift is here."

"She arrived a few minutes ago. I'm leaving for now. I need to feed. But I'll be back and I'll stay close by if you need me."

I didn't want to admit that in some weird way I did. I did feel secure and safe around Edward but I would never let him know that. Maybe, having him as a friend wouldn't be such a bad thing. Was it possible to be friends with a demon?

"Okay. Edward. Can I ask you a question? If you don't consider yourself a killer, what do you eat?"

"Later, I'll tell you tonight." And with those words, he flew out the window, silently closing it behind him.

I watched and wondered if it was him who had given me my locket.

"Bella, it's Alice." Her voice rang from outside my door.

I didn't turn from the window. "Come in, Alice."

I continued to look at the window as I felt the bed jiggle. I turned to the little pixie as she giggled.

"He gets under everyone's skin after a while."

I threw my blankets off. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Alice Cullen."

"Yeah, right. You'll see. You'll admit it sooner or later. I know how he feels about you."

"Don't worry, Alice. He told me."

"He what??" Alice looked surprised.

"He loves my scent. He would kill me if he wanted to the monster I claimed he was."

"Silly human. You still don't understand. He loves more than your scent." Alice chuckled.

"Stupid vampire. I swear whatever you're thinking, it won't happen." I knew exactly what she was saying. I was being truthful. I wouldn't allow the thin ice Edward and I were standing on to be cracked because of some fascination over me, the human.

"I've seen it, Bella. It will."

"Seen what? Wait, what do you mean 'seen'?" I was completely confused.

"I'll explain later. Right now, daddy has breakfast waiting for his little girl. Come on, let's get you dressed."

Alice walked to my closet and rummaged through my clothes. "You need a serious update, Bella."

"I happen to like my clothes and after what I saw in your room, no thanks. I don't think this house could handle you shopping for me." I chuckled. Everything felt easy around Alice. I was less anxious and frightened of her. She may be one of them but she didn't act like it.

"Well, what would you like to wear?" She asked disappointedly.

"Well, my jeans are out of the question so whatever you find." I answered.

By the time she had finished making into a Barbie-Bella, I looked in the mirror. She had chosen a knee length black shirt that flared around my legs. She had paired it with a dark blue t-shirt style dress shirt. My make-up and hair were in my normal style.

I reached for my crutches and headed slowly to the door. "So, what's for breakfast?"

"Your father wouldn't let me anywhere near the kitchen but it smells awful."

"Great."

"It probably won't taste awful, Bella. All human food smells the same to me. Gross." She chuckled.

We went downstairs and I made my way to the kitchen. "Bella, baby. How are you this morning?"

"Fine." I answered as my father gave me a hug and helped me into a chair. I realized Alice had put my glass and plate from my room in the sink. She was preceptive.

I mouthed the words 'thank you' at her and turned my attention to the scrambled eggs and toast dad had made for me.

"Bella, do you mind if I go to Billy's today? Alice said she'd spend the day with you. I would rather you not be by yourself today."

There was something in the way dad talked that made my blood run cold. It was like he knew something but wasn't going to say it. "I'll be fine, dad. You go and get those fish. The freezer only has a six month supply. Actually, the way you eat, it's only a three month supply."

Dad smiled and kissed my forehead before heading to the hallway. I watched as he gathered up his rod and tackle box. "I love you, Bells."

"Me too, dad."

After he was gone, I turned to Alice and stated with a dead tone in my voice. "You and I have some things to discuss. I want answers. Full answers."

She cringed. "I'll answer yours if you answer mine. I have a few of my own."

Now it was my turn to cringe. I could easily guess what she wanted to know. I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer them.


	21. Chapter 21

**SEPTEMBER 22**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Alice can be very irritating. I asked my questions. She answered some of them and others she avoided. She keeps pushing wanting to know why I hate men so much. She acts like she knows something about Edward and I that I don't. I haven't an idea of how to handle everything but I've decided to take it one step at a time for now. I think I can handle the idea of he and I being friends. For some reason Alice thinks that her bitch sister and I should sit and have a talk. Right! Put me in the same room as her and I'll "talk". Great, Edward. Got to go.

Night

Bella


	22. Chapter 22

**SEPTEMBER 22 (STORY) **PART 2****

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

I finished my breakfast and started to hobble my way to the sink. I ran the water and did up the dishes I had been neglecting for the past few days. Neglecting, that was an interesting way of looking at it. I turned to ask Alice for a cloth from the drawer and found she was gone.

"Alice?" I called out, finding I was starting to panic. Instantly, she was by my side.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"You didn't." I lied. I was doing a lot of that lately.

"You can't lie to me, Bella. I know when you do." Alice answered calmly.

"How?" I might as well start the question period with the easy questions.

"Your heartbeat. It beats faster when you lie." She answered plainly. She was acting as if the answer would be obvious.

"You can hear my heartbeat?" I asked astonished.

"I can hear more than that." She answered realizing that it wasn't so obvious to me. "Let's finish cleaning and we'll talk."

After the dishes were finished, we made our way to the living room. I was shocked to find the room was clean. Everything was put away, no dust, no one thing out of place.

I looked comically at the young woman. "Did you do this?"

"Yes. I did it while you were doing the dishes."

"But you were only gone for a few moments."

"We have incredible speed too."

"We seriously need to talk." I had too many questions running around in my head. If I didn't start asking them, they were going to overwhelm me.

"So how do you want to do this? Do you want to play 20 questions or just question for question?" She asked as she helped me get settled on the couch.

I pulled my cast onto the couch and positioned myself comfortably. I knew this would be a long conversation. "Let's start question for question and go from there."

She sat on the arm of the couch and waited for me to start. "So explain the super hearing. What can you hear?"

At first I thought Alice was thinking about the answer to the question, but as she spoke I realized she was listening for her answer. "I can hear the wind whistling through the trees. I can hear Emmett running around the woods outside the house, the chipmunk in the trees searching for food. I can hear the squeak of the floorboards under the couch every time you move. I can hear your heartbeat. I....."

I watched her listen intently to an something that I was unaware of. "Can you hear your prey or whatever it is you feed on?"

"Oh no you don't, Miss. Swan. Question for question, remember?" She said smiling at me. I could see she was still listening to whatever it was.

"Fine. Fire. What's your question?" I said slightly annoyed.

"Why did you move to Forks?" She asked quietly.

She was starting with the questions I didn't want to answer. She was going to force the issues. "To be with my dad. He needed me. My turn. Answer my last question?"

"Our prey, as you call it, breathes and has a heartbeat. So that is one way we hunt for it. My turn. What about your mom? Don't you miss her?"

"No. I don't miss her at all." I was going to refuse to answer these questions. She would get the non-socializing answers I gave everyone. "My turn, you said that hearing your prey was one way of hunting them. What other way to you hunt them?"

"Smell. We can smell their scent. Their blood, their skin, everything about them. The same way their mate can tell they're in heat."

"Wait, does that mean....."

"No way, my turn. Who's Phil?"

I shuddered. I hated that name and the fear rose in me. "My mother's husband."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you." Alice said calmly. My heart pounding through my chest and I knew it was giving me away.

"Let's keep going. What do you hunt, Alice?" I was sure now I knew the answer.

"Animals. We hunt whatever animal is around the area we live in but we try to hunt the ones who are in overindulgence within that area."

I thought about it. I was beginning to have too many questions to continue this game. "Okay, we need to switch. 20 questions. I need to ask more than one."

"Okay, who starts?" She asked patiently.

"Let me, I'm only going to live for another 75 years."

Alice laughed. It was true though. From what I did know about vampires they lived forever. I started shooting questions at Alice about her heightened senses, her hunting talents, her family structure. I received the answers as quickly as I asked them.

Each answer led to another slue of questions and before I knew it the sun was setting. I was exhausted but not even close to satisfied with my questioning. I had only scratched the surface. I hadn't even moved out of the realm of her family's lifestyle. I wanted to know so much more.

"Bella, we have plenty of time to continue the questions. For now, we should start supper for you and your dad. I can hear the growl in your stomach." Alice stated. "Plus, Edward will rip me apart if I don't feed you."

Edward, again. "Why would he care?"

"You two are friends. Right?"

"So, why would he care if I ate or not?"

"Bella, Edward is different from anyone I've ever met. He values you more than you realize. Please give him a chance to be your friend and possibly more." She was pleading.

"Maybe." I wasn't promising her anything.

She showed me her strength and picked me up like I was a tiny child and carried me into the kitchen. I laughed loudly. I was really beginning to like Alice. She was carefree and whimsical. She made life fun.

She watching with her jaw hanging open as I pulled food out of the fridge. "What the hell are you making? That's a lot of food."

I laughed. "You'll see how human hunt."

I threw some vegetables over my shoulder, knowing that she would catch them with ease. I had tested her hand/eye coordination earlier in the afternoon. "Hey, Alice. Question. What happens if you get stabbed with a knife?"

"Bounces off. My skin is very strong. Why?"

"Catch." I chuckled as I threw the knife in her direction. She wasn't freaked out. She had seen it coming. Whether from her superior eyesight or her freakish visions, I wasn't sure.

"And just what do you want me to do with this?"

I hopped over to a drawer and pulled out a cutting board. I made my way to the table and laid everything out. "Cut everything up for me."

She looked at the knife and then at the vegetables. "What?"

"Alice, how long have you been a vampire?" I said as I took the knife and starting cutting the items laying on the table.

"Over 70 years. Why?"

"Don't you remember being human? Preparing, cooking and eating human food."

"I don't remember anything about my human life. I only remember waking up from a bad nightmare and being me." She announced without any thought.

"Oh." That's all I could say. I wondered what that would be like. No memories if your life had been good or bad. No memories if your family had been happy and fulfilling. I was kind of sad for her. In a strange way, I wish I could have that happen to me. All my anger over my past gone.

"Don't feel bad, Bella. I'm happy. I'm curious about my past but that's what it is. My past. I'm happy I know what I know. I don't have any knowledge about family who is probably long dead now. I have no information about friends who were left behind wondering about me. I wouldn't want to know really. It would make me said. I want to be happy."

"You're an incredible person, Alice."

"Wait, did you call me a person. Bella Swan, I think you're getting soft."

"Fuck off and cut these vegetables like I showed you." I laughed and went back to the stove. I had decided that supper tonight would be a Chinese-style stir fry. I knew dad would love anything I cooked but my stir fry was one of his favorites.

I continued to stir the pork slices in the pan and listened delighted with the frustrated noises coming from behind me. I didn't think something as simple as cutting onions would be a challenge for a vampire but I was wrong.

I turned away from the stove and reached for the phone as it rang. I laughed as I answered. Alice had made a mess all over the kitchen table. The vegetables were winning the war.

"Hello."

"Hey, Bells."

"Hey, dad. What's up?"

"Your mood it seems. Listen, Bella. Billy asked me to spend the evening with him and the Clearwater's. They're having a bonfire tonight. It's going to be over really late so I was thinking about staying the night."

My heart skipped a beat. I wasn't sure how I felt about dad not being around the house with such huge dangers in Forks. I was about to tell him when I looked at Alice.

I could see her fazing out. A vision. She was searching. She focused quickly and looked straight into my eyes. "Tell him it's okay."

"That's fine, dad. Alice is spending the night anyways so I'll be fine here." I wasn't sure what was going on but something deep inside my gut told me there was more to this conversation than I was aware.

"Thanks. I'll see you in the morning. Love you."

"I love you too, dad. Night." I answered as I hung up the phone. I looked at Alice and waited. This was turning into a game with us.

"Nothing is going to happen, Bella. Your father is safe where he is." She answered.

I didn't like the way she said 'where he is'. Why was everyone hiding shit from me? I wanted answers to so many questions and I deserved them but for the moment I had a kitchen to clean up.

I walked to the cupboard and grabbed a bowl. "Alice, would you put the vegies in the bowl. I'll make the stir fry tomorrow night for dad."

"And what are you going to eat?" She was talking like a mother hen.

"I'll just make a sandwich."

"I don't think so. Sit. I'll cook."

"No fucking way. I don't need my father coming home to a burned down house and have to explain the dead vampire ashes in the rubble." I joked.

"Not funny, Bella."

"I thought it was." I giggled. She made it too easy sometimes.

I heard laughter from outside the house and looked questionably at Alice. She answered my look with her next comment.

"I'll make sure you join me in Hades, Emmett." Alice said without raising her voice.

"Boy, your hearing must be really good."

"Better than you realize. Now make your food and eat." She said nonchalantly.

I made myself a tuna salad sandwich and took some of Alice's mangled vegetables and made a garden salad with them. After putting the meat in a bowl and in the fridge, I sat and ate my food in silence.

I looked up and found Alice watching me again. "Bite?" I asked.

"No, thank you."

"I dare you." I challenged.

"Only if I can challenge you."

I answered a little too quickly. I should have thought about the dangers I was causing myself. "Deal."

Alice reached out and took the sandwich from my outstretched hand. She opened her mouth and bit down carefully on the food. I couldn't help but to be amused by the disgusted look on her face as the food moved around in her mouth. She flexed and swallowed.

"Oh my god. Wait till I tell." A voice announced from the kitchen window.

I screamed and fell off my chair. I never hit the floor. I looked up and found myself looking into the eyes of my angel-demon.

"Told you I'd be close by." Edward said easily.

I felt a gust of wind and looked over to find Alice missing. I pulled myself out of Edward's arms and looked quickly out the window. Alice was chasing Emmett across the lawn and into the woods. She turned her head and silently telling me she would be back.

I sat back into my chair and continued eating, ignoring Edward. As I was finishing my dishes, Alice reappeared.

"How far did he get before you caught him?" I asked without thinking about what I was saying. This was becoming too natural. I was finding myself being swept further and further into their world.

"Not too far. He's too heavy to negotiate the tall branches. It's faster than going around the trees." Alice chuckled.

I thought silently what it would feel like to fly through the branches of the trees. I figured it had to be more of a thrill than riding my bike. I sighed involuntarily.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked instantly at my side.

"I just realized something. I can't ride my bike for the next couple of weeks. The worst part is that once the cast comes off and my leg is strong enough to handle the bike again, the snow will be here. Can't ride in the snow." I was deeply depressed with that idea.

I finished putting the last of the dishes away and hopped, with the help of my crutches, into the living room. I realized Alice was the only one to enter the room.

"Where did your brother go?" I asked without really caring about the answer.

"He's doing a couple of rounds and checking to make sure I didn't rip Emmett apart." Alice giggled.

"You wouldn't do that. Doesn't he know that?" I asked confused.

"Well, I wouldn't tell him the truth when he read my mind."

"What?" I spun my head and stared at her.

"Edward tried to read my mind and I lied to him. I sent him mental images of Emmett's arms thrown across the county." Alice had a twinkle in her eyes.

"No, I mean 'what do you mean Edward can read minds'?" I was irritated again. This family was full of surprises and I wasn't impressed.

"Don't worry, Bella. Edward can't read yours. That's one of the reasons he seems so interested in you. He can talk to you and not know what you plan on saying next. He can't just read your mind and know everything about you. I wish he could though."

"Why?" I was relieved but my irritation wasn't going down at all thanks to her comment.

"Cause I would love to know why you hate men so much. Someone hurt you. I'm pretty sure I know who but I don't know why." She answered with a serious tone.

"And you won't either. You claim you want to be my friend but you don't respect my privacy. What the hell, Alice?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I just want to understand you better. I want to be your friend. I'm not trying to pry. I just want to use to be true friends with no secrets."

"We'll see, Alice. No promises." I wouldn't make promises to anyone I couldn't trust. At the moment, it seemed to be the whole family.

It was a few hours later when I finally made my way to my room. I was tired but needed a few minutes to myself before the next wave of the Cullen hurricane arrived.

I went straight to my computer and began writing. I still wasn't sure what to write. Everything needed to be vague but I wanted enough information to be able to remember the details.

I felt the draft whip around my room. I proceeded to shut down my computer and without looking I said, "Here we go again."


	23. Chapter 23

**SEPTEMBER 24**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Well, where the fuck do I start? I started the day out fine except for Alice following me around. Then I finally get some time with Angela only to have it destroyed. I was starting to feel normal for a few minutes at lunch time and what the fuck happens? That fucking mythical world I've been dragged into comes and crashes my life again. All I dare say is Victoria and her goons. Can't I ever have an easy, quiet life. If I don't have problems with so-called friends, I have problems with enemies. I'm screwed no matter where I look. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get this, it's only fucking 2 pm in the fucking afternoon.

Bella


	24. Chapter 24

**SEPTEMBER 24 (STORY) **Part 1****

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**All Ozzy Osbourne songs helped create the irritation for this chapter. Don't misunderstand, I love Ozzy. He is the ultimate Prince of Darkness. Check out my YouTube account **_isthedevilserene_** and the playlist.**

**Just to let you all know. This chapter was restarted about 5 times. I had a hard time making this chapter work.**

**I would like to acknowledge a writer I found very recently. She has a very twisted sense of humor and I really suggest you check out her story. Her name is **_ISnortSugar_** and the story is called **_How much fun can this be?_

"I thought we made some progress last night." Edward said as he closed the window.

"Sorry, it's a defense mechanism. How's the smell?" I knew he was hanging by the window for the fresh air. Alice had filled me in on the blood/singer thing.

"I'm not sure. Being away from you and then coming back is torture." Edward answered as he continued to lean his head out the window.

"Didn't you feed? I thought that was suppose to help?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I was more concerned for his control or my safety.

"I see you and Alice talked." Edward said as he turned and looked at me.

"Stop doing that." I countered.

"Doing what?" He was confused. I could see it in his face.

"Stop doing that look. You know that puppy face. It's sicken."

"Trust me this isn't a puppy face."

"You're right, it's not. It's more of a 'come and let me wrap my arms around you and drain your blood' look." I said with a small smile.

"My god, you can smile. That's incredible."

"Fuck you, asshole."

"So I'm no longer a monster." Edward answered.

"I didn't say that." I was being serious. I still didn't know what to think. I knew he was trying to control himself and that I was no longer afraid or angry at him for what he was. Anything past that was unknown.

"So your father's gone for the night?"

"Yea, why?"

"Just trying to make small talk."

"Well, don't bother. Just sit in the corner and be a statue. I hear you can do that." I was irritated by his need to talk to me. I didn't feel like talking. I never did.

"Jesus, cold shoulder or what?" Edward answered as he took a statue-like pose next to the window.

I could see he was perfectly still. No movement at all. I knew they could hold their breath for long lengths of time so it shouldn't be so bad for him being in the same room as me.

I decided to ignore the fact that my "protector" was here. I grabbed my I-Pod off the desk next to my computer and hobbled to my bed. Figures, flat surface being my worst enemy, I found a way to trip. I waited for the pain to come from the contact with whatever I hit but it didn't come.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring just inches from the floor. "Nice catch." I said.

"Wow, a compliment. I'm shocked." Edward chuckled as he easily picked me up and tossed me gently onto the bed.

"Don't get use to it. Now, back in your corner, statue." I told him with the most terrifying glare I could muster.

"Yes, boss." Edward snapped to attention and flashed his crooked smile in my direction.

"I told you to stop doing that." I said with a little attitude.

"Sorry." He replied knowing exactly what I was referring to. In one moment he disappeared and then reappeared back by the window at a statue-like stance.

I held in my chuckle. He was funny and irritating like a big brother. I still couldn't explain it but he was slowly rubbing off on me. I put my headphones in my ears and turned on the I-Pod. I cranked the volume to full and listened in peaceful silence to a mix of songs.

For most people the music would have sounded aggressive and violent but heavy metal and hard rock was soothing in a strange way. Heavy beats and hard vocals helped to relax me from a long and stressful day. That's what the day had been to me. Too much Alice time and too much talking in general.

I had closed me eyes at one point but opened them when through my eyelids I saw something that resembled a shadow. I saw Edward had moved from his spot near the window and was gone from my room. I sat up and pulled the headphones out of my ears.

I had no idea where he had gone but I was pissed that he had decided to do two things. One, leave his post and two, rummage around my house without my permission. He was about to get an earful.

I waited with my arms across my chest. He silently and quickly reentered my room to find me staring at him.

"Hello." I stated firmly.

"Hello."

"Where the hell were you?" I knew he could tell I was pissed.

"I got you some food. Don't tell me you weren't hungry cause you're stomach gave you away."

"What did I tell you?" I was amazed at the fact that he had been gentleman enough to take care of me. That, however, didn't change the fact that I had given him instructions and he had disobeyed them.

"Not to move."

"Exactly. Now, I have to decide what to do. You didn't obey the rules." Oh, I was so going to make this boy suffer. I didn't really want to play this game with him. Encouraging him was all I was doing but he needed to understand that I wasn't a little pussy who would roll over and die.

"Wait. I don't think I like this. I tried to be nice and I am being disciplined for it?"

"Damn fucking straight."

"This isn't right."

I heard a laugh coming from outside my window and decided what his punishment would be. He was beginning to get too comfortable around me. I wasn't happy about it and knew it was only going to get worse.

"Your punishment for the next week will be......" I paused dramatically, "you and Emmett must switch duties for one week. Another part to this punishment is....you're not allowed to speak to me for the week either."

"What? Are you serious?" He looked like his world had crumbled out from under him. Now I was uncomfortable. Why would he be so upset about this?

"But there are dangers out there. How am I suppose to protect you if I can't speak to you?"

"Fine. In emergency situations, you may speak."

He hung his head in defeat as Emmett jumped through the window. "Bye-bye, lover boy."

My jaw dropped in horror at that word. No, he couldn't be. He wouldn't even dare to be that much of an asshole to even think there might be a chance that I would ever consider him anything more than a friend. Screw that shit.

I watched Edward glare and hiss at his brother and take one last look at me. As he made his way out the window, I heard him utter, "I will be close-by if you need me."

I took a bite of the sandwich Edward had made me and said a little louder than I'm sure was necessary, "Thank you for the sandwich."

Emmett looked at me, smiled and took Edward's spot in the corner next to the window.

"What? He's the one being punished not me." I threw my headphones back into my ears and allow Ozzy to lull me to sleep.

The next day at school, Edward continued his punishment with grace even though Alice told me that it was silently killing him. I really didn't like the idea that he was getting that protective or anything else with me.

I tried to avoid the Cullen's like the plague. It was extremely difficult to do since I had a broken leg and Alice, therefore, had the distinct privilege to drive me to school.

I think, in a strange way, Alice didn't want to bring any attention to herself or the rest of the family. I spent my lunch with Angela, catching up on the going-ons of the weekend was difficult to do. I couldn't tell her the truth. The lies were easy though.

I could weave any tale I wanted and I was having fun with them. She was such a good friend that she believed every one of them without any doubt.

"So, how did you break your leg?" She asked, hanging on my every word.

I knew the Cullen's would be listening. How couldn't I know, they were staring right at me. I ignored the stares and told Angela my twisted tale.

"So, I was riding my bike back from my little trip Friday night. Laughing all the way. Suddenly, this thing ran in front of me causing me to swerve and lose control of the bike. Fuck, Ang, I thought it was some sort of animal. I'll tell you I wasn't too far off from the truth. The bike went one way, I went the other. Good thing I was wearing my biker clothes." I chuckled lightly. "I felt the snap before the pain kicked me in the face. It wasn't the nicest feeling I've ever felt but I have felt worse." I thought back into my past for a moment. "Anyways, as the pain is ripping through my leg, I looked up towards this animal that was now heading for me. I thought it was a bear or something. Wrong. Fuck, I wish I had been right. Do you know what it was?"

Angela shook her head. Her eyes were so wide you could pluck the eyeballs out and not even touch the skin. Gross but true. She was hanging and about to bounce out of her seat in excitement.

I turned and stared directly at Edward. He squinted his eyes, silently understanding what I was about to do. I laughed to myself and mentally said _payback's a bitch_.

"What was it? Come on, don't leave me hanging." Angela squealed in delight.

"Him." I said, no taking my eyes off Edward.

"No way. What was he doing?" Angela said as she twisted her head quickly around and then back, knowing who I was staring at.

"He claimed he was jogging. It wasn't late so maybe that's the truth. Myself, I think he's got a crush and was stalking me." I smiled slyly at him and then turned my eyes away from him to Angela.

"He's not the only stalker you've got." Angela suddenly got serious.

"Shut up, Ang. Not here and not now." I glared and mentally threw daggers at her. I knew she was talking about Mike and I wasn't interested in having "over-protective" Edward killing him on my behalf. Revenge had its way of giving its own form of payback.

We continued to eat and I watched out of the corner of my eye as Edward scanned the room. I was sure he was searching every human mind in the room searching for someone who was obsessing over me.

Suddenly, I saw him look directly at me. The look on his face was not what I was expecting. I saw his lips move silently and looked at Alice. I didn't think it was possible for a vampire's face to pale but I was being proven wrong.

The bell rang causing me to jump a good foot off my seat. I looked around, knowing something was happening. I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary but my locket was definitely telling me there was a problem.

Students gathering their books, dumping uneaten food in the trash, returning trays to the food area, filing out of the cafeteria. As the room emptied, I felt a hand on my arm. I jumped in fear.

"Are you okay?" Angela said as I whipped my head around.

I nodded unable to form words. Something had Alice and Edward freaked out and I wanted to know what it was.

"Do you want me to take your tray back for you?" She asked quietly. I could see she wasn't convinced at my attempt to be normal.

"Sure. Listen, I'll see you after school. I have to see Mrs. Cullen this afternoon." I lied. I needed a reason to get her out of this room. I knew something bad was about to happen and I didn't want the one person I considered a friend to be hurt because of me and my magnet for danger.

"Okay, I'll give you a drive home if you want."

"Deal." I wasn't sure if I would be able to follow through on the offer but I would take advantage of the simple gesture if I could.

I watched as Angela gathered her books, dispose of the tray and leave. I turned my attention back to the Cullen's and found they were no longer looking at me. I followed their line of sight and felt my heart sink into a large black hole.

Christ, the bitch had balls. Victoria and two men were sitting in one corner of the room. Victoria's eyes were staring directly at me and the two men were looking straight at the Cullen's. I was far beyond scared. I was petrified.

Even though no one, myself and the Cullen's, understood what was so important about me that would cause this nightmare, I knew Edward and Alice, at least, wouldn't allow any harm to come to me.

I needed a way out of the room. Hell, I needed to get out of the school. I may hate this shitty town and its shitty occupants but that didn't mean I was willing to have their deaths on my conscious for the rest of my life.

I swung my head back towards Edward. He was still staring at Victoria and her goons. Emmett and Jasper, on the other hand, were looking directly at me. I knew they were trying to tell me what to do but I couldn't understand it.

Suddenly, I felt my locket switch its normal tune. I could feel my "soul" retreating within my body. The live video feed had been switched on. My other side took over.

I watched as Edward and Alice stood and walked to block the path between me and the "bad" vamps. In that same second, Jasper and Emmett fly in my direction. Emmett snatched me up from my seat and raced out the cafeteria doors towards the woods behind the school.

I looked back, over Emmett's shoulder, and silently thanked whatever powerful being existed in this twisted mythical world. This side of the school had no classrooms being used that had windows. If they had, anyone would have seen a very unnatural scene.

I looked at Rosalie, who was running even with Emmett. Her face didn't hold any angry towards me. She was sorry for me for whatever reason. The bitch did have a heart after all even if it was dead.

I saw trees whipping around us as we entered the woods. I felt myself being traded off and looked to find Carlisle was carrying me. When the hell did he show up? I didn't care. All I cared about, strangely, was if the Cullen kids were okay. I didn't want them getting dismembered because of me. Monsters or no monsters I didn't need their "deaths" on my conscious either.

Carlisle's cell phone rang after what seem to be forever. Without missing a stride, he answered it and listened to the person on the other end. I couldn't hear anything as I kept my head tucked into his chest trying not to get smacked by the branches of the trees.

We switched directions and moving in fuck only knew which direction. I continued to peek my head up every couple of seconds and finally realized I was being taken back to my house.

Carlisle gently placed me on the porch by the front door and quicker than lightening grabbed the hidden key from its spot in the planter and opened the door. He ushered me in and after taking a quick look around followed me into the house.

I hopped on my good leg to the living room and threw myself onto the couch. I stared as Carlisle took a position near the window, watching for any signs of danger.

"Carlisle?" I asked shakily.

He never turned or acknowledged me.

"Carlisle?" I said louder.

He turned for a split second at me and then back at the window. "It's okay, Bella. They're gone."

"Fine." I said flatly but that didn't answer the question I had screaming inside my head. "What the fuck does she want with me? Don't ignore my questions anymore. I know you know."

"She doesn't want you. He does." Was all Carlisle said.

"Who?" I was scared again.

"Her mate. At some point, he found your scent. Alice explained singers to you." Carlisle stated.

"No fucking way. I have stalkers everywhere. Why me?" I couldn't help myself. The stress was getting to be too much. I was losing my mind and control of my emotions. At some point along the way my other side had retreated. Great fucking timing.

I felt a set of arms wrap around me as I curled myself into a ball and mentally and emotionally lost control. I cried and screamed, releasing the pent up anxiety and frustration that was suddenly overwhelming me.

After I had finally settled down and was gasping for some much needed air, I looked up into the golden eyes of the last person I thought would ever be comforting me. Rosalie. Where the hell did she come from?

"It's okay, Bella."

"Don't fucking tell me it's okay. It's not okay. Everyone keeps lying when they say that. You hate me and still can't be honest with me." As much as I appreciated the bitch's try, I wasn't going to be babied by her or anyone else. "Just let me go. Leave me the fuck alone. All of you, leave me the fuck alone."

At some point, in the last few minutes, everyone of the Cullen's had shown up and were crowding my living room. I needed air, I needed to be somewhere other than in this room with all of them. I needed an out. I needed a sanctuary. Where the fuck would I ever be able to find that? Definitely not in Forks.


	25. Chapter 25

**SEPTEMBER 24**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Well, how much more screwed up can my life get? Okay, one, Edward didn't give me the locket. Two, dad knows way more than anyone could even imagine. Three, I told them. What the fuck was I thinking? I talked to Rosalie. I spilled my guts. What the hell is wrong with me????????? Shit, my life is fucking......I don't even know what the hell it is.

Bella


	26. Chapter 26

**SEPTEMBER 24 (STORY) **Part 2****

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Please check out the stories for a couple of talented writers. Merkle, xxManderz2011XX, and outofmytree, ISnortSugar and of course, my FF4E, Katzenpfote.**

"Bella?" Esme asked quietly. She was slowly making her way across the room towards me.

I was sitting in a fetal position. I had just had a major breakdown and what made it worse was every one of these monsters were looking at me like a weak human.

I pushed myself away from Rosalie and rose silently from the couch. I looked around at all of them one by one. I could feel my "other side" pushing towards the surface again. I decided this was a good thing.

"Stop, Esme. I don't need a therapist right now. I don't need one ever. I want all of you to leave me alone. I am only human, I can't deal with all this. I shouldn't have to. None of you should exist. All I want from any of you for you all to go away. But I can't have that. Fine. Watch over me if you truly believe that's what you need to do but from now on I want to be left alone. I don't want someone in my room. Do this stupid 'protection' from outside the house. Don't approach me at school. I don't want to know there are dangers close by anymore." I was ranting but I allowed the words to drop out of my mouth. I had had enough. I was done with all of them.

"Bella, please." Alice begged.

"Fuck off, Alice. Don't claim to be my friend. I don't need one. You wanted to get close because of either Edward's fascination of me or because I'm a danger magnet. Whatever the reason, don't pretend anymore."

"That's not the truth. She is your friend."

I spun around. He couldn't even obey the rules of my punishment. That was as bad as breaking a promise. Suddenly, everything fell into place. I reached up and grabbed my beautiful locket.

"Take your fucking trinket back. I don't want it." I ripped it off my neck and threw it at him. "What was it anyways? Some sort of gesture to get near me? I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with you or any other man."

"Bella, stop. You don't want to do this." Rosalie stated. I could see in her eyes she knew what my next comment was going to be. How I didn't know but it didn't matter.

"Shut up, Rosalie. You can never understand. You have a man who would never harm you. You all do. What do I have? I have memories of a father who allowed my mother to take me away from him. He never even fought for me. Fuck him. I have a step-father that should have taken his place. Do you know what I got? I got a man who raped and beat me. What's even worse is I had cops think I was lying because my own mother sided with him. I have no one to be there for me. I have only had myself to rely on and that's the way I like it. I won't hurt myself. I wouldn't abandon myself. I will always be there and never break promises to myself. Do you understand? Just leave and let my destiny be what it is."

I grabbed my crutches from out of Jasper's hands. I made my way to my room and slammed the door as hard as I could.

I felt alone. Scared. Something was wrong within my room. I felt as if a piece of me had disappeared. I didn't understand how I knew but my other side was gone. The power and strength I drew from it no longer existed.

I went to my computer and sat for what seemed hours before I shut it down. I moved over to my bed. I sank down onto it and closed my eyes. I didn't care about music or if anyone was still in my house. I needed some peace.

I unconsciously reached for my locket and realized I no longer had it. I thought about what I had done and said downstairs. I had done the one thing I swore I would never do. I had screamed at a family of unnatural beings what that man did to me.

I pushed my face into the pillow and sobbed from deep inside my body. I wanted to die. The embarrassment of what had happened to me was something I never wanted anyone to know about. I knew deep inside that everything that had happened in Phoenix wasn't my fault. I hadn't asked for any of it. But there was another side of me that believed every word Phil had told me.

How I was worthless and didn't deserve the attention he gave me. How no one would ever love me in that way. "Love" that was a sick way to look at what he did to me. I reached down to my hip, feeling the scar that had ended the sickness within that house.

The knife had left a small two inch scar from where it had pierced my skin and stuck into my hip. Forks was a bad place for me and my hip. The weather gave me a painful and constant reminder of the hatred and hurt that Phil and my mother had for me.

Well, I believed that my mother hated me. She had never physically hurt me but siding with him and calling me a whore and slut because he convinced her I had thrown myself on him that was the pain that hurt most of all.

I felt a hand gently rub my back. I knew from the cold that it had to be one of the monsters that now invaded my reality. I didn't care at that moment. I thought I wanted them to leave me alone. To stay away from me and not let me see the dangers around me but I was wrong. I needed them no matter how destructive they could be.

I pulled myself out of my pillow and through the puffiness around my eyes I glanced into the eyes of the intruder. Her face was pale and gentle but concerned and pained. Strange, she seemed to understand my pain. It was like looking in a mirror. I threw myself at her, knowing that I couldn't hurt her in any way.

"I misjudged you, Bella. You and I are so much alike. We are sisters from different times but trouble by the same pain. I love you." Rosalie said. She understood and was being sincere. It had happened to her. When? How?

She and I sat for hours talking, grieving, understanding and searching for answers to the millions of questions we both had. We bonded. It was strange that someone as indestructible as a vampire could comprehend the damage within my heart and soul that Phil had caused.

It was early in the evening when I heard the phone ring downstairs. I looked at Rosalie and silently asked for her help. She scooped me up into her arms and in two seconds we were on the first floor of the house.

I picked up the phone and answered it. "Hello."

"Bella, where the hell have you been?" Angela sounded panicked.

Damn, I forgot. "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to ditch you." I decided to be vague until I knew what she knew.

"What happened to you? I left the cafeteria and next thing I know the place went to hell. There are people who swear there were some strangers in there that started a fight. Mike approached me asking about you. He said he last saw you heading for the woods with Alice's brother and sister."

I had to pretend to be aware of the fight. I was but it was obvious from what Angela was saying that they didn't know any details so therefore neither did I. Or that's at least what I had to make it seem. "Mike can go to hell. Listen, do you know who started the fight?"

"No, no one does. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just needed to get away for a while."

"Yeah but the Cullen's. Bella, be careful with them. I'm not one to speak bad about people but they're not normal. Something's weird about them. Please, be careful."

I was surprised for someone who didn't even know the family was so close to the truth about the weirdness. "Don't worry, Ang. I'm okay. I asked for their help to get to Mrs. Cullen's office and with the broken leg what choice did I have. I took off from the school right after the fight broke out. I needed to get away and they agreed to help."

"Listen, Bella, on another subject. Did you hear what happened to Mike's car? His parents are pissed. It got reported to your dad. I hope whoever did it was careful and covered your....um, their tracks." Angela quickly corrected herself.

"I heard." I chuckled which in reality felt very good. "And I'm sure they did a great job at hiding any evidence."

She was worried about me. She knew it was me who defaced the car but she wasn't persecuting me for it. It almost sounded like she was proud of me. She knew how much Mike irritated and scared me. I hoped that stunt would put some distance between him and I but I knew it would take a lot more than that. He wasn't that smart.

"Listen, Ang, I have to go. Dad's gonna be home and I have to start supper. I'll see you tomorrow in school."

"No, you won't. They shut the school down for the day. There's a mess in the cafeteria that will need time to clean up. But your dad's involved with the investigation so I'll call you tomorrow. I figure if anyone has the inside scoop it would be you. See you later." And with that she hung up the phone.

I hung up my phone and looked at Rosalie. "How much trouble will this cause on you and your family?"

"None, no one saw us. We're very good at being careful. Come on, let's make some food for your father."

"I appreciate the offer, Rose, really I do. The problem is dad's smart. Smarter than people give him credit for. The fact that Angela is my friend and Alice is suppose to be my friend is enough for dad. If I have more than two friends when I didn't even have one in Phoenix, he's gonna know something is up."

"Makes sense. Would it be okay for me to come back tonight? I won't do anything without your say so." She was being honest.

I had the woman pegged wrong. She was kind and loving. She and I had a past that we could share. An understanding as to why we both gave a strong nasty exterior. We both hated the world. It didn't mean I was getting soft. Fuck that shit. It didn't mean she and I were friends. We just had an understanding of life and who the other one was.

"Maybe. I don't know. I want to talk with you some more but I'm really beat. It's been a long day for the human."

"Can I ask a favor of you then?" She was looking me straight in the eye. She wanted an answer to her question and wasn't missing the chance to force it out of me.

"What?"

"You can punish Edward however you want but let him back into your room. He does like you. I won't say love because I don't know if he does or doesn't. But he wants to take care of you. He wants to be there for you. I've never seen him like this. He's changed in the last couple of weeks. He's alive if you know what I mean."

I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to face him again after what I had said that afternoon. I was embarrassed at the confession. "Rose, I can't face him. Not yet. I don't have the strength back for it. Tell him, I agree to him coming back after I'm asleep. That way I don't have to deal with 'that' yet."

"Done. By the way, Edward did ask me to return this to you." She pulled my locket out of her pocket. "He didn't give it to you. He didn't tell me straight out but he wishes he had made the gesture to give you the locket. But he can't take the credit for it."

I took my locket from her hand and suddenly everything around me started spinning. I could feel the world closing in on me and everything went black.

"Bella, god, Bella. Please wake up. Come on, girl. Wake up. That's it open your eyes." I could hear the words at first but didn't understand their meaning. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself on my bed in my room.

I looked into the dark brown eyes of my father. Standing behind him was Alice and Rosalie. Their faces freely gave away the fear that they felt. I slowly sat up with the assistance of my father.

"Dad, what happened?" My voice sounded strange in my ears. I felt different. I felt complete and safe. Secure and whole.

"You were in the kitchen about to make supper for your father and you past out. You scared the shit out of me." Rose answered.

"Excuse me. No swearing in my house." My dad said quietly without taking his eyes off me.

"Sorry, Mr. Swan."

I would have laughed out loud at Rosalie's simple attempt at being a normal teenager. She was being so pathetic. I had to keep control of my father before he sent the two women away.

"Dad, she didn't mean anything by it. I would've sworn to if I was her."

"I'm sure you would have." My father stated with a small glow coming back into his face. He knew I was okay and that was all it took to bring back the old Charlie. "Girls, could you give my daughter and I a few minutes alone?"

"Sure, Charlie." Alice answered as she dragged Rose out of the room.

Once the door was closed, dad looked at me seriously. "Bella, I need you to be honest with me. Okay?"

"Sure, dad."

He reached down and took hold of my locket and held it up between us. "Where did you get this?"

"I don't know, dad." I didn't know what to tell him.

"Bells, no lying. I need to know. It's very important." Dad looked really serious.

"Honest, dad. I don't know. It was in a box for me one morning. I don't how it got in my room or who gave it to me." I decided to be as honest as I could with him. Since Edward hadn't given it to me, I could be completely honest with him about the appearance of the locket at least.

"You found this thing in your room. Bella, has this locket been doing anything strange?"

From the look on my face he knew what the answer was. I couldn't understand how he would know about the locket besides how it was protecting me. I was lost and confused.

"Bells, baby, you need to be very careful. Promise me, please." He said as he grabbed me and hugged me protectively.

"Dad, what's going on? What the hell do you know that you're not telling me?" I was scared. I needed answers and maybe there was a chance that he knew more than I realized.

"Bell, I'll explain everything but I think I need to have a discuss with Dr. Cullen. I think the time has come for that."

I looked at my father and was very nervous. "Dad, please.....please....tell me that you.....haven't been....." I couldn't even say the word but I had to, "you.....haven't been hiding shit from...me?"

"I'm sorry, Bells. You weren't suppose to come back to Forks. You were suppose to be safe in Phoenix. She promised. She lied. She knew what would happen if......" He trailed off.

I pulled away from him and threw myself into my pillow. I couldn't face him. I couldn't trust him. I was on my own. Everyone around me either hurt me, lied to me or both. How could I ever depend on anyone but myself?

"Alice, Rosalie. I know you can hear me." My father said in a quiet, even tone.

The two women opened my door with the same confused look on their faces as I had. It seemed only one person understood anything that was happening and that person was my father.

"Stay with her. Do whatever it is you've been doing. I need her to be protected until I get back. Do you understand?"

"Yes." They both looked at each other. They really didn't have any answers to any of the questions that were screaming from within me.

Dad leaned in and kissed me on my head, rose off the bed and headed out the door to my room. I listened as my father left the house and started my truck and headed down the driveway.

I looked at Alice and Rosalie. "I need to talk to Edward now!"


	27. Chapter 27

**SEPTEMBER 25**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Oh god, someone kill me now. I can't handle anymore of this shit. Everything in my life has to be so fucked up. More questions than answers. More complications than peace.

y54-0u'ipre;dlbn m

I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella


	28. Chapter 28

**SEPTEMBER 25 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**This is an extremely short chapter compared to the rest. Sorry. :)**

I looked at Alice. Her face was blank. She wasn't having a vision but was trying to search for something. "Why the hell didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I haven't seen any of it. I didn't know your father was involved in any of this. I hadn't been searching his future because I didn't see a need to. I'm sorry, Bella. I really am." She was continuing to search for anything that would give the three of us some sort of head's up.

"I don't understand any of this. Edward should have sensed something from my father. He should have known something was being covered up. Find him, Alice. I want to talk to him." My voice reflected the anger I was feeling. I wasn't a weakling and it was about time everyone knew it.

Alice left to find Edward without another word. No one was sure where he or anyone else was. It didn't make any sense. With all of this going on why would Edward leave. He was suppose to have some sort of feelings for me. Well, that's the impression I was getting. So that left one question. Where the fuck was my "protector"?

My father's somewhat confession kind of turned things upside down. My life was in shambles. I couldn't decide if I would have been better off fighting things out in Phoenix or being here fighting for my life, literally.

After Alice left I looked at Rosalie and with as much force as I could muster in my voice, I ordered her out. "Rose, I need some time to think this out. Please, leave me alone for a bit."

"Bella, that's not a great idea. Things are a little dangerous around here and I really don't think I want to let you out of my sight."

"Why the hell not? You can't be scared of my father. Don't bullshit me on that. If you have to stay outside my door. I just don't give a fuck. I want to be by myself."

"Bells, that's not the reason. After everything that you've been through mentally today it's not a good idea to be by yourself."

"What? Do you think I'm suicidal or something? Vampire or not doesn't matter to me. Get the fuck out!" I screamed. I really wanted my space and one way or another I would get it.

"Fine. But I will be right on the other side of this door. I'll be listening so don't try anything stupid." Rose hissed as she slammed the door behind her as she left my room.

"Bitch!" I yelled at the door.

"I heard that."

I continued to look at the door and screamed, "No shit, Sherlock. Grab another clue."

I shook my head and rolled my eyes as I realized I wasn't going to get any privacy for fuck knows how long because of all of this shit going on. I made my way to my computer and waited for it to come to life. I made an entry in my diary and re-hid it.

I decided to test the walking device Carlisle had added to my cast when he molded it to my leg. I took an unsteady step and found the pain bearable. I went to my window and sat on the ledge.

I twirled the locket around in my hand. Dad knew about the locket. He must, therefore, know who gave it to me. I needed answers. I had so many questions floating around in my head. Who gave me the locket? Why it reacted with the good and evil or whatever? What did dad know? Why would he need to see Carlisle? Did anyone else know what was going on? What did dad mean about 'she promised'?

I felt a a shiver climb my spine and then nothing. It was as if my body shut completely. I was scared. I didn't understand. I was confused. I could feel my eyes rolling back into my head. I couldn't hear or feel my heart beating. My pulse thumped rapidly and then stopped. It was as if time ceased to exist.

_Hello, Isabella._

_Who the hell are you?_

_I'm you, sort of._

_What?_

_I'm your 'other side' as you've been calling me._

_What are you?_

_Isabella, please listen. You are more special than anyone realizes. _

_How? _

_It doesn't matter right now. I need you to understand some things that are happening. You must trust those around you. You can't question their motives. Some of them are as lost as you are. They don't understand anything more than you. _

_No!_

_No. What do you mean?_

_I won't trust any of them. I have no reason to. I want answers. I can't get them from anyone else then you will give them to me._

_What makes you think I have those answers?_

_You're the one telling me to trust them. You know something I don't. Tell me._

_This was a bad idea. I should have never allowed this to happen._

_What? What the fuck did you allow to happen?_

_Please, Isabella......_

_Stop calling me that!_

_But that is your name._

_No, that's the name 'that woman' gave me. I want nothing to do with her. So I am not that girl. My name is Bella._

_Okay, Bella. Please don't fight us on this._

_'Us'? Who the hell is us?_

_I have told you too much already._

_You haven't told me shit. Answer my questions._

_It's too soon. Please, Bella. I'm begging you. You need to be brave and listen to what you're told to do. There are those who want you dead. There are others who feel the need to protect and they don't know why. Your locket will tell you who to trust. It will help to protect you._

_Fuck off. You won't help me. You won't answer my questions. You are not me. You don't want to help me. Get the fuck out of my head._

"Bella? Oh god, Bella? Please wake up."

I slowly opened my eyes. Everything was the same as it was before. The only things that were different was Rosalie leaning over me and me on the floor instead of the window ledge.

Rosalie picked me up gently and walked me to my bed. "You scared the shit out of me."

"What happened?" I wasn't sure if everything in the past few minutes had been a dream or what.

"I heard your heart stop. I thought you were dead. Everything suggested that you were dead."

I could see the fear in her eyes. She was terrified. I had never seen Rosalie like this. This woman was normally in control of her fear. She allowed that fear to feed her anger. There was no anger just pure panic and terror.

"Rose, I'm okay. Calm down. I'm fine." I had to feed her emotions. She was no good to me like this. She would have everyone swarming over me if I didn't alleviate her dread.

She stared at me as if verifying for herself that I was speaking the truth. "What happened to you, Bella?"

"I don't know." I had to keep the truth from her. I honestly didn't understand it and didn't need everyone knowing. I couldn't figure everything out if I had someone constantly looking over my shoulder.

"That wasn't normal, Bella. I should call Carlisle." Rosalie said as she reached for her cell phone.

"No!" I grabbed her hand in an attempt to stop her from calling anyone.

"Bella, tell me now or I make the call. You know what happened."

I couldn't believe I was being threatened by her. I sighed and looked into her eyes. They were turning black. She would need to feed soon. "I don't know what happened, Rose. Honest. It was that other side. It's like it's trying to protect me."

"What? What do you mean your other side?"

Half-truths would work. They had too. "Any time I feel weak or scared it's like another personality takes over and makes me strong. It's weird but I trust it." That was a bold face lie but it must have worked.

"Don't think of it as another personality, Bella. Someone will think you're crazy." She smiled weakly. "It's just you. You're so powerful. Embrace that power. Use it to fight against the fear. I think you've just been put through so much that your body just gave out. It shutdown before it could meltdown." Rose was trying to understand it as well as she could with the information she had.

"You're probably right." I would allow her to misunderstand what had happened. I could keep my secret. If I was honest with her Edward would read her mind and then I'd be screwed. Dad would find out and then what? Life of constant protectors. Fuck that shit.

Alice appeared in the doorway. Behind her was the tall, irritating monster himself. I needed answers and now that he was here I would hopefully get them. I looked at Rosalie and without even asking she stood and walked towards the door.

She headed out the door and down the hallway, pulling Alice with her. Of course, Alice being Alice fought her the whole way. You didn't need eyes, ears was fine enough.

Edward entered the room and closed the door, shaking his head as he did. He floated across the room and sat at the far end of my bed. He looked uncomfortable. Why? Because he knew now why I didn't want anything to do with men? Because I had pushed him away when he tried to be my friend? Why did things between he and I have to be complicated? Why couldn't we just have an understanding? A line that neither of us would cross?

"Did you know anything about what dad said?" I decided to start this conversation.

He didn't answer. He didn't even look at me. Did he know? Was he hiding shit from me too?

"What you can't answer me? Guilty holding your tongue?" I was starting to get pissed off at him again.

There was a knock on my door and I growled. "What?"

The door opened and Alice looked in sheepishly, "Bella, I'm not trying to interfere but you did tell him not to talk to you, remember?" and closed the door again.

I rolled my eyes. He was worse than a child. "You already killed that deal, asshole, or don't you remember that?"

"I know."

"Shit, it speaks."

"Bella, I spoke to you earlier out of defense for my family." Edward defended himself quietly.

"So you would rather defend them than obey one thing I asked you to do. Well, now I know where your priorities lie."

"That's not true." He was still defending.

"Okay, so give me some honesty. Tell me something, anything."

He looked directly at me. I knew whatever came from his mouth would be profound and honest. "I......."

He paused. What the hell was so hard for him to say? I needed his help and he couldn't be honest with me about anything.

"This was a bad idea." Now that sounded familiar. My 'other side' or whatever it was had said the same thing. "Go away, Edward. You obviously can't answer me. You can't admit anything to me. You can't even give me one honest answer. Any answer."

Edward stood up and paced the room. Something was going on. He wanted to say something but something else was stopping him.

"Alice. Rosalie. Leave now!" He said evenly and loud enough that they would hear him and take him seriously.

I could see he was listening and waiting. Whatever he wanted to say wasn't something he wanted them to hear. I waited and could feel my heart pounding. It was threatening to jump out of my chest.

I watched as Edward turned and walked softly back. He knelt beside my bed and looked at his hands. "Bella, I have something that I've been wanting to tell you for the past week. I need you to know even if you don't feel the same way."

Feel? Did he just say feel? Oh god, no. I don't want this. I don't need to know this. "Edward, don't say it. Please, don't make me know this. I can't have this complication on top of everything else."

"I want you to know. I want you to understand why I would protect you even if it meant my death. Everything about you is what I've been looking for since the day I was born. Both born human and re-born vampire. You're strong. You're independent. You're faithful and brutally honest. You are everything I want. You're beautiful and a mystery to me. You make me second guess everything I thought I knew. I love you."

I cringed. He said it. He meant it. How could he be so much a man and push this feeling on me? "Edward, I......."

"Don't say anything. I know you don't feel the same way. You have too much hate towards men to feel that way about me or anyone else. I accept that. I can 'live' with that. I just want you to know. I want you to believe that I will do anything you ask without question because of the way I feel for you."

He was a vampire who was so much more human than any one person I have ever met. He's willing to accept my friendship if that all I'm willing to give. How the hell do I deal with this on top of everything else? Fuck my life just went from complicated to unbearable.


	29. Chapter 29

**SEPTEMBER 26**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Well, I don't know how long my computer will work. No lights, no electricity, no cars.....you now that Gilligan's Island shit. So many things have happened. Dad knew everything. More than anyone else. Well, except for Carlisle. Damn, forgot about the wolves too. Shit, a whole bunch of people were hiding shit from me. Well, I got what I wanted. I got to run away. Only one thing I didn't have a choice in.....Edward's with me. Well, so are the others....kind of. Speaking of Edward, guess what that asshole did to me? On top of all the shit I have to deal with he tells me he loves me......fuck what do I do now? Is it really the 26th.....damn I.....yea, according to the computer it is......how did that happen??????? what time of day is it anyways?????

bye for now

Bella


	30. Chapter 30

**SEPTEMBER 26 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**So you want to know how Bella will take this confession by Edward? Here's the answer.**

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I couldn't speak. I didn't know how to respond. He loved me. How? Why? Someone like me? I was plain and normal. I was useless and tainted. What would he find so mysterious about me?

He moved himself closer to me. I couldn't move. I was dazzled. He had to start that again, didn't he? I watched as he leaned in closer. His smell was mesmerizing. I closed my eyes.

I didn't want to allow myself to betray my feelings because of his 'natural' instincts that could draw a human in. I didn't want him to have false impressions. I felt his cold lips connect with my forehead. The kiss was gently and loving but had an understanding to it. He wasn't expecting a response.

When I finally opened my eyes I saw him sitting on the chair across the room near my computer. I stared at him. I knew I should say something but what could I say to make this less awkward.

He was the first to speak. "So you asked Alice to find me?"

He was acting like nothing had happened. Nothing had been said in the past few minutes. I played the game with him.

"I need answers, Edward." I looked away from him. I couldn't look at him. Not now.

"You did ask about your father."

"Yes."

"Bella, I'm as lost as you are. I can't read him. He's able to block me the same way you can."

"I'm not purposely blocking you." I replied.

"I know." His voice was closer, quieter.

I turned and found he was sitting on the edge of my bed. He was silent and weightless when he wanted to be.

"You can't read him at all?" I needed to keep on topic.

"No. It's frustrating. I've never met anyone I couldn't read and now I find two in one family. I know your father knows something. Everyone knows that. When he showed up and wanted to speak to Carlisle, I knew something big had happened."

"My locket. I know you didn't give it to me. He does though."

"I wish I had given it to you. It's beautiful. Like you."

"Stop. Don't do this, Edward. Please, don't make me feel worse than I do."

"I'm not meaning to. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry for the way you feel. I wish I didn't have to make it so hard on you. I just don't want you to get mixed signals." I had to be honest with him and myself.

"I won't. I have a dead heart. You can't hurt me, Bella. I understand. Could you do one thing for me, please?"

"What?"

"Accept my compliments. Just accept them graciously. You deserve them."

I didn't want them. I didn't deserve them. I was unworthy of them. But he was so determined to give them. For me to believe what he was telling me. He wanted me to know.

"So all my answers won't come from you. You don't have them. I'm gonna have to get them from the source." I tried to get back on topic, again.

"He seems determined to hide them from you."

"That's part of the problem. I've been lead to believe so many things about him and now I have a different story to hear. He let me go without a fight. The only thing I know is that my mother was suppose to keep me away from Forks. She didn't follow through on her promise."

Edward was about to say something when he looked at the window. "He's back and he has Carlisle with him. And....."

Edward paused again. Someone else was with them. I could see it in Edward's eyes. He wasn't happy.

"What? Edward, what is it? Who else?"

"Complications. I have to go. I'll be close by if you need me. Okay?" He said. He leaned in and, once again, kissed my forehead. In less than a second he was gone from my room.

I shook my head. He was going to make things incredibly difficult for me even if he didn't mean to. I slid off my bed and tested my footing. The cast wouldn't make things easy for me. I went to my computer and flicked it on.

I seemed to be writing some strange entries into my diary lately. This one was just fucked up. Pure raw emotions. I slammed my hands on the keyboard and then saved the entry, shutting the computer off.

I headed out the door of my room and slowly made my way down the hall to the stairs. With one hand on the wall and the other on the banister I took the stairs carefully. The cast was larger than the stair itself so it was difficult navigating them.

Somehow I miraculously I made it to the first floor of the house without falling, slipping or breaking my neck. I made my way to the living room where I was met by a large group of men.

Dad was sitting in his favorite spot on the coach. Carlisle stood near the window watching dutifully out the window for any dangers. Billy Black had taken up his normal chair in the corner, whenever he graced dad's house with his presence.

On the other end of the coach, opposite dad, sat Sam Uley. I didn't know a lot about him except that dad spoke to him once in a while when he was visiting the reserve.

I looked at all of them and then focused my eyes on my father. He looked at my sharply. Something was definitely going on and now I would get my answers one way or another.

"Bella, sit down, please."

"Sure, dad, once you explain what the hell is going on."

"Bella, just sit down."

"No, dad. I want to know, now. I have had enough of the lying and cover-ups. You're hiding shit from me and I'm sick of it. No one can answer my questions and I won't budge until I do."

"Isabella Marie Swan. Sit. Down. Now!" My father demanded.

"Charlie, screaming at her isn't going to help." Sam stepped in.

"I don't care. She needs to listen. She has to." He was falling apart in front of me. I could see his face break.

I looked around the room, wanting to beg for help. There wasn't one person in the room I could find help in. They were all the enemy in my opinion. They were all men and to make it worse, men with secrets.

"Bella, dear, please, sit. We've come here to explain some things to you. We need you to hear this out but you will want to sit to hear this. Even as strong and stubborn as you are, this is going to be hard to hear." Carlisle spoke tenderly.

I looked again around the room and found a twinge of fear in ever face in the room. I walked to the chair that was closest to me. I was afraid. I knew whatever was happening was not going to be good.

"Fine, I'm sitting. Now, can I have some answers?" My voice was even. My fear was not carried into it.

My father was the first to speak. "Bella, I need to tell you why I allowed your mother to take you away from Forks. It won't be easy for you to hear."

"Just spill it. I don't want the sugar on top just the truth." I was getting pissed again. I seemed to be living that emotion a lot lately.

Dad continued, ignoring my comment. He began his story. "You were a beautiful child when you were born. I hadn't been ready to be a father but once I saw you it was love at first sight. Everything changed when you were five.

You, your mother and I were near the reserve when it happened. We were attacked. I fought but it was no use. The group were stronger than I had ever seen or experienced before or since. They grabbed your mother. She screamed and fought but it was no use. A couple of them dragged her into the woods.

I was still holding you when one of them came towards us. He said that he liked your smell. You had the same smell as your mother. I heard a howl and then everything went silent.

I watched your mother running in terror out of the trees. Her eyes were wild. She collapsed on the ground in front of us. The man who wanted you seemed confused and torn between which of you he was going to go after.

He started to advance on your mother when these wolves came out of the woods. The fight between them and the man was horrific. I had never seen anything like it before. Once the fight was over, the wolves disappeared back into the woods.

I took you and your mother home. Thankfully, your mother was only traumatized and not hurt physically. I stayed with the two of you for the next week as you both experienced nightmares during the day and at night. I'm not saying either of you were weak but the trauma was terrifying for all of us.

It was about a week, like I said, after the attack that Carlisle appeared on my doorstep. I didn't know who or what he was at the time. He explained to me who the man was the wolves had killed. His mate, one of the people who had dragged your mother into the woods, had vowed revenge for her mate's death.

The woman wanted you. She didn't care about your mother. She was holding me responsible for her mate's death and wanted your life in exchange. I convinced your mother to run away with you. She needed to take you to the sunniest place she could.

Because the woman figured where I was you were, I had to let you and your mother leave alone. I couldn't be anywhere near you out of fear of you being hurt or killed. Your mother promised to protect. To keep you safe. I never wanted you to come back, not because I don't love you but because I wanted to keep you safe. She didn't do that.

You were in more danger with her than if......"

"Stop. Don't fucking say it. I can't deal with that shit right now, dad." I was shocked. I was revenge. My death would be revenge for a man. A man who had tried to kill my mother and I. How more fucked up could men make my life? No wonder I hated them all.

"Where do you two come into all of this?" I asked glaring at Billy and Sam.

"Well, we swore to protect you and your father if you ever had to come back to Forks. Thus the locket. We didn't realize till after you arrived that you had no memories of anything that had happened."

"What good would you have against these people?" I couldn't say the word vampires in case Carlisle hadn't explained that part to dad.

"Bella, our kind are naturally enemies with vampires. However, Carlisle and our ancestor chiefs had a treaty which is why we interfered."

"Wait. What the hell do you mean 'our kind' and 'Carlisle and our ancestor chiefs'?"

"Bella, Sam and I are the wolves that protected you and your mother that day."

"What?" My world was spiraling out of control. "What are you?"

"Werewolves, baby." My father answered.

Something still didn't make sense. "My locket? You said that you gave me the locket. If you knew what my appearance in Forks would do why didn't you all just come out and warn me? Why did you give me the locket and leave me in the dark?"

"That's something I am responsible for, Bella. There are rules that vampires had to abide by. We never reveal ourselves to humans. If we do there are only two ways for it to go. Be turned or be killed. No one wanted to see that happen to you or your family. Your mother has blocked everything. We were happy to find out you had too. Your father had never revealed to anyone about what he knew.

Billy and your father became friends because of all this. It started as a way to watch over your father but it became more. With the treaty in place, the werewolves had to help protect our existence or threaten their own safety.

If anyone found out that a human knew about us there were be a war in Forks. The wolves couldn't afford that to happen anymore than we could. We live peacefully together because of the treaty and because of the treaty we can't threaten either kind." Carlisle explained.

"So the locket was given to me to help me know when that bitch was near without revealing anything to me?" I stood up and carefully made my way to the doorway to the living room.

"We didn't think you wouldn't tell your father about it. It wasn't until today that we found out that the Quileute's had given the locket to you. Your father recognized it immediately. Have you looked at the symbol the diamonds make on the front?"

I looked at the locket and realized the picture. A wolf's head. Why hadn't I seen it before this?

"So the locket was used to protect the secret and the treaty, which was without revealing the truth to me?"

"Yes."

"But you revealed yourselves to me days ago."

"We had no choice. Victoria had you. We needed to save you."

This was too much for me to handle. I needed an escape. I needed to get the hell out of here. I needed time to process everything. I only knew one way. I said his name softly.

Carlisle's head whipped around at the same time as Billy and Sam's. "Bella, no. You need to stay here."

"Fuck you all. I don't trust any of you. I need to get out of here and obviously there is only one person who I feel safe with right now. I need some time to think and work through all this. What the fuck can I do? Sit in my room with all these people around me? I won't be able to leave by myself so this is my compromise. It's either him and I alone or I constantly try to run away."

At that moment, Edward appeared by my side. He put his arm protectively around my waist. I pushed at his arm slightly. I wouldn't give him any false hope or false impressions.

"Bella, no. I won't allow this to happen. He won't be allowed to change you."

"Of course, that's the first thing you would think, right? Dad, I'm not stupid. I just trust him. He hasn't done anything but been there for me. Been a friend to me. The rest of you have been sneaking around behind my back. How can I trust any of you?"

Carlisle looked at the other three men. "She does have a point. As much as we have tried to protect her from these dangers we have been deceitful towards her. We are more reasons for her not to trust anyone. She has formed a friendship with Edward and my children. He won't harm her. I give my word on the treaty."

Billy and Sam shook their heads. Of course, they wouldn't agree to this. Like Billy said the vampires were their 'natural enemies'. The decision came down to my father. He would have the deciding factor in this equation.

My father looked hurt. I knew the last thing he ever wanted to be was lumped into the category I had put all men. I didn't want him in that category. He needed to make a gesture to stop that from happening. He made it.

"If you or your siblings let any harm come to her while she's in your care, and I do mean any harm, I will find you and personally rip your body apart and burn you to ashes."

"She will be safe, I promise." God, those fucking words again. Considering the way he felt about me I knew he meant those words. "When she's ready to come back she'll be here immediately."

I looked at Edward and silently asked him to take me away. He swept me into his arms and out the door. Once we were outside I made a request from my knight.

"Go to my room just for a moment."

Before I knew what was happening I found myself in my room. I grabbed two items. My laptop and my backpack. I spun back around on my good foot and into Edward's arms.

He stepped through the window and back onto the ground. I didn't even feel the landing and was amazed at the man's grace. He pulled me tightly into his chest as he sped into the woods and away from the house.

After what seemed like hours, Edward began to slow. I had no idea where we were but it was obviously no where near Forks. We were high in the mountains above the cloud cover. The sun had set some time earlier so I wasn't able to see anywhere around me.

Edward set me on the ground and I peered outwards into the darkness. The moon was large and bright here and as my eyes began to adjust I could make out the outline of a cabin.

He walked without any hesitation towards the cabin pulling me along with him and instantly had me inside. I stood in the doorway as he motioned for me to stop. I waited.

Suddenly, there was a light coming on at the far side of the room. The cabin was small but had a friendly, comfortable feel to it.

On one side of the room was a small kitchen with a mini-fridge, hotplate stove and a sink with no taps. The wall furthest away had a doorway that I assumed was an entrance into a bedroom. Beside the doorway was a stone wall fireplace with a pile of firewood. The light came from the beginnings of a fire Edward had started. The wall opposite of the kitchen had a coach against it.

The cabin was definitely designed for hunting only. It didn't hold a lot of amenities to live full-time. I walked across the small room and opened the door to find that what I assumed was a bedroom was indeed that. The room was simple like the rest of the cabin. Two single beds. One dresser and a bar hanging from the roof creating a closet-like area.

I looked at Edward and smiled, silently thanking him for my sanctuary. He smiled back. Damn that smile.

"Stop doing that."

"What?"

"Dazzling me."

"Sorry."

We had been down this road before and I wasn't ready for a repeat performance. I was too tired mentally and physically.

"You need sleep."

"Edward, this may not have been a good idea."

"Why?"

"We've got no one to help us if anything happens."

"Sorry but you're wrong. Remember what Carlisle and your dad said about 'children' and 'siblings'? Alice and Rosalie wouldn't allow you to be up here without some sort of protection. They're below the cloud cover with everyone else. They swore they would only interfere if there was any danger."

"What about you feeding?"

"Do you expect to be up here that long?"

"How long can you go without feeding?"

"Well, since you're asking, probably not that long but we'll deal with that when the time comes. Okay?"

I yawned involuntarily. "Okay."

"Now, go to bed."

I went into the bedroom and chose the bed closest to the door. I laid down with the intention of resting for just a moment before getting under the covers. I never made it that far as sleep instantly took me over.


	31. Chapter 31

**SEPTEMBER 27**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Night is day and day is night. I don't even know what day it is anymore. Not that it matters at this moment. So many things are making sense now. I am about to go back home. I need to make sure my father is safe. Betrayal is definitely a word that hurts as much saying it as living it. I understand a lot of things because of the last 24 hours. God, has it only been that long. I feel like I've been in this cabin for longer than that. The scariest thing is Edward has now met the 'other side'. I understand why or more who she is. I also know what I want now. I want......not yet. Writing it down will make it too real.

bye for now

Bella


	32. Chapter 32

**SEPTEMBER 27 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**To all of my devoted readers, , Merkle, TheLadyKT and Katzenpfote, my FF4E.**

I woke up after the sun had risen high up in the sky. It had to be around noon. I found that at some point someone had come in the room and put me under the covers. It would have had to be Edward since everyone was staying away from the cabin.

I got up and walked over to my backpack that had been set on the other bed. I opened it not sure what was still in it. I knew I had packed some items when I had decided to run away but I needed a refresher of what had been removed.

I pulled my laptop out and looked around. That wasn't a smart idea. There was not way it would be any help. There probably was no electricity within a hundred mile radius of the cabin. Well, the two hour battery backup would allow a few diary entries when and if I decided to take the time to write anything.

It was at that point I decided to make an entry. My life would never be the same after everything I had been told in the past 24 hours and I wanted some sort of record of it. I started the laptop and placed it on top of the small dresser and went back to my pack.

I rummaged through and threw clothes on the bed. Well, no jacket but at least I had a couple of changes of clothes. With a broken leg, I probably wouldn't be going outside anytime soon so who really cares about a jacket.

I heard the computer beep and I found my hidden diary. After entering the password, I paused. I didn't have time to pause. Battery power only held out for so long. I made the entry and saved it and turned off the laptop. I left it on the dresser for future entries.

I went back to the bed. I choice an outfit and stopped. Damn, how the hell was I suppose to shower? I threw the clothes back on the bed and sulked out of the room.

Edward had been prepared for my entry into the main room but I don't think he was expecting the attitude that came along with it.

"Something wrong?"

"Yea, couldn't you have gotten me a room at the Hilton?" I grumbled.

"Wow, you know you switch emotions as fast as Alice."

"Bite me."

"Well, now......" Edward smiled slyly.

I looked at him in horror. "No. Fucking. Way."

"Joking. You're a hard person to crack."

"Well, your little confession definitely didn't help."

"But that isn't what created this mood."

"No." I answered and sunk myself onto the couch. Edward moved away from the window and sat on the opposite end of the couch.

"So, what is the problem?"

"I'm filthy. There's no shower. Even if there was there would be no running water. Would you like me to continue?"

"No. You don't have to say another word. How tired were you when we arrived?"

"You tell me. You put me in the bed. And that better be all you did."

Now it was Edward's turn to be horrified. "I would never. Oh my god, who do you think I am?"

"Sorry. You were saying about when we arrived."

Edward didn't say anything. He simply rose and walked towards another door I hadn't seen. He opened it and I saw a tub inside. It was an old fashion tub with the claw legs underneath. It was perfectly white. I looked around the room and realized everything in the room had been sanitized and cleaned while I had been sleeping.

"You did all this?"

"It wasn't anything. I don't sleep, remember? I kept myself occupied."

I was finding that this man was constantly full of surprises. That scared me a little. How wonderful could he really be? I had no plans to find out.

"Give me a little while and I can have it filled." Edward said as he walked towards the kitchen and pulled out what can only be described at a cauldron. The first thing I thought of was witches. I chuckled.

"It laughs. Wow." Edward joked.

"Fuck you."

"Well, now......"

I give him a warning glare. "Not a fucking hope in hell." He would make my life impossible or at least be the cause of my death. I could see the headlines now. Teenager killed by stress due to vampire jokes.

"Edward, I was wondering something....."

"Hold that thought." He said and raced out of the cabin and back in under a second. He took the cauldron and put it on the fire that was roaring in the fireplace. "You were saying?"

"Okay, there are vampires and werewolves. What other monsters exist?" I needed to make sure he kept his distance and the mention of that word was my only defensive strategy at this moment.

I saw the pain in his eyes. He truly didn't like that word. I would have to remember to ask him about it some day. "What kind of......"

I knew what he was asking. Since he hated the word, I wasn't going to make him say it. "Are there witches, fairies, zombies?"

"No, no and no." He smiled that crooked smile.

"Stop that."

He leaned in, continuing to smile. "Stop what?"

"You, asshole." I smiled back. What was it about this monster that made me so comfortable with him.

"At least I'm not a monster anymore." He said softly.

His face was just inches from mine. I inhaled his scent. It was woodsy and animalistic. I could feel myself becoming lost in him, being drawn to him. He kissed my forehead and I found myself wishing he would do more.

A breeze blew past my face taking away his scent. I opened my eyes that I didn't even realize were closed and found him on the opposite side of the room. He was hunched and breathing heavily. The look in his eyes was unlike anything I had ever seen before.

"I'm sorry, Bella. God, I'm so sorry."

"What.....what..was that?" I could feel my heart racing. I was breathing nearly as heavily as he was. "Was that what I think it was?"

"Yes. I'm sorry.....I....." Edward was at a loss for words. His eyes were darting around the room.

"Don't apologize. God, you do that too much."

"I want to. I promised you that I wouldn't be anything more than you wanted and then I do that."

I could see he was beating himself up over it. I knew it was serious but I didn't understand why he was so upset with himself. "Edward, what's wrong? Talk to me."

He remained where he was. He looked at me. I could see the wildness was gone. "I am the world's greatest predator. Everything about me calls you in. Makes you feel safe even when you're not. Bella, you are the same thing to me. Everything about you, your smell, your heartbeat, the blood running through your veins. You will be the one thing that could 'kill' me.

If I ever hurt you. If I ever broke my promise to only be your friend. I couldn't, no, wouldn't exist with that knowledge. I'm sorry whether you want to here it or not."

I stood up and walked slowly towards him. He reacted like a wounded animal trapped in a corner. I, suddenly, was no longer afraid of him. I appreciated the fact that he wanted to respect my wishes. I wanted to show him that appreciation.

I knelt down in front of him. Even with his strength, I put my hand under his chin and pulled his face towards me. He didn't argue with me. He allowed me to pull him to my face. "Thank you." I wrapped my arms around him. I pulled on him tightly until he returned the hug. We held each other for a moment before I pulled away.

"For what?" He asked. He didn't understand what he had done.

"I have never had a man be like this to me. You have those feelings for me and are fighting them just to have me as a friend. You're not forcing me to feel or do anything I don't want. Thank you."

He smiled just a little and then quickly scooped me up and spun me around the room. "So we can be friends?"

"Yes." I squealed. I was getting dizzy. "Put me down, asshole."

He laughed as he tossed me gently onto the coach. "A hot bath up and coming for my best friend."

I felt more alive in that moment than I had ever in my life. I was secure, safe and protected with someone who would naturally find me food. Who could if he so desired do anything he wanted to me and I wouldn't be able to stop him. He was truly my friend.

After Edward filled the tub with scalding water, which for me was perfect, he left the cabin. I had free rein. I threw myself on the bed in the room and giggled. I hadn't felt this wonderful in a long time.

I undressed and felt the chill of the cabin creeping across my skin. I grabbed the towels that Edward had miraculously produced and headed into the bathroom. Other than the tub there was a mirror on the wall.

I sat on the edge of the tub and dipped my foot in. I had to be careful not to get the cast wet. The water felt great. I watched as my skin turned red. Perfect temperature. I washed and felt like a million dollars.

I laid back and thought back to everything that I had been told in the last few days. Things I had learned about myself, my friends, as they were slowly becoming, and my family. I started to thinking about the conversation in the living room of my father's home the day before. Something hit me. I thought back to something Carlisle had said.

Relaxing time was suddenly over. I jumped out of the tub and threw my hair into the towel and the other towel around my body. I opened the door a little to quickly and heard it hit the wall as I raced across the room into the bedroom. As the bedroom door slammed shut, I heard the front door of the cabin practically shake the cabin to the ground.

"Bella, are you okay. God, your heart is racing." Edward's voice came from the other room.

"I'm fine if you call being lied to again, fine. Why can't anyone be fucking honest with me?" I threw my t-shirt over my head and wiggled my way into it.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Think about it, Edward. Carlisle told us at your house that Victoria's mate was hunting me." I stated as I pushed my legs at the same time as I pulled on the belt loops of my jeans. Wet skin and skinny jeans didn't work well together. Well, the cast didn't help either. I had ruined one pair of my jeans because of this cast and I wasn't wearing anything but them because of it.

"I remember. What about it?" His voice was just on the other side of the door.

I opened the door, allowing him access. As I put my socks on, I looked up at him. He was confused. "My father said that Carlisle came back to my father's house a week after the attack when I was a child and told my father who the man was that tried to kill my mother and I. I know you heard that."

"I did. So?"

"Okay, two things. One my father never actually said the wolves killed him. Carlisle did though. So if the vampire is dead, who is Victoria's mate? Who was Carlisle talking about when he said and I quote 'She doesn't want you. He does.' and when he said 'Her mate. At some point, he found your scent.'? You weren't there for that conversation, Edward, but those were his words not mine."

Edward's eyes went tight as he thought through the information I had just given him. I continued dressing now working on my shoes.

"Okay, let's go into the living room and work through this logically. Something's wrong. I don't know what but this is not adding up. Carlisle would never lie about something like this."

"I'm not suggesting he is."

"I know. Sorry, I wasn't accusing you."

I pushed by him and went back to the main room of the cabin. I paced back and forth trying to work through all of the information that was floating around in my head.

"This is one of those times I wish I could read your mind. This would go much easier and quicker."

"Sorry for being human." I retorted.

"Stop. Let's both say sorry for any stupid comments the other says. Okay, now come sit down before you give yourself a heart attack." Edward said as he sat on one end of the couch.

I looked at him and realized he was right. I could feel my heart pounding within my chest. Suddenly, without any warning, I felt light headed and cold. I could feel my consciousness being pushed aside as my 'other side' dug its way to the surface.

"Edward, listen to me. Carlisle and Charlie are not aware of the deceit that has been played on them. The wolves never killed Victoria's mate. He survived the attack. This was set up by the wolves a long time ago."

Edward stared at me as I tried desperately to regain control of my mind and body.

"Who the hell are you?" He wasn't fooled. He knew someone had control of me.

"I am someone who cares for Isabella as much as you do."

"That tells me nothing."

"Isabella is the girl you know. The girl you love. I am the other half of her that should have been. The trauma she was involved in as a child was too much for her to handle. Her mind created me. I am her strength. I am her subconscious. I have hidden away the truth of that day in an attempt to protect her."

"Some protection. She's been through so much in her life. Where were you then? You claim you are her strength so why didn't you take care of her in Phoenix? Why did you allow those awful things to happen to her to make her so distrustful of me?"

"She loves you, Edward. She can't admit it. She won't out of fear. Until she does I can't return her to her former self. I can't allow her to be the person she should be." I continued to scream. I didn't want any of what my 'other side' was claiming.

"So, until she remembers everything on her own, you will be a barrier for those memories?"

"Yes, you could say I am a split-personality within her. I am her mental protection. I know the truth and I can tell you the wolves are the enemy more than you know. You need to find the truth. I wish I could help but Isabella must find the truth within herself. Once she accepts her present truth, her past truth will reemerge."

"What 'present truth'?" Edward growled.

I could feel my mind clear and the control I was fighting for winning. I felt lightheaded and the room spinning around me. I heard my name as I floated into nothingness.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I should have told you when this happened before." Those were the words that filled my head as I came back to the land of the living. I realized it was Rosalie's voice. She was scared. They were angry with her for hiding my secret.

"Bella?" I could hear his beautiful voice. I knew he was close. His scent was like a fog on every ounce of air that filled my lungs. "Edward, you're doing it again."

He laughed. The laugh sounded more like relief than anything else. "Sorry."

I slowly opened my eyes and found myself staring into deeply into his. "We really need to have a talk about this 'sorry' bullshit."

He pulled me into a tight hug. I looked over his shoulder and found Alice and Rosalie crammed in the small bedroom. "I feel like a sardine."

They must have understood as they quietly cleared the room. Edward picked me up and carried me into the main area. I had a better understanding of my 'other side' but I still had one issue.

"Why does this happen every time 'it' takes over?"

"I wish I could knock you off your feet." Edward answered.

"You do but that's a predator thing." I smiled.

Edward frowned. It wasn't what he meant but the truth was what it was. He would always be able to dazzle me and it would always be a natural food thing. Nothing could change that.

"Are you really okay? Do you remember what happened?"

"Yea. By the way, thank you, Rosalie. I know you're in trouble with them but keeping quiet about this means a lot to me." I looked at the woman who was standing against the wall with her arms wrapped around her.

She smiled at me but continued to remain where she was.

"I guess I have some issues to deal with when this is over. How do you feel about a woman with a split-personality?" I joked.

"More of you to love." Edward answered.

I groaned. That wasn't the answer I wanted.

"So, what the fuck is up with the wolves? Why would they lie about that vampire's death? Why did they deceive Carlisle and my father all these years?"

"We've been discussing that and there is only one answer. The treaty. The chiefs who made the treaty with us are dead and gone. The new generation doesn't want to hold up their end of the treaty. If a vampire kills on our land then the wolves can claim the treaty null and void. No more treaty means they can become our enemies again."

"Okay. Makes sense except for one thing. Why would they give me a locket to try and protect me?"

"I have the answer for that, Bella." Alice answered. "Billy gave you the locket. He is from an older generation. He isn't involved in what is going on. He has no idea. He's in as much danger with the new generation as the rest of us."

"Where are Emmett and Jasper?" I asked as I finally became aware of my surroundings.

"They left immediately after your episode. They didn't want to waste any time in warning Carlisle, Esme and your father."

"My father. I need to get back. I need him to know that I understand why he did this. I understand now the need to protect the ones you love. Please, Edward, take me home." I knew what I had said. I knew what I needed to do if I was going to retrieve those crucial memories.

I had decided that I wanted to feel the same way for Edward as he did for me. I needed to work through everything and be at peace with myself before that could happen. I just wasn't going to let him know that. I still wanted the reassurance from him that he would be happy with things the way they were.


	33. Chapter 33

**SEPTEMBER 29**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Well, I can't figure out how the days have been going by the way they have. The only thing I can know for sure is that there is a saying that goes "And the truth shall set you free". Well, there is truth to it but, boy, the truth can bite you in the ass if your not prepared for it. It can also sweep you off your feet. Things have really changed in my life but I'm not changing who I am. I refuse to submit to the way things should have been. I am me. That's it, that's all. Anyone who doesn't like it can kiss my ass.

:) night

Bella


	34. Chapter 34

**SEPTEMBER 29 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Everyone, I invite you to visit my favorite authors file. They are all talented and their stories spark my imagination and I'm sure they will for you too.**

**Congratulations to my FF4E, Katzenpfote. You made it through the nightmare, my doctor friend.**

I opted to travel on Edward's back. I didn't want him to be distracted by my scent. He needed to be more in control of himself than me. I wanted the distraction. I needed it.

I still was surprised with myself at the decision I had made. I wanted to feel 'that way' for Edward. There was something that was telling me that this was the way it should be. I was sure it wasn't my other side. I needed to think and talk everything through. I wouldn't have time for the next while but since there was nothing I could do now, I should take advantage of the time.

What was it about Edward and his decision to be only what I wanted him to be that caused this change in me? I could feel the old me slipping away. Then it hit me. The old me. I couldn't lose her. She was me. She was the strength. She was my other side.

I concentrated on my past. I tried to remember anything that was cloudy and fuzzy. It seemed natural that those memories were when my other side had taken over. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against Edward's back. I tightened my grip around his neck.

I felt his hand on mine. "You okay back there?"

"Yea." I couldn't explain what I needed just that he was helping. I concentrated on the rippling of his muscles under his marble skin. The coolness of his body against mine. The wind whipping past us causing his scent to penetrate my lungs.

I felt my body going limp. The darkness was beginning to surround me. Before it took me I spoke with the little energy I had left. "Edward, don't worry about me. Just keep going."

I felt him slow for a moment before the darkness enveloped me and took me under.

This time it was different. I wasn't seeing through my own eyes. I was looking at them. I looked around and found nothing but her. The nothingness was white. A glowing glittering white nothing. I turned back to her. She was me in every way but there were still differences.

My hair was dyed black. Hers was the natural chocolate brown. She wore no makeup unlike me. Her eyes sparkled in contrast to my dullness. She glowed emotionally. She fed from it. She embraced it. I could feel it radiate from her.

I opened my mouth to speak but was silenced as she put her hand against my mouth. She took my hand and walked with me through the white nothingness. I wanted to speak but I knew that wasn't the way she wanted this to happen. Somehow I could understand every movement and gesture she made and the reasoning behind it.

Slowly the white nothingness got darker. I started to shake. I didn't want to be trapped within my own mind. I felt her squeeze my hand letting me know that she was here. She wouldn't let anything hurt me. I tightened my grip around her hand and pulled myself closer to her.

Somewhere in the distance I saw a light. It was a single light glowing one single area. I was frightened. I didn't like the unknown. I could feel a thickness like a fog gathering in the air. She pulled me towards it.

I stopped. I felt everything and nothing at the same time. The nothingness felt like a blanket wrapping itself around me. It tightened, squeezing the air from my lungs. It compressed around my heart. It felt unnatural.

Isabella. You wanted to know who I am. This is me.

What?

Do you feel it? The nothingness.

Yes.

This is me.

Why?

Because the trauma you've had in your life shouldn't have been. Your life was never suppose to be what it is.

What should it have been?

You should have gone down a different path that day in the woods so many years ago. You should have been able to learn to embrace me and work with me. I wasn't given that chance. I had to hide and with it I hid the truth of who you should truly be.

Who am I suppose to be?

The mother of a new generation.

A mother?

You have incredible abilities. Abilities that would be more powerful than the vampires would ever thought possible.

I don't understand.

It is time for the truth. You need to know the truth. The time is coming near when you will need to use me. I am holding you back. That can no longer be allowed. You and I need to work together. The best way to consider what I am is a shield. I have been shielding you from your fears, your past, your nightmares. When you were young you were confronted by the vampires. Victoria and her mate were not suppose to confront you till now. That didn't happen that way. The werewolves put everything into motion well before you were ready for them. I needed to manifest myself to protect you against the knowledge. You weren't capable of protecting yourself. You weren't strong enough as a small child. Your destiny interfered and forced me to wrap myself around those memories to stop your fate from coming into play too early. Unfortunately.....

Wait. You say you are a shield?

Yes.

What should have been your purpose if the wolves hadn't changed everything?

I should have blocked your mind from him. That was all I was suppose to do. It would have been one of the factors that would have brought you together. What else destiny had intended for me to do, I don't know. All I know for sure is that I would have been something the vampires would have been shocked at. Once I started protecting you from your memories, you started pushing more memories inside me. I wasn't able to stop you. I don't have that control.

Who is him?

You know who he is.

There is a destiny for us?

There was at one time. Because fate hasn't played out the way it should have I don't know how your destiny will shape for the two of you. That decision is now here in the present. Destiny and fate no longer have the choice. I stopped that when I wrapped myself up inside your mind and blocked the knowledge of these vampires, when the werewolves brought the vampires to you and your family.

I want to know the truth. I want all of my memories that you have been hiding. Protecting me from. I want the strength that I can gain from them. I am not a child anymore. I can fight my nightmares, my demons. I want there to be no more secrets. I don't want you to protect me from my past anymore. I want us to work together.

But your future is so unclear to fate and destiny now.

Good. No one should depend on them. Live every day like it is your last. Make the most of it. I can't do that if I worry about what my future should be if I change one thing or not. I don't want to live that way. Show me, please.

She showed me my memories that I had long ago hidden away. She showed me the day Victoria and her mate, James, had found my family in the woods. She showed me the deceit the wolves had created. The scene played out like a movie. A terrible, horrifying movie. The fear and terror.

She showed me the day I left for Phoenix with my mother. The sadness and hatred I had because of my family being ripped apart. The emotions I felt towards the vampires. My mother blaming me for making her leave dad. She blamed me. She said I was the reason.

She showed me the horrors my mother had allowed Phil to cause because of the blame she had for her sadness. Her hurt and hatred for being pushed away from her happy life.

She showed me all the nightmares that I had hid away so the pain wouldn't overwhelm me and cause my life down a dark and terrifying path. I saw what one path my life could have gone had I remembered all the evils in my life. I cried at that path I didn't take.

I was grateful for her hiding these memories. I was thankful for the life I had now. My anger and hatred had been misdirected but it had caused me to have a strength to fight. To fight for a way back to Forks. Back to where I should have been when the time was right. To this place where he would be. The only one my life was destined to be intertwined with.

I was the mother of a new generation. He was the father. Somehow this new life path would come to be the path that my life should have been originally. With this knowledge, the child would be born. Destiny would have a chance to correct itself. It would happen but because I wasn't the person I should have been. Because our relationship hadn't started the way it should have, things would be different between us. This would alter destiny's path but it would all come to be as it was meant to.

The saying held true. You can't change destiny.

I looked at my mental companion. So what happens now? Will you disappear into nothingness?

No. Now I become what I'm suppose to be. The ability you are suppose to have in the future. Embrace me but don't shape yourself because of me. Allow the future to correct itself. Don't be afraid of what will happen. Don't be afraid to find the right path because of the fear it may have. Open yourself up to him. That is all I asked. I am part of you. I will always be here but my time has come to be what I should have been all along.

I love you. Thank you.

I love you now and always.

I felt myself slowly pushing towards the surface. It felt like I had been swimming in a very warm lake on a cloudy day. The sun gently driving away the darkness showing me the way out of my mind. I could feel myself move.

I slowly opened my eyes. I could tell from the chill penetrating my body that I was being held by the one person that I knew now was part of my destiny. I needed to accept and allow it to happen. Fate and destiny had a plan and it was time for it to play its role.

I looked into his eyes and smiled. The relief was instantaneous. His body relaxed. I reached up and ran my hand down his chin. He leaned into it. I took in a deep breath, allowing his scent to fill my lungs, my heart, my mind and my body.

He looked at me confused. I moved my hand behind his head and pulled him close. He allowed it without hesitation. I pulled myself closer to him. Gently I placed my lips against his and then released my hold on him.

Edward didn't react at first but he didn't pull away either. Slowly his lips took control and he pushed into the kiss. It was gently and innocent but the emotions were there.

He broke away first. He was breathing heavily and I realized I was to. Neither of us spoke. We just looked at each other saying everything with our eyes.

Once my breathing returned to normal I moved indicating my desire to get up. I was laying on a section of grass surrounded by trees. The world was quiet and still.

"So.......??" He said very softly.

"Stop being so fucking emotional. Just accept it and move on." I couldn't change who I was. The sappy loving shit wasn't me.

He laughed and pulled me against him. I could feel he was being careful and I silently wondered how much he was holding back. Someday I might find out but for the moment I would live with the knowledge he was much stronger than I could imagine.

He swept me up into his arms and twirled me around. His skin sparkled as his body hit the sun the was pushing its way through the canopy the trees were creating above our heads. I could see the sun had changed its place in the sky and I wondered what time or, even, day it was.

"Let's get you home."

I ducked my head into his chest as he raced off into the woods. I didn't want to take the chance of hitting my face off the branches that were whipping around my body.

A short time later we cleared the forest and slowed down in front of my house. I have been so swept up in the moment that it was now that I realized Alice and Rosalie were no longer with us.

I looked towards the house and saw them waiting on the porch. I knew that dad had been told what the wolves had done. How did he react to that knowledge? How would he react to the next bit of knowledge that I was about to spring on him? I knew my father. I knew he wouldn't be happy. I would have to play it by ear.

Edward set me down on the porch and I turned towards Alice. "Can I ask one question that has been plaguing me?"

"Anything."

"Why didn't you see a vision about all this?"

"About what?"

"The wolves?"

"I can't read them. I can see their future and anyone around them disappears from my visions. Their futures disappear. Plus, the stinky things give me a headache."

"I guess that would be another reason for me to not like them." I smiled at her.

She giggled and then looked back and forth between Edward and I. "So, now it's my turn. Is everything the way it should be between you two?"

"What do you mean 'should be'?" I asked. I knew that her visions changed depending on choices made. Had she seen the future as it should have been or was she talking about the immediate developments?

"Bella, maybe you and I should talk later." She wasn't going to answer that question at the moment.

"Definitely." I replied.

Edward looked at both of us. I knew he didn't like secrets. I playfully slapped his chest. "Fuck off. No reading her mind for answers. You'll be banished from my room for another week if I find out you did."

He straightened up and saluted. "Yes, madam."

I rolled my eyes. Edward was going to be a challenge. That much I knew for sure. I looked at Alice as she giggled again.

"I think this is going to be fun to watch." The girl was so cryptic sometimes.

I carefully walked into the house. My cast was a little soft due to the mountain top and its humidity. I followed Alice into the living room with Edward and Rosalie trailing behind me.

I looked around the room and found Carlisle and my father huddled in a corner of the room talking in low voices. Dad looked in my direction and raced across the room.

I found myself spinning again and silently wished people would stop doing that. I loved speed but spinning wasn't healthy for my stomach. I slapped his back forcing him to set me down.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have told you everything from the start. I shouldn't have held the truth from you." He was begging for understanding.

"Dad, you did what you thought was best. With that being said, don't do it again. Whether it hurts me or not, I want no more secrets."

"It's a deal as long as you don't hide the truth from me." He stated.

I knew he was talking about me deceiving him with who the Cullen's were and the dangers I had been exposed to recently. Even knowing that's what he was speaking of, I knew I had to tell him now or risk a step backwards.

"Deal. Dad? I need you to sit down. I have something I want to tell you and I'm not sure how you're gonna take it." I felt like I was ten years old and about to admit that I had played ball in the house breaking the lamp.

He looked at me and then around at everyone else. From the looks on their faces they all knew what was about to be said. He looked back at me. "What did you do?"

"A few things, actually. Maybe we should start with the easy ones."

"Okay." He moved back to the couch and sat nervously. "First?"

"Well, you know Mike Newton's car?" From the look on his face, I knew I was in big trouble.


	35. Chapter 35

**SEPTEMBER 30**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

Guess what?????????????? Grounded, again. Damn it. Dad flipped. Not just about Mike's car. It was a combination of shit. Sneaking to Port Angeles, sneaking into the storage garage (yeah, he found out), considering running away, leaving with Edward and the others for the cabin (yes he grounded me for that too). The one I'm most grounded for: Edward. Like, seriously, dad lost it. What the fuck?????? He said Edward is not allowed in the house for the next week. Where does that sound familiar???? :) Like I would listen to dad but the bullshit part is Edward plans to according to Carlisle. He is such an asshole bastard. He's gonna do the 'gentleman' thing and obey my father. Like hell. I'm going kill the SOB........


	36. Chapter 36

**SEPTEMBER 30 (STORY)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Much love to Merkle, IsnortSugar, twilightromance4ever, TheDay'sEye, outofmytree and mostly, Katzenpfote, my FF4E.**

**PLEASE ENJOY READING THIS CHAPTER AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT. :)**

**BTW.....this will be the only update till after the weekend....life is kicking me again. Sorry!!!!**

"Bella, what the hell do you know about the Newton kid's car?" I could see the fire lit behind my father's eyes.

"Well, daddy." I decided to try the nice approach. "He's been an ass at school and I decided he needed some punishment."

"Go on."

"Well, I, sort of, took off after school that day and went to Port Angeles......"

"YOU WHAT?" I felt my neck crack as I looked quickly in one direction at my father and then in Edward's. They were both pissed.

I cringed as I watched my father's eyes turn from me to Edward. I saw the confusion and then the knowledge creep in. Damn, that asshole. He's done me in for sure now.

"Okay, first of all, you, fuck off." I pointed in Edward's direction. "You just made things a lot more complicated. So you have a choice, shut up or get out."

Just because he and I were going to try a go at this thing didn't mean I had to roll over and play puppy. I watched as he sat on the chair by the window. I whipped my head around towards the laughter coming from the other end of the room.

"Alice, shut up. You and your visions have caused enough grief for me. Your laughter isn't helping either." She instantly stopped and found a corner and became still as a statue.

I turned to Rosalie. "Do you want in on this too?"

"Nope. You're doing a great job. Couldn't have done better myself." She was being honest. She was very thick skulled but had her opinions and wasn't afraid to show them. But she also, secretively, knew when to pick the battles and when to let someone else pick. She could still become a good friend.

"Hey, over here. I am your father and I have some things to say."

"Dad......" I interrupted.

"No way. No 'dad, I'm sorry'. First, Port Angeles. Second, Mike Newton. Then we'll talk about the rest." My father glared at Edward.

"Yes, sir." I knew he was mad. I hadn't seen him like this in a long time. I could still salvage this as long as everyone else kept silent.

"Sit. Now."

I sat on the couch and leered at Edward. He knew the damage he had caused and tried to apologize with his eyes. It wasn't going to work. He was in shit and knew it.

"Now. Port Angeles. Why?"

"Well, I needed supplies."

"For what?" As if he didn't already know.

"Mike's car."

"Why Port Angeles? Why not in Forks? Damn, Bella, you could have been killed going there."

"How was I suppose to know vampires were trying to kill me? Everyone was keeping secrets."

"That doesn't answer the question." I could see the frustration in his face.

"Dad, I am a cop's daughter. If I bought the supplies here it would have taken you all of two minutes to find out it was me. I'm not that stupid. Give me some credit."

"Never. No credits, no leeway. So punishment for one, going to Port Angeles, two for being a smart ass, three for planning and executing your plan. Now, next. Explain the car."

"Well.....I kind of.....might have.....been the one...who wrote on the car."

I heard a snicker outside the window. "Fuck off, Emmett."

"I'll take care of that." Rosalie stated and was gone.

"I want to hear the words from your mouth, young lady. What did you do to the car?"

"I wrote 'dick' on it and then drew a picture around the word." I couldn't believe he was making me say it. The next question drew horror from my eyes.

"What was the picture, Bella?"

"Ah, come on, dad. Don't make me say it."

"You can't say it but you can certainly draw it. No. I want the words, Bella."

I lowered my head. Edward and Alice still didn't know any of this or the why for it. I knew what would happen once Edward knew everything. Kill that bird first.

I looked at Edward, pointing my finger. "You say or do anything and I will rip your head off. Understand?"

Edward darted his eyes from me to my father. He finally looked at Alice who gave him "she'll do it" look. He looked back at me and nodded.

I looked back to my father. "I made a picture of a _penis_." I stressed the word just to make him as uncomfortable as he was making me.

It worked. He walked away for a moment and I could see him settle himself physically before returning. "Why, Bella? Why would you do something so stupid? Do you know what kind of trouble you could have gotten yourself into?"

"Dad, I turned 18. Juvie record sealed. Juvie criminal who knows how to cover her tracks. Juvenile delinquent who has a cop for a father. Remember? I covered all my tracks. No finger prints and the handwritten was done with my bad hand."

My father shook his head in disbelief. I could see the hairs on his head turning gray. "Your juvenile record has been sealed but it can still be used for the next five years, Bells. To add to that, this stunt you pulled was after your birthday so no excuse. I want one more answer on this. Why did you do it?"

Now it was my turn to be uncomfortable. I stood and walked cautiously to the window. I couldn't face any of them as the words fell from my mouth. "Because that asshole has been a creepy stalker since I arrived in Forks."

I'm not sure who reacted first but by the time I spun around Edward, Alice and my father were all screaming at me. I heard some of the questions like "Why didn't you tell me?" and "Is this the reason for Jessica?" Then there were the comments. "I'm going kill him." "Restraining order." "Jail."

I waited till the commotion died down. Alice was the first to laugh. I stared shocked at her as did everyone else.

"Alice, this isn't funny." Carlisle said, still standing in the corner.

"I think it is. He is a dick and I would've paid money to see the look on his face when he saw his car."

That settled everyone down.

"Okay, so punishment. One, defacing the car, two, hiding the stalker issue and three, being a juvenile delinquent."

Damn, my punishment was going to be sever if this didn't stop soon.

"So, did you drive your bike or the one in the garage to Port Angeles?" My father continued.

"Mine. Wait. You know about the garage?"

"I know everything, Bells. I'm a father." I saw Carlisle nod in agreement. Not helping, vampire.

"Answer me this. What is up with the bike?"

"I was just like you when I was younger. I grew up a little after you were born and the bike is just a memory of that time."

"Bullshit. That bike was in perfect condition. There wasn't a scratch on her. Truth, dad."

"This isn't about me. This is about you. You stole the key to the garage and the bike. You stole my bike from the garage. I see it has a couple of scratches on it now. Care to explain."

"Do you really want to hear how I was racing it through the woods and....."

"NO! It was a rhetorical question."

I closed my mouth. Now wasn't the time to be a smart ass. He was getting more ammunition to use against me.

"How did your bike get here?"

"I don't know. I......" I thought for a minute. "Dad, who specifically gave me my locket?"

"Billy Black's kid, Jacob. Why?"

"That's who you should be asking about my bike. The keys were with the locket."

"God damn kid. I told Billy this was happening."

"What's happening, dad?"

"Jacob's got a bit of a crush on you."

I heard Edward hiss. I turned and saw he was pissed off at the mention of this. The question I had was why?

"Bella, listen to me." My father walked over and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me in protectively. "Jacob is wolf too. Do you understand?"

I was confused. "No."

"Wolves imprint with their mates, Bella." Carlisle answered.

"What does that mean?"

"When they imprint they become anything the mate wants them to be. A friend, a servant, a lover. All wolves who imprint will stop at nothing to make the person their lover. He is now naturally obsessed with you. That is 'if' he has imprinted." He turned from me to my father. "We don't know anything for sure."

"She'll be fine. I won't let that mutt come anywhere near her." Edward answered. Fuck, the protective hero again. Why did he have to do this? I wasn't a simple princess who had been locked away from the world my whole life.

"You. Now there's a conversation for us to have. I want answers and if you two were smart you would be careful what answers you give me." My father bellowed.

I looked at Edward and silently thanked him for opening his mouth. I could see the apology in his eyes. He'll pay for it later.

"So what is going on with you two?"

I looked at Alice. She was watching and waiting for the answers also. I could see the twinkle in her eyes. She was practically bouncing in excitement. Damn, there was no safety net here this time.

"Edward's important to me. Dad, listen." I needed him to understand and now this conversation was getting personal. "I've been through a lot. You know that. You know I won't jump into anything. I won't allow myself to be hurt in anyway again. You need to trust me on this one. Please."

He looked at me. I could see the hurt in his face. He was in pain knowing that he hadn't been able to protect me in Phoenix. He wanted to protect me now but I was asking him to let me go.

"Bella, if any harm comes to you, I......." He trailed off. I walked over and hugged him tightly.

"I'm safe, daddy. I'm okay with this." Wrong words.

"Well, I'm not. I just won't roll over and die on this one, Bella. Grounded. One week. No leaving the house for any reason. And you." He looked at Edward. "No entrance into this house for one week. I need time to get use to this and I want one week."

"But, dad."

"No. I will make it two weeks. If this is real for you one week won't make a difference. This grounding is also for the rest of it. You caused a lot of problems and broke a lot of the rules we agreed to when you first got here. One week."

I lowered my head. I knew I had a good fight left in me but my father had given me a way out. He was willing to give Edward a chance but didn't want to have to say the words. I would allow him to keep his fatherly pride.

I didn't say one word. I walked over to Edward. I looked into his eyes. I knew I would see those every changing colors again for a week. I kissed him gently on his lips and then pulled away. He smiled at me and then in shock. I pulled back my hand, balled it into a fist and brought it into contact with his stomach. It was a mistake on my part. I didn't break any bones but my hand would be bruised.

"What was that for?" His voice was full of confusion.

"For opening your mouth and causing some of this stupidity. My grounding is partially your fault, asshole." I smiled at him. I needed him to know I wasn't completely pissed off at him.

I walked out of the room and climbed the stairs to my room. I tried to close my door and found something blocking it. I turned and found Carlisle silently waiting for permission to enter. I opened the door back up and sat patiently on my bed.

I cradled my hand while he examined it. "I've never seen someone as stubborn as you. You are good for him."

"I hope he's good for me."

"Time will tell." Carlisle refused to sugar coat the future.

I knew Edward and I were from different times so there were different ideals and attitudes that would be hard for us to both overcome.

"Carlisle. Can I ask you one question?"

"Of course."

"Will Edward come and see me tonight?"

"I don't think so. He's too much of a gentleman. He won't go against your father."

"I knew it."

Carlisle laughed. "It's only a week."

"That's rich coming from a vampire. Edward won't even think twice about it."

"You're wrong. He'll make the house miserable that he can't see you. We've been through that once because of you. Remember?"

"He does care." I said more to myself than to Carlisle.

"Good night, Bella. I'll see you in a week."

"Thanks."

Carlisle closed my door and I walked over to my dresser. I opened the drawer and pulled out a set of pajamas. I tore off my clothes and got changed. It had been a long day and I was now emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.

I emptied the contents of my backpack onto my bed and set my laptop back up and turned it on. As it came to live I put all of the other items away. Clothes back in the dresser and the closet. Money back in its hiding place.

I went back to the dresser and picked up my bathroom bag and proceeded to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and ran my brush through my hair. After putting my hair into an elastic, I washed my face of the dirt and makeup that was caked on it. I gathered everything back up and headed back to my room.

I sat at my computer and opened my diary. I chuckled at my situation as I wrote cryptically about the events of the day. I paused at the sound of my window opening. I shut the file down and turned, knowing who was in my room.

"You are an asshole."

"Hey. I'm here. I'm disobeying your father. Give me some credit." His voice musically answered.

I walked over and he took my mangled hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. You had it coming. You must have known how my father would reacted."

"I couldn't help it. Why didn't you tell me about Mike?"

"Cause I'm not weak. I can handle that bastard."

"Not by yourself. Not now. I told you I would be close by. That means against him too."

"Thank you."

"Your welcome. But for what exactly?"

"One, being you. Two, for not promising anything."

Edward picked me up and pulled me close to his face. "Anytime."

I leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't gentle. I could feel the dazzle taking over. Something inside wanted out and I wasn't going to fight it. Not with him.

I found myself on my bed and locked in a deep kiss with a true man. I ran my hands through his hair. I could feel his cold hands running down my ribs and onto my hips. I moved enough that I could wrap my legs around his waist.

He took a quick deep breath. He pulled away from my face and gazed down at me. "We should stop."

"Why?"

"Because if we don't.......I don't want to push this too fast. You still need time."

"Edward."

"Yes."

"Shut up and stop being a gentleman and just be a man with needs. Show me what love is suppose to be."

**Okay so there is a poll on my profile. Do you want the next chapter to be a lemon or would you like to use your imaginations?**

**The poll will be available till midnight Sunday night Pacific Standard Time.**


	37. Chapter 37

**October 1**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear diary,

I don't know what the hell happened last night. I had a nightmare. Well, it wasn't really a nightmare until the end. I can't wrap my head around it. I think its time for me to talk to Esme. I know I can trust her. I think I can trust her. But as Edward's mother, would she be the right person to talk to? Could she be objective? Maybe I can talk to Angela. She might understand me more. She is human and my age. I just need to find a way to talk to her. Being grounded doesn't make it easy. Would it be safe to have her over?

Bella


	38. Chapter 38

**October 1 (story)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Thank you for everyone who voted. I have considered the fact that there are some for "yes" and some for "no". With that in mind, I present a chapter I hope pleases both sides.**

Edward looked at me with mixed emotions. I wanted this. I was sure of it. I understood now what it was between us. I didn't plan on changing who I was or what I believed but I wanted to make sure he understood what he was beginning to mean to me. I needed to do this for both him and me.

"Bella, I love you. I don't want to push anything to quickly for either of us. Please understand there is nothing I would deny you but I don't want this to move that quickly." Edward replied.

"Go away, Edward." Suddenly reality was creeping up on me. I couldn't do this. I wasn't ready for this to happen.

"Bella, please, don't send me away."

"Edward. Go. Now." I hissed. I understood what he was telling me. I couldn't deny his reasoning. I needed him to leave. His scent, his looks, everything about him was pushing my feelings towards attacking him. I needed him to leave before I truly did something I was going to regret.

The look on his face killed me. He didn't understand that I was sending him away because of the best interest for both of us. I didn't know how to explain it to him without looking like an idiot. I just needed him to leave.

I turned over on my bed and pushed myself into my pillow. I needed to smother the smell away. I needed to clear my head. I heard my window close and turned over to find my room empty.

I threw myself back into my pillow. I cried harder than I had in years. I cried for what I had almost done. I cried for Edward. He had left thinking I was rejecting him because of his refusal. I cried mostly for myself and how the shit in my life had forced my into a mixed emotional situation.

I slowly came around and the crying stopped. I felt sleep begin to take hold of me. I welcomed it. My nightmares were something I had learned to handle. Reality was still a bitch.

I felt a cold touch on my hip and turned my head to find Edward staring down at me. I watched his eyes narrow slightly and his nostrils flare.

"What?" I asked with a shaky voice. His continuous star was really starting to scare me now.

"I can smell how much you want me. Don't deny me."

I turned away from him. I could feel the shades of red creeping across my face. I was scared and aroused at the same time.

"Shh. It's perfectly alright because I want you too." He answered my unspoken question with a throaty voice.

My eyes flew to his as he pushed his body against me. I could feel how aroused he was. He growled in my ear and I felt his fingertips as they tightened on my hip. His eyes had gotten darker. He had taken control and was becoming dominant and assertive. I wasn't sure how to react. I liked it but was terrified at the same time.

He leaned in and whisper into my ear, his breath tickling my neck and sending a shiver down my spine. "You want me, don't you?"

Even though is wasn't necessary I nodded confirming what he was asking. He took my hand and directed it to the bulge under his pants. My breath hitched in my throat, my hand cupped against his, feeling his thickness. I moaned softly, involuntarily and he chuckled sexily.

A dull ache began between my legs, and I felt my lips swell and dampen. I tried to calm my pounding heart. He knew! He knew everything I was feeling and from the look on his face he enjoyed the knowledge and the satisfaction it gave him. I felt him pulse beneath my hand and moaned again. He knew exactly what he was doing to me whether I welcomed it or not.

His lips that were still near my ear trailed kisses down my throat and up to my lips. I could feel the difference between his cool touch and the heat throughout my body. I opened my mouth and felt his tongue come to meet mine in a kiss full of passion and need.

He pushed me back onto the bed and twisted so he was holding himself effortlessly above me. I felt his fingers find their way under my shirt and held my breath as he reached up and found my hard erect nipples. Using a thumb and forefinger he pinched gently, twisting my nipples causing intense pleasure to course through my body.

"Please." I cried. Was I asking for more of him or asking him to stop. I could feel my juices coating my pussy lips and tried to hide it by clamping my legs tightly together. Unfortunately, all this did was intensify the feeling of pressure my clit was feeling. It hadn't even been touched and it was aching as though it had been rubbed raw.

"Please what? What do you want?" He asked against my throat. "This?" As he ripped my shirt and lowered his mouth to my nipple sucking me into him, latching on with his teeth and flicking his tongue over the tip.

"Oh my god." Was the only response I could give. I gave myself into the feelings that were pulsing through my body.

I felt him smile against my tit and his hand started its slow descent over my stomach leaving goosebumps along the way. He fingers tickled and teased as they made their way under my pants. Time seemed to stand still as I waited breathlessly for what was coming next. Then suddenly his finger was sliding between my lips. My breath caught in my throat as he ran his finger from my clit to my opening, parting my lips easily.

"Mmm, so wet." His deep voice stated. "I knew as soon as I smelled you that you would be."

His lips trailed an icy path down my body, following the part his hand had taken just moments earlier. I reached down and tangled my fingers in his thick dark hair. Once against my breath caught in my throat as he tore my pants away from my body and rested his mouth just above my clit. With a finger and thumb he parted the skin and slowly reached out with his tongue and tasted me for the first time.

Sensations seemed to explode within my body as I felt the tip of his tongue go on its adventure. My clit seemed to become larger and even more swollen as he rolled his tongue in circles. His fingers pushed and pulled in and out of me as if my body and his fingers were fighting a battle of dominance.

At some point he made his way back up, kissing my body along the way. I heard the growl come from his body again as he disposed of his clothes. "Beautiful." He said as he looked down at my naked body. I could feel the heat within my cheeks come to the surface.

In a flash he appeared between my legs. His mouth was immediately on my pussy and licking over the opening and onto my clit. I felt him suck my clit into his mouth, gently holding it between his teeth and biting down while his tongue flicked over it.

Just when I thought I was going to lose it, he inserted two fingers deep inside me, positioning them so that they rubbed against the sensitive area inside me. His tongue continued to assault my clit as he moved his fingers in and out of me. He began to lick my lips and clit in time with the movement of his fingers. As his fingers got faster and rougher, so did his tongue, until my legs started shaking uncontrollably. I reached down with my hands and tried to pull his hands and head away from me.

"No. This time is for you." He said in his deep mesmerizing voice. "Your pleasure will be first and then mine will be ours."

I groaned and continued to try and pull him up to me, but he took my hands and held them still. "Patience. I have waited a lifetime to feel your warmth and softness beneath my mouth."

Again he placed a kiss, this time with a little more pressure against my clit. His cold breath as he spoke made me hotter and I sighed. I knew I wasn't in control and wouldn't be allowed the control. I feared his control but he was loving and caring, not hurtful and mean.

"To hear the sounds you make and know that I'm the one causing them." He slid his tongue over my clit and my hips rose with a will of their own in time to his movements.

"To have you explode over my tongue and taste your bitter-sweet liquid" With that he buried his tongue as deep as he possibly could inside my throbbing pussy. I lost control of my body and soul now. He possessed everything I was.

Shuddering, with shaking legs and moaning deeply, I felt my body tense up and my inner muscles start contracting around his tongue. Gripping his hair and pulling his face in deeper, my hips bucked as I climaxed with such force that I felt the wetness flow from my body. I heard Edward growl in approval.

"That's what I've been waiting for." He stated as he greedily pushed his face into my pussy.

I felt him make his way back up my body, stroking softly on my stomach and then gently running his nails over my skin. Reaching my tits, he squeezed and massaged them, making me gasp and causing my nipples to peak once more.

He positioned himself between my legs and thrust himself forward with urgency and his cock entered me in a single fluid movement. With a breathless moan, I felt my pussy stretch to accommodate him as he filled me. Raising himself effortlessly above me, his eyes met mine. There was a hunger I hadn't seen before. I was scared again. I soon forgot being scared as he buried himself up to the hilt inside me and let himself rest there. Teasingly, he gyrated his hips without withdrawing, making me moan in frustrated pleasure.

Agonizingly he started to pull away and my inner muscles clenched in protest around him. He withdrew until just his head was inside and then he slammed down with such force it knocked the air from my lungs. Again he moved his hips back as though to retreat, stopping at the entrance. He pounded back into me causing my eyes to roll back.

I reached around him and grabbed his ass and locked my legs around his hips. With a throaty moan, he pushed harder and deeper than before. He impaled me again and again bringing me closer to my climax. I heard him inhale and knew he was taking in my scent. For a moment I remembered what he was and felt my heartbeat quicken. I didn't know if it was because of what his body was doing to mine or how vulnerable I was to him.

His thrusts into me were so deep that I could feel him in the pit of my stomach. His relentless pounding was gathering momentum and I could feel a warmth building in my very core. My breathing got heavier and the moans coming from my body were unnatural.

"Please, oh god, please." My pussy tightened around him as I felt him swell even more inside me. A few more hard strokes and I was free-falling into an abyss. Nothing made sense, nothing seemed real. I clutched against Edward as though he was thing only thing in this world that was real. That existed. My entire body seemed to explode with sensation and my pussy spasmed around him.

With an almost primal cry, he threw his head back and with one last thrust into me he unloaded. It was cold. Icy cold. I could feel his cock pulsate and twitch as it emptied into me. My pussy continued to clench and unclench around it. My heart was pounding so hard that is sounded within my ears.

Edward looked down at me as he tenderly ran his hand up and down my side. I shook at the goosebumps his cold skin left. I put my hand up to his face, running my fingers down his cheek. He reached up and clasped it with his own hand and brought my wrist to his mouth.

"Always remember, Bella." He stated with a defining tone. "You are mine."

I watched with euphoria as Edward bared his teeth and bite down into my wrist. I tried to scream but his hand covered my mouth, smothering my voice. I tried to pull myself away from him. I couldn't move. I shut my eyes against the pain. I wished the nightmare away.

"Bella? Bella, baby, wake up."

I twisted and turned. Opening my eyes, I found myself under the covers of my bed, fully clothes. I instinctively looked down at my wrist. No bite. No blood. No pain. I looked up at the face hovering above me.

"Edward?"

"I heard your heartbeat start fluttering like a hummingbird. You scared me. Were you having a nightmare?" Edward asked concerned.

"Yeah, I think so." I was still confused. I didn't know what to think. He didn't do anything. I knew it. I could feel it. My body hadn't been touched in that way.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward was practically begging. He was scared. I knew that just from the look on his face.

"No, I just want to sleep." I was terrified and excited at the same time. I knew the difference between my normal nightmares and this one. Edward would never hurt me. He only wanted to protect me from both myself and others. "You can stay."

"Only if you want me to." He answered honestly.

"I won't have said it if I didn't." I snapped smiling timidly. I wasn't sure if I really wanted him to stay but I didn't really want him to leave either.

He must have sensed something was not right. He smiled unconvinced and took up his statue-like stand near the window.

I rolled over, away from him and slowly found sleep take over again. I didn't dream the rest of that night.


	39. Chapter 39

**October 5**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

I'm done. I don't care anymore. The world can go fuck itself. I'm the blame for her problems. I'm the reason that she is fucked up. I'm a slut. Fuck her. Stupid fucking bitch. I don't need this shit. I don't deserve it. I am me. I can only control my life. And the bullshit part is I can't even do that. Fuck all of them. Fuck the vampires, fuck the wolves, fuck my friends, fuck my family. I don't need anyone. I'm alone. I always have been and always will be. Fuck the world and it's bullshit. I'm done.


	40. Chapter 40

**October 5 (story)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**A huge shout-out to Katzenpfote. She passed the last of her exams and is now a real true doctor. Congratulations, girl.**

I sat in front of my computer. The sun was an unfamiliar sight. It was filtering through my open window. What made it worse was that lately Edward had been a foreign sight also. The nightmare, dream, whatever that was had shaken me. I hadn't meant to but Edward had been receiving a cold shoulder from me in the last few days.

Rose and Alice had come by to talk to me about what was going on. What the hell was I suppose to tell them. A sex dream, a weird one at that, about their brother wasn't something I wanted to talk about.

I knew I needed someone to talk to but talking to his family wasn't the right way to go. I had to deal with deadly vampires and now my emotions were freaking me out. Making me irritable, mean and cold. I had been snapping at everyone.

I felt like me but at the same time I was being a totally different person. I normally was just hardheaded but now I was being just awful towards everyone.

Suddenly, an idea had been brewing in my head in the last few days. I had decided there was only one person I could talk to. Angela. She wasn't someone that Edward would read the mind of to find out what was going on with me. Also, she wasn't someone who would talk about me behind my back to either the Cullen kids or anyone else.

I finished my entry and checking what few e-mails I had and headed to the phone. I had found it easier to walk on my cast. Pain was no longer an issue. I had altered my clothes to accommodate the cast and was now walking normally.

I hit the first floor with the knowledge dad wouldn't have a problem with Angela visiting. As much as he appreciated the Cullen's protection, he would rather me hanging out with some humans. With the sun making an unusually long appearance I didn't have to worry about any of them interrupting my girl-time with Angela.

I picked up the phone and heard it ring twice before a voice greeted me. "Weber residence."

"Hey, stranger."

"Bella. Oh my god, Bella. Where the hell have you been? What have you been up to? I heard you were grounded again. Did your dad find out?" She was shooting questions one after the other and wasn't waiting for the answers.

"Whoa, Ang. Can I speak for two seconds?" I smiled at the knowledge my "best friend" obviously had missed me.

"Sorry."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing. Bored. Done all of my homework. Finished off the projects we've been assigned. Why? Whatcha doing?" She sounded excited. I knew she was hoping for some sort of excitement.

"Well, being grounded isn't any fun. Talking to myself has started to make me think I'm going insane. Want to come over?" I didn't want to come straight out and tell her that I wanted to talk about something personal.

"I'll be right there." She answered. Before I realized what had happened, she had hung up the phone.

"I'll see you when you get here." I said at the phone and put the receiver down. I looked around and tried to figure something we could do.

Food. She and I both had a flair for cooking and with the constant supply of groceries I had in the house, a couple of snacks would be a good way to get back on dad's good side.

I started to go through some ideas. Brownies, cookies, a cake. They all sounded good but there was something that would cure any sweet tooth out there. Fudge.

I started pulling all of the ingredients out of the cupboards and fridge and laid them all out on the table. I decided on two different types. One was peanut butter and the other was chocolate mint. Plain fudge was just not interesting enough for me.

I checked over everything I had placed on the table and did a mental check in my head. Sugar, butter, salt, vanilla extract, brown sugar, peanut butter, milk, marshmallow cream and mint chocolate chips. I had made both recipes so many times that the checklist was natural for me.

I heard Angela's car, well, here parent's car, coming up the driveway. I walked into the living room and turned on the stereo. I had convinced dad that surround sound for the flatscreen was a great idea. I had found a way to get him to spend money and it was a good thing for me too.

I cranked the stereo and danced, badly, mind you, to the mixed CD I had burned. I headed for the door and pulled it open to find Angela standing on the other side with a huge smile on her face.

I waved her in and headed straight back to the kitchen. She followed, chuckling along the way. I turned and found her dancing to the music as badly as I was. I giggled, yes, giggled, at her.

She looked over the items that were spread across the table and immediately headed for the cupboards. I stared confused until she started pulling out the pots and metal bowls to make a double boiler. I was amazed that she could look at the ingredients and know exactly what we were making.

"So, smart ass, what kind of fudge are we making?" I asked smiling.

"You tell me, brainiac." She replied snidely.

We kept bantering back and forth for the next hour as we made the fudge and put both pans in the fridge.

"So, why the phone call? More so, why the visit?" Angela asked as we finished the dishes.

I looked at her stunned. "How did you know?"

"Bella, don't take this the wrong way but when you need to talk or have something bothering you, who do you call?" She asked.

"Do I really do that?"

"Yes, but I'm happy you do. It tells me you trust me and that we are friends. So on that note, spill. What's going on? Does it have to do with Edward?"

I could hear the joking tone in her voice as she said his name. To add to the joke she brought both her hands into a prayer position on one cheek and batted her eyes.

"Fuck off, Ang." I snapped lightly.

"Well, does it?"

"Yeah."

"Is everything okay with you two?"

"Well, yes and no."

She put the last of the pots in the cupboard, took me by the hand and led me into the living room. I opened my mouth to speak and she sshed me by putting a finger to her lips. She sat me on the couch and walked to the stereo. After turning if off, she came back and sat on the other end of the couch.

"Okay, you said 'yes and no', so let's start with the 'no'. What happened or didn't happen?" She winked.

"You dirty minded little devil." I rolled my eyes. "You need a man, you know that, right?"

"This conversation isn't about me. It's about you."

"Fine. I had a dream the other night. Well, dream isn't right. It was a nightmare. Well, nightmare isn't right either. Edward was in it and everything was good until the end. That's when I woke up."

"You lost me. Start from the beginning. I think you should tell me the dream, nightmare, whatever, and let me decide what it was."

I blushed and looked down at my lap.

"Oh my god, it wasn't that kind of dream." Angela giggled.

"Fuck off, I swear. It's not funny. This is really causing me some problems. Emotional and mental fucked up issues."

"Sorry, it's that serious to you, isn't it?"

"Yeah." I said quietly.

"Okay, tell me the dream." She quieted done and listened.

I went through the details of the dream. I decided since it was suppose to be some sort of fantasy world that I could be completely honest. I shivered a few times during my story. Some sections of it surrounding the control that my fantasy Edward had taken was something that frightened me. I blushed a lot to Angela's amusement but she never wavered in her resolve to hear my entire tale.

Once I got to the end, I saw her eyes widen at the part about Edward biting me. She almost gave a look of knowing but then it was gone.

"Bella, it seems you have some issues you haven't dealt with yet."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to be honest, please?"

I felt a shiver run up my spine. I didn't have to think hard where she was going with this part of the conversation. Other than Rosalie, I hadn't spoken a word of it in detail to anyone. I nodded. I had to start talking about it. It wouldn't change the person I was. I would always be smart-mouthed and full of opinions but it would allow me some closure to that part of my life every time I was open and honest about it.

"Why did you leave Phoenix?" She asked quietly.

"Two reasons. Their names are Renee and Phil." I spit the names out like they were stomach acid.

"Who are they?"

"My mother and her husband."

"Your mother?!" Angela exclaimed.

"Yeah, the one person who is suppose to protect their babies. She protected her baby alright. Only problem was it was him not me."

"What did he do?" She asked flatly.

I paused. Could I actually explain it? Would Angela want more than I was willing to give? "He....he's just evil. He told me while he was doing it that it was the only way he could show me love. He said that my mother didn't love me and I needed to be shown how to give love if I was going to ever be loved. He did things to me that no kid.....no, that I should never have had to experience in that way.

It happened twice. The second time I fought him. He beat me and took a knife to me. I tried to run but he....." I couldn't finish the words. I exposed my hip and show Angela the scar. Her face twitched but she remain silent.

"I called the cops but being a fucked up teenager with a record they weren't ready to believe me. It didn't help when mom took his side and told them that I was impossible to handle and that I was just trying to cause shit again. They believed her. After they left, mom screamed and threatened. I reacted in the only defensive way I could. She now has the scar on her forehead to remind her how close the two of them came to destroying me.

She called dad and threatened to put me in a home if he didn't take me. Dad refused at first but then relented when she told him the 'story' as she saw it. The web of lies she wove were crazy. Dad didn't realize how bad things really were until I got here."

I could see her thinking for a moment before she spoke. "Bella, you can't let this stop you from giving yourself to Edward. This nightmare of yours, it is your subconscious trying to keep you from realizing that you deserve true love. You do, you must believe that. You deserve true happiness."

"I know that in my head but making my heart believe it after all the crap that's being crammed in makes it hard."

"Okay, so what's happening with you and Edward?"

"I've been kinda cold since the nightmare. He knows something happened but he doesn't know what. He's been invisible since. I think I may have ruined something that could have been good for me. He can handle my attitude. He fights back. I've never had someone do that without being offended by it. He's good for me, I know that. I think I may have ruined that."

"Don't doubt him. I've never really gotten to know him or his family but they are very protective of each other. I've seen that. Give him a chance. Be honest with him. He doesn't know about the nightmare so right now he's probably thinking he did something wrong."

I thought about that. Being a vampire, growing up in a different time, never having someone he truly care about in that way and then having me push him away. Not talking about my problem with his "sisters" didn't help his confusion either. Angela was right.

"Thanks, Ang. I think he and I will have to have talk soon."

We continued to talk for a while. It was about an hour later that I heard dad's patrol car chug into the driveway. I looked at the time and realized how late it had gotten.

"Damn, supper."

"Come on, let's start something for him. I'm sure your dad will appreciate anything you and I make for him." Angela said with a smile.

We took off for the kitchen. As we were digging through the cupboards and fridge, searching for food, dad entered the house.

"Hello? Bella? Angela? Where are you two?"

"Kitchen." We answered at the same time.

Dad came around the corner with a present in hand. "Chinese, anyone?"

"What the hell?"

"I saw Angela's mom in town. She said that Angela was here so I thought that I would treat you girls."

"Thanks, dad." He was thoughtful, I had to give him credit. He didn't show his emotions that often but when he did, he went full out.

Angela and I set the table while dad went through his nightly routine. After his shower we sat down and dug into the food. Dad had thought of everything. Knowing I didn't eat a lot of meat, he had grabbed a couple of vegetarian dishes.

As we were starting to clean up from the meal, the phone rang. Dad answered it and I continued to do the dishes with Angela. Dad came back into the room. From the heaviness and quickness of his strut, I knew something was up. I turned my head and saw his face.

He tilted his head in Angela's direction. I knew he was telling me she needed to go home. I searched quickly through my head trying to figure out what excuse to give her.

"Ang, listen. I should really call Edward and talk to him. Do you think we can pick up part two of this day some other time?"

Angela looked at me. I wasn't sure if she was convinced but she didn't question my motives. "Sure. Good luck."

"Thanks." I needed more luck than she realized. I didn't know at this point what the problem was but if dad needed her out of here, it couldn't be good.

I walked Angela to her parent's car and watched protectively as she pulled onto the main road and off into the distance. I spun around in fright to the voice behind me.

"Emmett and Rosalie are following her home. They'll keep her safe." Edward stated in a definite tone.

"What the hell is going on? Why did I just send my best friend away? It better be good." I was pissed. That much was obvious.

"Bella, I'm sorry." That's all he said as he pulled me forcefully back into the house.

I didn't fight him. I wanted to. I didn't want to be bullied and pulled against my will. After talking to Angela, I had decided that I would do things for me and not allows others to control me. The reason I didn't fight at that moment was because I had looked towards the woods where Edward's eyes were looking.

I could see just beyond the edge movement. It was large and there were lots of them. I knew it could only be one thing. Wolves. I knew all the vampires. None of them could compare in size to these shadows.

As soon as I stepped in the house, I pulled my hand out of Edward's. He released me and I flew up the stairs. I needed some sort of release. I was frustrated, angry. I slammed my door and gave the most angry primal scream I could possibly muster.

No one came flying through the windows. No one knocked down my door. They all let me have my moment. I took in another breath and screamed over and over.

After I couldn't scream anymore, I sat at my computer and flicked it on. I connected immediately to the internet and pulled up a site that I needed at the moment.

I typed in the name of the artist that would help my rage. I found the right video and allowed it to play. I turned to speakers up on full volume. Good thing I had purchased the best of the best. The music started to play and I found it was drowning out the world.

As the song, Never Again by Nickelback, played I opened my e-mail. One message. My mother.

_So have you caused anymore problems? I hope you're happy. Phil left me. He claims he doesn't want me after he's been with a 'real woman'. You slut. You are a fucking slut. I continue to lose my men because of you. I'm coming to see you._

I opened my diary and quickly made the worst entry I had ever typed. I didn't care anymore. No one would be able to help. I didn't bother hide the entry once it was saved. I quickly searched for another song. Once it was blasting its way through my speakers I looked around my room.

The anger and frustration were building up and threatening to spill over. I decided to start with my bed. I flipped it, ripping the sheets and blankets off it. Turning next to my dresser, I pulled the drawers out and with the clothes still in them, threw them across the room, watching them smash against the walls.

I turned my attention to the chair I had been sitting in just moments ago and started to slam it against the floor. I could see the dents being made and eventually pieces of the hardwood floor and the chair flying in many directions.

Once my tension had been released and I was exhausted, I dropped to the floor and in a cross-legged position, I put my face in my hands and released the pain. I cried harder than I ever had before. I let go of the anger and pain and just cried.

I felt a set of cold arms wrap themselves around me. The vampire pulled me back against their chest and just held me as I continued to cry. The words from Metallica's song, One, vibrated through my speakers and into my heart.

_Darkness imprisoning me_

_All that I see_

_Absolute horror_

_I can not live_

_I can not die_

_Trapped in myself_

_Body my holding cell_


	41. Chapter 41

**October 6**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

Well, I'm being held hostage in an absolutely beautiful Executive suite in Canada. The scenery with the mountains and snow should be relaxing but it isn't. Shit happening in Forks and I don't have any idea what is happening. I don't even understand anything. There is so much half-meaning things that have been said today and I can't get a straight answer from Alice or Jasper on any of it. I think dad finally understands how Edward and I feel about each other. Yeah, Edward. That asshole. He did the one thing I never wanted him or anyone else to do. He better not break his promise. Yeah, that's right. He made promises. Asshole!!!!

Bella


	42. Chapter 42

**October 6 (story)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**To all of my devoted readers, I want to apologize. Writer's block is a bitch. I think I found my story again.**

"Why? Why can't I just be left alone? Why is it that everyone seems to want me for one reason or another?" I asked the vampire who had continued to hold me for the past hour.

I was shivering now from the icy touch of her skin. I had bothered to check and see who it was but I was positive I knew the answer. I wiped my face, trying to fix the mess I had made of my makeup.

"You're irresistible." Was the response.

"Fuck off, Alice. I'm not in the mood for games."

"Sorry. I wish you could see yourself the way we see you. For a human you possess many vampire qualities."

"Really?" I faked. "Bullshit. I possess nothing that would make anyone think I'm a vampire. I don't have speed, strength, a 'dazzling personality', beauty. I can't even love like a human. I'm nothing of both world and part of each in a sick twisted way."

I felt my body being lifted, twisted and gently set on what was left of my bed. I looked up and found, for the first since I met Alice, her face scowling at me. She was angry.

"I am sick and tired of hearing this bullshit spewing from your mouth."

"I thought vampires didn't get tired?" I yelled at her. How dare this little pixie raise her voice to me. I was just getting pissed off again.

"Fuck off, child. You don't know who you're fucking with."

"Child? Child? I am so far from being a child. I may do childish things sometimes but I am so far from being a child. I have been forced to grow up quicker than anyone I know. Raped, beaten, hunted, tortured. Is that shit a child should have to deal with? I know a shit load more about this world than you give me credit for?"

"Fine, I'll agree you're not a child but you certainly turned your room into a two year old's temper tantrum box."

"What? And you don't destroy shit when you become frustrated? You've never thrown or crushed something with your hands? You've never used your speed or strength just to get the anger and pain out of your heart? I know, no heart. You know what I mean so don't even try it!"

I could see Alice's face crack just a little. I had my ways of frustrating and wearing down the vampires and I would continue to use it to my advantage. It worked well on cops during interrogations. Why couldn't it work on vampires too? I had tactics I hoped she and the others hadn't seen before. They didn't associate too often with humans so maybe I knew some tricks that would throw her off.

"Bella, you don't realize what others see in you. Not what they want from you but why they want to be near you. Why they want to be your friend. You're strong, you're beautiful, you're independent."

"Bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit. How the hell am I any of those things? That's what you are."

"I am those things but you are too in your own way. Your strong emotionally and mentally. You took control of your destiny and allowed yourself to learn from everything that has happened to you. Your mother, your father, vampires, wolves and, yes, even Phil. You crossed those obstacles and pushed through them. You made yourself into a strong independent woman because of them. You learned from every experience you've ever had."

"Fine, I'll give you those two points. But beautiful? Don't try to convince me of that. I am just me. I'm nothing special there." I didn't want to think where she was going to get her argument for this point.

"Would you believe me if I told you a secret?"

"Probably not."

"Fine, then the truth will come from her mouth. Maybe then you'll believe it." Alice countered. She didn't move, not one muscle twitched on her body as she said one name. "Rosalie."

I didn't have any idea what Alice was up to. What truth would Rosalie have that would convince me that I was beautiful? Rosalie, the most beautiful woman in the world? The one woman every man could possibly desire?

I watched from my spot on my bed as the gorgeous woman walked lightly and gracefully into my destroyed room. Her _chi_ didn't glow as much as it normally did. She didn't seem to sparkle within her beauty as she would normally. Something was different.

"Rose, I need your honesty. Bella needs the truth. She needs to understand what she possesses that makes her the most beautiful person alive. Please, Rose, please." Alice's voice was quiet as she pleaded with her sister.

I watch the exchange of looks between them. I understood Rosalie. She and I had a connection that the rest would never understand. We had things in our past that had forever changed us.

Rosalie walked, no, almost floated, to my bed and sat down. My bed didn't even move. It was if she wasn't there at all.

"Bella.....I...." She paused. It was as if she wasn't sure where to start. "I've been jealous of you since the beginning. I'm not as jealous now that I know you. Now that I understand what we share. Some things you have said and told me has made me love you as a sister. How could sisters be jealous and hateful of each other? But I am. I always will be."

I was shocked. No, I was beyond shocked. At least with shocked I could form one or two words. Right now, I couldn't even form a sound.

Rosalie continued, "I saw the way Edward was attracted to you and I was angry. Did you know I was turned so Edward would have a companion. He had no interest in me that way. Carlisle thought that he and I would be mates, if that's the right word for it. Sure, he loves me but as a sister, nothing more. But when he looks at you, he's dazzled, as you put it. He loves you for everything you are. I couldn't understand how he could feel that way for you and not for me.

Your beauty far surpasses mine. I see a young woman who is beautiful physically, mentally and emotionally. You are so many things I wish I was. You have an inner beauty that attracts us all to you but Edward most of all. There is the perfect person for everyone and you are his. This is why I'm jealous. You are more than I could or ever will be for him.

Don't get me wrong. I love Emmett. He is that perfect person for me. And I am that for him. It doesn't change the fact that Edward never saw me that way. But you, he loves you. He would destroy the world and rebuild it brick by brick if you asked him to. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

I did. I knew and understood what she was saying. As hard as it was to accept I knew the truth. Making my heart believe it would take time. Only time was that one thing that couldn't be rushed. I nodded my response to both of the women who were waiting patiently for an answer.

Suddenly, my chest started to burn. I didn't realize at first what the reason was but as I looked down I found my answer. As I looked up from my locket, the look on my face went from acceptance to horror.

I felt my body being thrown onto Rosalie's back and out the door to my room. I had never been down the stairs in my life as I was now. I found myself in the living room staring in disbelief at all the people in the room.

Both my father and Edward moved at the same time. Suddenly they both stopped. I was torn between which I should go to. I decided for the easiest solution to my problem. I turned and fell into Esme's arms.

I knew they both needed an answer to an unspoken question that was on both of their faces. "Please, don't make me chose. I care deeply for both of you but I will not chose one over the other." With that said I put my face in Esme's neck and felt comfort and love.

This was her strength. Her power. She was unconditionally loving. I needed a mother like her. My mother? Oh Christ, I forgot about that.

Before I had a chance to say anything, there was a knock on the door. As Esme and I moved towards the far end of the room, Carlisle and dad made their way to the hallway. They were the first wave of defense for me.

I heard some voices but not loud enough to hear the words. I looked up at Esme as she continued to look towards the now empty hallway. I could see she knew who was at the door and what was being said. I felt myself shiver. I wasn't sure if it was from the closeness of her or the look on her face. I was going to lose it again if I didn't understand what was going on.

I looked around the room and found Alice standing near the window. She was in a trance. I had begun to recognize the "vision" look she wore on her face. I quickly scanned towards Edward. His eyes were flickering back and forth from the door to Alice. I knew he could hear every word being spoken by the unknown visitor but he was reading Alice's vision.

Everything happened to quickly for my body or mind to comprehend any of it. I barely saw Edward move. I was swept into his arms and throw the window of the living room. I jerked my head around and found Alice and Emmett with us. I didn't fight, I didn't struggle. I pulled myself up, indicating that I wanted on his back and in a quarter of a second I was there. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tucked my head in.

I stayed perfectly still as Edward continued to head through the woods. We zigzagged and retraced our steps a few times. I knew that they were trying to confuse our scent to give us more time. After what seemed like hours we slowed. I lifted my head and found our little group arriving at the Cullen house.

I was still in the dark about anything that was happening and was uneasy with _that_ knowledge. Edward squeezed my arm gently, reassuring me that everything would be okay. How could it be? I was constantly being whisked away from my father's home without anyone asking for my permission.

As we approached the house, Edward set me steadily to the ground. I didn't realize how cold I was. I slid off his back and fell down to the ground. All three of them spun and were instantly surrounding me. I held a hand up silencing their fears.

I rubbed my legs, which at this point were asleep and ice cold. Two seconds later I was being wrapped up in a blanket. I looked up and found Alice's face smiling at me. Smiling? How could she smile at a time like this?

"Come on, Bella. Fight through it. I know you can."

I forced my legs to move. The tingling was excruciating but they moved. I held out my hands and felt two cold hands grip them. I pulled and was pulled to my feet. The tingling was slowly becoming a burning as the blood rushed back into my legs, waking them up.

I fought the urge to drop to the ground again and made one foot move in front of the other. I could feel the coolness of the vampires around me as they positioned themselves in case I fell again. Alice had said I was strong. Now was one of those times I would prove to my heart that I was. I wouldn't accept the help that was being offered. I wouldn't fall. I wouldn't allow it.

Once we made it to the garage, I found that the rest of the Cullen's, my father and a couple of unexpected guests were already there. I recognized Billy and Sue Clearwater but the other gentleman was a mystery.

"Bella," my father said as he hugged me, "this is Harry. He's Sue's husband."

I nodded still unsure of the fear my voice would reveal. I could see the man wasn't healthy. It was written all over him. Sue had her arm around his waist, supporting him.

"Bella, I'm sorry our children have chosen a separate path from that of our ancestors. You should never have been put in this kind of danger." His voice was weak and tired sounding. He was honorable though. He was of the old ways. I appreciated that honesty from him.

I needed to understand what was happening, I opened my mouth to ask and was cut off by Billy. "Bella, listen. Some of our children have been meeting with Victoria and James. They've started trapping animals. The vampires have been changing them. All of them have decided to start a massacre."

"Carlisle, what about the Volturi? This is going to attract attention." Edward stated.

"That's why we need to get Bella out of here. We need to deal with this quickly and efficiently." Carlisle said and then looked at me. "Bella, the vampires and wolves are hoping to distract us with these animals to weaken our defenses around you. You need to leave so we can deal with this."

I didn't completely understand everything going on but I understood enough to know that my safety was in jeopardy again. I decided I needed to find my voice and force myself to remain strong. "What's the plan?" My voice wavered a little.

"You are going to be taken north. Some of us will stay here and deal with the situation here." Carlisle stated.

"Who?" I asked. I wanted to know who would be pitting themselves against the animal vampires.

"Alice and Jasper will take you north."

"No, I'm going with her." Edward argued.

"Edward, James is a tracker. He knows you won't leave Bella. He's been watching and has knowledge of all of us. He'll find Bella faster if you're with her." Alice answered.

"Alice, can you keep your thoughts to yourself?" Edward asked.

I was confused. I didn't understand what he was asking her but knew it had to have something about a vision that she had had.

"Yes. Edward, I won't do anything or say anything to harm her. I promise."

Edward walked me silently to the Alice's Porsche. He turned and looked deep into my eyes. "I love you, Bella. I know I told you I would never promise you anything but I am promising you something now. No matter what happens. No matter how this turns out, I promise you this. I promise to love you forever. I promise you will be safe and that I will find you when this is over. I promise we'll make this work for us. You are my life now and I love you."

"You better not break that promise. I'll never speak to you ever again if you do." I was slightly angry that he was forcing a promise on me. Well, it was more than one promise.

He leaned in and gently placed his lips on mine. I reached up and entwined my hands in his hair and pulled him in. His strength could have stopped me but he allowed it. Our tongues fought a losing battle. Edward pulled away first and I fought air into my lungs.

I decided at that moment to be a smart ass. Hey, that was my thing with him. "Stop dazzling me like that, monster."

He chuckled and pulled me against him as if the hug was the last he would ever give me.

"Okay, let go of my little girl. I don't want her with any broken bones." My father said.

Edward let go and dad took his place. "I love you, Bella. I'm sorry for everything. Your life should never have been like this."

"It is what it is, dad. I wouldn't be me if my life had been different. Would you rather me be a quiet, shy, blushing mush of a person?"

"No, you wouldn't be _my_ Isabella if you were." He answered looking down at the floor of the garage. He opened the door to the car and I slid into the back.

Alice and Jasper climbed in the front seats and brought the engine of the powerful car to life. I looked back and forth from my old life to my new life and felt the urge to state the obvious without confirming who the comment was directed to.

"I love you." My father nodded but his and Edward's eyes widened in shock. I got my reaction. Neither knew which I was saying the words to. Little did they know it was for both of them.

As the car started quickly out of the garage, I realized one important detail that no one knew except me. I threw my head out the window and screamed over the whine of the engine, "Mom's on her way to Forks."


	43. Chapter 43

**October 8**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

Well, let's see. Obviously I am backtracking the dates on these entries. I need to backtrack because I want to be able to see back at how everything went down and when it all happened. We got a call and headed back to Forks. I got answers to some questions but I don't think I liked the knowledge I gained. God, why me? Will I have the choice? I still don't know at this point. This was the spot in my life that changed so much. Those who that everyone had been protecting me from had formed a different plan. Why didn't my locket warn me about this issue? Fucking piece of werewolf junk. Yes, I still wear it. It does give me a strange sense of security.

Bella


	44. Chapter 44

**October 8 (story)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Okay, as you know I shamelessly post great writers in this part because their stories are strokes of genius. That being the case, please visit "TheDay'sEye" and her story "Third Times a Charm". It is a twisted story of ups and downs.**

I sat on the balcony of the Executive Suite in the grandest hotel I had ever seen in my life. Alice and Jasper hadn't disclosed where we were but I had a rough idea.

I had been locked in this gorgeous room for two days. I had seen the skiers roaming around below as if the world revolved around them. They had no idea how terrifying and dangerous the real world was.

The two bedroom suite, which might I add was far larger than I needed, sat at the top of the hotel. The hotel was old. It had a feel like it had been plucked from the late 1800's and pulled through time to be set down and nestled in the middle of the Rockies.

The mountains and snow on a day like today was impossible to not enjoy. The sun was shining brightly and bringing some much needed warmth to my body. This was one of the reasons among many that the two vampires had chosen it. No vampire could get within five miles without drawing some sort of attention to their sparkle.

With Alice's visions, something would be discovered if the evil forces in this world found me. She had been searching for any visions that showed her what was going on in Washington.

I stood up from my warm security and walked back into the suite. I had some questions. I needed clarification on some things that were happening. Some things I had heard or been told. Some things didn't quite make sense.

I closed the French doors to the room and felt the soft carpet under my feet. Alice had been so kind over these last two days in tending to my every need. Anything within reason was mine for the asking. Food, music, etc. I walked over to the stone fireplace at the far end of the living room and sat on the over-sized chair beside it. There was a roaring fire blazing giving another type of warm atmosphere to this beautiful and magical place.

Alice appeared almost instantly with a plate of food. I turned and smiled. I had been hungry but was in such a state of euphoria about this place and panic about Forks that I hadn't noticed.

I looked down at the food and found a range of finger foods. Apples, cheese, meats slices, celery, cucumbers. Everything looked so appetizing. I picked up a piece of apple and popped in my mouth. As I chewed I looked at Alice as she backed away to a safe distance from the fire.

"Alice? There are a few things I don't understand."

Alice sat on the floor of the tan carpet and pulled her knees to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees and looked at me thoughtfully. "You have the right to any answers that I can....am allowed to give."

She had been careful in her wording of some phrases lately. I had discovered enough to know that she had had a vision regarding me and that Edward was aware of what that vision was. Both of them had been shaken. I knew that from the way Alice would avoid that subject. It could also be due to the fact that Edward had been very serious when he had asked if she could keep her thoughts to herself.

Something had shaken their very foundation and I wasn't going to be allowed in on the secret. For the time being I would allow that secret to remain that. A secret. I had other things I needed to know and understand.

"What exactly is the purpose behind changing normal animals into monster vampires?"

"Animals, such as cougars and bears, have a couple of instincts in their heads. Survival and food. Everything else is nature. Reproducing, etc. The survival makes them extremely dangerous. Being attacked or threatened triggers that survival mechanism and they defend themselves till either they or their attacker is dead. Food is a necessity of all living or non-living creatures. The need for food is a top priority for everything. Vampires thirst for blood is far stronger than that of a human or animal needing food. But an animal who has been turned is very beyond dangerous. They have no reasoning and can't be reasoned with. They will hunt anything or anyone who has blood rushing through their veins. That will be all that matters to them."

"That makes sense. But, why turn the animals? Couldn't they just turn the younger wolves....I mean.....werewolves?" That word continued to get stuck in my throat. I had started the same way with the word "vampire" and now it was second nature to me.

"Werewolf blood is like poison to us. That's why they make the perfect enemy to us. I don't understand the specifics of it. I don't think even Carlisle understands it. There is something in the blood that makes us extremely sick almost like a fast spreading cancer for humans. It can potentially be deadly for us."

"Okay. Alice? Can Edward read the animals minds? Can that be used as a defense?"

"He can see some things. Because animals are primal creatures by nature he can see the present thing they are doing but he can't anticipate their course of action until they are on it."

"Is that why you can't see visions of what the animals are going to do?"

"Yes."

"What about werewolves?"

"I can't see anything. It's like they have a bubble surrounding them. Victoria and her gang have disappeared from my visions and since encountering the wolves I understand how that happened. I don't like those wolves. They give me a headache."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, it's very frustrating."

"Is it possible I could be part wolf? Edward can't read my thoughts."

Alice looked at my in horror. "Fuck, no. Edward can read the wolves minds. And I can see your future."

"Alice? Please, tell me what you see? I know there's something you and Edward aren't telling me." I needed the answer. I was angry that shit was being hidden from me.

"Alice's visions are based on the present course of action or decisions that are made. Her visions change based on what the individuals decisions are or of those around them. Don't ask her to break a promise she's made to Edward. I know how strongly you feel about those things." Jasper stated firmly as he walked into the room.

"In other words, you know too." I swung my head around as I swallowed a piece of cheese. I couldn't believe these "people" who I was being forced into protection with were being so non-understanding and secretive with me.

"Yes. And I will make sure nothing happens to you. So, please, let us take care of you the way we know how."

"You know I hate that, right?" I hissed.

"What?" Jasper was confused what I was asking.

"Being protected. Being the little frightened girl. I won't be that person." I needed them to understand I wasn't who they were making me.

"I'm not asking you to be. I know your type, Bella. You are strong. You are a fighter. You would have made a powerful commander in the army so long ago."

"Thanks, I think." Sometimes Jasper's way of thinking was so strange compared to everyone else's. Maybe it was due to experiences and "age" as a vampire. "Okay, can one of you answer another question then?"

"What would the question be?" Jasper asked as he sat down behind Alice and pulled her against him securely.

"Who or what are the Volturi?"

I listened intently, gathering as much useful information as I could. Alice and Jasper took turns explain who the Volturi were. Being the oldest and, according to some vampires, the most powerful vampires out there made them dangerous. The one cardinal rule they had was "never reveal". Because Victoria and her gang were turning animals, who had no reasoning, it would put Forks on the radar. The Cullen's were a family unit that were dangerous to the Volturi for a number of reasons. Interaction with humans was a thin line to walk in regards to that rule. I was a prime example. I knew who and what the Cullen's were. Rule broken.

Too much was happening in Forks to cover up so easily. This would bring the Volturi down on the little town destroying anything and anyone who were a threat to the rule. What was worse was the fact that the Volturi regarded vampires with special abilities like Alice and Edward prizes to be claimed. Of course, for these reasons, it was safer for me to be away from Forks.

They needed to kill the blip on the radar and having me there would just cause too many distractions from what needed to be done to avoid the Volturi from coming. I thought about Edward and what he was going through to keep his "life" as he called me and his way of life safe.

Alice picked up her cell phone and answered it so quickly I barely heard the first syllable of the first ring. "Yes. Okay. Yeah. No. Right now? Okay." She pressed on button and looked at me with a serious look in her eyes. "Get ready, Bella. We're leaving."

"For where?"

"The worst place on Earth. Forks."

As we sped down the highway, at speeds that would normally be reckless, I watched the scenery fly by. I thought about where my life at gone. How I was at a crossroads. I was continuing to think about what had been told to me. I knew where my life was going and how it would turn out. I had to become a vampire or be killed. That would be the ultimatum of the Volturi. Alice and Jasper had given me Alice's vision without even knowing it.

I would become vampire. Edward didn't want that. I, truly, didn't want that but if that was what would happen how could I stop it. I wasn't sure yet how I truly felt about Edward. I wasn't sure if this was one of those situations where I only fell for him because he was falling for me. If this was due to the danger and I was falling for my protector who was the only available male. If I was falling for him because my former inner self, my shield, was certain this was my future, my destiny. Was there a chance that I was falling for Edward just because it was just me falling for him? That this was the natural course.

Alice continued to turn the music up on the stereo of the car. She was attempting to drown out my line of thought. Music or no music, my mind was set on this thought. I realized that the music that she was playing was a series of compositions of piano music.

One song played that sounded familiar. I had heard it before. I found myself listening to it and letting my thoughts wander away. Alice had succeeded for the moment in her intentions. As the song ended, I reached between the seats and hit the rewind and then replay buttons. The song started again.

It was a soulful song. I could feel the pain and anguish in the beginning cords. The middle was full of unknown and new beginnings. The ending being of love and peace. I wasn't sure how I knew that but it was what the song played to me.

I tapped Alice on the shoulder and when she turned, I silently questioned her about the song. She turned the stereo down and looked back at me with a soft sparkle in her eyes.

"Edward. He composed all these songs. That's him playing all of them. This one is his favorite. It's a lullaby. He wrote it for a very special person." She turned back to the stereo and turned the volume back up.

I found myself soothed into an easy sleep by the music. The tones and dips in the notes allowed me to dream wondrous tales within my mind. I was walking a dark path. I wasn't frightened by the darkness. I found comfort within it. As I walked, I found the darkness being pushed back by a light. Warm, caring, loving light. I could see an image of a man within the light. He was pure sunshine. Beside him was a young girl.

She was a younger version of me but there was something different about her. She resembled the man also. He was holding the little girl's hand. She pulled away from him and ran towards me. I found myself reaching out to her.

As I wrapped my arms around her, I could feel the heat coming from her. It was a contrast to the cold I felt within and throughout my body. I loved her. I could feel the love she had for me. Everything felt right. Everything felt perfect. I was happy. I wasn't worried. I was at peace without pain.

I released my hold on the young girl and took her hand as we walked back towards the man. He smiled and embraced us both within his arms. He wasn't cold like I was use to or that's what I thought I should be use to. He was the same temperature as me. Something about this was the way it should be. Something about the three of us was right.

I opened my eyes and found Alice staring wide eyed at me. "What was that?"

"What?"

"Bella, I saw your dream. Who's the child?"

"I.....I don't know. How did you see my dream? You can't read thoughts. You shouldn't be able to read mine." I was nervous. Alice and I had shared something that was open and honest. Could it be hope for the future? Could it have been a vision? What that possible?

"Bella, we need to talk about this later when this is over."

I nodded and went back to my easiness. I listened again to the music. Suddenly, I felt the need to ask a question. "Alice, what's the name of this song?"

"Bella's Lullaby."

I smiled, closed my eyes and mentally noted to smack the sentimental, old world vampire for being such a fool. How could he do something to wonderful and not tell me? God, I was turning into a mushy little girl. I silently gagged.

I'm not sure when I fell back to sleep but it seemed that the trip back to Forks hadn't taken very long. Either that, or I just hadn't had any more dreams. I felt my body being jolted. I opened my eyes to find the car spinning around in circles instead of driving straight down the highway.

Alice was pushing at something or someone out her window while Jasper was trying to bring the car back under control. I knew I should be terrified but I was surprisingly calm. I turned as the back window of the car smashing and glass flew in all directions from behind me.

I saw something that seemed beyond real. It wasn't possible for this person to be reaching out to me. Not in a car spinning out of control at these speeds. She shouldn't be physically able to do that.

I felt my eyes widened. I was finally feeling feel as I looked into her face as she ripped me from the car with a growl. My mother had blood red eyes and a look of murder on her face.


	45. Chapter 45

**October 8**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

My locket has now left a permanent heart-shaped scar on my chest. Ain't that a bitch. I still don't know why my locket never forewarned me about my mother and the attack on the car. All I know is that being in a den of evil monsters has left a reminder etched into my skin. I have a few new mended bones due to my mother. Thanks to her, I will have a constant reminder of her for the rest of my life. It's true what they say about family. You take them with you no matter where you go. Fuck that shit. I don't want that reminder but there is fuck all I can do about that. What the fuck will happen now? All I know at this point is there are still those out there who want me.......now that's a twist I never saw coming.

Bella


	46. Chapter 46

**October 9**

**I don't not own the characters of Twilight.**

I awoke mid morning, or so I thought it was. I had no idea where I was. I slowly moved my body testing for any broken bones or cuts. I knew I had a concussion. The grogginess and the pain screaming inside my head had been evidence throughout the night.

I slowly moved and realized the only thing broken was my still mending leg. The cast was obviously going to need to be redone. From the water and mud coating it the cast was a write off.

I reached down and pulled my locket away from my body. It was burning my skin. I looked down and found a bright red, heart-shaped scar that was forming because of the reaction between the vampires and my locket. I decided that the locket was obviously not doing me any good at this point. It would continue to burn as long as these conditions made for my new "home". I pushed the locket into my pocket of my jeans and realized that I could still feel heat coming off it. At least, I would have some security if I was able to find some way out of here.

I looked around my surroundings and found myself in a room which at some point had been a bedroom. The room looked very dirty and rundown so I assumed it hadn't been used in a long time. The bed frame I had been thrown on by my mother had collapsed some time before I had been introduced it it.

The smell was disgusting. I could smell the rusty stench of blood and the earthy smell of dirt. The moldy and musky smell made my stomach queasy. I tried to breathe through my mouth to cut down on the smells filling my lungs.

I raised myself off the bed, well, what was left of it, and carefully tested my mending leg. I knew it was still broken and I would have to be extremely gentle with it. I hobbled towards the window of the room and using the sleeve of my shirt, I wiped the soot and grim away from the glass.

Wherever I was, there was trees within the area I could see. The sun was barely seeping through the tall trees. I had no idea where I could possibly be. This wasn't good.

I listened carefully but, of course, that was no help. I could hear lots of noises but many of them were noises that either made my head hurt more or increased the fear level. The freakish growls were evidence that I was surrounded by vampire animals. This was definitely not a safe place for me.

I turned away from the window and made my way towards the only door present. I placed my ear against the door and heard movement from outside the room. I knew instantly that this would not be an option for an escape.

As I turned away from the door, I heard a key being inserted into what could only be a lock on the other side of the door. I made a dive for the bed. I wanted to be as far away from the door as possible when my captures came in. Maybe, some how, I would have an extra moment or two to prepare for whatever was going to happen to me.

I landed hard on the mattress of the bed and felt it crash to the floor as the rest of the frame gave way. I heard a laughter coming from behind me. It was the most evil and sinister laugh I had heard in some time.

I recognized it. But there was a difference in it. It caused my heart to race and my breath hitched in my throat.

"So, the bitch wakes up. Did you have a wonderful sleep?"

I rolled over and found Victoria, a man I didn't recognize and my mother standing in front of me. They were all similar but there were differences between them also. They were all vampires, pale skin, tall, muscular and beautiful in a sick way. They were nothing like the beautiful creatures the Cullen's were.

The man was standing in front of Victoria and my mother. He, obviously, must be in charge. He was taller than both of them. His long dirty blond hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail. He looked very unkept and very filthy. I looked at his face closely and found him staring harshly at me while he was breathing heavily. I found this strange since this wasn't a normal activity for vampires unless.....There was only one reason for his breathing. James. The vampire that had been so attracted to mine and my mother's blood so many years earlier. Could he truly be alive? Well, still exist? Could the suspicions be real?

Victoria didn't seem as controlled and terrifying as she had the last time I met her. She was different. I could see her eyes shifting from myself to James, I assumed, my mother. Her eyes always shifted back to him. She almost seemed to be holding back from him. I thought I saw a hint of fear in her.

My mother, on the other hand, was not frightened at all. She stood behind James' outstretched arm. She was shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Her eyes were blood red. There was no white or brown left in them. She was excited and angry at the same time. She was anxious. She wanted James to release his unseen hold on her. She wanted to come to me, no, at me. I was in true danger from her and her alone. I wondered which of them had changed her.

I realized the thought I had just had. Victoria. She had changed my mother. That's why she was so frightened of James. He hadn't been able to feed from her. Her blood was irresistible to him, the same as mine and she had taken that from him. Now he needed to control my mother's anger towards me.

My situation had improved slightly. My mother wanted me dead. She looked like a raging animal wanting its prey. I thought back to what Alice had told me about animal's instincts. Would that be the case for vampires who had been newly turned? Would the instincts and thirst be the uncontrollable?

If my assessment was right and that's how my mothers thoughts and instincts were, James would have trouble controlling her. He wouldn't want her to kill and dismember me. He wouldn't be able to have his fix. He was in an uncomfortable position. This was something that I could possibly try to control and buy time for some sort of a rescue. It was a long shot and I could be totally wrong on everything but it was worth the proverbial shot in the dark.

"You smell as good as you did when you were younger. You're bigger so more for me to feed on."

"Let me have her. My daughter and I have some unfinished business." My mother hissed.

I watched as James threw his hand backwards and connected with my mother's face. She flew backwards and smashed against the wooden wall reducing it to rubble.

"You will not touch this girl. You shouldn't even be here. I will deal with that later."

I saw Victoria cringe. She had gone against James wishes.

"Bring her."

I crawled backwards as Victoria and my mother advanced on me. I wasn't sure if either of them would obey him but I had to have faith. My mother's looks were enough to raise my level of fear another notch.

Each of the women took me by one arm. I could feel the pressure and suddenly felt a snap. The sound was sickening but as the pain registered in my head the sound was no longer audible. I felt a wave of nausea hit me and I slumped to the floor.

I heard another crash and the disintegration of another wall. I looked up and through a blurry vision I saw my mother gathering herself together. James yanked my now broken arm and flipped me over his shoulder.

As I passed out from the pain, I swore I heard James threaten to rip my mother apart limb by limb if she couldn't control herself.

I awoke a short time later to the sound of chains clanging. I slowly opened my eyes and through the blurry haze I saw a cougar snarling in front of me. I pulled myself back away from it.

The animal was huge. I didn't think they ever got that big. It's eyes were blood red like my mother's had been. The cougar was straining against it's restraints. It was thirsty and had its eyes trained on me.

I quickly scanned the new room I was in. This one was similar to the last with only one difference. It was more filthy than the last. The door on the opposite side of the room opened and I watched my mother glide in.

Her movements was smooth and graceful but full of haste. I knew immediately she was hurrying. She was taking advantage of time that she had little of. She moved towards the cougar who was swishing its head back and forth between me and her.

The animal must have been smart enough to realize that she was coming for me, its prey. It became my protector in a sadistic way. She bared her perfectly white teeth at the animal as it pulled with rage against its chain.

She lowered herself to the floor and sprang in a fluid movement, landing on the animal's back. I watched in horror as she sunk her teeth into the back of the cougar's neck and spit a chunk across the room. The sound that rose from the animal's throat was raw, torturous anguish. It flayed around in pain as my mother continued to advance on me.

She ripped at my arm, thankfully my good one, and threw me onto her back. Before I understood what was happening, I felt the glass from the window ripping across my skin. I ducked my head into her back and waited. There was nothing more at this moment that I could do.

I felt the wind whipping through my hair. I could feel my blood seeping from my cuts and being carried away on the wind. This wasn't a good thing. My scent, my blood, would be all over these woods. Every vampire-type thing would be instantly attracted to my position. My mother had inadvertently laid a trail of breadcrumbs for them to follow.

I realized she didn't care. She wouldn't allow me to live long enough for a rescue or to be a meal. She wanted me dead. I silently said my good-byes to those who recently had begun to mean something to me.

I felt my body being thrown across an open space and the pain racked me as I smashed against a tree. I slumped to the ground. I, somehow, managed to stay conscious. I raised my eyes up and looked at the mad woman descend on me.

She was smiling showing off her pearly whites. The smile was full of malice and hate. Her eyes were darker than before. They were turning black. I had seen this happen before. She needed to feed. I would be that meal.

"So, bitch. How many lies have you twisted and told your father? Does he believe me to be the bad person now?"

"You always were the bitch." I knew how to deal with my mother. Even if she was the vampire, she was still my mother. I had that advantage. She didn't have that much control over me anymore.

"I'm the bitch. It seems I am now a god. Had I known that this was how being a vampire would feel I would have allowed this a long time ago. I would have turned your father and then killed you. You have always been the cause of my unhappiness."

"You've only ever been unhappy because no one wants an old windbag like you. Phil didn't. He wanted someone who was young and full of life. Someone who could make him happy." I nearly gagged on the disgusting words that were pouring from my mouth. I needed to keep her off her toes.

"You spiteful little slut. I am going to enjoy the pain I'm going to cause you." She hissed as she moved towards me. "James wanted to keep you. You were going to replace Victoria as his mate. I can't allow that. I want him. He's everything I have ever wanted and I will have him. You won't come between us so your death will solve all my problems."

I tried to crawl away from her. I knew my time had come. The curtain was closing on this section of the play. Shakespeare's tragic endings were rolling into a large finale for me. I was about to die at my mother's hands.

Instantly, my mother was on my chest. I could feel my ribs crushing down on my lungs, my heart. I couldn't breathe. I could feel my heart screaming for relieve. Suddenly, the pain within my chest was silenced. It was drowned out by the excruciating burning that was running up my arm.

I turned my eyes and found that she had sunk her teeth into my wrist and was pulling the blood from my veins. She was killing me from the inside out and was happy with herself. Her revenge was becoming complete.

The weight on my chest, suddenly, stopped. The suction on my hand disappeared. I looked through the cloudiness that was covering my eyes and found multiple shadows dancing within the sun that was filtering through the tree covering.

I listened as from far away a voice spoke to me. "It's going to be okay, Bella. I'm here. I'll make the pain go away."

***I felt his cool, strong fingers on my burning hand, locking it is place. Then his head bent over it, and his cold lips pressed against my skin.

At first the pain was worse. I screamed and thrashed against the cool hands that held me back.

Then, slowly, my writhing calmed as my hand grew more and more numb. The fire was dulling, focusing into and ever-smaller point.

I felt my consciousness slipping as the pain subsided.*** I fought against it. I needed to know that my angel, my devil, my monster, my love had found me. That I would be safe in his arms. That I could be that mushy girl I had fought so hard not to be.

I looked up through my hazy eyes and found his beautiful face come into focus. "I love you, Bella. You're safe now. I promised I would find you and keep you safe. I kept my promise."

"I know." I was surprised how weak and tired my voice sounded. He hadn't completely spoken the truth. I hadn't been safe. I had been in the depths of hell with the devil's children. But he had come for me, he had made the burning go away. He made me feel safe. I felt him lift me up and pull me to his chest. I rested there, letting the rest of the world go on around me.

"You fucking bitch. Everyone hates me. You turned them all against me."

I clumsily turned my head in the direction of the voice. I saw Alice and Emmett holding on to each arm of my mother. I could see the torture in their eyes of what they had to do. My mother was pure evil and needed to be destroyed.

I noticed the fire that was burning brightly behind her and focused all my strength, energy and emotions into my words. I looked directly into her eyes across the clearing and said very softly, "Burn in hell, bitch." Everything went black from there.

***page 456 of Twilight.


	47. Chapter 47

**October 12**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

So I just entered a few things since I couldn't get near my computer. I guess I was out for three days. I have a new scar to add to my collection. Two new casts and a great scar that will be forming thanks to a crack against a wall, tree, shit, I don't know. So the evil little pixie was sent, or went on her own, to my house and got some clothes for me. Fucking shit. She didn't bring me back one pair of jeans. I am not a little Miss Priss. I won't dress up in clothes that make me look 50. Screw her. :D

Bella


	48. Chapter 48

**October 12 (story)**

**I don't not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Love me or hate me, review and let me know what you think about this chapter. I had so much fun writing it. *evil***

I started hearing the tones before I was aware they were sounds. I listened as the sounds became voices. The voices were familiar and the emotions that filled this voices giving them pitch and volume told me they were convinced of safety and relief. The voices slowly turned into words.

"Her heart is much stronger."

"She's coming around."

"Bella, love. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

I knew these voices. I knew these people. They were my family. They were those who would protect me. They were those who had saved me.

I slowly opened my eyes and found everything blurred at first. As the haziness began to fade away, I blinked numerous times. The sunlight filtering in through some place out of my line of sight cause the people in the room to glitter and sparkle with the same about of excitement as their voices.

I smiled. I could hear the unneeded breathing around me as they sighed with relief. They didn't even know why I was smiling but to them it didn't matter. It was the fact that I was smiling that relaxed them. I was okay.

I was okay. Part of my nightmare that was my life was gone. I had survived. My life would be different. I would have to live with the knowledge that my mother was dead because I had given the final say on the matter. "Burn in hell, bitch". Those were the words I had spoken.

I loved my mother and always would for having me. For giving me the father I had. But, I would never think of her kindly for the self-centered life that she led. She cared more about her happiness than her child's. That is not a mother that was the true monster in my life. I didn't see it as a battle I had won. It was just a part of my life I had fought and moved on from. I shifted my eyes feeling the pain as I did.

It was not nearly what I had experienced in the woods but the pain hurt anyways. I found myself in contact with a face of pure beauty. He was smiling. I hadn't noticed before that the smile itself wasn't perfect. It was flawed. It was crooked. One corner of his mouth rose higher than the other. Even in its imperfection, it was still sublime.

I rose my hand and touched his marble cheek. He put his hand over mine and I watched as he took a deep breath. I scrunched my eyebrows together. Why would he do that? Why would he tempt himself in such a way?

"You smell like you again." He answered as if he had read my mind.

I didn't answer. I tested my thought of whether or not he could hear my thoughts. I'm going to smack you. A lullaby, asshole!

He continued to look into my eyes and I knew he hadn't heard my words. I giggled to myself. Now it was his turn to look confused.

I turned my head carefully. "Alice." My voice cracked from the lack of use.

"Yes, Bella." I saw her instantly at my side.

"Do you remember what you were playing in the car when we were coming back from Canada?"

Alice nodded. She looked at Edward who read her thoughts. He turned back to me and sheepishly grinned. I contemplated where exactly to hit him and decided he had been through enough. I would be a loving girl. I mentally gagged. I pulled my hand back from his cheek and slapped him on his arm. "What the fuck did you think you were doing?"

"Hey, I thought it was romantic." He chuckled.

"I'm not interested in the old man, romantic, sentimental bullshit. Don't do it again." I smiled. It hurt to smile but what else could I do.

"I guess the early twentieth century charm has truly been lost."

"It never existed in the first place, asshole." I lied. To me it was a time that was just too nice-nice.

I turned quickly to the booming laughter I heard in another part of the house and paid the price with agony raging through my head.

He laughed, in response to the comment and the laughter in the other section of the house, and leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Carlisle's coming. He wants to check you over and make sure you're okay."

"How long......?" I didn't even want to think about time.

"Three days."

"What?" I was shocked. I could feel my heart speed up. Everyone had been watching and waiting for three days for my stupid human body to recover. I felt so weak. Not physically at this moment. Just weak that I couldn't recover faster and squash their fears of what might happen to me.

"Let Carlisle check you over. I'll get your father and then after you're done spending time with him, we'll talk. I'm sure you're a little fuzzy on some things that went on. Plus there have been some developments in the last couple of days."

I nodded, slowly. It was as if every inch of my body had been bruised, cut or tortured in some fashion. I hurt. There was no other way of saying it. I absolutely hurt all over.

With the knowledge of three days, I had made my decision. No one from the Volturi, Victoria and James or the Cullen's would make this decision for me or change my mind. I wanted to be me but I wasn't going to allow anyone to worry every second of the day and night whether I was alive or dead or if I was going to survive the next deadly encounter.

I watched Carlisle enter the room and head straight towards the bed. It wasn't till this moment that I realized I wasn't at home. I was at the Cullen's home. I was in Edward's room. When the hell did a bed get put in this place?

Carlisle looked around the room, "Everyone out. I'm sure Bella will be alright for ten minutes without constant supervision."

I looked around the room and realized that Alice and Edward hadn't been the only ones in the room. Vampires definitely had a way of making the room small. Alice reluctantly left the room, followed closely by Edward, Rosalie and Esme. They all seemed to be walked in slow motion for vampires. None of them wanted to leave.

Carlisle focused his attention back towards me. "How are you doing, Bella?"

"I'm sore, thanks for asking." I wasn't being cynical. I was grateful that someone had finally asked the question.

Carlisle must have understood cause he nodded and clapped his hands together. He rubbed them to try and warm them up before touching me.

I giggled. "The cold touch would help, Carlisle. I still feel like I'm on fire."

"I've never brought anyone back like Edward did for you. I can't tell you any side affects you'll have from that experience. Now let me check your arm and leg then we'll check some of these cuts."

I had known my leg and arm were broke. Thankfully, the ruined cast hadn't allowed any further damage to my leg. My arm, however, had been crushed above the elbow. I would need physical therapy when it was healed.

I didn't how much damage had been caused. My heart was bruised from being crushed by my ribs. My ribs were in rough shape but not broken. I had numerous cuts and scratches across my body. Carlisle was as discreet as he could be when checking more intimate sections of my body.

I hadn't noticed the bandage around my head until Carlisle started removing the gauze. I automatically reached up to feel the reason for the bandage and found my hand being place gently back on the bed.

"Bella, you were thrown around a fair bit. The cut on your head is part of the cause for the concussion you had. I had to put sixteen stitches in to close it. I wouldn't advise you to touch it for a while."

"My hair?"

"I didn't have to cut it but you will need help for the next while showering and washing up. Between the cut and the casts it'll be a chore to those things by yourself."

I groaned. Who the hell would be helping me? There were only three options. Rosalie, Esme and Alice. I hoped it wouldn't be Alice. I wasn't interested in becoming a Barbie doll for her.

"You will be fine. You just need to rest a little longer."

"Carlisle. Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, anything."

"How long does the burning last?"

"Three days."

"Three......days....Does it hurt like that the whole time?" I was suddenly scared of the decision I had made.

"No." He was holding something back. I could sense it in his perfect voice.

"No what?"

"It gets worse, Bella, much worse."

How the hell could anything be worse than burning in the depths of hell's fire? That's the only way I could describe the horror I had felt three days ago. Three days ago?

"If Edward hadn't found me....I'd....."

"Yes, you would be vampire now."

That was something to consider. I was unconscious for three days. Would my mind shut down and detach me from the pain. Could I be strong enough to handle three days? For now this would be a conversation I would continue to have with myself. I would find answers to some questions through all of them but I would want all the information before the final decision was made.

"Edward's back. Your father's with him. I'll leave you for now. Would you like anything for the pain before I go?"

"No, thank you, Carlisle. I think I can handle it." I would. If I was going to have to deal with that amount of pain, I should build up my tolerance to pain now rather than later.

I could hear my father racing up the stairs. It had to be him, no one else in this house would make noise like that. I watched Carlisle open the door and my father race through.

He threw himself onto the floor beside the bed and take my hand. He had worry lines all over his face. He was going to turn old far before his time because of me. I felt guilty for this.

"Bella, baby. I love you. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what, dad? You didn't cause any of this."

"I should have left Forks with you and your mother. If I had you would never have been sent back here. You wouldn't be in the danger you're in."

"Wait, dad. Just you fucking wait one moment."

"Don't swear at me. I'm still your father."

"Yes, you are. You have to remember that you are my father who did what he thought was best for me at the time. You made the ultimate sacrifice. You let me go. You had no control of my future. You didn't know what would happen. You can't be held responsible for anything that happened or is happening now.

Think about it this way, dad. If we had all left Forks, these sick vampires would have found us a some point. The Cullen's wouldn't have been there to safe us. To help protect me. We would all be dead by now. Everything happens for a reason. Always remember that."

I wanted him to understand in a small way that the decision I had made was something that destiny had created for me. There was no turning back. The only problem I couldn't explain everything to him yet. I still needed my answers.

We talked for a long time about my mother and her hatred. Neither of us could come up with a reason why she was so determined within her mind that I had been the reason she could never have her so-called "happiness". It was finally decided that as long as my father and I had each other that our family was complete.

"Dad, you realize your comment is flawed?"

"How?"

"Someday, someone will enter our lives that will become a permanent part of our family. You don't want me to be an old maid, do you?"

"Are you saying that that 'someone' hasn't shown up yet?"

"I'm not saying that. I'm just not rushing anything. I want to make sure everything I'm doing and every decision I'm making is right for me before they are allowed into the definite things in my life."

"So a double life? You turning into a secret agent?"

I laughed and paid for it. My ribs screamed at me. I wrapped my arms around them to hold them still. "How the hell could I ever be a secret agent? I'm not even able to walk on a solid, flat surface........" I didn't have to finish the comment as my father's eyes went clear.

"Yeah, you have got a bit of me in there."

"What? I have you to blame for the uncoordinated genes. You jerk." I smiled.

"And the attitude and temper too. Don't forget those."

"I am daddy's little girl."

"And don't you or anyone else forget it." He spoke a little louder on the last part of the sentence. Edward. Was there anyone else he would be speaking about?

"Enough, dad. Stop being an idiot."

"Fine, as long as he knows that vampire or not, I'll kill him if he hurts you."

"I'm pretty sure he knows that, dad." I stated while tapping one of my ears. I laid back onto the bed and allowed the sleepy tiredness to take over. I felt my father's warm lips kiss my forehead. I didn't hear him leave the room cause I was already asleep before he did.

I woke up later that day. Well, it was now dark out so I knew it must be late. I looked around the room and found a small lamp had been place in the corner of the room so the light wouldn't disturb me. I silently thanked the unknown person for being thoughtful.

On a chair next to the bed was my backpack. I pulled it off the chair and adjusted myself so the bag was between my legs. I opened the zipper and dumped the contents onto the bed. I did a once over to my computer, mentally remembering that maybe dumping the bag was a bad idea, and then set it aside.

I rummaged through the clothes and decided Alice had been the one sent to my house for my clothes. I cursed silently as I found not one pair of jeans in the pile. I grabbed my computer and turned on the power.

I took a few minutes and wrote back about the past few days, explaining in cryptic detail what had happened. Not a lot of information I noticed. I cursed Alice and then saved the files. After shutting the computer down, I put it back onto the chair.

I carefully took my time climbing of the pillowy bed and tried to figure out where the bathroom was in this place. Knowing I wouldn't make it there on my own, I opted to use Edward's mirror to do my makeup. Alice couldn't keep me from that.

After applying the total black to my eyes, I sauntered back to the pile of clothes. As I was matching a girly skirt, which I didn't know I owned, with one of my shirts, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in."

The door opened to find Rosalie holding another bag that I recognized. "I figured that you might want these. Alice and her fashion sense doesn't suit you very well."

I took the bag, smiled, and dumped it's contents on top of the others. My jeans, my favorite shirts, and my biker boots. Well, one boot. With Rosalie's help, I managed to fashion another pair of my jeans, since my first pair had been destroyed, and got myself dressed.

Rosalie picked up all of my stuff from the bed and deposited them into the dresser drawers across the room. "Edward and Esme made some food for you. I'll come back later and we'll see what we can do with your hair."

I ran my hand across my head. Between the bandages and three days of no shampoo and water, it felt gross. "Thanks, Rose."

"Anytime, Bella."

I appreciated her. She and I shared a bond. She didn't push. She didn't force. She was just there when I needed her.

I made my way back to the bed and had just made myself comfortable when there was another knock.

"Come in, Edward. God, can't I get any privacy?" I giggled.

"Okay, one, how did you know it was me? Two, what's with the attitude?" He said smartly as he walked into the room.

"One, you know how I know? Rose? And two, I thought you liked that attitude, asshole."

"You know, I really don't like that nickname."

"It's not a nickname. It's a pet name."

"A pet name? No way. I'm not a dog." There was a laughter somewhere in the house. "Shut up, Emmett. And I still don't like the name."

"Too bad, I like it and it stays till I say otherwise."

Edward reached over and brushed a stray piece of hair from my face. I leaned in and kissed his wrist. He moved his hand around to the back of my neck and gently pulled me into him. Our tongues did a complicated dance within our mouths until I had no choice but to pull away and breath.

I realized that after my "transformation" that this wouldn't be an issue for me anymore. I should break the news to Edward.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I should have known he would be able to see the look in my face. "Edward, I know about the vision."

I could see his face scrunch up. "I told her....."

"You wait right there. She didn't tell me. And, no, neither did Jasper. We were talking about the Volturi. You started it by talking about them in the garage. I continued the conversation with them. They didn't realize they had given me the information and I figured it out for myself. They're going to demand it be done, aren't they?"

"I won't let it happen. No one is going to let it happen."

"So you will be breaking a promise to me."

"What? I never promised anything about you being a vampire."

"No, but you promised and I quote: 'If you want your life over that badly, I'll make you a deal. When this crisis is over, if you still want to die, I'll do it for you.' Did you or did you not say those words?"

"You can't take something I said and twist it to meet your sick little need to be damned for eternity."

"Fuck you. How the hell would I be damned if it meant that you and I could be together without fear? Without you having to be cautious around me?"

"How would you want to be with me when you're not even sure about us?"

"What? Where the hell did you get that idea?" I was yelling now. I was angry. He was being pig-headed about everything.

"You said, and I quote, 'Someday, someone will enter our lives that will become a permanent part of our family'. Didn't you?"

"You fucking monster. I can't even have ten minutes alone with my father without you listening. Sorry, you obviously weren't listening, otherwise, you would have heard what I said after that. Are you that obsessed or just insecure?"

"Monster! Monster! You want to see a monster. I'll fucking show you a monster. Just you wait and see." I realized in that split second I had pushed way beyond "too far" but I didn't care at that moment. I was mad and that was quickly being hatefully horror.

Suddenly, I was straight terrified. As much as I was terrified the night in my room when he made the deal with me. I wasn't sure what he was going to do. I was shock as he smashed the glass panels to his balcony and took off into the woods.


	49. Chapter 49

**October 12**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

School. God damn it. Dad is fucking losing his mind. He thinks it would be good for me to go back to school. One week is more than enough time to recover. Or so he says. I have vampires demons wanting me dead. No, let me put this right, want my blood. I have a guy I like, boyfriend, whatever he is, that is not speaking to me. Hell, he won't even come and see me. I have _his_ family, yes I said _his_, that either won't speak to me out of respect for him or tell me that I was too hard on him. Seriously, what the hell? I was just being honest about the future. Then I have Angela. I still don't know what to make of that situation. Where do I even start?

Bella


	50. Chapter 50

**October 19 (story)**

**I don't not own the characters of Twilight.**

**All Linkin Park songs and some they have covered were inspiration for this chapter. **

**This is a special shout-out to "oceanluvr" who just allowed me to have my highest number of reviews in one story. Thank you to everyone who made it possible.**

It had been a week. One week since I had seen Edward smash through the glass in his room. One week since I had been sliced in the arm from a section of glass that had flown in my direction. One week since I had insisted on being taken home.

One week since I told the Cullen clan that I would agree to their protection outside the house but not one of them was allowed in. There was a condition to that demand. They could come and visit as friends. Rosalie and Alice had come over once in the last week. The moment they brought up Edward's name, I threw them out.

I was told the rest of them were in Edward's corner and had opted to stay in the woods protecting little human Bella. Like I said, I "agreed" to their protection. I didn't care anymore. I felt dead inside because of the fight so why not let Victoria and James finish the job. Maybe then I wouldn't be a pain for anyone anymore.

I had cooled off after the fight and realized it had gotten way out of control. The problem was now, Edward was stubborn and I was worse than him. Never one of us were going to give in. I still didn't know what was going through Edward's head.

Why was he denying the truth? There was no way out of this. Either I get turned or the Volturi demand my death. I liked having a heartbeat. Now isn't that ironic. I either have no heartbeat or I have no heartbeat. How sick is that type of thinking?

Edward had said he was going to show me "a monster". I had no idea what he meant by that by I kept silently hoping he wouldn't do anything stupid out of stubbornness. Alice and Rose could've told me had I not kicked them out of the house. Other than that, my life was perfect.

I spent my days on the couch waiting for the next attack. I jumped at the slightest noise. I had even managed to get a coat hanger stuck under one of my casts. Stupid things were itchy. Dad had enough baked goods in the deep freeze to last him into the next century. Life was perfect.

Somehow, dad had convinced me that life needed to go on. I couldn't continue to hold out for the unknown. He was at Billy's. I couldn't believe that after finding out the wolf kids were in cahoots with the vampires, the bad ones, that he would even consider going out there. According to dad, Carlisle was there too. Were they trying to repair the damage caused to the treaty?

I sat here one week later and was still as lost and determined to make my life what I wanted it to be, considering the choices I had. I picked myself up off the couch and hobbled to the phone. I dialed a number and waited. One ring, two rings, I heard the phone being picked up on the other end.

"Weber residence."

"Hi, Mrs. Weber."

"Bella, how are you, dear?"

I heard a squeal in the background and decided to be kind to my neglected friend. "I'm fine. Going back to school tomorrow. That's part of the reason I'm calling. I need to speak to Angela about some work I've missed."

"Well, I'll let you talk to her before she rips the phone out of my hand. You take care of yourself."

"I'll try." What more could I do? I could only try as a weak human.

"Bella, oh my god, Bella. Where are you?"

"Home."

"I'm on my way."

I opened my mouth to response and heard the phone go dead on me. Fuck, she was sometimes worse than Alice.

I slowly made my way around the house, straightening up a few things along the way. I changed the clothes into the dryer from the washer after, of course, removing the dry ones. Dad had neglected to remove them the night before so I knew I would have some of his uniforms to iron.

I pulled out the iron and the board out of the closet in the hallway. I set everything up and turned on the iron. As I waited for the iron to heat up, I folded the clothes I wouldn't need. After quickly putting them away, I put my attention back into the iron.

I was about two-third of the way through them when it happened. Klutz mode reared its ugly head as I reached for the iron. By the time my brain had processed the pain, I already had blisters forming on my hand. This was just not going to be a good day.

I raced for the sink in the kitchen and started running cold water. The pain was intense as it continued to shoot through my hand and up my arm. As I wasn't paying attention to anything but closing my eyes and trying to block out the heat on my skin, I didn't hear him come into the house.

As my hand instantly cooled, I opened my eyes and saw a large pair of pale hands covering my injured one. The tears started flowing. I wasn't sure if it was from the pain or because Edward, even if we were "fighting", was there for me and wanting to help.

"Hi." I said softly.

"You are a danger magnet. You know that, right?" He replied in the same soft voice.

"Yeah, well, if I wasn't I wouldn't have attracted the most beautiful of dangers." I wanted to take advantage of having him here. I wasn't going to cave in but I wanted to at least open the dialogue.

"Should I take that as a compliment?" He said as he looked at me for the first time. He removed one hand from mine and wiped away the tears that were slowly moving down my cheeks.

"Definitely. Listen, Edward, I want to talk to you."

"We can talk later. Right now, I have to fix your hand before Angela gets here."

"Carlisle is on the Rez. He can't possibly get here before she does."

"Don't need him."

"What? Why not?"

"I have two doctor's degrees."

"So, I learn something new about my man."

"So, I'm still 'your man'?"

"Of course, listen. I am stubborn and I know you are but just because we had a fight......"

"Argument."

"Okay, fine, argument. I'm not ready to let you walk away from me. I'm taking a chance on you as you are with me. I won't give up that easily."

"Good to know. But, without starting another argument, I won't give in that easily."

Asshole, was he really trying to press my buttons again? I could see neither of us would budge on this issue so I was going to be the adult here and let the subject drop for the time being.

He must have seen the look in my face. "Sorry. But I'm not giving in. You understand my reasons, right?"

"Stop doing that."

"What?"

"Saying sorry. We had a deal. No more sorries." I said as I looked into his eyes. They were a perfect shade of sunset gold with just a speck of black lining the edges. I could see a shade of purple under his eyes. I could see, for the first time, the vampire-danger that he had been constantly warning me about.

I felt my body slowly coming alive, my heartbeat speeding up, my lungs craving more of his scent. I could see him looking deep into me. Not just my eyes but my body. I was feeling him getting under my skin in a good way.

I decided to chance the fact that we were at least talking. I couldn't allow, what I considered, me being a push over go on any further. "You can stop the dazzling anytime."

"But I like the way your cheeks turn red when I do."

"Asshole."

"But you love me anyways, right?"

I quickly caught what he had said. I had kind of said it that night in the garage but it didn't count since I said it in his and my father's general direction. Before I could response one way or the other, he released my hand.

I looked down and found that somewhere through the conversation he had treated my hand and had wrapped it. I looked back at him. "I....."

"I'll come and see you tonight. You may not be ready to say it and I am fine with that. I can see it in your eyes. That will do for now. But I want you to know how I feel. I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. Now and forever." He said sweetly and leaned in.

I found his lips on mine and I, suddenly, knew that this was right. This was what I wanted. To hell with the Volturi, it didn't matter if they had their rules. All that mattered was that Edward and I were together.

I felt him pull away and realized why. I took in a much need breath of air. I looked at him as he chuckled. "I enjoy dazzling you. You make it fun for me."

"Glad to help." I cheekily said.

"I have to go. Angela's here. Bella, do one thing for me. Be careful around Angela. She's a wonderful girl but there's more to her than you think."

I sat in the chair in the kitchen with a confused look on my face as Angela entered the house. I watched her walk into the room and pulled myself together. I smiled and held up my hand at her questioning look at my injuries. I knew that this lie would have to be a good one.

"Don't ask."

"Well, too bad. I'm asking. What the hell did you do to yourself?"

"The bike." I put on my best poker face. I couldn't tell her the truth.

"Bullshit. I've seen you ride. You would never hurt yourself like this. Plus, you can't ride with a cast on your leg. And a new cast at that. Come on, Bella, what the hell happened?"

I never realized how smart the girl was. How much of my other lies had she seen through over the past month. "Okay, the hand just happened. By the way, would you turn off the iron for me? Dad's gonna have to finish his clothes when he gets home."

She walked over to the iron and the board and after examining the situation she picked up the iron and continued the ironing. "You know, you would be the only person I know who could walk on a flat surface with one crack in it and still manage to fall."

"Thanks."

"Hey, it's the truth."

"I know but thanks anyways." I evil-eyed her until she giggled.

"So, what's with the arm?"

"I got in a fight."

"With who? One of the werewolves?"

My jaw dropped immediately. I couldn't think straight. How did she know? Did she know or was it just luck? I racked my brain trying to decide how to answer the question. She definitely had sounded like she knew what she was talking about?

"Confused, aren't you? We need to talk." She said as she continued to iron my father's shirt.

"Ya think! What the hell do you know about werewolves......" I was going to add vampires but thought maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to mention them in case she didn't know.

"How much do you know about the Quileute?"

"Not very much. I know that Billy Black and his son, Jacob, are direct descendants of one of the elder chiefs."

"Have you been introduced to Embry Call?"

"No, the name doesn't sound familiar."

"Well, Embry lives on the Rez. I was down there one day, about four years ago, with the rest of the gang. You know, Jess, Mike, Eric. The waves were perfect for surfing. The moment he saw me, he imprinted on me."

"What is imprinting?"

"It's like finding your soul mate. Everything about that person is what you want or need in a person. There was a moment when I wasn't sure what was happening between us. It scared me. I left and didn't go back to the Rez for almost a year."

"Why? I mean, what scared you so much?"

"I knew in my heart that he and I were destined to be together. I was too young to understand it at the time so I was afraid of it. Now, we take everything one step at a time. We are together in every sense of the word but because I'm not Quileute, it has caused a bit of an issue for them."

"I don't understand."

"The Quileute don't like outsiders or pale-face as the younger generation calls us.

Not because we're not native but because we can't be trusted with their secret. At least that's what Embry has told me. Like I would tell anyone anyways. Who would believe me?"

"So they see you as a threat."

"Yeah, and from what Embry tells me, they don't trust you either. But it seems you are more of a threat than I am. I think it's because I am with Embry so they tolerate it more."

I realized that being with Edward or just vampires in general was a cause of concern for the wolves. "So why do they see me as a threat?"

"It's something to do with a treaty. Embry won't talk about it. He seems to be caught in the middle of it though. He told me that he doesn't agree with some of the others in the pack. That's what they call themselves. But there are some who agree with the elders regarding you. Bella, did something happen that would cause the Quileute to focus on you?"

I thought about it for a moment. Was there some way of telling her the truth without exposing the vampires? "Well, when I was very little, before my parents split up, I was attacked by someone. I blocked the memories but the wolves saved me. Think about it, Angela. You're with Embry. That gives you a safe marker with them. But me, I have no ties to them."

"You're wrong about that. That kid, Jacob. He's got a crush on you. Embry is certain it's not an imprinting thing but he's head over heels for you. I think it's just a teenage crush but still. Bella, you need to be careful around Jacob. He's a good kid but confused. Once he sets his mind on something or, in this case, someone he doesn't let up until he gets it."

"Angela, I don't know what to think."

"You think too much sometimes, Bella. I think you know more than I do. For some reason I think you being in with the Cullen's is doing more harm than good. Embry doesn't like them but seems to trust them, if that makes any sense. But some of the others have a real grudge against them.

You being involved with Edward could be harmful to you. Something's not right with the Cullen's. I know it in my heart and Embry and his friends seem to strength that feeling. I haven't seen Edward do anything to you but......."

"What? What are you thinking?"

"Did Edward do this to you? Bella, you can't protect him. If he's hurting you, abusing you......"

"Holy shit, Ang. How the hell could you think that? I haven't seen Edward in a week because he didn't agree with something I said. I left my place just because of an argument. I trust him. He'd never do this to me. You want the truth. I'll give you the truth. The person who caused this damage to me was my mother."

"What?"

"She came to Forks because Phil left her. She claimed I was the reason he left. I think he finally realized how fucked up she really was. I was thrown against a tree. She even broke my arm. Fuck, Ang. She even bit me. How fucked is that? If Edward hadn't shown up when he did, I could be dead right now."

Angela's face was blank. Her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets. "Bella, why didn't you ever tell me things were that bad? I could have helped. I am your friend."

"A friend who just accused my boyfriend of abuse."

"I'm sorry. You've constantly held back from me. I'm not the type to judge, Bella. You know that but without all the facts, how else was I suppose to see it. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

I pulled myself up from the table and walked towards her. "Ang, you are my best friend. I know how hard it's been for you. I'm not the most open or the easiest person to get along with but I'm still your friend. Please, bare with me. You know so much and that makes things so much easier for us." I left out the part about it being harder. I was surprised that for such a smart girl that she hadn't figured out the treaty and old tales. She hadn't figured out who the Cullen's were.

"Just don't push me away, please. I want to be your friend. There has to be a way to have the pack back off from you. Have you thought about seeing Jacob, maybe there could be imprinting? It would make things easier?"

"And maybe it wouldn't." I had blurted out the words before I thought about the consequences. If this kid did imprint. How the hell would that be handled. Edward would never let me go. Not that I wanted that. I couldn't fall for someone else. I remembered what my shield had told me. I remembered my "vision" that Alice and I had shared in the car.

"My life isn't on that path, Ang. I'm pretty sure I know where I'm going in life and it's not with a kid who's got a crush on me."

"Sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have suggested it. Listen, I have to go. I know that the pack won't be very happy that I came over. Embry said that you and I being friends was causing more trouble. Just be careful, Bella. I don't know what's going to happen from here but I will always be your friend. We are the outsiders, remember. We make our own rules."

"Friends forever." I said as I hugged Angela. I felt like this may be the last time she and I got to spend friendly time together.

There had suddenly been a line drawn between us. She was with the wolves and I was with the vampires. And in the middle was the Volturi, Victoria, James and their vampire animals waiting and watching. Ready to pounce and destroy all of us. I was losing my best friend and she didn't even know it.

After Angela left, I went to my room and played for a few moments with my computer. I slammed the cover down on the laptop and laid on my bed. I cried over how my life in a mere month had gone in such a strange direction. I had left a life behind in Phoenix, started a new one in Forks, being dragged kicking and screaming into another world. I had people wanting to kill me, had a vampire for a boyfriend and a best friend who was with my enemies. How much more could one person take?

I felt a set of cold arms lift me up and hold me tight. I cried harder and pounded my fists against his back. "Why? Why can't I just have a normal life like you see on TV or read in books?"

"Because it's not real, Bells. I sorry, I wish I could make it real for you. I wish I could give you the perfect normal life you deserve but I can't. I can't make everything go away but I will try to make it as peaceful for you as possible. I would do anything to make it that way."

I looked up and saw the hurt in his eyes. Something wasn't right. "Don't you dare, Edward Cullen."

"What?"

"You know what. I can see it. I know what your thinking. Don't you dare say good-bye. I may not want this life but I have it. It's my destiny. I have a destiny and you are part of it. Don't kill our child before she's even given a chance."

"What child?"

I clamped my hand over my mouth. Damn, did I really say it? What the hell did I just do?


	51. Chapter 51

**October 13**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

Well, it's a few days after this actual entry again. I need to write this shit down. It was crazy. I couldn't understand how things got so complicated so fast. How did everyone else have the right to make choices about my future without me having a say? That stupid child, Jacob. I've only met this bastard maybe two times in my life and he thinks he loves me. That he and I have a destiny together. He fucked with my life, well, life is a bitch and her name is Bella. Sorry, diary, I'm getting ahead of myself. I took control and allowed myself to vent and unleash so much.

Bella


	52. Chapter 52

**October 13 (story)**

**I don't not own the characters of Twilight.**

Edward stared down at me. His eyes were wide with surprised and shock. He was confused and terrified. I could see all of it written in his face. Every possible emotion known to man and vampire was forming within the beauty of his skin, his eyes, his lips.

"Edward?"

"Bella, what child?" The words came off his lips like poison.

"You haven't spoken to Alice, have you?"

"No. No, what does Alice have to do with this? Bella, whose the father? Don't tell me its _him_?"

Now it was my turn to be shocked. Who was the "him" he was talking about? Oh my god, no. He couldn't honestly believe I was...... "Oh my god, Edward. I'm not pregnant. Jesus, do you think I wouldn't have dealt with any of that. I went to the hospital after it happened. Fuck."

I looked down. I couldn't even face him. I couldn't believe I was talking to him about Phoenix, about what Phil had done to me. How did this happen? I didn't want to do this with him, not now, not ever. I couldn't do this with him.

I felt my body being pulled and tightly held against Edward's cold body. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean for that. I should have known you would have done everything right. I just don't understand."

"Understand what? What happened in Phoenix?"

"God, no. I don't want to know unless you want to tell me. It doesn't matter to me. You are who you are. You are my Bella. Nothing, including Phoenix, will change that. I don't understand what you're talking about. Who's the child? What does Alice have to do with it?"

"I don't know where to start. With everything going on, I haven't even been able to think about it. I haven't been able to make sense of any of it. I just know she will exist. She will be loved. She will be special."

"Bella, love." Edward said as he pulled my chin up and looked into my eyes. "You're rambling and not making any sense."

I looked into his eyes and paused. I knew I had to tell him something. I needed to tell him that I knew how the future would be. What was coming for us. My dream hadn't been a dream. I was certain of it. My shield, as I was calling my other side now, had told me that my child would be the start of a new generation. She would be special I knew that now.

"Edward, do you remember that day in the woods? The day we were coming back from the cabin? I passed out for the last time?"

"Yes." He was nervous. I could feel it, physically. He was shaking.

I reached up my hand. "Edward, I visited with that other side of me. She, it, whatever, told me that she was a shield. A power that I possess. Had the wolves not interfered when I was younger and brought Victoria and James to me, my destiny would have shaped itself differently.

You and I are one. We are meant to be together. Our future is to be together. I don't know what I'm suppose to be but I know one thing. I will be a mother. I had a vision. Alice saw the vision as if she was the one having it. You should have seen the look on her face. She was freaked out."

"You seem to have a way of doing the impossible with vampires. We're not suppose to freak out."

"Or get nervous and scared?" I said looking at him seriously.

"Well, at least nervous. Scared is a hard thing to do but we do get scared in our own way. So what was this vision all about?"

"I don't know where I was but all I know is I saw our child. She was beautiful. I could feel the love I had for her. Everything felt right. It all felt so perfect. I held her and you and felt absolute. Everything was as it should be. The way my destiny should be."

"Wait, you said 'our' child?"

"Yes, Edward. Somehow, according to my shield, you and I have a child and she is the beginning of a new generation. She will be special. She will be loved and perfectly happy."

"Bella, I don't understand. Vampires can't have children. How is this possible?"

"I don't know. I don't have all the answers. All I know is that I trust my shield. She is my protection. She sheltered me from knowing too much before it was the right time. I trust Alice. She saw it. She saw my vision. She knows that somehow it will come to be."

"But, Alice's visions are subjective."

"I know but as long as you and I are together and we continue down this path we will have this child. We will have our daughter."

"Daughter." Edward's eyes seemed to cloud over.

This was one time I wished I could read his thoughts. Was he happy about the idea? Did he think our relationship would go that far? Was it possible? It had to be. I had seen it.

"Bella, I don't think it was a vision you had. Maybe it was a vivid dream. Maybe with everything going on, you were weak and Alice was able to get in."

"Weak? Excuse me? With everything I've been through in my life. You're calling me weak." I was suddenly pissed.

"Sorry, that wasn't what I meant. Bella, please, let's not start this. I can't handle us fighting. I don't want to fight with you. I love you. I hate you being mad at me. You were right. We are both stubborn."

"Promise me one thing. Make me one promise."

"I thought you didn't like promises?"

"I don't but I need this one from you. I need it to know our child will have a chance to live."

I watched as he pondered over my request. Would he agree because he loved me? Because he wanted to pacify me? Because he believed in what I was so certain was true? Would he refuse?

"Anything. For you."

"Always be with me. Never leave. Through good times and bad. Always and forever be with me."

"I'm yours, now and forever."

"Say it."

"I promise."

We laid on the bed for some time talking about everything we had been through in the past month. How our lives had brought us to this point in life or existence. We agreed that even in the heat of our stubbornness we would never abandon each other again.

Edward's head shot up and I could see he was listening out the window. "Carlisle and your father are back."

"Edward, I'm confused about something. How didn't you know about all of this? Why couldn't you read my father's thoughts?"

"I can't read him. It's like he has the same thing as you." Edward replied as he picked me up with ease from the bed and flew me down the stairs.

I thought about how it would make sense that my ability was hereditary. There was a flaw to that logic that idea. My shield was another being within me. Another personality. Was that unique because of my life and everything that had happened? Could it be the same thing with him? It was something I would definitely have to explore somewhere in the future.

I watched as my father gave Edward the evil eye as he and Carlisle came through the front door. As suddenly as he had the eye his face dropped. He raced to my side and Edward allowed him to take me.

"My god, Bella, what happened to your hand?"

"It's nothing, dad. Klutzy Bella had another run in with an iron."

"What?"

"I was trying to finish the laundry and I burnt my hand."

"Charlie. Set her on the couch. I'll check her hand." Carlisle answered before dad could even ask the question.

"She did more than burn it, Carlisle. There's blisters."

"You fixed her up, Edward?"

"Yes, sir." Edward replied to my father. "I have two medical degrees. I learned everything I know from Carlisle."

"That makes me feel better. Thank you, Edward."

I was shocked. My father was being nice to Edward. "Okay, who the hell are you and where the fuck is my father?"

"Bella, stop fucking swearing. I don't appreciate it."

"I will when you do."

"Cheeky child."

"I learned from the king." I retorted and watched as Carlisle finished with my hand.

"Very good job, Edward." He said as if he hadn't heard anything that had happened between my father and I.

"I stopped and got pizza. Come on, you need to eat."

I started to get up from the couch and couldn't even do that. Dad scooped me into his arms and headed for the kitchen. I felt like I was in a rerun of my life. It was fun watching Edward and Carlisle's reaction to mine and my father's game.

He set me on one of the chairs at the table. After walking to the fridge, he turned and asked his question. "So what would you like? Pop, milk, water, juice?"

He always knew the answer to his question but it was part of the game. "Juice will be fine, dad." He pulled the biggest glass out of the cupboard and poured the liquid into it.

He set it on the table in front of me. I knew there would be a variation in the game because of the pizza. "What type of pizza would my little girl like?"

"And what kinds are there, daddy?" I giggled. I couldn't help it. The baby voice he was using was just too cute.

"There's meat lovers on one half and vegetarian on the other."

The look on everyone's faces was priceless. We all understood the metaphor in the answer. "Vegetarian, please."

Two slices on a plate appeared in front of me. I took a bite of one and enjoyed the first amount of food I had had in what seemed like days. I watched and listened as dad and Carlisle explained what had happened at the Rez.

"Okay, I want the truth. No half-truths. I want to know what is going on. I need answers."

"Bella, you won't want to hear the answers."

"Let me guess. A lot of the problems recently have to do with Jacob."

"How the hell did you know that?" My father's jaw dropped.

I quickly explained what Angela had told me. I found my own jaw drop at Edward's reaction to everything that was being said. He hadn't been listening to our conversation. I must have gotten through to him. He was respecting my privacy.

That was one reason for my jaw dropping. I wasn't sure which was going to hunt down Jacob first. I didn't even know this kid and I had both Edward and my father raging mad. Death would be the kid's only safety.

"So, what happened at the meeting?" I asked Carlisle as I took my father's hand in one hand and Edward's in the injured one. I didn't focus on either of them. I didn't dare. My protection was about to get more complicated.

"The elders explained they didn't agree with the younger generation and since respect was the only thing they could use against them, they did. It took a lot of convincing on the part of the elders but the children agreed to live by the treaty. There is only one condition, and now that you've explained about Jacob it makes sense. They stated their condition was no turning, no biting, no death of humans by anyone associated with the Cullen's."

"What about my mother?" I could hear the pitch in my voice. Everyone could hear it. They all knew something was wrong but I was the only one who knew what it was.

"The elders and the youngsters know and understand that what happened to your mother was not by our doing. They have given a pass on that issue."

I let go of both Edward and my father's hands. I folded my hands on my lap. I thought about the situation as it was now. I, at least, tried to. The three men squeezed into my father's kitchen were talking amongst themselves. I couldn't take the noise. The confusion that was being caused. I need time.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella." He looked almost lost. I wasn't sure why and at the moment I didn't care.

"I need to talk to Alice and Rosalie. Please?"

"Okay." He was confused. I knew, at that moment, he wished he could read my mind.

He picked up his cell phone and hit one button. "Alice, I need you and Rose to come to the house. Bella wants to talk to you both."

He paused for a moment and then hung the phone up. "They're on their way."

"Thank you."

I moved away from the table and hobbled carefully into the living room. I knew I wasn't alone. From the noise behind me, I knew who was following me.

"Bella?"

"Yes, dad." I answered before I turned around.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"Bells, please don't shut me out. I don't know what's bothering you. I'm not even going to guess. But when you're ready, I'll have an open mind about it, okay?" He answered as he took me in his arms and tightened his hold on me.

"Okay, dad." I didn't understand why he said it that way but I couldn't afford anymore on my plate. I didn't have it in me to try and understand the cryptic phrases that were being shot at me. I need to figure out what was currently bothering me. I needed a solution. I needed more answers.

There was a quick knock on the front door and I knew the girls had arrived. I waited as dad answered the door and allowed the girls entrance into the living room.

I could see the look of concern on their faces. I must have looked like my life was about to end. In a strange way it was. I was about to lose it. I could feel the confusion and the anger boiling to the surface. I was about to have mental and emotional breakdowns and there was no one besides the two women in front of me that would be my saving grace.

It wasn't by choice either. They were the only ones who knew everything going on. They were the only ones I could be completely honest with.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Do I look like I'm fucking okay? Just get me the fuck out of here." I was starting to get very sick and tired of people asking me that. I could feel the snap coming.

No sooner had the words come out of my mouth than I felt myself being picked up and carried out the door. I ducked my head in and made sure the trees, which I was becoming very familiar with, weren't going to take my head off. I realized for the first time who had grabbed me. Alice.

For a tiny woman she was incredibly strong. I was weightless on her back. I settled in for the ride. The wind whipping around me was clear and easy on my lungs. I was starting to feel free. I was feeling relaxed and calm. It was strange how carefree I was feeling.

I poked my head up and looked around. I knew I didn't have to scream at the top of my lungs but it would definitely get my point across. "Fuck off, Jasper. Take the parlor tricks back home."

"Sorry, Bella. He didn't think it would be safe for you to be so far away from everyone."

"That's part of the problem. I want to be as far away as possible from all of it. Please, just for a little while."

Alice nodded and continued running with Rosalie at her side. They continued to run at top speed as we cleared the wooded area. I wasn't sure what direction we were running until that moment. The ocean was beautiful as the sun peak carefully through the clouds that were closing in over it. We were heading north.

"Bella, Esme is following us."

I thought about Rosalie's words. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Esme was still technically my therapist. Did dad arrange that? Did he know that having at least one Cullen close to me would be the beginning of my protection?

I felt a connection to Esme that I hadn't felt towards another woman in a long time. From the time my mother forced me to Phoenix, she had ceased to be my mother. She didn't care about me, she didn't watch over me. She didn't once tell me that she loved me. She just constantly blamed me for ruining her life.

Esme didn't do that. She and I didn't have a strong relationship but the interaction I had had with her was loving, caring and protective. Protective not like the rest of the Cullen's but protective of me emotionally and mentally. She wanted to be there for me not just because she needed to be but because she wanted to be.

I had my answer. I knew how I felt about Esme following us. I was happy. I was content. I had a new mother, if she would allow it, following, waiting for me to give the okay to join us.

I looked at Rosalie and nodded. She fell back from Alice and I. Moments later she returned with Esme by her side. I looked at the beautiful mother and smiled. Her smile was contiguous. You couldn't help but smile at the love and warmth that penetrated her wonderful personality.

"Bella, where would you like to go?"

"The ocean. Take me to the ocean." I decided that I needed to do the extreme and fight something that could fight back without complicating my life. I needed to win one battle and release the anger. Not just the anger but the frustration, the rage, the feeling of being smothered.

I was being smothered in so many directions. I needed to rid myself of all of it. I needed a lighter weight on my body, mentally. My father, the Cullen's, Jacob, Victoria and James, school, my past, my present and my future, which included Edward who was involved one way or another in everything. I needed my liberation from all of it and I was now going to have it on my terms.


	53. Chapter 53

**October 20**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

Where do I start? I had it out with myself and then with Edward. Other than being locked up for nearly a week, life has passed by with complete and total boredom. That's probably why I finally lost it with Edward. He wants to play the perfect gentleman. Well, I finally told him to fuck off with it. No more old world charm. Time to come into the 21 century.

Bella


	54. Chapter 54

**October 14 and 20 (story)**

**I don't not own the characters of Twilight.**

We arrived at the water. As Alice put me on the ground, I looked up and down the shore line. It was completely void of life. The only evidence of anything living or otherwise was the ocean crashing against the sand, pushing and pulling in interdict patterns.

I climbed over the driftwood that littered the edge of the sand. I looked out to the ocean and watched as the clouds parted never the horizon allowing the sun to show itself for one last time before the world hid it away for another night.

I turned and found the three women were standing within the shadows of the trees. I wasn't sure if it was a natural defense or if they were giving me the space I was requesting silently. I bid them forward with a wave of my hand.

I watched as they looked at each other and then directed attention to Alice. Her eyes glazed over momentarily. As they cleared, she nodded at Esme and Rosalie. They took a few steps forward into the fading light of the day.

I continued to watch as the sun fell on their skin. They sparkled like Edward but there were differences between them all. Alice's sparkle was light and had a baby blue hue. Esme's was soft and a light lilac purple. It was Rosalie's that was the most impressive.

Rosalie stepped forward. I could see her enjoying warmth the sun gave to her. Her sparkle was more of a glow. The bright translucent red that flowed from her body was full of love and hatred at the same time. I never thought it was possible for her to be more beautiful than she already was but the light from the sun was proving that wrong.

As they continued to advance, I turned and faced the ocean again. I imagined each of the crashing waves as an obstacle that had crept into my life in the last month and knew what I wanted and, strangely, needed to do.

I didn't care about my casts. Carlisle would fix them. I started forward over the dirty white sand. I felt the grains push their way into my cast feeling like sandpaper under my feet. I dipped my good foot first into the water as it pushed its way up the shore.

"Bella?" Esme's voice asked from behind me. I knew she would be worried. If this was to go wrong, Alice would have stopped it by now.

I continued my slow stroll towards the waves, feeling them lap against my legs. I pushed myself further into the cold water. I could feel the goosebumps creeping up my legs and across my body. As the water continued its assault on my body, I feel its power start to push me back.

I surged forward, fighting the waves, imagining each one being another person in my life trying to control what I did or what I wanted. I was nearly waist deep when I started swing my fists at each wave as it washed over me. First was my mother, next, Phil, then my father. I wanted my family to be the first I would fight. I had the most anger towards them. The savageness of the waves was like sick reminders of my past.

Once I was up to my chest I was being thrown around. I went for Victoria, James and their clan of newborns and vampire-animals next. I fought forward and overcame those waves also.

I was swimming, watching the waves as they towered over me. As they crashed down on top of me, I imagined Jacob pulling me towards him. He wanted me, he claimed that I was his. I wasn't allowed to have the choice. I fought against the Cullen's. They hadn't really done anything wrong except come into my life and complicate it but I fought them also.

I came back to reality as I swallowed some of the seawater. I turned myself around and looked back as the sun finally descending into nothingness. I waited for the next wave to come towards me and instead of fighting it, I allowed it to take me. I rose to the top of it and allowed it to carry me into shore. I imagined this being Edward.

I didn't see it has him carrying me, protecting me. I saw this wave as him traveling with me to an unknown end of a journey. He wasn't fighting me. He was working with me, enjoying the ride with me. I washed gently to shore and just laid there. I allowed my emotions to overwhelm me. I wasn't fighting them now I was flowing with them. I cried, laughed and screamed until I was too exhausted to do it anymore.

I felt detached from my body as I was lifted out of the water. I was cold, numb both mentally and physically. I felt so dead and alive at the same time. I turned my head as I felt a radiating heat start to penetrate my body. A campfire had been build on the soft sand. I looked up into Esme's eyes as she carried me to the warm shelter they had constructed.

Her eyes in the fire's light shone with a bright golden yellow. There was love in her eyes and hope. I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. For all intensive purposes, she was now my mother. She would be the grandmother to the beautiful little girl I had seen in my vision.

After what seemed like hours, I finally spoke for the first time. I had dried off some time earlier and Esme had done what she could with my casts to help keep the bones immobilized. "What am I going to do?"

"About what, Bella?"

"About everything. Every little piece of this intersections with another piece and causes more and more bullshit. I can't seem to get a break. Then through it all there seems to be a light, a beacon, for me to push towards and, again, someone blocks my way."

"Bella, what's going on?" Rosalie asked in her musical voice.

I thought about everything for a moment as I watched the flames of the fire crackled and burn through the wood. It was then I realized, the women were sitting back from the fire. I looked around at each of them. They were patient and loving, waiting for me to let everything out. Lay it on the table for examination.

"Let's start with the easy stuff. My mother. She tried to kill me. Why? Why would she hate me so much? I tried to be a good child. I wasn't responsible for the decisions that she and my father made. How could I be blamed for her failures? I am not to blame.

Then, we have Phil. I didn't ask for any of his beatings. I didn't ask for his sick way of showing love. It wasn't love. It was a hatred for himself, for me, for my mother. They came together out of need. They needed each other to fill in a gap in their lives. They used each other and, in turn, used me. I'm not to blame for that. I didn't encourage it. Now, where is he? Will I one day have him appear out of nowhere and have to fight that battle again?

Victoria and James. What is it about them that made them these evil and vindictive monsters? Why couldn't it have happened to someone else? I'm not strong enough to fight against them and their nature. Why do I have to be the object of their obsession?

Next is Jacob. He decided that he wants me. Supposedly, he has imprinted on me or at least he thinks so. He tricked the elders and Carlisle to stop my future. He won't stop till he has what he wants. Me

The Volturi. I know about you. There is only one of two ways that can end. Either I get turned or I die. Because of Jacob's trick, I can't be turned by the one person I would have change me. It would break the treaty. And if I am turned or I die, my vision will never come true. I will never be able to have my future with Edward.

Edward. That's the hardest thing for me to deal with. I'm not suppose to find a man. Have a man who claims he loves me. A man who would do anything he needs to do to protect me. Would do anything I ask of him. I'm suppose to hate men. I don't trust them. They have never done anything for me to give them trust. But Edward continues to fight for me. To show me he isn't like all men."

I fell silent. It was so much. Too much. I looked into Rosalie's face as she sat next to me.

"Bella, we will handle the Volturi and the treaty. Let Edward take care of Jacob. But what vision of the future are you talking about?"

I looked at Alice and she looked down at the ground. She hadn't told them either. She hadn't spoken a word of the vision to anyone. I appreciated her secretive nature.

I retold my vision and what my shield had told me. As I told my story, I felt Rosalie's arm drop off my shoulder. As I finished, I looked and saw an anger in her face. Her eyes were full of hate.

"Never, it can never happen. It's not fair. I can't so why should he?" She stormed off into the woods.

"What? I don't understand. Why?"

"The only thing besides a man to love her that Rosalie ever wanted in her human life was a child. After Carlisle turned her, that was no longer an option for her."

"But, Esme. I can't be a mother to a new generation. I don't have the strength. I need her and the rest of you. She would be the perfect mother. You all would. My child will require love and support. She will need training and someone who understands what it is like to be vampire. I don't have that knowledge.

I'm beginning to believe everyone has a destiny. Rosalie's destiny was to find Emmett. He is the yin to her yang. She was suppose to become a vampire to help raise my child, show her the ways. Can't Rose see that?"

Esme wrapped her arms around me. "She will in time. You need to give her time."

"I can't handle another person against me. I don't have it in me to fight someone else. Especially someone I consider family. I just can't do it."

"Somehow, some way, Bella, this will all work out."

"How do you know, Alice? Have you seen the future? Have you seen a vision where everyone is happy and has what they want? Do you see me smiling and full of peace and joy?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"In your vision. You were happy. You were full of love. You were surrounded by it. If it is your destiny that you saw that day, then it will happen for you. It will be that way."

"There's just one problem. I'm dying. Not this moment but I will die one day. Edward and our child will be left alone. They were mourn and grief over my loss. I can't be responsible for another thing I can't control. And that is what it is. I can't be changed because of the treaty and the Volturi will demand it or death. One way or the other, I lose."

"I promise you it will not happen."

"Please don't, Esme."

"No, Bella, as your mother, I promise you it will not happen that way. Your future will be the way you envisioned it. I am making that promise to you."

I throw myself into her body and sobbed. I release the final insecurities. I let my past be that, my past. I decided it was time to move forward. Be strong when I had to be and allow others to be strong for me when I couldn't. Somehow, my life would be the perfect vision I had seen.

We sat for a while longer, watching the waves coming in and enjoyed each other's company. I felt the soft breeze swirl through my hair. The contrast between the heat of the fire and the coolness of the night air felt good against my body.

Alice suddenly stiffened and turned her head towards the forest. I felt my body go ridged as Rosalie came racing out of the tree line. As quickly as she appeared, she had me thrown onto her back.

I, once again, found my head being tucked in so the branches wouldn't cause damage to me. I tried to listen to the quickness of the words being exchanged amongst the women. Their conversation was so quick that I couldn't catch any of it.

I was scared. I didn't know what was happening or who was coming but knew from past history that being thrown around like a rag doll wasn't a good sign. We continued through the woods, dodging trees, branches and bushes along the way. I peaked my head up every now and then and found the trees were thinning out.

We came to the main highway and stayed just inside the trees. Alice and Esme broke away from Rosalie and I. Esme ran straight down the highway, avoiding the odd car that found itself confronted with the vampire. Alice was nowhere to be found but I knew she wouldn't be too far away.

Rosalie turned slightly and made her way up the embankment and onto the road. She ran beside Esme as a car came screaming down the road. I watched in horror and relief as the car's tire screeched to a stop, leaving its marks on the road.

One of the doors in the backseat opened and as we approached I saw Edward in the backseat. Emmett was driving. I felt my body being thrown carefully into the backseat and into Edward's waiting arms. The car accelerated and raced into the pitch blackness of the night.

I felt complete and suddenly safe within Edward's arms. I found my body relax and I fell into a deep and sheltered sleep.

"This is fucking ridiculous. I can't fucking do this anymore. I have to fight. I can't continue to hid like a bitch."

"Bella, love....."

"Stop, Edward. I don't need you to be Mr. Perfect right now. I need you to understand. I know I'm weak compared to the rest of you but there must be something strong within me that as brought this bullshit on my doorstep."

"I'm not Mr. Perfect." He almost sounded insulted.

"So stop acting like it. God, it gets irritating." I was going stir-crazy.

I had been locked up in my four-star prison for almost a week and Edward's gentleman ways were starting to drive me nuts. I hadn't realized how quickly that "act" got tiring. I couldn't handle it anymore. I wasn't sure if it was the vampire in him that made him annoying perfect or if it was just him. I just had had enough.

Something snapped. I found myself leaning against the back of the couch I had been sitting on. His change had taken a full second. It was like a split-personality had taken over.

"I am not perfect. I never claimed to be. I'm who I am. I have my faults. I fell in love with you. Do you want to start there?"

"What? So I'm a fault of yours. Sorry to ruin your perfection."

"Fuck off, Bella. I'm so tired of your self-delusional pity. Sorry for this, sorry for that. Stop being sorry for shit you have no control over."

"Well, what then? Walk away if you don't want to love me. Fuck you. I was doing fine on my own before you came into my life and ruined it. I enjoyed hating men and you had to fucking stick that cocky smile of yours in my face and ruin it."

"I didn't say I didn't want to love you, you stupid child."

"Stupid child. You want stupid. You want child. I'll give you stupid and childish." I walked into the kitchen.

I could hear Edward enter the kitchen behind me. I walked over to the fridge and opened it. I pulled out the item of my search and turned towards him. "Here is stupid and childish."

I squirted mustard around the room and then across his shirt. I throw the near empty bottle at him and then turned back to the fridge. I grabbed another item closest to my hand and pulled the ketchup out.

As I turned, I found myself shrouded in a cloud of dust. I quickly realized that I was covered in flour. I coughed and looked through the white powder. I eyed my prey and squeezed the bottle directly at him. His face was the first to be covered in the red sauce.

I dropped the now empty bottle and lunged at him. He didn't try to stop me. I jumped on him and he took a few steps backwards out of the kitchen and back into the living room. I finally looked for the first time into his face.

"Not so perfect now, are you?" I hissed.

"Not at all."

"Edward, stop being a perfect person around me. Stop being a gentleman. Be my man, my boyfriend. Don't treat me like I'm an innocent little girl who doesn't have any feelings. Love me, Edward. Don't be afraid of showing me you love me. Don't just tell me. Show me."

I had finally accepted that I loved him. I needed to show him. The frustration through the week had continued to build higher and higher. No one had even told me why I was being hidden away. Edward and I being sheltered away by ourselves had boiled to a point that I was out of patience with myself, Edward and the situation.

"Bella........"

"Don't Bella me, Edward. I love you and you love me. Be a man, not a gentleman, but a man. If you love me you'll show me you love me."

I could feel my breath being pulled from my lungs as his lips crashed against mine.

**I know......about time she took control of her life, right?**


	55. Chapter 55

**October 20**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

OMG......what the fuck more do you want me to say???????

Bella


	56. Chapter 56

**October 20 (story)**

**I don't not own the characters of Twilight.**

I broke away from him. I sucked in some much needed air. "You're such a jerk." I informed him.

He cringed and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry, Bella. I thought that's what you wanted."

"It is. I want the passion, Edward. I'm calling you a jerk for taking so long to do this. I want you the man, not the vampire, not the gentleman. I want the man. I want you to show me how much you love me. I want you to show me how it's suppose to be."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"See, now you're being an asshole again. Don't ask like a gentleman. Just be natural with this."

"I'm so sorry." he half whispered. He looked hurt and I sighed. It was like a punch to the gut to see the pain in his face but I didn't think much about that. I was still extremely upset with him. Upset that he was controlling his emotions instead of letting them be free and out of control.

"Edward, if you want me as much as I want you then show me. No more telling me." I murmured harshly.

I saw him pause for a moment. He must have been deciding whether he could let go of the control because he suddenly pulled me hard to his body, being a bit rough with what seemed like a desperate edge to the way he was holding me. He pressed me to him, cradling my head to his chest, kissing the top of my head. He gently rocked me back and forth for a long time until he suddenly stopped.

His strong hand pulled my chin upwards and the other hand closed around my cheek. I took a deep breath and realized he had a woodsy cinnamon scent. It was an odd combination, but hopelessly intoxicating.

"Stop doing that." I teased as I felt his dazzle rippling through my body.

Out of nowhere he crushed his lips to mine, holding my face to his. I knotted my fingers in his hair, kissing him with every ounce of strength I had. A strong arm slipped around my back, pushing my hips into his hard and delicious body. I pushed him away, gasping for air. He chuckled very softly.

"I thought you were upset with me." he stated quietly, gently kissing my neck.

"I take that kiss as an apology." I purred back.

"Mmm...what do you call this then?" He said as he took my hand and spun me around into him. He switched some music on with the remote and some slow music played. He gently took my hand and danced me out of the kitchen.

We slowly twirled around the living room, smiling, the kind of goofy smile that those mushy romantic couples do. He gently kissed my forehead, and I pulled myself closer, inhaling his delicious scent. I shut my eyes, resting my head on his chest. The mixture of ketchup and mustard smearing across my face.

Our bodies began to mesh together as one, pressing so closely I could feel his hips pressing against my stomach, and I could feel he was extremely turned on. My heart jumped, stunning me.

"You're so sexy when you do that." he purred in my ear. I blushed, knowing that he had heard the quicken of the beats. He gently slipped a hand under the sweatshirt, caressing my hips, mischievously slipping a finger under the shorts I was wearing as they rested right below my hip.

I pulled away and looked up at his face, seeing a small sparkle of lust in his huge, loving eyes. He was more beautiful and captivating than I had ever realized before. My heart accelerated more than I thought was possible.

He picked me up and made his way into the bathroom. Without putting me down he turned on the shower and then set me down in front of him. His hands ripped away his jeans. My breath was already coming uneven, I couldn't wait any longer. I reached out to him, pulling him back to to me. He yanked the sweatshirt over my head, tossing it violently over his shoulder.

He pressed his hard dick against my pussy as he kissed me again. I felt a craving that I had never felt before. I needed him. I reached down and tugged at his boxers, he slipped them off with no hesitation. The only thing stopping us was my shorts.

He pulled away and knelt down in front of me. I closed my eyes as I felt his hands run down my waist and under the top of my shorts. My breath hitched as he slowly, teasingly pulled them down. I stepped out of them. I heard him take in a deep breath of air. I knew that flowing on that air was the scent that made me so irresistible to him.

We stepped into the shower and slowly washed each other. We used the time to make ourselves more comfortable with each other's nakedness. I noted how much more beautiful and perfect he was without clothes. I couldn't seem to take in a full lungful of air. We continued to kissed passionately throughout the shower, the water running over our meshed bodies.

Once we had finished showering, we stepped out. I watched Edward's eyes as they continuously turned blacker by the minute. This should have scared me but I had never felt more safe in my life. He slowly decreased the distance between us and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his legs as he walked us into the bedroom I had been using.

"Girl, I love you." he spoke slowly and seriously.

My blood started to boil and I violently grabbed the collar of his shirt in response, holding him tightly, biting his lips as we kissed. "Love you." I panted in between kisses. I felt the fire ignite as I said the words again. They were getting easier to say to him.

He roughly picked me up by the hips and threw me onto the bed. He crawled very sexily over me on all fours, just that image alone started to turn me on, I could feel myself growing damp.

He pressed his body fully against mine, careful not to press too much weight onto me. "I want to make you mine tonight," he purred into my ear. "I want to hear your moaning."

"Edward..." I paused. My heart was about to bust out of my chest, my palms sweating, my whole body reacting to my nervousness. He just looked me, watching, concerned. "Fuck me, Edward." I whispered.

His blackish gold eyes were huge in shock, then he quickly turned serious. I suddenly got nervous. I was afraid that this wasn't something I was ready for. But it was. It was something I wanted, I needed, I craved more than air itself. It was like the need for his body was pumping constantly, pounding through my veins.

"Come on," I begged breathlessly. I wanted to encourage him. To let him know that I felt safe and secure with him. That I wanted this protection from him.

He lowered himself down so his beautiful face was even with my throbbing pussy. Without warning, he plunged his tongue into my pussy, gripping my hips tightly in his strong hands.

I moaned so loud in ecstasy. His tongue plunged in and out so fast. I could feel myself getting wetter with each movement of his tongue. Finally, his tongue flicked over my swollen and aching clit.

I gripped the sheets as he licked my little knob over and over, gently plunged his fingers into me. An extreme stirring began in my body, my temperature began to rise, my breath didn't even come, I was so far gone. And then it happened.

My whole body exploded, an earth shattering orgasm ripped through my body, my pussy tightened up on his fingers, my juices exploded, his tongue didn't stop until he had licked me dry. My brain went blank, my vision went fuzzy, my breath caught in my chest, I screamed in pleasure and moaned uncontrollably. I was momentarily paralyzed completely.

He grinned really big, moved up towards my face and dove for my neck. He planted hard, passionate kisses all up and down my neck, biting carefully. He continued to fuck my pussy with his fingers. He twisted his fingers and found the sensitive area inside. He sent me flying over the edge again. I didn't think it was possible but I felt my body fall over the abyss into nothingness for the second time in just a few minutes.

Finally, he pulled away, still lying over me, and looked me seriously in the eyes. "Are you alright?" He whispered.

"I'm amazing." I sighed dreamily.

"God, yes, you are." He breathed. I pushed my hips upwards towards him, encouraging him. "Bella, are you sure?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and I kissed him hard. "Edward, shut up." I whispered.

He pushed me back down on my back and moved back on top of me. He gently pushed the tip of his cock into me about an inch, making me cry out.

"You're so wonderfully tight." he groaned. His hips made one fluid movement, and his rock hard cock slammed into me, my scream muffled by his mouth on mine. He kissed me over and over as he waited for my pussy to adjust to his fullness.

Finally, he shifted his hips to rock out of me, and pushed back in, causing a moan from both of us. I couldn't believe how amazing it felt, my insides were exploding, my breath coming in wild gasps, my nails were clawing deeply into his back. Suddenly his strokes began to quicken, and an animalistic look took over his eyes, and his body. He began to pound my pussy so hard, tears began to well in my eyes. He saw it and suddenly stopped and a look of horror crossed his face.

"God, no!" I yelled, frustrated. I thrust my hips towards his, begging for him to continue. "Please, please." I begged.

He didn't hesitate, he went right back to slamming hard as possible into me, causing that white hot pain to seer through me, but it was the most pleasurable, amazing pain I had ever felt. I was screaming so loud I couldn't control myself. My hips rose to meet his at every stroke, his kisses still coming in hard against my lips, my cheeks and my neck.

After some time, a low growling came from down in his throat and his thrusts increased extremely fast. He shoved me harder than I thought possible, moaning as the pressure built up. And in one moment, I was lost in heaven, my body taking me to the most amazing heights I could ever imagine, my back arching, my unconscious moans stinging the otherwise silent air, his rough grip on my hips.

He gave one final thrust and exploded. I watched as an orgasm swept through him, making his eyes shut and his moans ring out. I was happy and complete. I knew he had given me the one thing I had wanted from him. He had given way to his human side, his emotional side. He had lost control and allowed nature to do what was natural for a man and woman.

My head spun, I felt dizzy and lightheaded, but I felt so perfect, so excited, tingly, and worn out all at the same time.

There was no more movement. There was no noise, except the wild panting dispensing from both our chests. He stroked lovingly at my hair, gently wiping away the tiny beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead.

After a long while he pulled himself out of me. I kissed him slow, lingering my lips on his as long as I could. His arms wrapped around my tiny frame, and he encased me in his strong but tender arms.

"I love you Bella." He breathed, his voice barely audible.

"I love you, Edward."

He kissed my cheek tenderly and squeezed me a little bit tighter. My lips were throbbing from kissing so much, but I grinned in spite of it. He didn't plan on letting go of me and I didn't plan on moving.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep but I stirred from my comfortable sleep because of the chill that was surrounding my body. I felt his arms wrap gently around me. I ducked my head into him and smiled to myself.

"Do you want to wake up?"

"Do I have too?"

"No."

"But?"

"What?"

"It's the way you said 'no'. There must be a 'but' to this conversation."

"Not until you want there to be."

"So there is a 'but'?"

"Yes."

I thought about it for one second before I decided I didn't want the "but" to exist. Not yet. I twisted till I was nose to nose with Edward. "I don't want anything to exist but us." I pushed my lips against his and forced him to do a replay of our activities earlier.


	57. Chapter 57

**October 21**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

Okay, this is getting a little fucking ridiculous. Once again, I am writing this entry a few days after it really happened. Let's see if my memory is still sharp. Things with Edward and I haven't really changed. He is still a man and a stubborn one at that. I am still a man-hater. At least Rose and I are on speaking terms. Other than that, trouble finds me no matter how far in the woods I am.

Bella.


	58. Chapter 58

**October 21 (story)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**FYI: last chapter was assuming that Bella covered her casts in waterproof materials while in the shower *LOL***

I had just finished packing the last of the few items I had accumulated while in hiding. I still hadn't found out why I had been hiding. Something was happening and I was the center of its universe. Everyone seemed to be conspiring against me to keep me in the dark about what it was.

My week of torment, well, most of it anyways, was coming to a close and I knew where I stood with Edward. But I still didn't have the answers to any of my other million questions.

Why did my life have to revolve around so many complicated questions?

"You okay?"

I jumped. "Damn vampires and their stealth mode."

"Well, at least you haven't lost your attitude."

"Sorry." I said as I scooped up my new backpack and threw it over my shoulder.

"Now you're starting to sound like me."

I looked up and realized I was apologizing for no reason. Damn, the man had a way under my skin. Maybe I could use it against him.

"Well, you're becoming me, so....."

"What do you mean?"

"Unwilling to answer questions."

"What questions?"

"The ones I've had all week, asshole."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Bella. Listen. It's not because I haven't wanted to answer them. It's because I can't. I know the answers but for your safety I haven't been able to."

"What? What the hell does that mean?"

"Come on. When we get back to Forks and I'm sure the danger is gone then I promise to answer them."

"Don't do that."

"What?"

"Promise!"

"I'm still not allowed. After all this, I'm still not allowed to get into your heart."

"Don't fuck with my emotions, Edward. I love you. I've said it and meant every word of it but I still can't accept everything on your terms. Not yet."

"Fine." He was pissed.

I knew it and at that moment didn't care. He was trying once again to do the same thing he had continued to do since we met. Keep me in a bubble, safe from the reality of the world. He continued to think I was too human to handle the truth of the matter.

As long as Edward Cullen was being a conceited jerk, I was going to continue to be a self-loathing man-hater. See how he likes being used and thrown to the curb.

We had the car brought around by the valet. Edward was about to step forward when he looked up to the sky. Thankfully he had been standing under the overhang of the front lobby. If he hadn't the sudden appearance the sun had made through the thick clouds would have exposed him.

I thought quickly and jumped into the driver's seat on the opposite side of where Edward was standing. I opened the passenger's door from the inside. "Come on, babe, my driving isn't that bad."

He looked at me confused and followed my eyes as I shifted them towards the valet. I saw the understanding creep up on him as he replied. "Yeah, right. That's why you're in the casts and I'm not."

I squinted my eyes and cursed him silently. He looked at the valet and shrugged his shoulders casually. "Women."

The valet's face went white with shock and dismay. He quickly recovered and looked back and forth from me to Edward. He shook his head and looked down at his feet refusing to participate in this conversation more than he had.

At that moment the sun hid itself behind the clouds again and I made my move. "Men, all of you. Male, chauvinistic pigs. Fine, you drive." I got out of the car and threw the keys across the hood as I went in one direction and Edward in the other.

I slammed the passenger's door closed, a little too hard, to stress my point to the valet that I was mad. Edward got in the car and after closing his door, started the engine and raced us towards the highway.

"You know you're a better actress than I've given you credit for." Edward smiled.

"Who was acting?" I challenged smiling back.

"As anyone ever told you, you are a sick and twisted little woman."

"Well....." I pretended to think about it for a moment. "Yes, my father. Only difference was I was ten at the time so he used the word 'girl'."

"Care to share a story?"

"Oh no, that one dad has to tell. It sounds so much better coming from him." I laughed.

The rest of the trip back to Forks, which by the way, took only an hour, was pleasant. We were polite to each other but still pissed at the attitude each held. This was a war that wouldn't be won easily by either side.

I was looking out the passenger's window when I saw the movements within the trees. I looked at Edward and was about to tell him what I had seen but he answered first.

"It's the wolves. They're hunting."

"What do you mean 'they're hunting'?"

"That's not the best way to put it. They're tracking. Victoria and James are still on the loose and with the other complications this week....." He trailed off.

I looked at him knowing that vampires don't trail off. He had stopped his sentence. What complications? What the hell had happened in Forks to cause such a disturbance to everyone?

I didn't bother to ask since I knew what my answer would be. I just turned my head back to the window and watched for more shadows. What else could I do when I knew I wouldn't get answers from the most stubborn man I had ever loved. I only had my dad to compare him with but that was a tall order to fill.

I noticed a short time later that we were not heading to either Edward's house or my dad's. I tried to take note of the surroundings to see if anything looked familiar. I wasn't sure where we were or where we were heading. Just as I thought something looked familiar suddenly the next thing wasn't.

We turned off the main road and started down a old dirt road. The road had evidence that it hadn't been used until recently. We traveled a few more miles and was certain we were going around in circles. Suddenly, in front of me was a clearing where two hunting cabins stood.

I recognized them immediately. That's why somethings along the way looked familiar. My father's cabins. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out and raced for the cabin closest to the stream that flowed through the clearing.

I fell half way and landed flat on my face. I heard a laugh and looked up from my mud bath to find my father quickly covering his face. I pulled myself to my knees and he reached down and tried to help me up. I took advantage of the situation for revenge and pulled as hard as I could, throwing him off balance.

As I landed back on my ass, my father fell forward earning himself a decent covering of mud. I rose to my feet and began my walk to the cabin. I looked back and saw my father, now sitting on his ass, staring at me.

"Revenge is sweet!" I exclaimed with a smile while flipping my father a well deserved finger.

"Bella." He swore.

"I didn't say a word, father." I stated sharply still smirking at his looks. I turned back to the group that had now gathered on the porch of the two cabins. I noticed that Rose, Emmett, Esme and Carlisle were on one porch and the rest on the other.

The other porch was attached to a cabin that my father owned. He had brought it shortly after making police chief. He had sent me pictures so it was like I had been raised in the cabin. I had always wanted to see inside.

I looked across the small distance between the two cabins and directed my attention to Rosalie. "You and I will have a chat later."

"No thanks."

"Fuck you, bitch. I'm not scared of you. God damn it, woman. Who else on this planet would I want for a godmother."

"What?"

I turned around and found my father staring at Edward. I cringed. Oh god, the cat's out of the bag now. I saw Edward step backwards, like he needed to be scared of my father. He was looking between my father, Carlisle and me.

"Dad, fuck off. I'm not pregnant."

My father turned in my direction and slumped his shoulders. He headed for the stream to clean off. In October, are you kidding me?

"Come on in, Bella. Let's get you cleaned up." Esme said as she stepped off the porch and walked towards me.

It was about an hour later that I sat in the cabin in clean clothes without the cast on my leg. Carlisle had checked my leg and deemed it unnecessary to have the cast on any longer. I would still have to be careful but, otherwise, I was free.

I waited. Everyone knew I was waiting for answers. Rose sat in a corner staring at me. She didn't look angry anymore. She seemed confused and excited. I was sure she wanted to have that conversation with me now.

"Okay, fine. I'll start this little slug fest. I want answers. Since Edward won't give them to me, someone better start. Trust me, you don't want to join Edward in the category I have him in right now."

"Bella, please."

"Shut up, Edward."

"Bella, it's not his fault."

"Oh, the all-seeing Alice speaks. So who's fault is it?"

"Mine." She replied.

"I had a vision."

"What the fuck did I tell you about doing visions on me?"

"I wasn't searching yours. I was searching the Volturi's. There is one of them by the name of Demitri, he can search for people once he has connected with them. Edward took you away and had no contact with us until last night. If any of us knew where you or Edward were Demitri would have found you. We couldn't allow it. Victoria and James caused enough trouble to draw the Volturi this way."

"They're here?"

"Jasper's out tracking around for information or confirmation one way or the other." Emmett answered.

"Okay, so let me get this straight. If anyone had had contact with Edward or I, this Demitri guy would have used it to find us. So why would Edward have to keep this knowledge from me?"

I looked around the room and found only one person willing to answer the question. Rose. "Bella, if I've learned anything from you it's that you are an extremely stubborn girl. You would've called your father immediately if you realized there was a very real danger here. It was important for you to think that it was better to not know."

The whole thing sounded like bullshit. I could see the different looks on everyone's faces. The Cullen's were in on the lie Rose was telling. My father on the other hand was trying to understand what I already knew. What had happened between Edward and I was helped along by the rest of his family. They had wanted Edward and I to be alone and this Demitri guy was the perfect excuse.

I had no solid evidence but the moment I had it all hell was going to break loose. I looked directly at Edward. He was looking directly at me. He knew something and wasn't saying it.

"Do you want to add anything to this bullshit?"

"There's another vampire who is considered one of the Royals of the Volturi. His name is Marcus. He can sense relationships. He can tell how true, how real, how deep these relationships are. If anyone had spoken to me or you, the two of them would have trailed us. They would have found out about you.

James and Victoria have disappeared. We suspect that Marcus and Demitri had something to do with that. The Volturi are swift with those who are a threat to vampire exposure. There was a real threat that they exposed our relationship to the Volturi which would have been bad news for everyone involved.

We need to be sure the Volturi have finished off Victoria and James and gone back to Italy. If they haven't done one or the other than the danger still exists."

"So, you're saying, this could be over, just like that."

"It could, sweetheart. But it's only a possibility." My father interjected. "We still don't know anything. That's why we're here and not at home. The Cullen's are going to head out and do their thing and make sure."

I still wasn't happy about the lying but it sounded a little more plausible. I decided that I wouldn't fight any of this but before they all took off I needed my say with Rose. I looked towards the corner and gave the best evil eye I could muster. "You and I. Now."

I walked out of the house. I could feel my heart beat quicken. I wasn't afraid. I was slightly pissed off. I wanted to know what Rose's problem was and would get my answer. I needed to finish off one of my situations before something else got slammed onto my plate.

I walked down the porch of the cabin and covered the short distance between the building and the creek. I knew Rose was directly behind me. I tested my newly released leg and spun around on it. I could feel a little ache but nothing I couldn't handle.

"Okay, so what the fuck is your problem?"

"My problem?" I answered. "I'm not the one who got pissed off because of a vision."

"No, you didn't but you're not happy about it either are you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I would do anything to have a child. You and Edward will have one and you're not excited about it. Truth."

"No, I'm not. Rose, do I look like someone who is capable of raising a child. I can barely keep myself legit. I'm a juvie with a record. I haven't had the greatest childhood. What right do I have to bring a child into this world and call it mine. I need help. I see two options."

"And they would be?"

"Leave Edward. And from everyone's interference," I saw the look in her eyes and knew it had been a set up, "I guess that isn't an option for me. So, that leaves me with one option. I need help. I can't do this on my own. I need someone who has a motherly instinct in them. I can't think of anyone who understands me better than you. I want you to be my daughter's godmother. I want her to be unbelievably loved."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that this was how you felt. I think you would be a wonderful mother but I want to be there to help in any way I can."

"That's all I need." I answered as I moved in for a hug. I felt Rose stiffen. "Oh god, no."

Rosalie looked down at me sympathetically.

"Why can't you fucking vampires with your superior sense of smell.....?"

"Sorry, Bella. You're not getting away that easily."


	59. Chapter 59

**October 22**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

Another days later entry. So I figured out that with the time line that everything that happened had to take place on the 22nd. I thought that the vampires were dangerous. Boy, was I wrong. They're twisted and evil but dangerous and mad, by that I mean insane, there is something far more sinister than a vampire. One word, werewolf.

Bella.


	60. Chapter 60

**October 22 (story)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

**Okay, this is not a normal thing I would do but, really people. 8315 hits and 98 reviews for this story. Please, I love reviews. I won't demand them but they are fun to read and reply to.**

I twisted out of Rosalie's arms and turned towards the voice. I shrank into Rosalie. Standing no more than fifty feet from our spot was two men in cloaks and a wolf.

The men were vampires, of that I was certain. The wolf was one I had seen before. I wasn't sure who it was but I was pretty certain that it couldn't be anyone but Jacob. That boy was going to be the death of me.

"You can't have her."

"Oh, come now, Rosalie. You and I both know I can have anything I want. And I think I want this one." The taller vampire replied.

"Over my dead ashes." A voice answered from behind Rosalie and I.

I turned to the voice knowing immediately who it was. Edward and the others had emerged from the house. The wolf growled and lunged two feet in Edward's direction.

"Now, Edward. You know the rules. Victoria and James didn't want to play by the rules. That was a very hard decision. They would have been very useful as part of the guard. But their actions had consequences. They knew the price they had to pay."

"So, what, now I have to pay the price?"

"You understand how our existence is. How important it is to not allow humans to know about us."

"I can sense your desire to save this human. Why, Edward? What makes her so special to you?" The second man spoke.

"Marcus, I don't wish to offend a Royal but my relationship with this girl is none of your business. We know the rules and they will be followed." Edward slumped his shoulders at this statement.

I realized in that moment that he had never had an intentions of changing me. He was going to do whatever it was he had to do to keep me human. I twisted from within Rosalie's grip. She had been holding me from the moment Edward's words had fell from his mouth.

"You're an asshole. Fuck you, Edward. You fucking piece of shit." I screamed as I walked towards him. I was mad. No, mad wasn't the word for it. I was pissed. I was so far down the pissed spectrum that I would never see daylight again.

"Bella, please. Don't." Edward's eyes shifted from me to the woods and back again.

"Don't what? Don't call you out? You lied to me. You played me. You useless fucking man. You did what all other men have done to me. You played and used me as a toy. Now, when it counts, I'm being thrown away. You care that little for me."

"That shield of hers isn't working, Edward. She's got hold of Bella. She's got her wrapped." Alice hissed.

Edward turned his head slightly and nodded back to Alice. He turned his head the other way and looked at Rosalie and Emmett. Turning, he stood tall and proud as he walked forward.

"I won't let you take her. Not like this. Let her have the freewill to chose."

"Why, Edward, whatever do you mean? I'm not doing anything."

"Marcus, I know Chelsea is here. Bella is strong but she would never turn against me as she is now. Let her go."

"Chelsea?" I assumed Marcus was the one questioning Edward's challenge. I watched him turn to the other man who must have been Demitri. "Where is she?"

The man, Demitri, turned his head and nodded. From within the trees, a small woman appeared. Her hair flowed down her back, her eyes were red like the rest of them. She seemed to be watching me but not watching at the same time. It was quite disturbing.

"Demitri, why would you disappoint me in this way?"

"I'm sorry, Marcus, I didn't know what I was going to find here. I thought a companion might be required."

"Thinking like a general. That's why you are as high within the ranks as you are. You just forgot about one thing, Demitri. I am Royal, I never travel alone. You and my brothers won't be able to plan my destruction without my knowledge." Marcus growled.

Demitri's blood red eyes widened so much that you could actually see the white around the edges. His face contorted and twisted as he fell to the ground. He curled into a ball and screamed the most terrifying bloodcurdling scream I had ever heard come from beast or man.

"Bella, sweetheart." A voice called quietly from behind me.

I turned and found Carlisle slowly stepping towards me. I saw Edward also heading for me and backed away. I wasn't going to allow that lying slime to come anywhere near me. He used me the same as all men had.

Carlisle turned his head towards Edward. I knew he was speaking to him within his mind. I watched as Edward hung his head and started to back away. I looked back and forth between the two men.

"Bella, please, you need to walk carefully towards me." Carlisle whispered so softly that I could barely hear him.

"No." I couldn't trust the father of the man who had used me.

"Bella, baby. Please, come to me." Esme's voice was strained and scared. I looked at her and found she was shaking.

I didn't feel the hatred for her that I seemed to have for the men. I looked at her and felt secure. Loved. Wanted. Needed. I moved towards her. I was almost within reach of her hand when it happened.

"Stop, Bella. Don't trust her. Remember she's his mother. She's doing all this for him." A musical voice drifted on the air. It almost sounded like it was within my head.

I turned and looked at the woman who I assumed was Chelsea. She had her hand out and was waiting for me to chose. Who did I feel safer with? Someone I didn't know, a stranger, or the woman who had never done me wrong, the mother of Edward.

"Marcus, please. This isn't right. You know that. Why else would you have Jane punishing Demitri? Because everyone conspired against you. That's not why. You know that she doesn't deserve this. You know that what he is doing is wrong. She's human but still has the right to chose." Edward claimed as he walked past me and confronted Marcus.

"I have no control over Chelsea. She's decided. She has the right to chose. She's chosen to end this fantasy relationship with your human. It's done. It's wrong for you to have gone down this path, Edward, and now, your punishment must be finished."

I watched as a young woman entered the clearing. I heard hisses from all around me. I wasn't sure but I knew this child, as she seemed to appear, was dangerous. I couldn't understand why but I knew that I needed to be cautious of both of these women.

"Why should she suffer? If I have to be punished for the reveal then let me be punished, not her. She doesn't deserve to be destroyed for my mistake."

I glared at Edward. The hatred was washing over me in waves. "Mistake? Is that what I am? A mistake?"

"Bella, honey, no. I would never claim you as a mistake. I love you. Please, understand this is not what you're being made to believe. Chelsea is controlling your emotions. You love me. You told me. You told me that our future would be perfect. Remember that, always." Edward pleaded.

I looked around the field at the number of people who had come to this point in my life. They were all playing a role in shaping my future. I couldn't think straight. I looked from one to another. My eyes rested Demitri as he continue to roll in agony on the ground next to Marcus. I looked at the young girl who was glaring at him.

She had a self-satisfied look on her face. She was enjoying the pleasure of watching this man suffer as much as he was. Did I really want to be evil like her? Did I want to hate that much?

My head started to ache. I needed to control myself. I could feel the shield within my body straining against an assault that it was receiving. It was pushing against it. I took a deep breath and focused on relieving the pressure. I pushed my shield. I forced it to fight against the hold.

My head cleared. My heart felt light. I could feel the love I had for Edward and my family reaffirmed. I felt like myself again. It was like a fog had suddenly lifted and the sun was shining clearly around me.

"What the hell?"

"Bella, focus. Fight her. Chelsea has been controlling you. She controls relationships. She's been manipulating you. Please, fight."

I could feel Edward's words. I knew he was speaking the truth. I pushed my shield further. I wasn't sure how I was doing it but it was working. Everything was becoming clearer.

I turned and faced the woman. I smiled. "You lose."

Her anger was apparent. I had beaten her at her game. She no longer controlled me. I was free. I was able to decide for myself again who I was aligned with. She lost.

I saw out of the corner of my eye, Marcus had turned his head slightly and nodded to the young woman, Jane. She turned her eyes from Demitri and focused it on Chelsea. The woman dropped to the ground and grabbed her head. The high-pitched wail was deafening. I covered my ears and could feel my eardrums fighting against the sound.

There was a howl and I swung my head in the wolf's direction. I, along with everyone else, had forgotten he was here. Everything happened like a movie. I was the audience and they were the actors.

Edward and Emmett raced forward towards Demitri as he tried to recover from his punishment. Rosalie and Alice started towards Chelsea. From the woods, Jasper appeared and threw himself at Jane. She must have been distracted with her power because she didn't even try to avoid him.

I suddenly found myself face to face with the wolf. I knew for certain it had to be Jacob. He had broken the treaty yet again. He reached down with his teeth bared. He grabbed me by my shirt and tossed me onto his back. I felt his body spring forward and I gripped his fur to avoid falling off him.

I heard a snarl as we entered the woods and turned back in time to see Edward racing in our direction. I saw Demitri snatch Edward by the neck and throw him back over his shoulder. The last thing I saw was Edward crashing to the ground in the middle of the field and then nothing.

I came back to the world of the living and kept my eyes closed. It wasn't due to being afraid of where I was or who I was with, I just wanted to try and figure out what kind of danger I was in. I knew that Jacob would be somewhere nearby but who knows who else was with him.

"I know you're awake." A somewhat masculine voice reverberated off the walls.

I should have known that the supernatural world would be able to sense any changes in my condition. Heart rate, pulse, breathing. With vampires super hearing why wouldn't the wolves have it too.

I opened my eyes and after adjusting to the dim light within the room, I looked around. I was laying on a couch in a living room of a home I had never seen. Everything seemed dusty but lived in.

I caught a movement from the opposite side of the room and realized that it was Jacob. He was no longer the young teenager that I remembered. He was huge. His muscles bulged tightening his shirt against his body. His hair had been cropped short. I vaguely remembered it having been in a ponytail that had ran halfway down his back. His face was still childlike but had a manly look to it. He had definitely grown up in some ways.

"Bells, I won't hurt you. I brought you here to protect you."

I refused to answer. I laid back down on the couch, folded my hands over my chest and closed my eyes. As I breathed, I could smell the salt air lingering on the stale air inside the house. I knew I had to be somewhere close to the ocean. It was at that moment that reality set in. I was on the Rez.

The treaty. I was on my own. Edward wouldn't be allowed to step across the line. No one from the vampires to the elders would allow it. I couldn't just lay here and do nothing. I would have to take care of myself. That was something I was use to doing anyways so why should it stop.

I felt the couch bounce and opened my eyes to find Jacob sitting on the arm by my feet, watching me. "What?"

"So, you're going to speak to me."

"Since you've decided to hold me hostage, I might as well."

"I'm not holding you hostage."

"So, I'm free to leave anytime I want." I stated as I pushed myself into a sitting position.

"No."

"Okay, so if I'm not a hostage, what am I?"

"My long-term guest."

"And what exactly do you mean 'long-term'?" I was a little nervous about the way he said the word.

"Bells, you and I should be together. I know that monster has you brainwashed and I'm here to save you. You can't let him control your future."

"What? I suppose you are my future."

"I am. I love you. I will be good for you. I'll prove it to you."

"How? By holding me here against my will?"

"Stop thinking about it that way, please. I am not crazy. I just want to protect you from everything. You shouldn't have been allowed to be pulled into this vampire mess that the Cullen's created."

"So being forced into the werewolf world is better for me."

"At least I'm a living human. I breath, my heart beat, I'm not a danger to you."

"I've heard that shit before. All men are a danger to me." I decided to start fighting against his insanity.

Jacob stood up from the couch and leaned over me. I pushed myself back into the cushions. His breath was hot against my skin. His face was so close to mine that I could make out each individual hair on his head.

"I will show you what love, true love, really is." He whispered as he leaned even closer.

I tried to move as his lips connected with mine. My body took over and went immediately into protective mode. My foot pushed itself up off the floor, my knee connected with Jacob's masculinity. I watched as Jacob's face broke away from me and scrunched up in pain.

The last thing I remembered was watching Jacob's hand land roughly across my cheek, throwing me across the room.


	61. Chapter 61

**October 22 part 2**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

So, I figured out how twisted and sick Jacob really is. God, I have the bruises to prove it. What more can I say than I am the ocean.

Bella.


	62. Chapter 62

**October 22 (story) part 2**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

I woke up and noticed two things. One, my cheek was in a lot of pain. I hadn't felt agony like this in a long time. The second thing I noticed was the extreme heat the surrounded my body.

I shook from the movement of the arms that had me cradled like a child. I looked up with my eyes and found that Jacob was holding me against his body. I was still on the floor on the opposite side of the room from the couch I had once occupied.

"I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

His voice was so full of remorse and distress. Jacob's eyes were puffy and red. He had been crying. He was truthful with his words but it didn't change anything. I had to get away as soon as possible. I was in far worse danger here than fighting against a vampire.

"Let go of me." I hissed. I needed to use my anger over what he did against him.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Please, you need to believe me."

"Let me go, Jacob."

He reluctantly released his grip on me. I moved away and carefully stood up. I tested my body for anything broken or bruised. Thankfully, the only issue was a sore jaw. I headed for the kitchen with Jacob trailing close behind.

I opened the freezer door and found a tray of ice. Walking around the tiny kitchen, I opened drawers and cupboards in search of something to wrap the ice in.

"Bella, in the dra....."

I glared at Jacob and he shut up. He continued to watch me closely as I forged through the room. I opened a drawer near the sink and found a dish towel. I pulled it out and slammed the drawer shut. I saw Jacob cringe at the noise the drawer made.

Good, he knew and understood I was pissed. This child wouldn't get the upper hand on me again. I laid the cloth on the counter and twisted the ice cube tray, dropping the individual cubes onto it. I turned and threw the tray at Jacob. He ducked his head so the tray whizzed just past his head.

I mentally noted the reflexes and his speed. Something would be his shortcoming, something I could use against him. As I turned back to the ice, I saw his head slump. He was upset with himself for the way I was treating him.

This might be something but it would take more than what had already occurred to use this weakness. I chalked it up in the useful column for future events. I tied the cloth in a knot and placed it against my cheek. The cold from the ice was instantly soothing against the pain.

I turned and pushed by Jacob back into the living room. I sat on a chair in the corner and stared at him. I could see him shrink away from me.

"Bella, please talk to me." He pleaded.

"Talk. Sure, Jacob. Let's talk." I snapped. I got the reaction I wanted. He was miserable at the idea I was angry. The look on his face was undeniable.

"Bella, I didn't mean it. I would never hurt you. It was a reaction. It could have happened to anyone."

"But it didn't. I got smashed in the face by someone who claims to love me. Is that how you show love? Hurting people?" I hissed harshly.

"God, no. I didn't mean it. Honest. How can I prove it to you?"

"Take me home. Release me." I knew that would never happen.

"Bella, I can't do that. Not until I know you're safe."

"How much more danger can I be in than here with you?"

"So much more....."

"So you are dangerous?"

"That's not what I meant."

"That's what you said." I retorted. I needed to throw him off. I needed to feed his anguish.

"Bella, please. I'll do anything but take you home. Name it."

Bingo. Phase one complete. I could get out of this house. At least I would have some idea where on the Rez I was. "Take me outside. Let's go down to the beach."

"Our sandbox?"

"Like when we were kids." I answered. False sense of security and forgiveness. He had to believe there was something in the way of forgiveness.

Jacob stood and walked slowly towards me. I glared at him as he put out his hand in a gesture. He was trying to gain my trust. Little did he realize he had never had it and wouldn't have it. I needed to pretend. If I was going to have a chance, I needed to be an actress and a damn good one.

He pulled his hand back and walked over to the door, grabbed a raincoat and tossed it in my direction. I slipped it on. There was no sense in getting sick in the process of escape. I followed Jacob out the door.

We walked down a ramp which obviously been made for Billy. I was surprised that Jacob had brought me to his house. Wouldn't that be the first place they would search for me?

Jacob must have assumed what I was thinking. "Don't worry, they won't look here. This is an old hunting lodge dad and I used years ago. No one will even think to come here."

That wasn't good news. I looked around the area and found it surrounded by trees on three sides with the ocean on the fourth. The lodge, as Jacob called it, was nothing more than a rundown old shack. There was a large shed on the side that sparked my curiosity.

"What's in there?" I asked cautiously.

"Nothing that would interest you."

"Come on, Jake. I'm your 'guest'. You want me to understand you. What better way than to know you." I seriously wanted inside that shed. The fact that he didn't want me in there was reason enough to want to go in.

"Fine. Girls." He sighed. "It's just guy's stuff."

I followed Jacob to the shed and I stood in shock at the "stuff" inside after he opened the door. Inside was a bike. A dirt bike. Bingo! Hopefully, he didn't know I rode. Chances of that were unlikely.

"Where did you get the bike?"

"This? I picked it up a few years ago. I fixed it up in my spare time. I don't get to ride much."

"Can we go riding?"

"You like bikes?"

He didn't know. How the hell did I get so lucky? "I like them. You know, looking and riding on them."

"Well, we could ride to the beach."

I didn't want to press my advantage. I thought quickly for the proper response. "But the beach is right there."

"But that beach is shit compared to this other one I know. You'll remember it. It's the one we use to make mudpies at as kids."

"You mean La Push? Where the hell are we, Jake?"

"Oh no, I'm not telling you that. What do you think I'm stupid or something?"

"Do you really want an answer?" I stated and rubbed my cheek for effect.

He grumbled under his breath, something along the lines of "never mind". He walked into the shed as I waited. He pulled the bike out and I got my first good look at it.

The bike was a 1975 Honda black and gray two-stroke. The colors weren't original but the bike was the type that would announce my approach from all over the country. At full speed the bike made a siren type song, like the ones who called sailors to the rocks. This bike would be my saving grace.

Jacob jumped on. His physical size made the bike perfect for a little person. It wouldn't be easy to stay on. He motioned for me to join him. I looked and shook my head.

"What's the matter? Scared?"

"Of you, yes. Of dying, yes. The bike, no."

"Bella, please, how many times can I say I'm sorry before you'll believe me?"

"Again, do you really want an answer?"

"Fine. What's the problem?"

"Helmet?"

"Oh yeah, sorry."

"You seem to be saying that a lot lately. It's getting old."

"If I stop will you forgive me?"

"Not a fucking chance."

"That's what I thought." He hung his head as he jumped off the bike and headed back to the shed.

I thought for a second about trying for an escape but then stopped. Just because Jacob was certain the bike ran didn't mean I did. What if he hadn't turned it over for years? What if there was no gas? The 'what if's' were endless possibilities of Bella getting hurt. I wasn't willing to chance it yet.

Jacob came back from the shed and walked directly up to me. He looked down at me. He was a giant compared to me. He rested the old-style helmet on my head and buckled it up. He smiled.

"What?"

"I'm wearing you down."

"What?"

"You didn't try to leave when my back was turned."

I thought of a quick answer. "Like your super-hearing would have allowed me to get far, freak."

His hand came up quickly, paused and then dropped to his side. "Sorry. I've been called names like that for a while now. I just react to insults like that."

I straightened up from the cringed stance I had found myself in. He was unstable and I knew from here on in I would have to be more careful with the names I called him.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek. He picked the one that still burned. His skin only increased the burn. I winced as if I had just put my face into a fire.

"Sorry." He said as he pulled away and lowered his head, defeated, as he jumped back on the bike. He motioned again for me to get on.

I swung my leg over the seat and settled down for the ride. I had a dual reason for the helmet. My worst fear, next to abusive men, was trees whipping me in the face. That fear had only come up lately. So the helmet, would keep me alive but also protect me as I forced myself to keep my head up.

As we took off through the woods, I watched for any signs of where we were. Nothing looked familiar. I knew I had never been to this section of the Rez. I continued to watch and knew Jacob was heading north, following the shore.

I looked around and watched the shadows move within the trees. I wasn't sure but they did move naturally. I didn't want to hold out hope that there was a rescue on its way. I was on my own, I needed to keep remembering that.

Jacob started to slow down and turned the bike onto an old cover path. It cut down onto the beach and when we cleared the trees, I realized that this place was familiar. I had been here many times as a child.

Jacob stopped the bike and I jumped off. I watched as he got off and positioned the bike against a log. Good, no chance of flooding the engine. No key for an older bike. Two-strokes were easy to ride. I would have a good chance. The beach was flat but the sand would be an issue.

I scanned the driftwood and noticed that behind it the ground was grassy and hard. That would be my escape route. I watched in awe as Jacob picked the bike up and carried it over the pile of ocean-beaten logs. Damn, now I would have to try and get the bike over the driftwood. That wouldn't be an easy job.

Jacob forcefully took my hand and walked me down to the water. For October, the air was still warm. But the ocean gave it a crisp, salty feel and taste. I stood as I watched the waves come crashing one after the other. It, once again, reminded me of my life. Everything continued to come in waves. Bella was the ocean. Never a moment's peace.

Seemed silly for me to speak in third person like that but I felt like I was watching a slow motion picture of my life as the water continued to slam against the sand.

"Bella?"

"Um."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Yes, you are."

"Nothing I'll talk to you about, Jacob."

"Someday, Bella, you'll look at me with love in your eyes. I promise."

"Keep wishing."

"Well, do you love your gift?"

"What gift?"

"Your locket."

"You?? I thought Billy gave it to me."

"That's what I let Billy think. He asked me to take it to you. I left it in your room."

"What?" I was worried now. How did Jacob know about my bike? The key had been left with the locket. "Jacob, how long have you been watching me?"

"A while."

"That doesn't answer the question."

"Since before you moved to Forks. When I heard you were coming, I raced to Phoenix. I found you and realized then that I loved you and would protect you."

"Protect me? That's a joke, right, Jacob? Pulling the vampires back that wanted to kill me as a child that's protection. Siding with them, that's protection. You're fucked, Jacob."

"It wasn't suppose to work out that way. They were suppose to get rid of the Cullen's so I could have you to myself. I didn't know they would turn on me."

"You are so fucking stupid, Jacob. THEY TRIED TO KILL ME YEARS AGO AND THEN AGAIN JUST A FEW DAYS AGO. What the hell did you think they would do? Raise their hands and surrender." I was getting mad. This boy was more warped than I thought.

I suddenly found myself at least five feet off the ground and being thrown. Jacob, in his anger, had grabbed my jacket and thrown me. I landed hard against the driftwood beside the bike. I gasped as I tried to force the air back into my lungs. Every part of my body hurt.

I watched as Jacob advanced on me. His face was full of pain and regret.

"Bella, oh god, Bella. I'm so sorry. Please, what can I do?"

I thought for a second and through the short breaths of air I was able to suck in I stated. "Cold water....for..my chest."

Jacob ripped his shirt off and raced down back down to the water. I took advantage of the situation and forced my body to obey the commands my mind was shouting. I dragged myself up and pulled the bike away from the wood.

I kicked over the bike and without looking back put it in gear and spun the tires. I climbed over the driftwood and onto the solid ground. As soon as the back tire hit the ground, I ripped a wheelie and raced done the shore. I chanced looking back and found Jacob catching up to me. He was fast. Faster than I thought was possible. He had been holding out.

I looked ahead of me and saw a small trail paved into the tree line. I swerved the bike and took off into the woods. I felt another presence and looked around, certain that Jacob had caught up.

"Bella, keep heading east. It's the quickest way to the border." A voice sounded.

I turned and found a teenager running along side me. I didn't know who he was and didn't care. He was helping me. I looked questioningly at him.

"Angela called me. Go!"

Embry. It had to be Embry. I focused on the trail and continued without turning back. I heard a cry, an unearthly cry, coming from behind me. Suddenly, the cry was gone and the growling started. I continued to ride as fast as I could.

After what seemed to be hours, I found the road. I jumped the ditch and landed hard on the pavement. My chest, from where Jacob had grabbed me, and my freshly mended leg screamed in agony. I continued to race.

I saw the tips of headlights in front of the bike and put the engine full tilt. The headlights continued to push further ahead as the vehicle approached from behind.

I was about to turn back into the trees when I heard a sound in the wind. I listened harder and turned my head around to see what was approaching from the rear. I heard my name. I squinted. I could see people in the car but had no idea who they were.

I wasn't taking chances. I continued my escape. The car pulled up beside me and my name hit my ears again. I decided on one more look before I would take myself and the bike back into the woods. I saw the face of an angel.

He was yelling for my sake. My human ears wouldn't be able to hear him at a normal level. "Slow down. I'm going to grab you."

"Are you fucking nuts?" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"We don't have time to stop. Jacob escaped the wolves."

I nodded and slowly the bike carefully. I braced myself as I felt a set of hands grab me by my shoulders. I silently hoped his strength was as good as I thought it was. I reached for the window of the backseat of the car and pulled myself in.

I was sprawled out across the backseat as I heard the bike crash against the pavement. Suddenly, I was upright and being held by the most comfortable cold statue that had ever graced my life.

"God, Bella. You're alive. You're okay." His voice was like felt in my ears.

"Edward." Was all I could say as I held him as tight as it could.


	63. Chapter 63

**Author's Note**

**I want to aplogize for not updating for over a week now. I promise a chapter on Saturday June 27.**

**The chapter will replace this note so if you want to reply to the note please PM me instead of reviewing.**

**Thank you to my devoted readers. I love you all.**

**AliceVampire**

**Twitter Name: AliceVamp4ever**


	64. Chapter 64

**October 23**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

I think I made a couple of breakthroughs. The only bad thing, dad found my diary. Damn, how could I fall asleep like that...I have accepted that the Cullen's are my family now....dad's home is now my home.....and Edward has a soul. LOL......the only bad thing about any of it....the one....fuck.....the person who helped me to realize it is........fucking cocksucker, Jacob. *gag*

Bella.


	65. Chapter 65

**October 23 (story) **

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

_**Thank you to everyone for their patience. There is no excuse for neglecting this story for so long.**_

At some point during the drive I must have passed out. I woke and laid for the longest time. I listened, as it was becoming a routine for me lately. I could hear movement throughout the room. I knew from experience now that it could be anyone else but my father.

I slowly opened my eyes. Everything was blurry at first. As it came into focus I could see him sitting at my computer. "Dad?"

He turned. I could see the tears slowly making there way down his cheeks. This wasn't like him. Emotionally, he had always been strong. His never let anything get through his armor plating. I looked around his body and saw my diary was open.

"How??? Dad????" I wasn't sure how to feel. Who had figured out my password? My dad wasn't smart enough to break-in.

The motions I had gone through when I had arrived home started to flood back to me. I had fallen asleep on the drive. I woke up as Edward had been carrying me into the house. He handed me over to my father. I had come up to my room after he had been satisfied that I was okay. I started writing in my......oh, shit. I fell asleep.

No one had broke in. No one hacked into my computer. I had left it open. Oh god. "Dad, I'm sorry."

He face squished up making him look old, while beyond his age. "Bells, what the hell do you have to be sorry for. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been reading it. It's none of my business."

"But.....dad, did you read all of it?"

"No. Just the page that was open."

"Dad....." I moved from the bed to the computer desk. He started to move and I motioned for him to stay sitting. I took a spot on his lap and hit a couple of keys. The first file of my diary came up on the screen. I looked at him and continued ".....read."

I sat rereading that words I had wrote nearly three months ago. It was the first entry of my diary that really wasn't an entry just my instructions to anyone who found it if anything ever happened to me.

I had been a realist then and was more so now. I didn't know if I would ever make it out of Phoenix alive and had started the diary as a sort of story. I was telling anyone who would listen what had happened to me. I listened to the words inside my head as my brain processed the information my eyes were seeing.

_To whom it may concern._

_If you are reading this it means I have either gone missing or am dead. I want a record of what has happened to me. I don't want anyone being told by those responsible to misdirect or twist the truth to protect themselves. _

_I am hiding my diary so that they don't have the ability to destroy the evidence that will make them pay for what they have done to me. I am not doing any of this out of spite. I am doing it so one person understands what the truth is._

_I love my father. I always have and always will. He has always protected me in the best ways he knows how. I would like these files and my diary to be given to him so he will understand that I never blamed him for anything he's done. He is my world and my rock._

_I learned so much from him and am the person I am because of him. Daddy, I love you._

_Isabella Swan._

I sat motionless on his lap, waiting, wondering what he was thinking. I felt his body stiffen and then relax. I continued to wait. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against him.

"I wish I had known a long time ago that things had been that bad. I could have done something about them." He said against my back.

"Dad, you did what you thought was best. I'm not a child. We've made decisions and me coming back to Forks was the best decision I've ever made."

"Even with this craziness."

"Because of this craziness. Do you really think that is our lives were normal we would be sitting here now talking and understanding each other as well as we do? We have a bond that most parents fight their whole lives to have with their children. Our bond is unbreakable and perfect."

My father picked me up and swung me around the room. "Bella Swan, I love you."

"So no more regrets?"

"None, there never was. You need to remember one thing."

"What?"

"You are my baby girl. You always will be. That means that no matter what no one will ever be good enough for you." He stomped his foot on the floor of my room. "You heard that, didn't you?"

The words were a little louder and I could hear the reply from the first floor of the house. "I have a feeling that your daughter is stronger than both of us and will never be good enough for either of us."

I chuckled. Edward's voice was like heaven but he was convinced in what he was saying. I took one look at my father and I knew he agreed with Edward. "I don't know what I did right in this world but I am grateful that I did it. I have you."

I giggled and slapped my father on the back. He was still twirling me around the room. I was starting to get a little queasy. My stomach was empty and I really didn't appreciate the dry heaves.

Dad didn't set me down. He carried me out the door of my room. I squirmed a little and he helped me onto his back. How the hell we managed it was beyond me. The man was a miracle worker.

We found our way to the stairs and made our way down. As we hit the bottom stair, I took my first deep breath of the day. I was overloaded with the smell of food. I could smell the eggs, the ham, the vegetables and suddenly felt my stomach growl.

"Somebody's hungry." Esme's voice sang from the kitchen.

I smiled and felt lighter emotionally. I had almost everyone I loved under one roof. I felt like a family with these people. I finally felt like I was home. This was no longer my father's house. It was my home with my family.

My father set me down at the kitchen table. Edward's golden eyes looked down at me as he leaned in and brushed his lips against my cheek. As he pulled away he whispered softly in my ear, "We need to talk later."

I looked confused and worried at him. I relaxed when I saw his face free of any deceit and ill-will. I wanted to talk to him too. There were things I had said and accused him during the confrontation with the Volturi that I needed to apologize for. Whether I was under someone's control or not wasn't an excuse. I should have never doubted him.

I needed to let everything go. I needed to give trust if I expected it in return. My time with Jac.....with him had made me realize what I had within my family. I had love and security. I had people who would do anything and be anything I needed them to be. They would support me in any decision I made. They would support me when I needed a shoulder to lean on. They would never turn their backs on me. I had a family. A true and loving family that was whole, complete and happy.

I looked up at Alice as she placed the plate with the omelet on it in front of me. She smiled and winked. I was slightly confused until she tapped her temple. She sided shifted her eyes at Edward. She had looked and seen everything was fine between he and I.

I smiled back and then dug my fork into the food. It was so wonderful to have a real meal without having cooked it myself. The food was gone before I even could enjoy it. I must have been hungrier than I thought but it was filling.

I could feel the atmosphere in the house had changed slightly. I decided to question it. "Okay, so will someone please tell me what the hell happened while I was out?"

I saw the looks on everyone's face. That's when I realized there were a couple of people missing from the family. Rose, Emmett and Carlisle were not here.

"Rose and Emmett are playing with the dog. They're in their own personal glory at the moment." Edward said snidely.

"What?" I spoke before I thought about the comment. Dog. Wolf. Jacob. They got him. When? How? What were they doing to him? I decided I didn't care. By the time they were done with him, I would never have to worry about him ever again. "Never mind. I got it. I hope they have fun."

I stood up from the table and took my dishes to the sink. Esme took them out of my hands and started to wash them. I turned and found myself staring at the people in the room. "Where's Carlisle?"

"Hospital. We still have to look like humans even if our secret isn't so with you." Jasper answered with a genuine tone.

I nodded. He was right. Besides dad and I, the rest of the world didn't know about the second world that existed around them. I moved away from the counter and slipped my arms around my father. I pulled him tight and kissed his cheek.

"What's that for?" He looked down curiously.

"Just because I love you." It felt strange just saying the words for no other reason than just telling him. It felt strange but right.

I pulled out of his arms and moved towards Edward. I held out my hand and waited. His cold hand felt perfect in mine. I pulled him out of the kitchen. "We'll be back." I said without looking back.

We walked. I could tell Edward was letting me lead the way. We walked outside. I looked at the sky and then at Edward. "Twilight."

"What do you see, Bella?" Edward asked.

"What do you mean?"

"When you look at the sky and see the sun setting, how do you see it?"

"I see the end of a day and the beginning of the memories. On good days, I see it as the start of the pleasant memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. On the bad days, I see it as the end of the hard time I went through for whatever reason. But it is the start of the new day that brings promise of what could be a good day. What do you see?"

"You. I see the colors. I hear the sounds. I smell the world around me. But through all of it all I see is you. The perfection of the world is nothing compared to the beauty that I see inside and outside of you."

I pulled him into me. He allowed it. "Take me away from here. I want to be alone with you. I want to talk and just be in our own little world."

He scooped me into his arms and raced into the trees. I didn't pull my head in. I trusted him. I believed in him. He was here, he wanted me, he loved me. I would never doubt that again.

I watched the trees fall away from us as he stepped around them effortlessly. I wasn't sure where we were going but as long as he was with me, it didn't matter. We slowed down a short time later.

I saw the shadows as the sun pushed them across Edward's field. The flowers lay out in front of me like a blanket with a multitude of colors intermingling. The smells were intoxicating. His smell was the most prominent. It was like my own personal drug. I was in heaven. I had died and was in heaven with my own personal guardian angel.

He set me on the ground near a rock. The tiny brook that ran down the far side of the field gurgled and flowed effortless towards the unknown. I looked into his perfect eyes as he smiled his crooked grin at me. "I love you, Edward."

We laid amongst the flower kissing and touching each other for a long time. Once my heart could no longer handle the punishment I was putting it through we broke away from each other. Edward got up and sped across the field, only to return a moment later.

He had fashioned a cup from some tree bark and there was some water in it from the brook. I gratefully except it from him and drank it down. It was pure and clean. It was refreshing and strangely enough exactly what I needed.

"Edward, what is it about me that is so appealing to you?"

Edward nestled down behind me and pulled me into his chest. "Your smell."

"Fuck off."

"Well, it's true."

"Besides the obvious, asshole."

"Well, I always thought I needed someone who needed me. I thought that being her protector was all I was ever be able to give. With you....it's different. I can be me. I don't have have to be there to protect you. I don't have to be needed by you. You are everything that I was as a human and more. I wonder....."

I waited. He didn't continue. I squirmed and turned myself around within the confines of his legs and arms. "What? What do you wonder?"

"If you're like me like I was as a human. I wonder how strong and protective you would be as a vampire?"

I sat with my eyes wide and my jaw hanging. "You....you are actually considering it. You're okay with the idea that I will be a vampire someday."

"Hell no, I'm not okay with it. I don't want you to lose your soul just because I want us to be together forever."

"But I don't think I will. Think about it, Edward. You're you. You love me. You'd do anything within your power to protect me. You support me even when we don't completely agree. You accept me with all my flaws and issues. We are perfect together. We are soul mates. How can we be that if you didn't have a soul?"

I watched as he's eyes shifted back and forth. He was arguing with himself. He was trying to figure out the logic behind my words. "Don't do it."

"Don't do what?" He said as he peered down at me with his beautiful golden eyes.

"Don't ruin this perfect moment by being an asshole and saying something stupid."

He laughed and pulled me in tighter. I felt myself melt into him as his lungs drank in his scent. I felt intoxicated. I felt needy. I snaked my arm out from his and wrapped my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. "Kiss me."

I looked at me curiously and then I saw the hunger in his eyes. He reached down and smothered my lips with his. I could feel the want and desire in his kiss. I needed him as much as he wanted me. I took my unoccupied hand and rip the buttons off his shirt as I pulled it away from his chest.

I heard him growl. My eyes were closed as he pulled away from me. I was instantly feeling lost without his closeness. That feeling was replaced by a burning sensation from deep inside my core as he leaned back in and tenderly licked his way up my neck and kissed the small area behind my ear. I groaned as he pulled me into his lap, straddling his legs.

The last thing I remember with vivid clarity before my dream state took me under was the shiver climb up my spine as his growled sensually in my ear.


	66. Chapter 66

**October 23**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

I now know what I have to do. I have to be with Edward. I can still be me but I have to allow myself to be happy with him too. I am as stubborn as he is, as strong mentally as he is and as in love with him as he is with me. Who else would have the patience or understanding to be with either of us?

Bella.


	67. Chapter 67

**October 23 (story) (part 2)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

_**So I am trying to decide what to do with my story. We all know what happens in Breaking Dawn, so therefore, I want to hear from you. Would you like me to give my twist on it or end the story my way.**_

I felt every tingle that his cold hands left as they worked their way over my body. I was laying in a field of beauty and wonder and the only thing I could think was how gorgeous he was. His golden eyes covered in a film of lust and wanting.

I looked deep into his eyes. The euphoria that I felt washed over me in waves. He was perfect in every way even with the crooked smile and unmanageable hair. I pulled him close to me. I took a deep breath and felt the warmth of his scent creep down into my lungs. I was in love and there was nothing I could do to deny it.

His lips found mine. I was fighting a losing battle for dominance over him. Everything about him screamed for me to be his. But what I wanted was to make him mine. He touch, his look, his smell, everything was mine for the taking except that when he was this close I was willing to give in and let him take me.

He ran his hand slowly down my back leaving a trail of shivers along my spine. I leaned back into his hand, groaning, exposing my neck and chest to him. He leaned in and passionately laid tiny kisses down my chin, along my neck and in between my breasts.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me easily onto his lap. I was met by a hardening from between his legs. I pushed myself onto him as he hissed from the contact.

"You will be the death of me. Everything about you is what I want most in this world." He whispered softly as he moved his face back up my body and kissed just behind my ear.

"You are everything in this world I could ever want. I never knew that such things were possible. The feelings, the contact, the desire. You are everything and so much more to me." I said softly as I wrapped my fingers in his hair.

"I had to die and be reborn to find you. I will never lose you."

"Edward," I said as I pulled back and looked deep into his blackish gold eyes, "there is only one way to keep me forever. We need to talk about that. No fighting, no arguments. Just talk."

"No. Bella, you are perfect just the way you are. I don't want it to be any different. I don't want you to be damned like me."

"I will be one way or another. The Volturi know about me. They are aware of the fact that I know. What could was it for you to be reborn as a vampire, to live forever, if your 'soul mate' is going to die on you? It's not fair. There's a reason for everything. You were born to live and die and be reborn so that in a hundred years we could meet and be everything the other needs."

"Bella, I love you. I don't want to lose you. We can never tell how things will be from one day to the next."

"So, changing me could be a good thing. I would be happier with you forever than losing you due to your stubbornness. Please Edward, don't deny me the one thing you can give me that would make my life complete. You, now and forever."

I watched Edward's face float between the emotions as he continued to hold me close to him. His eyes reflected my expressions. I wanted to be one with him. I had come to realize that what I wanted most in life was to feel safe, secure and happy. Even though I knew I could have all those things on my own to be able to share them with him was a thought that sent sparks through me.

"I'll agree on one condition, Bella." He answered finally.

"What?" I wasn't sure about his condition but if I could have everything that had been shown to me in my vision then I would as least hear what it was.

He twisted himself so he was looking me directly in the eyes. There was such intensity in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you. I love you. I love your strength, your stubbornness, your power to ensnare everyone around you. I want you now and forever. I can't deny that even if I don't agree with the turning part. Marry me? Be mine forever in marriage before mine forever for eternity."

I could feel my jaw drop. Marriage. How could I even fathom the idea of being married? I knew that I probably would one day. It would be the natural thing for us since we are suppose to have a child together but to have a ring placed on the finger signaled two people being forever tied together. Linked through eternity.

I wanted that with Edward. It was something that made my heart soar just thinking about it. But the idea of forever didn't sound so bad until you put a title on it. Now it just seemed wrong.

He was waiting. He was looking at me with those eyes. The beauty, the life, the history, the unknown future was blazing within the gold in them. He was the one I had been looking for my whole life. He was the one who would stand by me, support me or protect me when the time called for it.

"Yes, I'll marry you." The words fell from my mouth like a brook joining a raging river. I was unsure of where my tiny world would go from here but with Edward and his family, my family, all of them by my side I would walk through this life and face anything that was thrown at me.

My eyes left his as I looked around nervously. I wasn't sure what he was thinking until he put his hand around my neck and pulled my lips to his. I shivered when my skin brushed against the coldness of his chest. I was quickly growing drunk from his scent. My kisses became more demanding as the desire that first made me fall in love with him regained its hold on me. I wanted more.

Edward broke the kiss first, almost dizzy from the intensity I was displaying. Pressed against his body, I could feel the hard pressure against my lower body as he strained against his own clothes. Tentatively I reached down to caress him through the clothing he was wearing, only to be rewarded by his sharp intake of breath at the touch. I was fascinated at how this man could be invulnerable and be capable of such a soft showing of pleasure from my touch. I pushed out of my safety zone and wrapped my fingers around him, and he grew harder in my hand. I kissed him again, while I began to explore the quickest way to remove him of his clothes.

At the same time, Edward's hands were exploring my back and neck. I started to undo his jeans and heard the hissed escape his lips. His breathing quickened as I undid the zipper until my pulled him out of the confines of the fabric.

I looked back into his eyes, and reveled in the fire I found there.

His hands curled around my wrists, and he led me slowly towards the brook. He sat me down without a word on the edge of the water and stood in front of me. Edward placed both of his powerful hands on my checks and then knelt in front of me, kissing me again. His kisses were intoxicating and soon, I was lost to him.

Edward broke away from my lips to playfully bite my chin, then he started placing fiery hot kisses down my neck. For a moment I wondered if this would be when I would be changed. With each kiss or nibble, I shuttered, allowing myself to be helpless in front of him. I cried out suddenly when his tongue began to tease my hard sensitive nipple. I wasn't even sure when I had been robbed of my clothing.

I arched to press her breast against his mouth with a need. Edward responded by taking his time sending me into a strange sense of euphoria. He knew how to make my suffer but this suffering was the best kind of pleasure entwined with it. I jumped when he bit me on the underside of one of my breasts. I was being teased and I couldn't help but moan as an intense pleasure coursed over me.

Edward left my breasts to make his way lower. With each kiss he placed on my body, I gasped. I felt like a detached entity as my hands began to push his head downward. My legs began to open even wider for him Suddenly, he ripped my thin panties off me, and he lifted my hips to bring my center to his mouth. I was so surprised at this change from a slow, careful lover to passionate hungry beast that as an orgasm ripped through my body instantly. Edward held my hips as I bucked against his mouth in surprise.

Gently, he let me calm down from the quick climax before beginning to caress the folds of my wet nether regions. Under his ministrations, I could no longer hold myself upright, falling back onto the ground as he tantalized and teased me. Slowly, he let his tongue circle my ripe bud, each time causing me to jump slightly. Edward must have been encouraged by the cries that were escaping my lips because he ran his tongue greedily over my skin, bringing me to powerful climax after climax. Both of my hands were pressed against the back of his head. Between gasping breaths, I whispered his name, begging him to continue.

I grew very quiet, and began to tremble. Everything was over stimulated and numb but so satisfied. Edward pushed my folds away from my wet opening with his tongue. Slowly, he pressed his tongue into me, setting off a tremendous orgasm that tore through my soul with a consuming lust. I cried out, almost screaming his name as I tensed uncontrollably. Wave after wave crashed over me, leaving me limp and breathless against him.

He crawled up beside me and pulled my body against his until the waves of shivering ecstasy passed and my breathing became controlled. I buried my face in his chest and in turn, he kissed the top of my head, murmuring words of calm and soothing. I didn't know what he was saying and it didn't matter, he was here, he was mine and he knew me better than I knew myself at the moment.

Edward gently pushed me onto my back, and hovered over me. I guided his still hard member to me desperately. I needed him. I wanted to feel him. I wrapped my legs around his hips as he began to slide into me. I arched against him, pushing against him to drive him deeper inside of me. I cried out his name filled me so completely that I nearly came again.

Edward withdrew from me and just as tenderly pushed himself back against me. My inner muscles quiver around his length, gripping him as he moved inside of me. My nails bit into Edward's shoulders as I whimpered from the feel of him inside of me. My hips rose to meet his, and I began demanding a faster pace.

Edward increased his pace, barely able to control his movements. I urged him faster, calling his name between breaths. My cries must have finally pushed him over the edge, as I felt him lose control of his body. My eyes closed under the power of his movements. Each thrust pressed me farther against the ground while my head thrashed back and forth. I had no control over anything my body was doing. I suddenly shook as I came with him inside of me, his ravishing motions leaving me filled with a fire burning that I never wanted extinguished.

He collapsed gently and carefully on top of me, matching my breathlessness as he began to relax from such a maddening experience. Slowly, he turned to lay beside me and kissed me passionately as our strength slowly returned.

Again, I pressed my face against his chest, suddenly not wishing to be let go of, not now, not ever. Edward held me tightly to him, listening to my heart trying desperately to calm down.

After my mind was in control of my body once more, I looked up at Edward and smiled. I had decided that marrying the man of my dreams, being a mother to his child and living with him for all eternity couldn't and wouldn't be a bad thing. It was another experience for me to learn from and cherish.

"Do you want to go give the good news to everyone?"

"Guaranteed Alice already has."

"Fucking little vision pixie." I giggled.

"You got to love her though."

"I do but not nearly as much as I love you."

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing those words coming out of your mouth."

"Don't expect them too often, asshole."

Edward fell back onto the grass and laughed. "I love you too, human."


	68. Chapter 68

**October 25**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

Dear Diary,

I have decided that you are no longer a needed thing in my life. Jacob won't be bothering me again thanks in part to Rose, Emmett and a leash. *don't ask* My mother is gone. Phil is in jail. *stupid man....caught breaking in a little old lady's home* James and Victoria are gone thanks to the Volturi. *who promise to come back and visit* Dad has moved into the Cullen's house with me. Edward and I got married about 10 months ago. We've never been happier. *gag* You should know by now that I don't do the happy-in-love-crappy-shit....real life has its moments but not every day, all day. And I got my daughter. She's a very special little girl and loved by everyone especially her daddy. Take care diary and thank you.

Bella.


	69. Chapter 69

**October 25 (story)**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight.**

_**So I have decided to end the story my way. This will be the last chapter. I want to thank everyone for their reviews and their loyalty to me in during my hiatus. I encourage you to read my other stories and follow the continuing story about Bell and Edward in "Savior".**_

_**Thank you to Katzenpfote. My FF4E and the sweetest person I know.**_

_**Thank you to Merkle. A true friend during my darker times. *wink* **_

I sat comfortably in the kitchen of my home. It once belong solely to the Cullen's but in the last year this beautiful house had become a new place full of wonder and life for me. I was happy. For once in my life, I could watch the sunrise and say I was happy.

Happy seems a sappy word but everything was what I had dreamt about one too many times. I was married, who saw that coming. I had a family who I cherished and adored. I had a loving father who was accepting my new life with a few minor difficulties but none the less was accepting. And I had the one thing my shield had shown me before retreating into my mind, never reemerging.

I looked across the table as Rose held her only niece. The bond between them was unbreakable. Nessie was a light within the house. The perfect little girl. She was only one month old but she looked much older and acted like it too. She looked up from the cereal she ate reluctantly, we made her eat human food, and gave me a smile she had inherited from her father.

"Yes?" I asked.

She reached out for me. I hesitated. I wanted her to use her voice not just her ability. She gave me the same puppy eyes I had used on my father as a child and I caved. How could I deny my child anything she wanted?

I reached my hand across the table and she wrapped her tiny fingers around one of mine. I saw flashes of Edward and Emmett. She wanted to know where they were.

"Outside in the back yard. They have a surprise for you." I smiled. There was something about my daughter that gave me a sense of ease and content. I laughed as she pushed the bowl away and tried to climb over Rose.

"You just had to open your mouth didn't you?" Rose growled.

"Admit it, bee-itch, you're enjoying every moment of it." I glared back at her. Things between her and I were perfect for the both of us. We would treat each other with less than kind attitudes but we would burn for the other.

Oh yeah, I became a vampire. Can you believe it? No more broken bones. No more Mike Newton staring stalkingly at me. Jasper put a stop to that. Watching Mike on the floor in the cafeteria literally pissing himself laughing was the best comedy movie I had ever seen.

I smiled at Rose as I took Nessie's now empty bowl and walked to the sink with it. I rinse the dishes quickly and turned back to my little devil in disguise. "Would you like to see daddy?"

She acted so much like a child going through the terrible two's. She squirmed within Rose's arms as if she would be put down. I wasn't even sure if she could walk since she had been carried since she was born.

We made our way to the backyard, making sure to announce our arrival so Edward and Emmett would have time to hide the surprise. I opened the door and allowed my sister-in-law and daughter through first. I stepped into the fresh air and took a deep breath.

The world had changed so much for me in the last month. The burning had been as terrible as I figured it would be but was quickly overshadowed by the differences I saw and experienced through this new body. The smells were so intense, the noises were so clear. The look of everything was so sharp.

"Bella, would you mind dimming down the sparkle? Shit girl, the whole world could see you coming from a hundred miles away." Emmett exclaimed as he shielded his eyes for effect.

"Em, do me a favor? Drown yourself. And stop swearing around my daughter." I hissed.

"You're boring these days. You're no fun anymore and I don't like it." He smiled back.

I knew he was joking. He would burn for the sake of Nessie, the same as any of us would. I felt like I was floating as I made my way off the porch and onto the grass. I could see a tarp covering draped over whatever the surprise was for Nessie.

I wasn't allowed to know what it was because being her mother, Emmett was convinced I would give away the uncle's surprise moment. I walked towards the tarp and attempted to fiddle with it. Edward's hand wrapped around my wrist pulling my hand away.

"Hey."

"No peeking."

"Asshole."

"Monster."

"Stop swearing around my daughter." Emmett said trying in a bad attempt to imitate my words.

I stuck my tongue out at him and turned back to Edward. "Monster? Did you just call me a monster?"

"Yeah."

"Fine, it's the couch for you tonight."

"You'll be joining me, right?" Edward asked as he pulled me in tightly against his chest.

I turned to the groaning sound that came from the other side of the lawn. "Shut up, Jazz. You and Alice came be heard from our cabin. Did you know that?"

"I told you." Jasper said looking at Alice.

This caused an episode of giggles and chuckles from around the yard.

Nessie put her hand up against Rose's face. "Okay, so when does sweetpea get to see her surprise?"

I walked over and put my hands out, asking silently for Nessie to crawl into my arms. She was light and dainty besides being very agile. "Baby, can you ask for yourself? Mommy likes to hear your sweet voice."

Nessie looked around and opened her mouth. Suddenly, she closed it and shook her head.

"Like mother, like daughter."

"Shut up, Edward, or it's the cold hard ground tonight instead of a warm comfortable couch."

"Doesn't matter either way, no sleep remember."

"Or anything else."

Another round of groans as I walked towards the tarp with Nessie. "Would you like to see the surprise?"

She nodded her head and looked at Edward with pleading eyes. Edward moved towards the tarp signaling for Emmett to grabbed the other side.

"Sucker." I said softly.

"Only for the brown eyed girls." He replied and winked.

"Arshole." I answered. I knew my eyes would never be brown again and for the next little while they would be red until the adjustment of the animal's blood found its way through my body.

The tarp was pulled up revealing a jungle gym. There was a tire swing, a slide, a rope ladder and then I saw the second part of the surprise. This one was for me.

Leaning up against the wooden frame of the gym was my bike. It was polished and looked like a major overhaul had been performed on it. I looked at Rose and she whistled as she turned her head away from me.

"You....you've been holding out."

"Don't tell me you honestly thought I would ruin this moment."

"Well, you could've warned me." I said as I kissed Nessie's forehead and handed her back to Rose.

"Nessie, you play with your toy. Mommy and daddy are going for a ride. Okay?"

She wasn't paying any attention to me. Her thoughts and eyes were focused on the gym that had suddenly become a castle for my princess.

I walked over to the bike and pulled it upright and sat comfortably on it. "Want to go for a ride?"

"I don't know. Remember what happened to the last bike you were on?"

"Wait a minute. You can't possibly tell me that you're blaming me for the bike swerving. It's not my fault that it hit the car. You should've been more careful when you pulled me in."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Do I have to always be the blame for everything?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're a man, that's why. Now, would you like a ride?"

"Fine." I could hear the twinkle in his voice. "Asshole." He added at the last second.

I shot him a death glare and turned the bike over. "Come on."

He jumped on the back and leaned in. "I love you. You do know that, right?"

"You tell me every day."

"And....?"

"What?"

"And.....?"

He was going to make me say it. In front of his family. Damn, asshole. He knew how I felt. He knew how I felt about saying it. I revved the engine too loud just as I put it in gear and twisted my face towards his. "Sorry, can't hear you. Ride now, talk later."

I laughed as I burned out of the backyard and straight into the woods. I was happy. I was content. Everything in my life had worked out and allowed me the chance to find a man who was perfect for me. I loved him but I wasn't going to lower my standards ever to tell him that.

_**For those of you who don't appreciate the ending to this story, I am sorry. I knew from the beginning this story would end this way. My issues were how to get to this point. Flames or fames. I appreciate them both. **_

_**Thank you forever**_

_**AliceVampire **_


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